inet93 Posted June 7, 2005 Posted June 7, 2005 When we met it was love at first sight. He told me after a week that he was "paving the way for him and I to be together", he told me that he was dating but no one serious and he was cutting off his loose ends. He kept me posted on his progress with his loose ends. Several days later he asked me if I was doing the same. The next day I cut off my loose ends. When we spoke we "celebrated" what we had done and he asked me to be his girl. He told me that he wanted a "monogamous relationship". I sincerely believe that there was no one special in his life before me. He seemed to have this quiet void in his heart that I seemed to fill. He talked about how his kids would comment that he should get a girlfriend. When he asked me if I would be his girl he said that he could not wait until someone asked him if he had a girlfirend because this time he could say Yes. There was a subtle loneliness about him too. Over the next few weeks, we professed love, passion, we sent each other love poems. Although this was still so new, only a couple of weeks old, I was acutely aware that I was his queen and he was my king. He told me that our kind of love just needed to mature, but we were building a foundation. It was written all over his face, it was in everything he did and said to me. He told me one day as I was opening up my mail, I got an invitation to a 32 year anniversary party, he told me that was how he was going to love me and that one day we would have our 32nd anniversary party. We made love once. We snuck it. I closed the door to my room. It was short and sweet. We were both nervous. He told me he loved me for the first time during our lovemaking. He told me that his body was only for me during our love making. The next morning we talked about it admitting that it was a little awarkward, that made him want me even more. Promising that the next time we would go to an expensive hotel in the City and teasing me that we would play slam-dunk strip poker. We talked often about how love had never happened quite like this to either of us. About 3-4 days later, he was cheating on me. He changed. I felt it instantly but could not define it. He blamed it on work and his busy schedule, he is a former pro ball player. I could still feel he loved me, but he seemed in hind sight torn between something. I assumed it was his carreer, but questioned whether he was seeing someone else. He no longer guarded our relationship, he stood me up repeatedly, he would not even make love to me. He always called me and told me he loved me but when it came time to spend time together, he would not show up. When I did see him it was conviently to meet and then take me home because he was not feeling well, or something "happened". We would kiss in his car and talk mainly about why we could not make love or go to the movies, or do anything as a couple. But his excuses always went unaccounted for on my end. I was too insecure to call his bluff. I went from being the most important thing to him to almost nothing literally in less than 1 week. He sabatogged our relationship. I guess I have to accept that what we had was not what it seemed to be. I had to dig deep in my self to find out why I allowed his lame excuses to go unchanllenged. I was simply afraid of losing him, so I compromised my own common sense to keep him when he clearly was already no longer mine. Situations like that may bring out the weakest part of you but if you strip down to the core of the issues you only get stronger from it. I am trying to strip all that happend between us and analyze without justifying it but from the shear, raw truth and then accepting that. Justifying it is only a bandaid. I could say that it was a new relationship and I did not know him very well and that we fell in love way too soon, or that time never allowed us to get to know each other first and that might justify it but the truth of the matter was that I would afraid of losing him not realizing that I had already done so. I can not say that I will not ever get my heart broken again, but I will never compromise my self respect, integrity again for a relationship. Nothing hurts more than a broken heart along with broken pride. Why would he stop making love to me? Cheaters make love to both women, right? Can you just stop loving someone? I know he loves me just like I love him. Why would he sabatoge our relationship? I felt like a fool at the end. Start to finish lasted 3 months. I stopped trusting him, my instincts were kicking, my common sense was batteling my heart. And my heart was pathetically winning. I sucked up to his lame excuses for him standing me up and not spending time and him denying me intimacy made me want him more than any man on this planet. I was celebate since last summer and I wanted sex!!! I kept hanging around every weekend hoping that this time he would make love to me that would redfine us. All the while knowing that he was only going to cancel our date or stand me up. I learned so much about myself from that but what would make a man do that? I know that he loves me. Before we got a chance to be a couple, to set our pace and to learn about each other, he quickly sabotoged our relationship. I have been separated 2 1/2 years after a 15 year marriage. No one I met until him stimulated me at all. I felt numb until I met him. He opened up pandora's box in terms of my emotions. I feel like I should be mad, but I am not, I feel like I should hate him but I do not. He is moving to another state in a few weeks so our relationship was destined to change anyway. Moving on for him thus far has been pretty easy, he called me once and "apologised" offering no concrete explanation. And of course I demanded none. I feel stuck in love with a man who sabatoged our relationship and is now moving to another state. Any advice? How do I move on.
beesknees Posted June 7, 2005 Posted June 7, 2005 i understand the hurt you are going through right now, and i'm sorry. i'm sure lots of people here are in the same situation. i tried to read your post, and got 3/4 of the way through but my eyes kept getting lost. shorter post, more paragraphs, and i think you'll get some responses.
lilmoma1973 Posted June 10, 2005 Posted June 10, 2005 Hey inet93, why because men are dawgs and they got no respect for a women and think its all about them and they don't care who gets hurt long as they aren't the one!!
suegail Posted June 10, 2005 Posted June 10, 2005 There are so many possibilities here and I count the least of them to be that he is in love with you, though afraid for some unsaid reason. In my opinion, he's playing a game he knows well, or he's a little mentally disturbed, or he's desperate to prove something to himself or a number of other possibilities exist, but don't kid yourself, this guy is not the person he pretends to be. I read your post carefully and this is just my opinion. I'm not trying to sound cruel. I'm just telling you what I feel about it. I hope you won't waste your time worrying about what his situation is. Go on with your life. You deserve better.
corythosaurus Posted June 10, 2005 Posted June 10, 2005 Originally posted by lilmoma1973 Hey inet93, why because men are dawgs and they got no respect for a women and think its all about them and they don't care who gets hurt long as they aren't the one!! I just love generalities! All men are "dawgs", all women are whores, all elephants can remember forever, all bees sting.
ReluctantRomeo Posted June 10, 2005 Posted June 10, 2005 Originally posted by corythosaurus I just love generalities! All men are "dawgs", all women are whores, all elephants can remember forever, all bees sting. ... and all people who post like lilmamma are rednecks Originally posted by suegail In my opinion, he's playing a game he knows well, or he's a little mentally disturbed Either or both of these is quite likely, I'm afraid. Go on with your life. You deserve better. Agreed. You should also examine what in you drew you to him - healthy people don't go for people this unhealthy.
LucreziaBorgia Posted June 10, 2005 Posted June 10, 2005 It sounds like he told you what you wanted to hear in order for him to get what he wanted. I'm sure that within hours of your first encounter, he was already on the phone with someone else - telling them he was 'tying up loose ends' - one of which you had just become. I'm sorry you feel that he loves you, but seriously: I saw not a single thing to suggest that he did. His words may have said one thing, but his actions spoke far louder - and those actions made one thing clear: he didn't love you. He may have felt genuine emotions for you in the moment he was having them, but it wasn't enough to carry over into a general sense of 'love'. Why would he stop making love to me? Cheaters make love to both women, right? Can you just stop loving someone? I know he loves me just like I love him. Why would he sabatoge our relationship? 1. Because he didn't want to anymore. He was already done with it and looking for someone else. 2. Yes, but generally its when there is genuine emotion for or obligation to each partner. It sounds like his experience with you was mainly just 'hooking up', and not an actual emotional attachment. 3. No, it takes time. Its like a long draining process. If you never really loved someone, its pretty easy to just turn your back on them and walk away after you've gotten what you want from them. 4. He may have said that, but he showed very clearly what his intentions were. 5. Because he didn't want it.
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