need some relief

[M1ke12]

I dunno. My anxiety has been horrible all week. I can't talk to my wife that cheated on me and then was whisked away into a treatment center. I have never been an anxious person. Alcohol and lorazapam not helping. Anxiety through the roof.

 

friends not availale.

[losangelena]

I dunno. My anxiety has been horrible all week. I can't talk to my wife that cheated on me and then was whisked away into a treatment center. I have never been an anxious person. Alcohol and lorazapam not helping. Anxiety through the roof.

 

friends not availale.

 

 

Oof, please don't rely on those things to get you through, they can team up to be a nasty combo.

 

Do you live somewhere that's not getting blasted by arctic cold blizzard conditions? Because if so, I would recommend getting out for a walk. About the worst thing you can do with anxiety is sit around and look at a computer screen.

 

Also, I know the kind of anxiety you speak of. It feels worse in the moment, but letting it wash over you is easier than fighting it. Just keep in mind—you will not always feel this way.

[M1ke12]

Oof, please don't rely on those things to get you through, they can team up to be a nasty combo.

 

Do you live somewhere that's not getting blasted by arctic cold blizzard conditions? Because if so, I would recommend getting out for a walk. About the worst thing you can do with anxiety is sit around and look at a computer screen.

 

Also, I know the kind of anxiety you speak of. It feels worse in the moment, but letting it wash over you is easier than fighting it. Just keep in mind—you will not always feel this way.

it hits me everyday. Today is the worst probably because I see her tomorrow and she is nice to me but cold.

 

I just want my old wife back.

[M1ke12]

its so bad nothing works. I usually rely on a good hard work out.

[Learningtowalkagain]

I dunno. My anxiety has been horrible all week. I can't talk to my wife that cheated on me and then was whisked away into a treatment center. I have never been an anxious person. Alcohol and lorazapam not helping. Anxiety through the roof.

 

friends not availale.

 

While Lorazapam and alcohol may give you a quick fix (been there), you're just making the problem worse in the short and long term. Anxiety sucks, I suffer from ocd/ptsd/depression (although if you ever met me you'd have no idea). I can't take SSRI's because my body doesn't react well to them. I'm on Welbutrin, just started abilify, and take kloponin at night. I take the lowest possible dosage of each except for the Welbutrin. Yes, it's a lot of stuff to be on but I lived my entire life unmedicated and it hasn't been easy.

 

I would go to your psychiatrist, tell him/her what you're going through, and see if they can prescribe you something else. I would recommend the gym but I see you've already gone that route. I started meditation a month ago, there are some beginner ones on youtube that are easy to follow. Now mind you, if you're suffering from that much anxiety, it may not work for you, because when mine is bad there's nothing that can calm me down.

 

Reading helps too. There has to be an aspect of your life you want to improve. Go on amazon, look it up, and buy. Then read it, once you think you know the material, read it again. Repitition is key.

 

Good luck to you. Sorry you have to go through something like this. I know you're in pain right now but time will heal all wounds.

[Satu]

Lorazepam and alcohol should not be taken together. Ever.

 

Doing so is asking for trouble in the form of a hard - to - beat addiction.

 

You're creating a problem rather than solving one.

 

Talk to your doctor asap.

Edited January 23, 2016 by Satu

[M1ke12]

Well it didn't work anyway. Not even temporarily. So I won't go there again.

 

I have another week before she's home and that will ease my anxiety just being able to talk.

[M1ke12]

I am looking for some relief.

 

I have learned that my emotions are commonly called hysterical bonding. I am really hurting inside, my BP is sky high ( I am normally a fit person). I friggin cried on the drive in to work......I am a teacher so its not like I can go hide somewhere and wait for that crap to pass.

 

We have marriage counseling on Feb 1st and knowing that helps.

 

I am looking to my wife for relief. I tried to mention something fun we could do this summer and she only said one day at time. Later when I broke down she tried to comfort me and says, I am not going anywhere...

 

So I don't know what to do with myself other than try to eat (I get really nautious at times)and keep exercising.

[M1ke12]

also, we are signed up for EFT, and she wants individual counseling. There is no way I can afford individual counseling as well, that would be 300 bucks a week......so thats a no go.

[Mrs. John Adams]

Mike...I don't really know how to help you other than to say many of us here have walked in your shoes... And we all survived.

 

I would suggest you go to your doctor tell him what has happened and perhaps he will prescribe something for your anxiety and sleeplessness. You might really need a little help with coping with everything that is on your plate.

 

After my affair... My husband did this... He did not stay on the medication a long time.. But I think it was helpful for him to cope for the first few weeks.

 

I am so sorry you are going through this.

[katielee]

I am a teacher as well. Our district has an EAP - Employee assistance program - counseling is free for a few sessions. Do you know if you have this?

[Satu]

snip

 

 

*I am looking to my wife for relief. I tried to mention something fun we could do this summer and she only said one day at time. Later when I broke down she tried to comfort me and says, I am not going anywhere...

 

*So I don't know what to do with myself other than try to eat (I get really nautious at times)and keep exercising.

 

*You need to learn some self-soothing and self-calming skills.

 

We can't insist that somebody else has to be there to calm and soothe us.

 

What would you do if there was nobody there to do it?

 

What would you do if they didn't want to do it?

 

 

I think there's a likelihood of you not liking what I'm going to say next, but I'm going to say it anyway.

 

You are, at least some of time, in a Parent/Child relationship with your wife.

 

She plays out the role of the Mother, and you play out the role of the Child.

 

This is very definitely not a healthy or good thing.

 

It is something that has sunk many a relationship.

 

 

You need to get your adult faculties engaged.

 

You are not a child.

 

You are a grown man.

 

Google self-soothing and self-calming.

 

 

Take care.

[M1ke12]

I am a teacher as well. Our district has an EAP - Employee assistance program - counseling is free for a few sessions. Do you know if you have this?

Ill look into it thanks.

[ShatteredLady]

I understand that the idea of taking meds could be a big concern for you. I have some 'as needed' anxiety & sleep meds. I don't have to take them all the time. They really help me calm & sleep.

 

You've got so much on your plate at the moment. Taking care of the person who hurt me so much would be very difficult for me.

 

YouTube has some good meditation & visualization training videos. It does help. Just taking a little time to relax & clear your head. Doing a yoga based meditation program could be better. At my worst the quiet of meditation gave me panic attacks! I know!!

[katielee]

there's also online counseling sessions. I think you get 1-2 for free and then it's $25 a time, via email. I did one and found it helpful.

[Whoknew30]

Do you have a church you go to? Pastors or priests usually offer councling to their parishioners & it's free. I was scared at first to go to mine bc I was afraid it was going to be nothing but a guilt fueled conversation but he ended up making more sense than some of the therapists we tried.

[Horton]

If you gotta take mind altering drugs in order to stay with your cheating wife, then is it really worth it? This sounds like a bad path to go down IMO.

[Mrs. John Adams]

It isn't to stay with his wife...it is to help hm deal with the trauma of the adultery, and the alcoholism.

[M1ke12]

snip

 

 

 

*You need to learn some self-soothing and self-calming skills.

 

We can't insist that somebody else has to be there to calm and soothe us.

 

What would you do if there was nobody there to do it?

 

What would you do if they didn't want to do it?

 

 

I think there's a likelihood of you not liking what I'm going to say next, but I'm going to say it anyway.

 

You are, at least some of time, in a Parent/Child relationship with your wife.

 

She plays out the role of the Mother, and you play out the role of the Child.

 

This is very definitely not a healthy or good thing.

 

It is something that has sunk many a relationship.

 

 

You need to get your adult faculties engaged.

 

You are not a child.

 

You are a grown man.

 

Google self-soothing and self-calming.

 

 

Take care.

 

Thanks for your input. You are right 100 percent about our relationship at the moment.

 

However, it never has had a history of being such. Also I have never been defined as anything less then a man. I think this hit me particularly hard because it hit at a time when I was the MOST secure in our relationship. We were spending more time together then ever before. She also admits really enjoying our time together and swears that it was never premeditated. That it hit her at just the wrong time when she was feeling older and a younger mans attention at a bar really appealed to her. I believe her because I know her and I know that she wasn't faking our time together.

[M1ke12]

Thanks all for your help.

 

I ended up calling her because I started getting sick to my stomach.

 

She REALLY reassured me that she wasn't going anywhere. She said she WANTS this to work and loves her family and was really sorry about what this was doing to me.

 

She is going to meet me at our son's practice then we are going to pick up dinner and eat together.

 

I have never been defined as anything less then a man, but today I was really broken.

 

This just might work.

[M1ke12]

Mike...I don't really know how to help you other than to say many of us here have walked in your shoes... And we all survived.

 

I would suggest you go to your doctor tell him what has happened and perhaps he will prescribe something for your anxiety and sleeplessness. You might really need a little help with coping with everything that is on your plate.

 

After my affair... My husband did this... He did not stay on the medication a long time.. But I think it was helpful for him to cope for the first few weeks.

 

I am so sorry you are going through this.

 

 

Thanks for your input in this forum. I am beginning to have a lot of respect for you and your husband and your efforts. I hope my wife and I can do the same.

[Satu]

Thanks for your input. You are right 100 percent about our relationship at the moment.

 

However, it never has had a history of being such. Also I have never been defined as anything less then a man. I think this hit me particularly hard because it hit at a time when I was the MOST secure in our relationship. We were spending more time together then ever before. She also admits really enjoying our time together and swears that it was never premeditated. That it hit her at just the wrong time when she was feeling older and a younger mans attention at a bar really appealed to her. I believe her because I know her and I know that she wasn't faking our time together.

 

My point isn't that you're not a man, or less than a man.

 

My point is that you need to get in touch with your own healthy adult coping skills.

 

We all function in Parent, Adult, and Child modes. It's only a model, but it can be a useful one.

 

Reaching out to your wife for comfort, whilst understandable, cannot replace what you must do for yourself.

 

Be your own best friend.

 

 

Take care.

[BlueIris]

It’s very human to feel like you do right now.

 

You said “EFT” and I think you’re talking about a type of therapy, but it’s interesting because there is something called EFT that is a tool for processing feelings- Emotional Freedom Technique. Instructions are on the internet. It uses affirmation and tapping on meridian points. It might look weird from the outside but it’s oddly and surprisingly relaxing and great for dealing with very intense feelings. When I feel like crap I don’t care if I have to do the hokey-pokey and turn myself around so long as it makes me feel better and doesn’t do any harm. Maybe check it out.

[M1ke12]

It’s very human to feel like you do right now.

 

You said “EFT” and I think you’re talking about a type of therapy, but it’s interesting because there is something called EFT that is a tool for processing feelings- Emotional Freedom Technique. Instructions are on the internet. It uses affirmation and tapping on meridian points. It might look weird from the outside but it’s oddly and surprisingly relaxing and great for dealing with very intense feelings. When I feel like crap I don’t care if I have to do the hokey-pokey and turn myself around so long as it makes me feel better and doesn’t do any harm. Maybe check it out.

 

I will thank you.

 

It is a type of marriage counseling called emotionally based therapy.

[Midwestmissy]

Try downloading Headspace app. It's very soothing meditations. It's helped me. I think you get a month free. Please know your feeling and reactions are normal. Be gentle with yourself.