Just smile Posted January 26, 2016 Posted January 26, 2016 What do you do when you share all the same friends and go to same places etc ??? I feel like a prisoner here , laying low not going out much in fear I'll bump into him or someone that knows him !!!! It's been 10 days NC and it's absolutely horrible . I'm drinking too much even smoking , not sleeping to sleeping excessively . I look awful and feel equally awful just drained of everything . I just want to wake up from all this !!!!
jen1447 Posted January 26, 2016 Posted January 26, 2016 It may be best to lay low socially and switch the activities to exercise. Win-win ....you avoid the ex and exercise will make you feel better.
Brando Posted January 26, 2016 Posted January 26, 2016 Wow. No fun. Sorry for your situation. I think you have to lay low and work on yourself in private. Maybe build another group of friends. It's very hard and I'm very sorry. Do your best to avoid him. If you are around your mutual friends make sure they don't "give you updates on him." Tell them to respect your healing. Do you girl!!! It's your time now to do whatever you want to do.
Author Just smile Posted January 26, 2016 Author Posted January 26, 2016 That's just it , every hobby , every social thing I did , WE did as a couple. I feel disconnected now , so anxious and silence is killing me slowly. My Job is keeping me sane and busy but the nighttime and early morning is bad. I have these dreams then wake up feeling like I was sucker punched ... We have major history , best friends , even more so then lovers. I'm just depressed and missing him, despite everything has happened. Wish I could just get mad, but I am a sap.
Brando Posted January 26, 2016 Posted January 26, 2016 I feel your pain. My ex gf went on vacation to visit family for 4 days. I called my family and told them I really loved this girl of 2 years and told them I was going to ask her to move in with me and I had plans to propose. I even had the ring picked out. I told everyone!! She called me on her drive home and said she wanted to talk...I said I did too! She came over and I let her go first.....she broke up with me. All her friends were my friends and I lost them all to her. I literally......had nobody (I am not from this city, or state for that matter). I know your pain. Try to control your thoughts. Thoughts of the past result in depression, thoughts of the future result in anxiety. You need to realize and accept your current situations. I know all of this is much easier said than done. I know exactly what you're going through. I remember I dreamed she called me and asked to get back together and I gave her the ring! That sucked waking up to!!!! I spent many nights with very little to no sleep. Time makes it better. In the meantime accept how you feel and push through. It is temporary or we all would be walking around broken hearted forever. You will be fine. I promise. Exercise, keep a journal, read about the science of a breakup to understand your emotions, read about the grieving process. There are a ton of good books, articles and videos. Nothing will stop the pain, but I found it much easier to manage when I was cognitive of the reasons I was feeling the pain. Little things help, but ultimately only TIME! I feel for you! You soon will be better and stronger than you ever have been in your life!!!! Read my recent post: I've been on all sides of breakups-ask me anything Maybe something I've been through can help you...ask me anything. Best of luck!!! 1
DarkHorizon Posted January 26, 2016 Posted January 26, 2016 The nights... and the early mornings... I am experiencing pain in those exact moments. It's almost like every single morning you wake up from a nightmare into reality, and they both hurt the same. Some days are much better than others, at least - that's how you will identify healing. It IS a slow process. Try to stay in contact with your friends, but make sure they don't give you any news or updates about your ex. If they are good friends, they will respect your request. As far as grocery stores and other places you have to go, there isn't much you can do. I am also struggling with that since my ex moved just down the street from me. 1
jen1447 Posted January 26, 2016 Posted January 26, 2016 Biggest thing for you ppl at the bottom of the pit to remember is that it DOES get better. With time. This won't be a life sentence for you, but you do have to brace yourself for the short term. Happens to all of us sooner or later and we all get thru it. You will too.
Simon Phoenix Posted January 26, 2016 Posted January 26, 2016 That's just it , every hobby , every social thing I did , WE did as a couple. I feel disconnected now , so anxious and silence is killing me slowly. My Job is keeping me sane and busy but the nighttime and early morning is bad. I have these dreams then wake up feeling like I was sucker punched ... We have major history , best friends , even more so then lovers. I'm just depressed and missing him, despite everything has happened. Wish I could just get mad, but I am a sap. Maybe that's the lesson from this -- don't put all your eggs in one basket socially. Your relationship is supposed to be a big part of your life, but it shouldn't be your whole life. Use this recovery time as an opportunity to broaden your horizons, meet new people, find a new hobby. I know this sucks now, but this is a great opportunity for you to evolve and become a better, more well-rounded person. Grieve a bit, maybe hang out with some of your friends in a more private situation without your ex (though if you do this, do not discuss your relationship or try to get information about him from them), but break out of your shell and meet some people. Join a club, a meet-up, whatever it takes. 1
Author Just smile Posted January 26, 2016 Author Posted January 26, 2016 You know what Jen this has happened to me too many times with this man, we aren't in our 20/s! I'm very well experienced in life. In my 40s no rookie he's in his late 50s. Thing is it became a pattern with him, me being disposable , but with all my intelligence and knowledge and common sense , and all his promises of staying away and never wanting to see or hear from me again ( heard it countless of times ) , something ALWays pulls is back together. He always calls and always reaches out somehow and I usually cave and surrender and we cry and make up and have that euphoria of high and this being our longest good peak almost a year. Usually it would happen every few months, so I believe therapy was beneficial for him. For me, I have had my doubts here and there. He still after all these years has no interaction with any of my four children , there are many red flags but I chose to ignore them. I still miss him despite everything I just shared . And if you read my history with him, you would probably scream through the computer and ask if I was in fact certifiable .
Author Just smile Posted January 26, 2016 Author Posted January 26, 2016 We were engaged for Christ sake and literally did begin to form a life, sure I had friends outside of him, and yes even my children , but for the most part this was it. I'm 47 . Not a kid anymore. But you're right I did put all my eggs in one basket , it was a pattern I myself kept repeating with him because of the level of comfort.
jen1447 Posted January 26, 2016 Posted January 26, 2016 You know what Jen this has happened to me too many times with this man, we aren't in our 20/s! I'm very well experienced in life. In my 40s no rookie he's in his late 50s. Thing is it became a pattern with him, me being disposable , but with all my intelligence and knowledge and common sense , and all his promises of staying away and never wanting to see or hear from me again ( heard it countless of times ) , something ALWays pulls is back together. He always calls and always reaches out somehow and I usually cave and surrender and we cry and make up and have that euphoria of high and this being our longest good peak almost a year. Usually it would happen every few months, so I believe therapy was beneficial for him. For me, I have had my doubts here and there. He still after all these years has no interaction with any of my four children , there are many red flags but I chose to ignore them. I still miss him despite everything I just shared . And if you read my history with him, you would probably scream through the computer and ask if I was in fact certifiable . I think you're gonna have to own this then hon. It's up to you to cut the cord. 1
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