nes9 Posted January 26, 2016 Posted January 26, 2016 So I met a girl that is friends with a couple of my friends. We've hung out a couple times as a group but I never got her number. I'm friends with her on facebook and was thinking of asking her to go out after work a night this week. Is it too weird to ask a girl out like that through Facebook message? I only bump into this girl once every few months or so, so I figure waiting until I see her again to get her number would be futile. What do you think?
Author nes9 Posted January 26, 2016 Author Posted January 26, 2016 I was thinking that, but wouldn't that just make me seem creepier contacting her via phone when she never gave me her number? I've talked to her super briefly on messenger before. 1
fitnessfan365 Posted January 26, 2016 Posted January 26, 2016 (edited) I was thinking that, but wouldn't that just make me seem creepier contacting her via phone when she never gave me her number? I've talked to her super briefly on messenger before. I actually agree w/you. It'd be far weirder for her to get a call/text from a guy who she never gave her number too. Normally I'd say that FB is a bad idea. But since you barely ever see her in person and don't have her number, it makes the most sense. But my advice..DON'T ask her out on FB. Simply use it to touch base first. If she responds..exchange a few messages with her that are a bit flirty and generate rapport. Then you say "What's your number? I'll call you to make plans for us to grab a drink together" If she gives it to you, then close it out by saying "Here's my number so you don't mistake me for a telemarketer (123) 555-5555. Talk soon!" Then call her in a few days. Edited January 26, 2016 by fitnessfan365 1
Buddhist Posted January 26, 2016 Posted January 26, 2016 Yes you should ask her out. Yes contact her via FB. It really doesn't matter how you ask her out, if she likes you she'll be thrilled no matter what. If she doesn't she won't be turning you down because you contacted her on FB. Don't get her number then wait a few days before calling her. That kind of stuff drives people crazy and make them inclined not to even answer the call at that point. I don't get this whole, delay, delay for the sake of delay. If you want something go and get it. Faking disinterest only hurts your chances, people want to know that you're interested if they are interested in you. Simple. Pretending you don't actually care just sends the message that the connection isn't a strong one and you're probably not worth the bother. 1
fitnessfan365 Posted January 26, 2016 Posted January 26, 2016 (edited) Yes you should ask her out. Yes contact her via FB. It really doesn't matter how you ask her out, if she likes you she'll be thrilled no matter what. If she doesn't she won't be turning you down because you contacted her on FB. Don't get her number then wait a few days before calling her. That kind of stuff drives people crazy and make them inclined not to even answer the call at that point. I don't get this whole, delay, delay for the sake of delay. If you want something go and get it. Faking disinterest only hurts your chances, people want to know that you're interested if they are interested in you. Simple. Pretending you don't actually care just sends the message that the connection isn't a strong one and you're probably not worth the bother. I think it depends on the situation. If this is a woman he spent time with in person who's number he got, then by all means follow up the next day. I am a big fan of cutting to the chase. BUT... This is different. It's a guy she doesn't really know that doesn't have her number. So all of a sudden she's getting a random message on FB asking her out right away? Why not use a little patience to make her feel comfortable and warm up to the idea a bit? Exchanging a few messages, asking for her number, calling a few days later, etc.. At least this transitions him from weird random Facebook guy, into a guy that she potentially wants to have a date with. Edited January 26, 2016 by fitnessfan365 2
Buddhist Posted January 26, 2016 Posted January 26, 2016 (edited) I think it depends on the situation. If this is a woman he spent time with in person who's number he got, then by all means follow up the next day. I am a big fan of cutting to the chase. BUT... This is different. It's a guy she doesn't really know that doesn't have her number. So all of a sudden she's getting a random message on FB asking her out right away? Why not use a little patience to make her feel comfortable and warm up to the idea a bit? Exchanging a few messages, asking for her number, calling a few days later, etc.. At least this transitions him from weird random Facebook guy, into a guy that she potentially wants to have a date with. I didn't have any problem with your idea of getting her number via FB. i think that is a good idea. But once he has it, that's a clear sign from her that there is some level of trust and an expectation that he'll using that number to follow up. When a woman gives out her private phone number to someone, it's a sign he's crossed the stranger barrier. She wouldn't give it out if she was uncomfortable. To then sit on it for 2 days would in all honesty break the tiny bit of trust existent with me. In my mind it's.....okay I'll trust you with this. You said you would use it to call and make a time. So call. No phone call for 2 days equates to frustration in my mind and also a demonstration that you're hesitant, perhaps not sure what you want, and you fail to do what you promised. By the time the phone rung on day three, I wouldn't pick up. I've moved on. If the ball is already rolling and you have enthusiasm from her, artificially delaying the expected response damages the process. That's all it does and it sends the message that maybe you aren't as interested as she thought. It leads to second guessing, something we see a lot of on here and probably a lot of people with the potential to be couples pass like ships in the night because of it. I know it's all the rage to try and inspire some insecurity in the other person in the early stages of dating to get the upper hand. But in all honesty, when a guy tries this crap, I walk. I'm not interested in being in a relationship with someone who needs the upper hand and is going to jerk me around so I'm invested and he's not. That's dysfunctional. Edited January 26, 2016 by Buddhist
fitnessfan365 Posted January 26, 2016 Posted January 26, 2016 I didn't have any problem with your idea of getting her number via FB. i think that is a good idea. But once he has it, that's a clear sign from her that there is some level of trust and an expectation that he'll using that number to follow up. When a woman gives out her private phone number to someone, it's a sign he's crossed the stranger barrier. She wouldn't give it out if she was uncomfortable. To then sit on it for 2 days would in all honesty break the tiny bit of trust existent with me. In my mind it's.....okay I'll trust you with this. You said you would use it to call and make a time. So call. No phone call for 2 days equates to frustration in my mind and also a demonstration that you're hesitant, perhaps not sure what you want, and you fail to do what you promised. By the time the phone rung on day three, I wouldn't pick up. I've moved on. If the ball is already rolling and you have enthusiasm from her, artificially delaying the expected response damages the process. That's all it does and it sends the message that maybe you aren't as interested as she thought. It leads to second guessing, something we see a lot of on here and probably a lot of people with the potential to be couples pass like ships in the night because of it. I know it's all the rage to try and inspire some insecurity in the other person in the early stages of dating to get the upper hand. But in all honesty, when a guy tries this crap, I walk. I'm not interested in being in a relationship with someone who needs the upper hand and is going to jerk me around so I'm invested and he's not. That's dysfunctional. Like you, I HATE games. But my suggestion was not meant to get the upper hand or inspire insecurity. Just to handle this particular situation w/delicacy because of the circumstances. It's a guy she doesn't really know hitting her up out of the blue on FB. By giving it a few days breathing room, there's more comfort established that he's not a creeper or needy online weirdo, etc.. BTW - One thing wrong w/society IMO is the need for instant gratification. I mean it's one thing if a guy waits a week. But since when is 48 hours considered an eternity? People work and have busy lives. So if a woman didn't have the patience to tolerate a few days, I wouldn't want to date her anyways. Just saying...
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