Author Witeee Posted January 26, 2016 Author Posted January 26, 2016 Nah, don't worry about it. If it's been as cold where you are as it has been where I am, I might not blame you . . . Well she did say she was cold when we got out the pub so I might have got away with it
Robratory Posted January 26, 2016 Posted January 26, 2016 I'm kinda not liking the "feel your warmth" part of the hug exchange Yeah, I kind of winced when I read that too.
Zippy2000 Posted January 26, 2016 Posted January 26, 2016 I'd pass on this one. She came back from the bathroom and cut the date short. Then afterwards she gave you a kiss rejection and said that it was "nice to meet you" without any sort of hint that she wanted to see you again in the future. Just chalk it up to getting practice/experience and focus on other women. If you cant read her. How do think we can read her for us lot on here to have never met her. I agree with Fitnessfan. She cut the date short. Most of my dates have been 3 to 4 hours long and longer depending if the girl likes me. For her to cut the date short means shes made up her mind about you and doesnt need anymore time with you to make up her mind. For her to reject you and say just a hug to me sounds like she isnt attracted to you. My girls pals I have this "kissing test" they always talk about. They tell me if they cant kiss a guy or let a guy kiss you means theyre not into. I wont be surprised if you dont hear from her again.
Robratory Posted January 27, 2016 Posted January 27, 2016 Re-reading the original post, I wouldn't make much of the fact that the first meeting lasted only an hour and a half. But especially with online dating, if I'm interested and unless it's obvious to me she's not, I'll arrange a next date at the end of the date. That's the easiest way to find out if she's interested. She'll either say yes, and you arrange a time and place right there, or she'll give you some excuse which means "no" no matter what it sounds like. 2
Redhead14 Posted January 27, 2016 Posted January 27, 2016 The other thing about this is that a first "date" with an OLD prospect is not a "date". It's a first meeting. It's should be short, just coffee or a couple of drinks just to basically confirm that they are who they say they are, look like their pictures and gauge whether or not there is enough there to want a real date that lasts a few hours and spend some money. You shouldn't spend a lot of money, nor should you kiss them, even hug them really. To me it's kinda like you'd just met them out somewhere for the first time. 2
SwordofFlame Posted January 27, 2016 Posted January 27, 2016 The other thing about this is that a first "date" with an OLD prospect is not a "date". It's a first meeting. It's should be short, just coffee or a couple of drinks just to basically confirm that they are who they say they are, look like their pictures and gauge whether or not there is enough there to want a real date that lasts a few hours and spend some money. You shouldn't spend a lot of money, nor should you kiss them, even hug them really. To me it's kinda like you'd just met them out somewhere for the first time. I disagree. If it's going really well and you like the person, why not keep the date going? You'll get a lot more information to make a more informed decision.
Redhead14 Posted January 27, 2016 Posted January 27, 2016 I disagree. If it's going really well and you like the person, why not keep the date going? You'll get a lot more information to make a more informed decision. Sure, if it's going really well, you can do that. But, it doesn't happen very often from OLD, so I wouldn't have budgeted much time for that to happen. There are way more disappointments from OLD than ones that go the way you hope they will or envision.
Author Witeee Posted January 27, 2016 Author Posted January 27, 2016 Well I sent a message and she said she doesn't see it progressing into anything more than friends. Which is fair enough. I could feel there was something missing but I was open to another date for sure. Perhaps the kiss was too much and I just showed myself as being overeager. I'll definitly need to work on reading the signs more rather than just plowing on regardless. You live and learn!
Zippy2000 Posted January 27, 2016 Posted January 27, 2016 Told you so! If a girl turns away and saus no and asks for a hug then shes not attracted to you. The kiss wasnt too much. If I liked a girl and she wanted to kiss me. Of course I would. Your original posts give away the fact how shes not interested and I did point out ref flags: Date lasted for just an hour an a half Didnt show much interest in the date Pulled away when you tried to peck her and just offered a hug No offer of a second date. Better luck next time. 1
Miss Peach Posted January 27, 2016 Posted January 27, 2016 Told you so! If a girl turns away and saus no and asks for a hug then shes not attracted to you. The kiss wasnt too much. If I liked a girl and she wanted to kiss me. Of course I would. Your original posts give away the fact how shes not interested and I did point out ref flags: Date lasted for just an hour an a half Didnt show much interest in the date Pulled away when you tried to peck her and just offered a hug No offer of a second date. Better luck next time. I do agree that the kissing and interest parts were not a good sign. I disagree with the length and the offer. As for length I have other things going on in my life so I need to plan my time. Even if I enjoy the date I am not going to drop the other things for a guy I've known a few hours who might never even call me again. On an evening date same thing. I'm not going to stagger into work sleepy several times per week because I enjoyed my dates. I think an hour or more is enough for a first meeting. The truly bad dates I knew in 15-30 minutes. I don't offer a second date. I see that as the man's job to figure out if he wants to see me again and ask me out. I am not chasing a man. I also don't accept a man's attempt at saying we should do this again at the end of the date at face value unless he actually specifics a day and activity. There are a lot of guys who just tell a woman what she wants to hear or he changes his mind later. Until we have a date and time for the second date I just assume it's not going to happen even if I like the guy and want to see him again. 1
Author Witeee Posted January 27, 2016 Author Posted January 27, 2016 I do agree that the kissing and interest parts were not a good sign. I disagree with the length and the offer. As for length I have other things going on in my life so I need to plan my time. Even if I enjoy the date I am not going to drop the other things for a guy I've known a few hours who might never even call me again. On an evening date same thing. I'm not going to stagger into work sleepy several times per week because I enjoyed my dates. I think an hour or more is enough for a first meeting. The truly bad dates I knew in 15-30 minutes. I don't offer a second date. I see that as the man's job to figure out if he wants to see me again and ask me out. I am not chasing a man. I also don't accept a man's attempt at saying we should do this again at the end of the date at face value unless he actually specifics a day and activity. There are a lot of guys who just tell a woman what she wants to hear or he changes his mind later. Until we have a date and time for the second date I just assume it's not going to happen even if I like the guy and want to see him again. Yes it should be the mans job to set dates I agree there. However, there is nothing wrong with a woman opening up to receive that offer by texting or phoning a man to tell him you enjoyed being with him. A man does need information to go on. For example if I am dating 4 different girls over the space of a couple of weeks. I am going to want to be prioritising the girl that I like the most and is showing a good amount of interest in me. Sometimes the girl you like the most might not have shown enough interest and you end up leaving her behind for a girl who is making things easier for you. I fully believe if a girl likes you... she will make it easy for you. She will help you. So if you do like a man. I urge you to be open about it. There is nothing more genuinely attractive. Being a cold fish might get a man to chase you. But more often than not it will be the thrill of the chase thats driving the man. And lets be honest you want him to be in it for you.
Redhead14 Posted January 27, 2016 Posted January 27, 2016 Yes it should be the mans job to set dates I agree there. However, there is nothing wrong with a woman opening up to receive that offer by texting or phoning a man to tell him you enjoyed being with him. A man does need information to go on. For example if I am dating 4 different girls over the space of a couple of weeks. I am going to want to be prioritising the girl that I like the most and is showing a good amount of interest in me. Sometimes the girl you like the most might not have shown enough interest and you end up leaving her behind for a girl who is making things easier for you. I fully believe if a girl likes you... she will make it easy for you. She will help you. So if you do like a man. I urge you to be open about it. There is nothing more genuinely attractive. Being a cold fish might get a man to chase you. But more often than not it will be the thrill of the chase thats driving the man. And lets be honest you want him to be in it for you. It is the man's "job" to initiate communication and schedule dates. It is the woman's "job" to be receptive and responsive at least in the early stages of dating to give the man confirmation of her interest. She does at some point need to begin initiating/reciprocating in a balanced way so that the man doesn't feel as though he is doing all the "work". If the parties are doing their "jobs" well enough, each party should begin to feel "secure" in the relationship.
Miss Peach Posted January 27, 2016 Posted January 27, 2016 Yes it should be the mans job to set dates I agree there. However, there is nothing wrong with a woman opening up to receive that offer by texting or phoning a man to tell him you enjoyed being with him. A man does need information to go on. For example if I am dating 4 different girls over the space of a couple of weeks. I am going to want to be prioritising the girl that I like the most and is showing a good amount of interest in me. Sometimes the girl you like the most might not have shown enough interest and you end up leaving her behind for a girl who is making things easier for you. I fully believe if a girl likes you... she will make it easy for you. She will help you. So if you do like a man. I urge you to be open about it. There is nothing more genuinely attractive. Being a cold fish might get a man to chase you. But more often than not it will be the thrill of the chase thats driving the man. And lets be honest you want him to be in it for you. I agree Witee. I know some men didn't pursue me because they couldn't tell if I wanted to see them again. I do try to tell the man where I am. I let the guy know I enjoyed his company. I kiss him, I text/call back, I tell them I'm happy to hear from them, I will ask him questions, am on time or early for dates. I tell them I enjoyed the date and possible certain parts of it I liked. I am very honest and frank with men. Many have thanked me for it actually. The issue is a lot of people aren't. Guys don't know whether I am being polite, whether I will ignore them, cancel dates, etc. It's hard to gauge stuff like that when you've spent only a couple hours together at most. Women have the same issue because often men will end the date saying what they think a woman wants to hear.
Author Witeee Posted January 27, 2016 Author Posted January 27, 2016 I agree Witee. I know some men didn't pursue me because they couldn't tell if I wanted to see them again. I do try to tell the man where I am. I let the guy know I enjoyed his company. I kiss him, I text/call back, I tell them I'm happy to hear from them, I will ask him questions, am on time or early for dates. I tell them I enjoyed the date and possible certain parts of it I liked. I am very honest and frank with men. Many have thanked me for it actually. The issue is a lot of people aren't. Guys don't know whether I am being polite, whether I will ignore them, cancel dates, etc. It's hard to gauge stuff like that when you've spent only a couple hours together at most. Women have the same issue because often men will end the date saying what they think a woman wants to hear. I'm not surprised you've had such a positive reaction to your honesty. It's quite rare. As you've seen the alternative is potentially losing someone great. And even if after all those signs a man still has no clue. He probably is a bit of a lost cause anyway. There's only so much of yourself you can put out there. I don't agree with men saying one thing and doing another. Very disingenuous. This is why I think its probably a good idea to text or call a guy to give him the chance to ask you out. If he doesn't take it then move on. Probably save you days of wondering. I do generally leave a date I enjoyed with "I had a nice time". Which is both honest and mysterious. I'm giving the girl that room to wonder about me rather than being certain I'm going to call. Obviously with the intention of calling though. But it will be in a few days to potentially hear from her first. Few girls call. But the ones that do are the ones I have the best time with because its just easy and effortless. And if a mans going to successfully lead the situation. I think thats the best environment for it.
Author Witeee Posted January 27, 2016 Author Posted January 27, 2016 It is the man's "job" to initiate communication and schedule dates. It is the woman's "job" to be receptive and responsive at least in the early stages of dating to give the man confirmation of her interest. She does at some point need to begin initiating/reciprocating in a balanced way so that the man doesn't feel as though he is doing all the "work". If the parties are doing their "jobs" well enough, each party should begin to feel "secure" in the relationship. I agree this is how things usually go down. As things progress to the 3rd and 4th date women tend to reach out from then on. I just think the best scenario for the man is if the women gets in touch the night of the first date or the day after to show her interest and solidify the fact the man significantly impressed. Its a refreshing move to make. And as a man I personally appreciate it.
PogoStick Posted January 29, 2016 Posted January 29, 2016 You shouldn't be mysterious after the first date with a "nice to meet you" to a girl you're really attracted to. There shouldn't be mystery because you should have secured the next date at the end of the first. Be direct, make it clear you're interested and you will have more success.
Author Witeee Posted January 31, 2016 Author Posted January 31, 2016 You shouldn't be mysterious after the first date with a "nice to meet you" to a girl you're really attracted to. There shouldn't be mystery because you should have secured the next date at the end of the first. Be direct, make it clear you're interested and you will have more success. I'm with you on being direct. If I've done everything right it should be obvious I'm sexually attracted to the girl. I will have kissed her at least once. However, by not setting another date and ending it with "I had a really nice time". It leaves room for her to wonder about me. "when is he going to call me". "did it go as well as I think it did". I find this very powerful. The alternative is coming across too obvious. As far as I'm concerned girls may be "on" when you're with them. But if given the time to go home they can turn themselves off for an inexplicable variety of reasons. I think alot of it has to do with the fact they're too confident in the fact you like them.
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