Lost GF to an innocent situation

[chaddercheese]

So final straw apparently with my behavious has led her to break up with me... :S. Ive never cheated, never approached a girl, never chatted up a girl. Im 23 shes 21.

 

The final straw, being...

 

Christmas eve, i was ridiculously ill in bed. I was invited out for a christmas meal with the guys, i was at my parents for christmas 100 miles from gf. We went for a chinese, she hit the roof when i told her i went for a meal because id said i was staying in bed and having an early night. That started the arguing, after the fiod and having a laugh i was feeling a little better and my nates stayed and had a drink, one was my ride home so i stayed too.

We was persuaded by one guy to have a drink in the bar next door and hed get the rounds in, it turned out that a girl he liked was there. We had one drink and left, i was dropped home because i told the gf that one of the guys dragged us into this bar next door because this girl he likes is there. She went mental so i had to leave.

All the guys carried on to the local nightclub and then to a strip club. I was on my phone to the gf all night in bed. I got a call at 2am from my drunk friend in a strip club asking me to come out, i said no im in bed, he asked me to text a girl to tell her to come down (an old friend who went off to uni this year who used to sleep with another of the guys). I didnt have her number so messaged her on facebook asking if she was out in the local club. She didnt reply.

 

Fast forward 2 days later im back at home with this girl back from her parents, she sees on my facebook a message in my sentbox asking this girl if she was out in this club, she freaked out screaming at me about why am i messaging random girls about clubs when i was at home in bed. I explained to her i was in bed and it was because a friend phoned me, she carried on shouting at me being a cheat etc so i said she was (the friend she used to sleep with)s gf. She was still going crazy at me about it because im messaging this girl and its obvious im unloyal. Why else do i feel the need to message this girl.

 

Fast forward to last saturday i mentioned about friend and his new gf and she flipped out at me then i remembered that id said this other girl was his gf not his f*buddy. She looks through this girls fb back months, id liked one photo she put on on the 9th september, before we was official this is. We were seeing each othrr at this point only. Apparently the photo was of her showing her cleavage (this is a girl who has no cleavage, i think breasts are boring and have no interest, no cleavage showing, its a selfie of her freshers ball dress).

 

I gave her 2 days to herself to calm down and then admitted that she wasnt friends gf but was his old f*buddy she hit the roof telling me im disloyal a liar etc. Bear in mind she inboxed a guy and told me he was gay but it turns out he wasnt...but he was just some ugly guy from her work i dont care for that. Im not jealous over that

 

But after all that she was a great person when we were fine, im stuck she says shes ended it cant put herself through this kind of heartache.shes told everyone she ended it cause she found out ive been messaging girls in clubs and liking their selfies and lying to her about who they are so theres no going back from that. Shes made out my persona to her friends as this lying cheating scumbag when i was at home in bed.

 

She says leaving her alone yday not talking to her is the worst thing i could have done and confirmed i dont care about her.

[PegNosePete]

She has no trust in you whatsoever, and TBH sounds like a total drama queen.

 

All that arguing and shouting and stress. Having a partner is meant to increase your quality of life, not make you miserable. You're better off without her dude!

[marky00]

Well here's the deal here.

 

Although she technically broke it off, lets get something clear here.

 

You = dumper

She = dumpee

 

She has broken this off to protect herself. It is sometimes referred to as the "forced dump". For whatever reason, she doesn't believe you love her.

 

If you love her you can get her back. But the fact she did this tells me that you don't love her.

 

Figure that out first, then you will know what to do.

[chaddercheese]

Two key situations which I played an innocent role in that could look bad, that she took badly.*

 

1) I was having an early night at my family home, I get a phone call from my mate who im not much of a fan of. They had a limo booked for his gf but she had left him, a limo, free 3 course meal and then have a drink after. We did this then went to a club where they brought me drink after drink. I got a call from an old really good mate, that him and another mate were out. I turn up and there are these 2 and 3 girls they work with, they all have bfs. I had a good night, had a laugh with them. We took some drunken group photos together, the next day the other lot were asking where I had vanished, and who I went off with. I couldn’t tell them that I had ditched them after all the money spent to go off with better mates, so I said I just bumoed into random people, I showed them the photos but cropped the mates they knew out so they wouldnt start an argument that id ditched them after everything etc. One friend said “Lol whats (gf) going to say?” and I said a tongue in cheek comment “shes not going to find out :’)” (this is a reference to the fact that I have had a lot of arguments with them lot for telling my gfs everything, who I spoke to, what I did, who I know that cheated etc) so the comment was a reference to how I never keep my mouth closed to my gfs. The group all had a chuckle at the comment, being the opposite of who I am.*

The gf did find out, when I went to fetch something from my car that day I came back to find she had gone through my phone and read that, I explained how she took it the wrong way and its completely out of context that she read “(gf) will never find out”, with a photo of me and 3 girls. I understood where she was coming from and explained to her this and that it was just a joke aimed at myself. She kept arguing that I was “arguing” that what I did wasn’t wrong and that it means I would do it again etc, I see what she saw can be taken the wrong way, but I explained the situation was not bad.*

I likened it to a guy buying some food in a supermarket, he then walks round the supermarket eating it and is stopped by security for eating food off the shelves. When he shows security the proof he purchased it they still arrest him in case he does it again. She still argues over this and brings it up 3 months later.*

 

2) Christmas eve, I was in bed ill at my family home, I got a call from previous group of guys to go for a christmas meal as it’s the first time everybody is back in town together (I live 100 miles away, close to gf). We went for a meal and my gf went really moody because I said I was in that night and went “out” for a meal. After the meal, the lads went for a drink at a hotel bar next door, one was my ride home so I tagged along. One drink there and then we left. I told my gf that we went for a drink and she started trying to cause arguments that I was “on a night out” when I said I was going to stay in. We got dropped off near to a bar that was close to my home, it turned out that this girl that the driver fancied was in there, him playing the stalker role. I went in, said bye to the lads and walked home at 11pm (because I felt awful and I didn’t want to cause further arguments with gf), on the phone to my gf the whole way.*

At 2am, I had been in bed texting my gf all night when a drunk mate phones me asking where I am, he had ended up in a strip club on his own and asked me to come along. I said no. So he asked where my other mate is because he couldn’t get hold of him, he told me earlier he was going to the local club cause an old f*buddy he used to sleep with was there, she used to be part of our friend group till she went off to uni. He has no phone (he never pays the contract so it gets cut off) and I didn’t have her number, so I inboxed her on facebook. “hey you still in (club)?”, I didn’t get any reply.*

My gf went through my fb inbox and get angry that I had a girl in my inbox so I showed her the message and explained the situation, she didn’t believe me so we argued over it, about why im messaging this girl anyway etc. In the end to stop the arguments I said this girl that is my mates old f*buddy is actually his gf.*

The other day I mentioned how his gf, and mentioned a different girl and she went mental saying that she thought this other girl was his gf and stalked her profile on facebook and found a picture of her first day at fresehers (before I got with my gf) that I had liked. I admitted i lied about who she was, but it was an extension of the truth to stop her arguing and worry rather than an out lie. She said she cant trust me because i clearly want this girl and im lying to defend the fact im allowed to talk to her like im so desperate to and im begging her to meet me on nights out, i had to get my mom involved to confirm that i was in bed at 11pm and not out at 2am likeshe accuses me of. This and the fact I inboxed her meant that I liked and wanted this girl. Because I was “inboxing her when I was on a night out, liking all her slaggy photos” (one photo fully clothed in an evening dress).

 

These two situations add on to other minor incidents that happened:*

 

3) She stalked some girls instagram that I said liked me and found a bikini photo, went through the likes and saw my name, later when she went back it wasn’t there. Apparently I had gone through and deleted my like. I make it a point to never like peoples photos on instagram because it comes up” (i) liked these 10 photos” for everyone to see.*

 

4) I took my gf to Rome for her christmas present for the week, staying in an apartment in the centre next to the vatican. Apparently when out walking one day I checked out a girl that walked past, I didn’t realise I had done it but when we got in all hell broke lose, if im happy to look at a girl in front of her, what im I like when im not with her. I said im sorry I didn’t realise I did it I wont do it again, but even if I did it was a look, she doesn’t have what we have, she doesn’t have me taking her on holiday for christmas, she doesn’t get to come home to me every night, she doesn’t have me sit outside there work every night to pick her up etc,*

 

5) I used to use online dating before I met her, I didn’t bother to de-activate my profile I just removed the app from my phone. When we first met she went on my OLD profile and we laughed at how awful the girls on there are then went off and I thought nothing of it. I didn’t go on it, I didn’t use it, I wasn’t searching for someone else, it was just something I never bothered de-activating. One day I got an email to my personal account saying I had a new message with a really BBW woman, so I took a photo of the womans picture and sent it to my gf, she went mad at me that I was still clearly using OLD to search for other girls etc. Next time she came over I actively went on it and de-activated my profile in front of her.*

 

The message I received off her:*

“At the end of the day you know the things that make me feel uncomfortable and you’ve never done anything about it. Its not being around females, its when you do things towards those females that seem like youre showing them interest. Like I said I’ve let you know before about these things you are fully aware of what I expect from you, you’ve chosen to act this way time after time and every time you just argue that you’ve done nothing wrong. And because you’ve done nothing about it I’ve done something about it and ended it because im not spending my whole life feeling uncomfortable and like I’m just an option for you like any other girl. That’s all I’m going to say”

 

I suggested we meet up to talk because all conversation has been over text regarding this situation. We are not talking today and tomorrow then meeting up tomorrow night. But i dont know where to go from here...

[chaddercheese]

I posted about this yesterday but didnt get many replies, rather than bump the thread i explained stuff in detail and explained each peice that happened to vent and to ask the question what to do now.

[PegNosePete]

My advice on your other thread stands. She is a total drama queen and has no trust in you whatsoever. You're better off without her.

[ExpatInItaly]

My advice on your other thread stands. She is a total drama queen and has no trust in you whatsoever. You're better off without her.

 

Exactly.

 

Just let this relationship be over, OP. It's not going to work.

[mightycpa]

Yeah, how are you supposed to stop looking at nice looking girls? There are disrespectful ways to do that, but there are also discreet ways to do it. If you're giving her the courtesy of ogling without making a complete spectacle of yourself, then she ought to cut you some slack.

 

All the other bitching and whining she does is too much, although I will say that on Christmas Eve, the smart thing to do would have been to tell her you're going out with your pals (notice I didn't say ask) and then offer to stop by for a little while after. You ****ed that one up all by yourself, and compounded it with your half-ass explanations. There may be a reason she doesn't trust you if this is how you typically operate.

 

But overall, she's a pain in the ass. Get yourself a nice one that has enough self-esteem to know that you can't get half the girls you look at, and can appreciate that you're man enough to look every once in a while.

[chaddercheese]

Yeah, how are you supposed to stop looking at nice looking girls? There are disrespectful ways to do that, but there are also discreet ways to do it. If you're giving her the courtesy of ogling without making a complete spectacle of yourself, then she ought to cut you some slack.

 

All the other bitching and whining she does is too much, although I will say that on Christmas Eve, the smart thing to do would have been to tell her you're going out with your pals (notice I didn't say ask) and then offer to stop by for a little while after. You ****ed that one up all by yourself, and compounded it with your half-ass explanations. There may be a reason she doesn't trust you if this is how you typically operate.

 

But overall, she's a pain in the ass. Get yourself a nice one that has enough self-esteem to know that you can't get half the girls you look at, and can appreciate that you're man enough to look every once in a while.

 

Like i explained in my post, she was 100 miles away stayinh with her parents and i was staying with my parents, her parents are by my place. I cant just drop in when im crazy ill and leave a meal with mates at 11pm