Mixed feelings? Conflicted? Not sure where she stands..

[Johnjs1987]

I'm going to make this as short as I can. I joined a new gym 4 months back. As soon as I saw this girl I wanted to see what she was about. However, she was dating someone so that made my decision easy at the time. Turns out my best friends girlfriend knows this girl. This gave us some common communicating grounds. This is actually the first time then I said hello and this was roughly 1 month ago and come to find out she broke up with here boyfriend basically as soon as I joined the gym roughly 3 to 4 months back. Naturally I'm liking this.

 

So I asked her out she said ok. Two days after I asked her out I tried to make plans and she came back with I was thinking about it and I don't know if I should be dating within the gym again. I tried that once and it didn't workout. I hope you understand. I said yes I do obviously. After that I pursued a little harder and minded we are very flirty and playful with each other. There is def a common attraction. I would say things like you're not getting rid of me that easy. I'm persistent etc..

 

So this weekend stuff spiced up. We wee chatting in Facebook and I was out and told her to come meet me. She declined but later that day hit me up saying she's going out with friends around 5 I'm welcome to come so obviously I took her up on the offer. We actually met and hour before everyone else and talked a lot. She kept saying we're just friends, gym buddies, etc.... The night goes on and we are getting closer and closer. I'm sneaking kisses she's holding my hand. We're like attached at the hip. She then proceeds to say lets gome home and I'm like where and said your house. So I said ok. We get back and we talk. She admits she likes me I told her I like her. She's def interested like I knew she was this whole time. She slept over in my bed. We didn't do anything I mean a little something but PG-13 stuff. Woke up hung out for a little and she left.

 

Later that night wee talking and she comes out with I went too far this weekend, I don't want to lead you on, I have no intention of pursuing this right now, blah blah blah. So I made myself vulnerable for the first time in awhile and told her hey I like you. You know that. I respect where your coming from even though I don't agree with it. I'll give you some space.

 

So tonight I see her at the gym and it was weird. I didn't think it would be actually but you could tell there was a little anxiety. She seemed very standoffish, cryptic, etc... I mean we talked we were cool it was just different. I jokingly called her out like why you given me the stink eye and she just said she doesn't know how to act between us now. I mean the whole weekend fun we had did escalate very quickly. I never thought that was gonna happen. But like I said tonight was weird. Now I sit here like do pursue, fallback for now, give her her space, I don't know. And I k ow she likes me that's the thing. I need some advice or other people's perspective. Everything helps.

[smudge21]

I'd say back off, still be polite when you see her, but don't mention what has happened anymore. Let her think about things for a while and take the lead. I reckon you've done all the running and made it more than clear you would like more than just a friendship. People out of relationships can jump around a lot, unsure of what they want and in turn unintentionally hurt other people along the way. I've been there, on both sides. You said you'd give her space so be a man of your word and do just that. If she wants to come to you, then she will.

 

 

However, all that said, I know how hard it is to have such a great time with someone but then the next day they're all different and it messes with your head and your heart. You just need to do what you feel comfortable with and what you believe is being honest with yourself.

[salparadise]

I assume your goal is to win her over, begin a relationship, correct?

 

Well, it's only partly up to you. She's probably avoiding the feelings of vulnerability that come with a new romance. It could be that she adopted the "don't date anyone from the gym" policy as a defense mechanism. Or it could be that she's engaging in the dance and expecting that when she steps back, you'll step forward. Who knows what she's thinking/feeling exactly?

 

Bottom line is, if you quit pursuing you're not going to get her. So you need to persist but not in such a way that you look like a clinger. Keep it fun and flirty, stay in contact but don't blow up her phone. Take her out and show her a great time, woo her well... when she pushes away give her some space, then go again.

 

Just don't get too invested. Hold onto your dignity, autonomy, etc. As long as she keeps dancing you do too. If she quits, let it go. Know what your limits are and how long you'd be willing to put up with the ambivalence before you determine that it's not worth it, or it's not going to happen.

[PogoStick]

Yes she likes him, a little. But mostly she just liked his attention, maybe she's rebounding.

 

He should stop pursuing her. She said she's not interested.

 

If he has any self respect then he ditches this girl 100%. She's just wasting his time. His mindset should be "This girl is just playing games, wasting my time, and isn't worthy of me".

 

STop getting jerked around. Stop agreeing with everything she says. He's already a puppy on her leash. Be your own man.

[Johnjs1987]

Thanks for the advice everyone. Much appreciated. PogoStick appreciate yours to but not quite accurate. You're actually way off. Again, do appreciate all the advice.