confused chic Posted January 26, 2016 Posted January 26, 2016 (edited) Not sure where to begin so here goes, i have always been bicurious but never really acted on it, I got married at age 19 to a guy i only met a month before (during summer vacation), i gave him my virginity to consummate our marriage. When I went away to a new state for college in september I felt lonely and depressed without my new husband so i started to explore the internet for new friends since i was new to the area, i ended up getting a lot of sexual attention from females but i did not go any further than trading nudes. Months later my husband came to visit during christmas break and i stopped going online to fill the void, a few months after he left i fell back into old habits, realize that i was becoming addicted to it, i made up a username and it seemed like i created an alter ego because my family is homophobic and everyday i would go online for lesbianic fantasies after a while i got bored with it. The next year I switched schools and moved to new state with my husband and i forgot about my online sexual attention scheme but after i graduated and was home alone daily bored, i fell back into old habits however this time i was only seeking a new female friend in my new area. after a few unsuccessful attempts i finally got a respond from a beautiful girl, we emailed for a little and then we exchanged numbers, however she lived across the boarder 2 hours away. We text everyday for hours just friendly things nothing sexual but we had so much in common and cudnt stop talking to each other. She is a single mom of a 2year old and our birthdays were on the same day. I was totally attracted to her but i decided not to risk ruining a blooming friendship. Then she became all i could think about and all i could talk about even to my husband. He started to get jealous of her and stole my phone to read the text messages, only to see that it was nothing sexual so he tried to let it go. Then i realized i did not mention i was married and straight nor did i mention my real name. I have been using my fake name so much i started to believe it was one of my names. Then we finally decided to hear each others voices, granted we have never met and only talked thru text/email. After 3 voice convo and many more texting inbetween she finally told me she was getting feelings for me, then i instantly went into old habits and started flirting with her and the innocentt friendly texts became very sexual and naughty and now all i wanted was to meet her and fulfill sexual fantasies. Then my husband started getting very jealous and teased that she was my girlfriend and finally he asked "Does she know ur married?" The guilty look on my face gave him the answer he did not want so he grabbed my phone and text her telling her i was married. for the next 2days she did not talk to me and i felt so sad like i was going thru a breakup or something and finally she responded saying i hurt her and its really her fault she feels ****ty bcuz i was only seeking a friend an she wanted more. Then i apologized for not telling her earlier and then she said that she really likes me and she doesnt care that i am married so if i wanted to be with her too then she wudnt mind sharing me.... our texting continued daily then one lonely day i was very horn and decide to send her a picture of my breasts and in turn she sent me hers. our texting continued daily and finally we decided to meet up to see a movie, she decided to drive 2hours to my theatre and i was to meet her there, i got dolled up and she was on her way earlier than i expected so she cud hang out a bit before the movie then she text me saying she wants to make out with me and my heart started to race. Meeting her was already a big step for me but knowing she wants to kiss me was a whole different thing so i panicked and paced around the house then finally decided to get in my car only to see my husband pulling up the driveway. "why are u dressed so sexy?" he asked so i told him i was gonna finally meet her and he freaked out... so i stood her up and did not go but i text her and apologized and explained that its either him or meeting her so i wasnt gonna ruin my marriage. That was the closest i think i got to really cheating. After that our daily convo became less and she started seeing her ex-gf and she wud stop texting me wenever her gf came to visit but i kept texting her even when my husband came home, sigh wen i realized i stopped but she was all i could think about even while having sex with my husband sigh thinking about a girl i almost met. a few months later she broke up with her ex-gf again and our daily convo restarted. So to make up for not making it to the cinema i decided to drive 2hours to her but on the day i was to come to her she stopped responding to me and i kept trying to contact her but she wudnt talk to me that night i text her saying, "guess i deserved this" and 2days later she finally responded apologizing and saying "sorry for being a bitch, i shudnt treat you like that" so i told her it was ok and that i forgive her and blah blah blah. but we only texted each other a few more days until i realized she hardly responds and i am waiting hours for her to text back so i stopped trying and we havent spoken for 6months so last week i deleted her from my facebook, thinking "I am so over her" and today i found an email from her that is a week old saying "i miss talking to you" i showed it to my husband and he just looked at me and said "Not again with this ****" so i turned off my computer and went on with my day but tonight she is all i can think about and all my feelings for her keep coming back, then i read my horoscope and laughed because it says a person wants to share an intimate space with me and i shouldnt scare them away entirely ... so i went on facebook and sent her a friend request and instantly she accepted so went on her page and saw what was newly posted and i liked 3 of her pictures, then i replied to her email so 3 hours later i responded to her with one word "Damn" and instantly she replied "What?" so i tried to find the right thing to say but so many things ran thru my mind then finally after 7mins i responded " Just wasnt expecting that, so how have u been?" ....sigh That was 2 hours ago and she still have not replied. I dont kno where this is going but i dont kno if this is anything good, i feel less confused and worried about it now that i wrote this whole epistle and saw how silly it all is and so unnecessary but i have no friends and i invested so much time into getting to kno her blah i dont kno sigh tell me what you think and I am looking to get advice from people who are kind enough to give it, so please, be kind; I can't ask anyone else this question. Read my crappy horoscope below Your Horoscope for Today MONDAY - JAN 25, 2016 More than likely there is a person in your world who desperately wants to get closer to you, Gemini. Conflict is apt to arise tonight if you don't open up and let this person in a bit closer. It could be that you're quick to snap back with a forceful opinion, but be careful that you don't scare them away entirely. This person wants to share more of an intimate space with you, but perhaps they just don't know how. Edited January 28, 2016 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
normal person Posted January 26, 2016 Posted January 26, 2016 (edited) You sound like you have absolutely no idea what you want. You need to figure it all out (this will take years) before you make any more life altering decisions. Do you want be exclusive with and loyal to your husband for the rest of your life like you vowed on your wedding day, or do you want a girlfriend? You can't have both. You need to think about the consequences of things before you act. Hopefully in that time you'll also realize that horoscopes are meaningless drivel and under no circumstances should they be considered when you're making life choices. Also, future posts would be easier to read if you used line breaks. Best of luck. Edited January 26, 2016 by normal person 2
strawberryshortstack Posted January 26, 2016 Posted January 26, 2016 Paragraphs please... trying to read this makes my eyes hurt. 5
SincereOnlineGuy Posted January 26, 2016 Posted January 26, 2016 Not sure where to begin so here goes, i have always been bicurious but never really acted on it, I got married at age 19 to a guy i only met a month before (during summer vacation), i gave him my virginity to consummate our marriage. When I went away to a new state for college in september I felt lonely and depressed without my new husband so i started to explore the internet for new friends since i was new to the area, i ended up getting a lot of sexual attention from females but i did not go any further than trading nudes. Months later my husband came to visit during christmas break and i stopped going online to fill the void, a few months after he left i fell back into old habits, realize that i was becoming addicted to it, i made up a username and it seemed like i created an alter ego because my family is homophobic and everyday i would go online for lesbianic fantasies after a while i got bored with it. The next year I switched schools and moved to new state with my husband and i forgot about my online sexual attention scheme but after i graduated and was home alone daily bored, i fell back into old habits however this time i was only seeking a new female friend in my new area. after a few unsuccessful attempts i finally got a respond from a beautiful girl, we emailed for a little and then we exchanged numbers, however she lived across the boarder 2 hours away. We text everyday for hours just friendly things nothing sexual but we had so much in common and cudnt stop talking to each other. She is a single mom of a 2year old and our birthdays were on the same day. I was totally attracted to her but i decided not to risk ruining a blooming friendship. Then she became all i could think about and all i could talk about even to my husband. He started to get jealous of her and stole my phone to read the text messages, only to see that it was nothing sexual so he tried to let it go. Then i realized i did not mention i was married and straight nor did i mention my real name. I have been using my fake name so much i started to believe it was one of my names. Then we finally decided to hear each others voices, granted we have never met and only talked thru text/email. After 3 voice convo and many more texting inbetween she finally told me she was getting feelings for me, then i instantly went into old habits and started flirting with her and the innocentt friendly texts became very sexual and naughty and now all i wanted was to meet her and fulfill sexual fantasies. Then my husband started getting very jealous and teased that she was my girlfriend and finally he asked "Does she know ur married?" The guilty look on my face gave him the answer he did not want so he grabbed my phone and text her telling her i was married. for the next 2days she did not talk to me and i felt so sad like i was going thru a breakup or something and finally she responded saying i hurt her and its really her fault she feels ****ty bcuz i was only seeking a friend an she wanted more. Then i apologized for not telling her earlier and then she said that she really likes me and she doesnt care that i am married so if i wanted to be with her too then she wudnt mind sharing me.... our texting continued daily then one lonely day i was very horn and decide to send her a picture of my breasts and in turn she sent me hers. our texting continued daily and finally we decided to meet up to see a movie, she decided to drive 2hours to my theatre and i was to meet her there, i got dolled up and she was on her way earlier than i expected so she cud hang out a bit before the movie then she text me saying she wants to make out with me and my heart started to race. Meeting her was already a big step for me but knowing she wants to kiss me was a whole different thing so i panicked and paced around the house then finally decided to get in my car only to see my husband pulling up the driveway. "why are u dressed so sexy?" he asked so i told him i was gonna finally meet her and he freaked out... so i stood her up and did not go but i text her and apologized and explained that its either him or meeting her so i wasnt gonna ruin my marriage. That was the closest i think i got to really cheating. After that our daily convo became less and she started seeing her ex-gf and she wud stop texting me wenever her gf came to visit but i kept texting her even when my husband came home, sigh wen i realized i stopped but she was all i could think about even while having sex with my husband sigh thinking about a girl i almost met. a few months later she broke up with her ex-gf again and our daily convo restarted. So to make up for not making it to the cinema i decided to drive 2hours to her but on the day i was to come to her she stopped responding to me and i kept trying to contact her but she wudnt talk to me that night i text her saying, "guess i deserved this" and 2days later she finally responded apologizing and saying "sorry for being a bitch, i shudnt treat you like that" so i told her it was ok and that i forgive her and blah blah blah. but we only texted each other a few more days until i realized she hardly responds and i am waiting hours for her to text back so i stopped trying and we havent spoken for 6months so last week i deleted her from my facebook, thinking "I am so over her" and today i found an email from her that is a week old saying "i miss talking to you" i showed it to my husband and he just looked at me and said "Not again with this ****" so i turned off my computer and went on with my day but tonight she is all i can think about and all my feelings for her keep coming back, then i read my horoscope and laughed because it says a person wants to share an intimate space with me and i shouldnt scare them away entirely ... so i went on facebook and sent her a friend request and instantly she accepted so went on her page and saw what was newly posted and i liked 3 of her pictures, then i replied to her email so 3 hours later i responded to her with one word "Damn" and instantly she replied "What?" so i tried to find the right thing to say but so many things ran thru my mind then finally after 7mins i responded " Just wasnt expecting that, so how have u been?" ....sigh That was 2 hours ago and she still have not replied. I dont kno where this is going but i dont kno if this is anything good, i feel less confused and worried about it now that i wrote this whole epistle and saw how silly it all is and so unnecessary but i have no friends and i invested so much time into getting to kno her blah i dont kno sigh tell me what you think and I am looking to get advice from people who are kind enough to give it, so please, be kind; I can't ask anyone else this question. Read my crappy horoscope below Your Horoscope for Today MONDAY - JAN 25, 2016 More than likely there is a person in your world who desperately wants to get closer to you, Gemini. Conflict is apt to arise tonight if you don't open up and let this person in a bit closer. It could be that you're quick to snap back with a forceful opinion, but be careful that you don't scare them away entirely. This person wants to share more of an intimate space with you, but perhaps they just don't know how. Oooooooooooooh, the internet... making things so convenient... and so stealthful... and I wonder if it is instead the freedom you've felt as the result of your own anonymity and self expression which makes up a great deal of this woman's persona as you view her. NOT that she's any sort of a bad apple, but what if, because you're two people who each brought herself to a no-holds-barred place where true and DEEP feelings could be traded, that you each feel more aroused and erotic as a result of that??? In a perfect world, a light comes on within you, and you focus instead on how to get to those places with your husband. Instead of tip-toeing around the house, fearful of the (dumb little dislikes your husband keeps repeating over and over)... and consequently you're too fearful to just express yourself deeply... how about finding ways to deepen and improve shared communication with your husband??? For it was YOU... and not the other woman, who brought yourself to a point where you were fully capable of expressing yourself in such raw, shared format... so now you'd likely do best to redirect that effort toward someone there in your everyday world. (and yeah, that woman could be the cat's meow... but right now there are so many variables, most of which suggest she's probably a lot more 'human' than ideal, that your own life would be better if your focus was painfully-at-first pointed back at your marriage) Think of the big picture... decades down the line... 2
Author confused chic Posted January 27, 2016 Author Posted January 27, 2016 (edited) Thank you for your comments/perspectives, i appreciate it and sorry i didnt use breaks/paragraphs i will next time. Edited January 27, 2016 by confused chic
BetrayedH Posted January 28, 2016 Posted January 28, 2016 Your horoscope was talking about your husband. 1
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