Is he not interested?

[oksusu]

I’ve been crushing on this guy in one of my grad classes; he’s kind of a loner, and doesn’t really initiate contact with strangers, especially not girls. I’ve concluded the only way to get to know him is if I initiate the contact.

 

 

I’m only able to see this guy whenever we have exams and I basically ran up to him after our exam to talk to him. I originally planned to ask him if he wanted to get coffee sometime in this encounter, but our conversation was very awkward – and I didn’t want to creep him out.

 

 

I think he was thrown off by me even talking to him,since he had a "why are you bothering me/talking to me" vibes type of expression.

 

 

I asked him what he thought about the exam. We both agreed it was hard; he had trouble with a particular type of problem, and I suggested a resource for him to use to improve in that area. Then, we talked about if we had class in theafternoon. At the end, I asked him for his name, which I also think surprised him. He never asked for my name, so I threw my name out there. Then it just ended there because we had to go separate ways. I said bye to him because itdidn't look like he was going to say anything at the end, but he just nodded. Thisonly lasted for like 2 minutes maximum. I think he only made eye contact with me only 2 times during this whole conversation.

 

 

I wasn't expecting such a cold response from him. Is he not interested at all?

 

 

I am a quiet nerdy grad student girl with glasses who approached him, but I would consider myself as average.

 

 

Personally,if someone approached me this way for the first time, no matter what their intention was, I would be friendlier than the way he responded

 

 

ShouldI still try asking him for coffee? What are your thoughts on this situation?

Edited January 26, 2016 by oksusu

[Buddhist]

My thoughts are you can't tell from this interaction at all. He might not be interested in you but it seems far more likely he has some kind of social anxiety and simply did not know what was expected of him during this encounter.

[xcupid]

Sounds like he has no experience with women. Time to find someone who is interested.

[todreaminblue]

what i know from experience is not to judge anything by a two minute conversation..you cant feel out a person easily in two minutes unless they are blunt and forthright...........get to know the guy....smile at him warmly dont initiate conversation all the time...a smile hello..treat him like a friend so he feels at ease with you when you see him use eye contact........give off those vibes and it relaxes others around you..be friendly ..be warm ...be bright...exude naturally energy and love of life.........act interested and take an interest in him when he speaks.....try to expand conversations....slowly.... and allow things to progress naturally.....he will open up either way when he feels he can even if he doesnt open up for a while......what you are doing by being warm, friendly and interested being bright, energetic and easy to talk too...is never a bad thing..its what i do...and it works....lol what is really funny...is that i know when guys do this with me because i do the same thing........good luck...deb

[spriggan2]

lol if he's a desperately shy, fragile, inexperienced, socially anxious loner like I was, he's probably in his room now in agony, thinking about how much he's in love with you and how poorly he did in his attempts to communicate with you. He's probably convinced himself that after such an awkward interaction you'll want nothing to do with him.

 

It's a painful mindset, believing that wanting you is wrong and that he mustn't display any signs of interest because that means vulnerability, and mustn't display any signs of sexual desire because it's somehow misogynistic, something that only douchebags do.

 

Big IF though. If he's that type of person you could make him love you with the least bit sensual effort, or smile, or highlighting one of his quirks. You could make him feel externally validated for once in his life, make him crave you so much it hurts, and then break his heart when you get bored, unwittingly setting him free to then transform into the sensitive stud ladies man he was born to be.

 

That's the dream.

Edited January 26, 2016 by spriggan2

[Ami1uwant]

I agree with the person above...he is likely inexperienced with girls and a loner. Likely has aspergers so is not good in social interactions.

[oksusu]

lol if he's a desperately shy, fragile, inexperienced, socially anxious loner like I was, he's probably in his room now in agony, thinking about how much he's in love with you and how poorly he did in his attempts to communicate with you. He's probably convinced himself that after such an awkward interaction you'll want nothing to do with him.

 

It's a painful mindset, believing that wanting you is wrong and that he mustn't display any signs of interest because that means vulnerability, and mustn't display any signs of sexual desire because it's somehow misogynistic, something that only douchebags do.

 

Big IF though. If he's that type of person you could make him love you with the least bit sensual effort, or smile, or highlighting one of his quirks. You could make him feel externally validated for once in his life, make him crave you so much it hurts, and then break his heart when you get bored, unwittingly setting him free to then transform into the sensitive stud ladies man he was born to be.

 

That's the dream.

 

 

I don't know if this guy is inexperienced with women, could be. I looked his social media page and I didn't see any girl acquaintances posting inside.

 

But I don't think this guy is socially awkward or have Asperger's. He has an aura of unapprochableness and confidence. He never stutters and everything he says is very definite. I was in a group activity with this guy before and he seemed completely normal in interaction and eye contact. He tended to join into conversations with remarks, rather than initiate a conversation though. In our short 2 minute conversation, his responses were pretty normal too. I'm just disappointed with the lack of eye contact ad he didn't bother to say bye or at least a see you around at the end.

 

 

Even when I was talking to him this time, he showed 0 signs of nervousness. I think he genuinely was just thrown off by me talking to him. He knows who I am as a classmate (our grad class is pretty small, only 200 people in a class), I've been sitting in the same area as him for a while, but this is the 1st time I've initiated a conversation with him. I'd imagine his brain was like "wtf, why is this girl talking to me all of a sudden" and confusion. I think he thinks I'm weird right now.

 

 

This semester is almost ending too and I wanted try to get his number before it ends.

 

 

Would it be too direct/quick (I don't want to scare him off, he already seemed kind of thrown off by my first contact) if I asked him the possibility about getting coffee the next time we talked? I'd imagine the next time we talk it would be pretty brief again, but maybe I could mention it at the end casually. I'm getting the sense that if I don't express my interest, he will never understand why I'm talking to him and just think I'm some crazy girl.

Edited January 26, 2016 by oksusu

[ExpatInItaly]

I'd say he's not overly interested, no.

 

Perhaps he is already seeing someone.

[spriggan2]

Ok well if he's not socially awkward then probably disregard my post. I would suggest just a casual ask to get coffee if you're brave enough. Most people would understand your explicit interest and query at that point. Otherwise what about email? Starting off with something schoolwork related and then steering it towards something casual and maybe asking from there?

[Buddhist]

I

But I don't think this guy is socially awkward or have Asperger's. He has an aura of unapprochableness and confidence. He never stutters and everything he says is very definite.

 

Social anxiety does not always manifest as nervousness or a stuttering imbecile. Often it can just be avoidance which is what he's clearly doing. I have anxiety yet I manage a team of people and come across as supremely confident, intimidating even. Yet if someone catches me unawares, when I haven't had time to prepare I do exactly what this guy just did, fail to reciprocate like a normal person.

[Zippy2000]

Maybe hes gay? Only kidding. We dont know unless you ask.

 

Just ask him and if he says "No, thanks" then you`ll know.