semz Posted January 26, 2016 Posted January 26, 2016 (edited) Here's the thing. I've been in a committed, healthy, good relationship for over 2 years. He's wonderful, we've had our misunderstandings and whatnot, but we are generally very happy together and he's the picture of a perfect partner. But I STILL miss my ex, my first love, terribly sometimes. I'm young, 22. I dated guys in highschool but that was stupid and silly -until I met him.. my senior year of highschool. We had a fairytale love, started talking in the musical Cinderella where he played the prince and I Cinderella. And I immediately fell for him. He's an extremely romantic guy, he bought me flowers and gifts a lot, and always told me we would get married, which I was aware was probably just said to be said. We were together for 1.5 years but somehow I still can't forget about him. He was the person I lost my virginity to. I DON'T GET IT. I don't know if this is normal. It's weird because things with my current bf are so much better, so much more stable. But I STILL MISS MY EX. It makes me sad and it makes me doubt my current relationship. Am I supposed to feel that "crazy, head over heels, super fairytale love" feeling with him? Or am I only infactuated with my ex because we were so young and nothing was realistic? It drives me nuts that my ex won't talk to me. He's friends with so many people that I know. Sometimes I think being friends would make me feel better. But he won't talk to me. The last time we talked (as friends) he was very kind and spoke well of me, but now nothing. Every time I see a picture he posts I get sad. Especially if he's with a girl. Sometimes I smell his cologne on other men and it makes my stomach turn. He appears in my dreams now and then, and I always wake up wanting to cry. It's weird. Most of the time I'm really happy and don't think about him, but it comes in cycles. I randomly start missing him for a week or month at a time. I believe some of you are older and past that. I was wondering if anybody's had a similar experience or if this is normal? Should I feel the same excitement I felt with my first love, with my current bf? Thanks so much for the help and time. It's just been eating at me lately. Ask questions if you need. Edited January 26, 2016 by semz 1
soph-walker Posted January 26, 2016 Posted January 26, 2016 I'd like to remind you there's probably a very good reason as to why you both broke up? We tend to look at past relationships with rose tinted glasses and the fact you're in a relationship and doing so makes me think that you're not happy with your current boyfriend? I tend to get a little rosy eyed if I'm single, I think 'oh he was lovely, I miss him, he loved me so much' when in fact I remind myself that I was miserable with my ex and he was emotionally abusive to me. Sounds like you could do with addressing any issues you might have with current Boyf? Wish you luck!
ExpatInItaly Posted January 26, 2016 Posted January 26, 2016 I think missing him to the extent that you are isn't a good sign. There's a big difference between having a fond memory of an ex and what you are describing. It sounds to me like you're not really over him at all. Why did you break up? If he became single and interested, would you consider leaving your boyfriend to go back to him? If the answer is yes, you have some hard questions to ask yourself. What are the underlying issues in your current relationship?
Author semz Posted January 26, 2016 Author Posted January 26, 2016 I think missing him to the extent that you are isn't a good sign. There's a big difference between having a fond memory of an ex and what you are describing. It sounds to me like you're not really over him at all. Why did you break up? If he became single and interested, would you consider leaving your boyfriend to go back to him? If the answer is yes, you have some hard questions to ask yourself. What are the underlying issues in your current relationship? That's what I don't get. I agree with you but at the same time I like mostly everything about my current relationship. The main thing that I miss is the romantic aspect. My current bf isn't that romantic, he doesn't go out of his way to do romantic things like the ex did. But yet I know he cares about me more. I want to believe I was just caught up in the whole "fantasy" of life with my ex, and now I'm living in reality and it isn't quite as fun. My bf is a very level-headed, straight forward guy. My ex was all over the place. We "broke up" several times bc he would always change his mind about me, and he was really self centered. But why is it that I was obsessed over him? It's been over 2 years since we broke up (the reason being because he moved to another state for college and kind of forgot about me when he met a bunch of new friends ) but man it's been a while for me to still think about him sometimes.
Letmeknow Posted January 26, 2016 Posted January 26, 2016 That's what I don't get. I agree with you but at the same time I like mostly everything about my current relationship. The main thing that I miss is the romantic aspect. My current bf isn't that romantic, he doesn't go out of his way to do romantic things like the ex did. But yet I know he cares about me more. I want to believe I was just caught up in the whole "fantasy" of life with my ex, and now I'm living in reality and it isn't quite as fun. My bf is a very level-headed, straight forward guy. My ex was all over the place. We "broke up" several times bc he would always change his mind about me, and he was really self centered. But why is it that I was obsessed over him? It's been over 2 years since we broke up (the reason being because he moved to another state for college and kind of forgot about me when he met a bunch of new friends ) but man it's been a while for me to still think about him sometimes. I still think about my first love that ended 2 years ago as well. I'm 22 as well. I think it's completely normal to think about someone you once cared for so deeply.
ExpatInItaly Posted January 26, 2016 Posted January 26, 2016 I still think about my first love that ended 2 years ago as well. I'm 22 as well. I think it's completely normal to think about someone you once cared for so deeply. While I think it's normal to reminisce about a former partner once in a while, the level OP is describing seems to go beyond that. It's causing her more distress than "normal", I feel. OP, how much time passed between the final breakup with your ex, and entering your current relationship?
Author semz Posted January 26, 2016 Author Posted January 26, 2016 While I think it's normal to reminisce about a former partner once in a while, the level OP is describing seems to go beyond that. It's causing her more distress than "normal", I feel. OP, how much time passed between the final breakup with your ex, and entering your current relationship? Not as much as there should be, I admit, probably.. I was really hurt by the breakup so I feel like I became desperate to meet someone, I did, not thinking it would turn into anything, but it did. All in the matter of 3ish months. The main thing I question is if I'm supposed to feel this way about my current bf. I'm happy with him and we get along great but it's a more "real" picture of a relationship than before. I mean, my ex was 17 at the time, I was 18. My now bf is 26 so it's a big difference in maturity levels.
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