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Let's talk about indifference towards people, rejection, etc in the dating game.

Biscous

By Biscous
in General Relationship Discussion

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Biscous Established Member

Biscous

Posted
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I'm really talking about dealing with flakes, rejection, etc.

 

I have noticed this when I am putting myself out there more where I get rejected, I will say I go through a myriad of negative emotions from the small petty reaction to taking it personal (i.e. "what's wrong with me"). In reality there are women I reject to so I shouldn't feel that way, but why do I get pissed off at times and un nerved when I take rejection.

 

Some of the women I know that I'm not THAT into or that ultimately I know a relationship would work. Others I think that maybe I did things on my end right yet they flake or just seem aloof.

 

 

I was listening to 48 Laws of Power a bit and heard the law "Disdain things you cannot have: ignoring them is the best revenge." I listened to it and thought how it could be applied to dating.

 

 

I personally think "disdain" is too strong of a word. It almost projects too much emotion in something, as though you are at a loss for not having it, when in reality you didn't lose anything at all. Indifference is probably better.

 

It's better for me to invest my energy elsewhere instead of dwelling on a rejection for whatever reason. I am trying to grasp this more because I had an instance last month where I was like WTF then I realized the girl's nature of seeking attention and possibly being one of the women that goes to one shiny object to the next, but at the same time I was strongly attracted to her and thought we clicked..for whatever reason it didn't work.

 

Thoughts on this? Maybe I'm overthinking but I think this is healthy for us dating!

Oregon_Dude Established Member

Oregon_Dude

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I have no idea what your question is.

 

OLD has gotten to the point of oversaturation and so many options that no one is able to commit to a single one.

 

It's a huge waste of time and demeaning to the self-esteem. I was a having a great convo with a girl today and then she just deletes her profile. Awesome.

 

Things are awful online and not getting better. Take a break if you need to. I certainly do.

  • Like 4
soph-walker Established Member

soph-walker

Posted
Posted (edited)
I have no idea what your question is.

 

OLD has gotten to the point of oversaturation and so many options that no one is able to commit to a single one.

 

It's a huge waste of time and demeaning to the self-esteem. I was a having a great convo with a girl today and then she just deletes her profile. Awesome.

 

Things are awful online and not getting better. Take a break if you need to. I certainly do.

 

This. A thousand times over.

 

I really hope that on some level, OLD will implode and people will remember how to interact properly with one another and not just swipe themselves into oblivion.

 

It's ***** that we now have to steel ourselves for ghosting, cuffing season, PUAs and whatever other 'phenomenon' I have probably missed out. It's also sad that we have to grow a thicker skin and not take things to heart.

 

I find it a very cynical world and have said it once and I'll say it again. We now see things as binary options 'yes/no'.

 

My biggest rejection was a guy that told me he didn't have any desire to see me naked after two meetings.

I honestly thought...is this what you're judging me on? And judging other women on?

 

I miss pre-OLD days.

Edited by soph-walker
  • Like 5
Chris2016 Established Member

Chris2016

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Even paid OLD is no better? I was thinking doing paid eharmony.

Chris2016 Established Member

Chris2016

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I think having a healthy perspective on rejection is good.

iphone_user1 Established Member

iphone_user1

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Ghosting, ghosting and more ghosting. Flakes, flakes and more flakes. It sounds funny after some time, but when it happens you go like what in the ****ing hell just happened LOL.

Edited by iphone_user1
  • Like 1
AverageJoe1986 Established Member

AverageJoe1986

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Even paid OLD is no better? I was thinking doing paid eharmony.

 

From everything I've read eHarmony is a long and laborious process.

soph-walker Established Member

soph-walker

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What is ghosting?

 

The act of suddenly ceasing all communication with someone the subject is dating, but no longer wishes to date. This is done in hopes that the ghostee will just "get the hint" and leave the subject alone, as opposed to the subject simply telling them he/she is no longer interested. Ghosting is not specific to a certain gender and is closely related to the subject's maturity and communication skills. Many attempt to justify ghosting as a way to cease dating the ghostee without hurting their feelings, but it in fact proves the subject is thinking more of themselves, as ghosting often creates more confusion for the ghostee than if the subject kindly stated how he/she feels.

 

And enigma32, thankyou haha. In fairness, I asked the guy for feedback as to why he didn't feel a click and that's what he said.

 

But yeah, OLD sucks ass! All of you people in relationships, you've no idea how lucky you are! (Maybe you have..)

Cherish and nourish your relationship because the alternative is a crock of *****

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Biscous Established Member

Biscous

Posted
  • Author
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I was talking more about dating in general in all aspects, not just OLD.

  • Like 1
Miss Peach Established Member

Miss Peach

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Even paid OLD is no better? I was thinking doing paid eharmony.

 

I only did one site for a month paid. I actually met a lot of the same guys on the paid site as on the free one! To me it was worse because the paid site had less it required in the profile so it was harder for me to filter.

 

BF only did paid sites and his outcome was worse than mine on the free ones.

Robratory Established Member

Robratory

Posted
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I have noticed this when I am putting myself out there more where I get rejected, I will say I go through a myriad of negative emotions from the small petty reaction to taking it personal (i.e. "what's wrong with me"). In reality there are women I reject to so I shouldn't feel that way, but why do I get pissed off at times and un nerved when I take rejection.

 

Indifference is probably better.

 

Yes, indifference... I think the thing to do is not to get invested until after you meet and start dating. A lot of rejection is people getting cold feet.

Gloria25 Established Member

Gloria25

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I believe that the flaking, ghosting, rude/crude representation of oneself, etc. in dating now a days (both on/off line) is a demonstration of the lack of social graces that that this and surrounding generations have.

 

My fav podcaster was talking to an older lady who expected a call and/or card thanking her for some gifts she gave to relatives and my favorite podcaster was like 'forget it, this is a different generation'

 

And IMO, it's just sad...

 

- I went out on a date the other day and dude dressed like he was gonna work on a HVAC unit. Put no effort into dressing for the date and/or changing clothes after he got out of work to meet with me.

 

- With my neighbor, it got nasty not cuz I was rejected, but "how" it happened.

 

No, you don't owe someone you just met a lengthy/detailed and/or unfiltered explanation of why you're not into them, but they deserve basic respect and consideration. Like when I talk to a cashier, waiter, I say "please", "thank you" - basic and respectful interactions between humans. One day I was at Walmart and this woman wanted the cashier (who manager was filling in for) to void something for her...she didn't say "Sir, can you remove that from my purchases?"...she yelled "TSKE IT OFF, TAKE IT OFF!!!" As if she was talking to a dog.

 

I guess you can call me "old school", but men holding doors, women dressing/acting a certain way gave people a sense of dignity and mutual respect...but now a days, anything goes.

 

Sad, just sad....

  • Like 2
Toodaloo Established Member

Toodaloo

Posted
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It's a huge waste of time and demeaning to the self-esteem. I was a having a great convo with a girl today and then she just deletes her profile. Awesome.

 

Things are awful online and not getting better. Take a break if you need to. I certainly do.

 

Perhaps that is why the girl disappeared?

 

Biscous I think you are asking how to deal with rejection?

 

This is what I do. I take time out to myself when it gets to me. If need be I deactivate and hide my profile.

 

I go and spend time with my friends and family, I buy new books, new underwear, take long walks, hit the rowing machine and paint my toe nails.

 

I recognise that while some may want to get married and have children and a commitment to that special person... that special person may not be me! Equally just as they may not be that special person to me! I recognise that they rarely get to know me very well (those that have are still around and have become great friends) so actually they do not want to spend the time getting to know me as a person. If they are so lazy as to not want to get to know me then, to put it bluntly, they do not deserve me in any way shape or fashion regardless of who I "think" they are. Which leads me neatly into I do not know these people. They are strangers and their opinions of me mean jack poop. It is perfectly fine for people to dislike me or not fancy me or dislike me because I am not looking for the every day Joe Bloggs. I am looking for Mr Extraordinary and amazing. I do not know them so their opinion of me is not worth the breath to speak it.

 

Once you take that attitude it hurts a heck of a lot less.

deckard11 Established Member

deckard11

Posted
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I have been rejected by women my whole life. Needless to say it has turned me into the negative, hateful, spiteful and down right angry person I am today. That's how people see me here so I'm told. But put yourself in my shoes, a lifetime of rejection will do that to you.

Philosopher Established Member

Philosopher

Posted
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I believe that the flaking, ghosting, rude/crude representation of oneself, etc. in dating now a days (both on/off line) is a demonstration of the lack of social graces that that this and surrounding generations have.

 

I suspect the advent of the mobile phone has a lot to do with why many of those in the dating game are more likely to act indifferent or rudely towards people. I don't really know what dating was like 30 years ago, but like you I suspect this sort of behaviour was a lot less common.

 

With mobile phones, someone can all too easily send a text with some excuse for cancelling a date a few hours before the date and the flakee would be pretty certain the message was received. Pre mobile phones you would have had to call them at a time when they were at home and tell them in verbally that you were cancelling the date. Therefore it took a lot more courage and planning if you wanted to cancel a date just because you were not feeling like it.

 

Similarly with ghosting, mobile phones tell you who is calling or texting, so it is very easy to ignore the call or texts if it is from someone you don't want to date anymore. Prior to mobile phones, you had little idea of whom was calling, so if it was someone whom you wanted to end dating with, you pretty much had to at least tell them over the phone.

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