Piddle Posted January 25, 2016 Posted January 25, 2016 When you're in that that pre-dating phase, you know the whole 'does he like me? Or does he like me just as a friend? Is he just shy' that kind of thing. What's the difference between a girl showing interest and a girl chasing? I have a thing about coming across as chasing a guy and given the fact that I have a terrible terrible terrible dating track record I'm wondering maybe in trying to look 'cool' about it all I come across as the complete opposite. I can think of a few guys who I really liked, who seemed to like me but never made the move. At the time I chalked it down to low interest but they can't ALL have been low interest. Lol. Recently I'm beginning to realise I'm the common denominator here.
heartbroken1357 Posted January 25, 2016 Posted January 25, 2016 Wow, you seem like the mirror of me... i always chase women, and each time i tell myself not to, i have an urgency to come on too strong and push them away and kick myself afterwards. i too put the common denominator down to myself at times, I have an awful track record for dating yet without sounding to arrogant i'd like to think I'm a fairly attractive guy, with a good career, my own place and i know how to treat a woman yet nothing materialses... i've narrowed it down to this, now i'm not sure how old you are, but i've come to the conclusion that there is no set way to approach dating, if you act cool they will think you're not interested and move on, if you come on too strong they will run a mile, i've tried both with exactly these results. more so, if you're aged between let's say 18 and 25 to late twenties, most women don't know what they wan't I can't speak for guys, i've wanted to settle for a while now but i've yet to find someone who's willing to put the effort in with me that i expect in return. I find regardless of gender, in this age of dating, both sexes like to play games, go from hot to cold and are generally quite immature and disrespectful in terms of telling eachother how they truely feel and what they want, they just want to see what's out there, are easily distracted and most have backup options or are dating more then one person at a time. it's a game, you've just got to learn how to play it.
dobielover Posted January 25, 2016 Posted January 25, 2016 Leaning forward (proverbially) is chasing. Contacting him is chasing. Obvious attempts to remind him of your existence by reaching out to him is chasing. It's not just the outright asking him out, it's this leaning forward, peacocking, masculine behavior as well.
Author Piddle Posted January 25, 2016 Author Posted January 25, 2016 I'm in my late 20 but I think without alcohol I become like a 12 year old girl emotionally! I think I act too cool which I chalk down to fear of rejection. I guess who likes rejection huh. I think I'm attractive. I'm smart, independent. Guys are always stopping by my desk at work, I have several male friends who at some point in the past or some of them currently will initiate dinners, calls, texts. For some of them I have since guessed this was romantic interest in retrospect because they stopped when they got girlfriends. Thing is when I'm in a situation I am SO convinced I'm showing TONS of interest. I'm just assuming I'm not because nothing ever comes out with it. A typical example of the type of thing that happens to me and me showing interest and then wondering why the guy did not make a move is this: a friend I really had feelings for a year back and I both arrange a casual dinner just the two of us as friends. I dress nicely because I want him to see me look petty. He says 'you look nice' In my head I'm thinking 'play it cool' so I say 'uh, thanks' in a blow off way, immediately change the subject and walk down the stairs of my apartment block ahead of him talking about some cr*p or the other (all to be totally cool and interested in an uninterested non desperate way). The evening went badly, he stopped talking to me after 15 minutes on some pretext of not agreeing with me on something, I am all the time thinking 'play it cool, otherwise he'll think you like him' This is the mindset I don't know how to get out of. So what if he knows I like him! In hindsight I'm guessing that my friend acted like a jerk because of something I did. At the time all I was thinking 'you fool, you dressed too nicely he thinks you're going to jump across the table and stick your tongue down him. He's acting all weird so you get the hint that he does NOT find you attractive. Also you called him two weeks ago for a chat, I mean you may as well have propose marriage or something. He clearly only likes you as a friend' And that thought process probably made me act even more 'cool' and casual to save some of my dignity which I perceived to have lost! See what I mean? I made all that up in my head, probably ruined a good thing all because I thought dressing nicely means chasing.
Oregon_Dude Posted January 25, 2016 Posted January 25, 2016 1. Showing interest = sending him a text wishing him a nice day 2. Chasing = double texting (meaning, continuing to text even if you haven't received a response) Do not do 2. 1
Author Piddle Posted January 25, 2016 Author Posted January 25, 2016 Leaning forward (proverbially) is chasing. Contacting him is chasing. Obvious attempts to remind him of your existence by reaching out to him is chasing. It's not just the outright asking him out, it's this leaning forward, peacocking, masculine behavior as well. If all that is chasing, how do you indicate interest? If a guy calls you say three times every couple of days, then you don't hear from him for a week so you call him the 4th time, is that chasing or just indicating interest? I mean the guy could have got tired of calling you and thought you were low interest so decided not to call a 4th time?
dobielover Posted January 25, 2016 Posted January 25, 2016 If all that is chasing, how do you indicate interest? If a guy calls you say three times every couple of days, then you don't hear from him for a week so you call him the 4th time, is that chasing or just indicating interest? I mean the guy could have got tired of calling you and thought you were low interest so decided not to call a 4th time? That's reciprocating, that's not chasing.
carhill Posted January 25, 2016 Posted January 25, 2016 Ask someone on a date - showing interest Pursuing them after they've said no - chasing Sure, one can choose to not take no for any answer and label it persistence. I guess that sounds more positive than chasing. 1
iphone_user1 Posted January 26, 2016 Posted January 26, 2016 Chasing involves showing interest, it's one with the other. Maye you're trying not to look desperate, that's a different thing, and you will look desperate if you focus more on him/her than yourself.
thecrucible Posted January 26, 2016 Posted January 26, 2016 For me this is tough one because I often go the wrong way of not showing enough interest so I'm having to learn to make it more obvious when I do actually like someone. Contrary to what I initially thought, I don't think it really matters whether the woman does the initiating or not if the guy genuinely likes her. There is obviously always a limit though. So the way I see it is I will reciprocate his interest and I will initiate communication but I won't above and beyond what he is doing. I will use my intuition to figure whether an action would come across as "chasing". 1
katiegrl Posted January 26, 2016 Posted January 26, 2016 (edited) To me chasing implies the other person is "running away from you" (aka not interested).. and you continue to chase them (ask them out) in order to catch them (get them to go out with you). Showing interest is equal participation in the development of the relationship.... initiating (50/50), responding, reciprocating. If you are not dating yet and you want to show him you are interested, you smile, say hi, and stay open to his advances and remain happy and positive. If you want to casually ask him out for a quick bite to eat or for coffee...that is showing interest too, NOT chasing. Chasing would be, if you asked him and he said no, and you kept asking. JMO Edited January 26, 2016 by katiegrl
smudge21 Posted January 26, 2016 Posted January 26, 2016 Good to know women go through the exact same stuff as men do when this game starts. I agree with the rest that there's no true sure fire way to know how to react to someone, especially a new someone. You just have to be honest with yourself and decide to show interest or not and to what level. I know I tend to show too much interest when I really like someone and I can look back and see that I pushed them away, whereas if I'd played it cooler, allowed them time to think about me, even miss me, then maybe things might've worked out better. However, I also firmly believe that if two people want to be with each other, they will be. So if one party walks away, then deep down, it was never that important to them and shows that any relationship probably wouldn't have worked. If one person has to do all the work, then it's not really stable ground for a relationship. I also think we all love to have our ego stroked from time to time, and nothing does that better than having someone want us. But there has to be a cut off point, a moment where the interest becomes too chase like, venturing into stalking. I reckon if the person you're interested in fails to return that interest (doesn't respond to messages, cancels dates etc) then you need to back away. Wish I could be more helpful, but I can look back at many times I've either been over keen or not shown interest. You can never know what another person is thinking or feeling, so you can only go by what you think or feel. If it all goes wrong, then move on to the next opportunity and don't take it personally. After all, if they wanted you, then they're more than capable of showing the same level of interest as you do. 1
WaitingForBardot Posted January 26, 2016 Posted January 26, 2016 It's pretty simple really: If I like you it's showing interest, if I don't you're chasing. 1
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