Apparition Posted January 25, 2016 Posted January 25, 2016 It's been a while since I posted, and there has been a lot of change in my life recently but I'll start with the reason I'm back. My ex and I did not really speak for a short while until one day we started being polite to one another and then a couple days later, we started naturally talking again. Things were really good! We got so close we ended up having two months full of intimacy, we had sex (TMI, I know) and things were looking up. We were testing out the water before we officially got back together and then one day, yesterday, actually, we had a very small disagreement which lead to her saying she isn't so sure anymore. I feel like she is extreme with her decisions and very final, but I see it as a defense mechanism. However, if I did this to a woman and me being the guy, we just literally not long ago had sex and I decided I do not want to speak to her anymore, people would say I used her etc. I said this to her and she got offended, she said she wasn't using me but she doesn't want to "hurt" and go back to having arguments. Before all this I was in therapy trying to come to terms with the relationship ending for good. And then we got close and now this. It's a real headf*ck for me. I do not know what is going on. I've posted about this before and she was raped which is why she ended things with me before but she has been getting help for it and it was a big step for her to have sex with me, it's been two years since it happened to her, so I have no idea if her having sex with me has put her off or what. All I know is is that she feels hurt over a very small disagreement we had and it was so stupid that I apologized for it and told her she was right.
Author Apparition Posted January 25, 2016 Author Posted January 25, 2016 No one have any words of wisdom ?
JDam Posted January 26, 2016 Posted January 26, 2016 Hi, I read your posts from October in which you said you were suspicious she was lying to you about the rape. If I understand that correctly, you broke up because she was raped while in the relationship with you? Then you were suspicious and told her you think she is lying and she got angry, but afterwards you got close and were intimate anyway? Am I saying that correctly? Well, since the argument took place just yesterday and she only said she "isnt sure" it does not sound very definite to me. I would probably wait for a week, give her some time and space, and then get in touch. A friend of mine recently broke up with her boyfriend for like a 100th time. And she did sound very determined that it truly is over for her. Later during the day when he came over to her apartment they had a talk. It was probably a lot different than the previous talks and break ups, But she decided to give him another chance. Yet she sounded pretty certain they would not get together a few hours before that. I would give it some time and see what happens.
Author Apparition Posted January 26, 2016 Author Posted January 26, 2016 JDam, yes I thought she lied about the rape but I can say now that was probably my bad judgement and cloud of anger, distress, emotional turmoil deciding that for me and I had a talk with her about that. A full day, actually, we spoke about it and I apologized. I agreed to see a therapist and so did she. I've been working on myself as a person and made HUGE changes. I see what you're saying, though. But I honestly believe she won't come back. I haven't been angry towards her for her decision, I reacted very differently compared to what I normally would do. I even threw myself at her thinking it would make the situation light because I honestly believe she exaggerated this. The disagreement, I mean. Honestly, it was so dumb.
mightycpa Posted January 26, 2016 Posted January 26, 2016 I'm just going to guess that this event threw a great big monkey wrench into your relationship. Aside from each of you not really knowing how to deal with it, which really sort of exposed where you weren't right for each other, I think this is also like the death of a close relative. It changes you (in this case, her) and she starts thinking about things differently almost overnight. This ****s up the relationship, and you were probably incapable of making the same kind of change, leaving you both at least somewhat incompatible with each other. I think you can probably see this as bad luck having intervened in your relationship and destroyed it. It's not unlikely that there would have been no good way for you to react, because she just changed. And who can blame her? I think you have to resign yourself to losing this one.
Author Apparition Posted January 26, 2016 Author Posted January 26, 2016 Mightycpa, she has said all this stuff before and worse to me a couple times over the past four years. We went a full month without speaking before and she came back. I don't think she's changed, I just think she's changed how she views things because of what happened to her. A couple months ago I did resign myself to losing this one, and then she came onto me when we spoke. She was the first one to make the move, the first one to suggest having sex. And we did, more than once. What I really do not want to do is go through that same kind of pain, grieving a loss, when she comes back again into my life. So I will do what the other person said and give her a week, if she doesn't contact me within a week I will start my grieving process again.
mightycpa Posted January 26, 2016 Posted January 26, 2016 Then you have to be strong enough to kick her back to the curb when/if she comes sniffing around again. Easier said than done.
Author Apparition Posted January 26, 2016 Author Posted January 26, 2016 Thanks, Mightycpa. I'm just trying to be strong enough right now to take care of myself. I normally go into a depressive mode and don't eat or sleep, so I'm trying to do the opposite now.
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