WhirlwindGuy Posted January 25, 2016 Posted January 25, 2016 I spent a weekend out of town this weekend with my girlfriend. She had to work and I traveled with her and got us a room and we hung out when she was done Saturday and Sunday night. Last night we had got checked in to our hotel and I had to run out to the car to get something else. I came back up and my phone was moved and plugged in. She was fiddling with something over on the night stand when I walked in, quickly dropped it and hugged me, then went to shower. I noticed when I got my phone that it had been open to my texts between my ex wife and I. There was nothing there, just talk about my son, and random business stuff. What this tells me though was that my girlfriend felt it necessary to go read through it though. I get it, I think. She has never dated anyone that has been married / divorced. It worries her, she has told me before. She worries that I will rekindle things there, or my ex will flip out and stalk her or something. I have told her numerous times that I am absolutely not interested in my ex, and my ex is a pretty sane woman and isn't going to flip out. Looks like she felt the need to double check. Im not upset with her, I don't have anything to hide and am being perfectly honest with her, and I intend to be. I didn't confront her about it either, but I wonder if I should? I wonder if I should talk to her about trusting me and if she has any questions to just ask me. I honestly kind of find it endearing, if anything; like she is getting serious enough to want to make sure she is not making mistakes. She has access to my iphone (fingerprint thing), mostly because when we are driving she likes to change the music a lot. I don't care at all, I trust her, and like I said, I am not hiding anything anyway. What do you think? What would you do? Get mad? Confront? let it go?
Gaeta Posted January 25, 2016 Posted January 25, 2016 Do you know where this lack of trust comes from? Is it because you are only recently divorced that she fears you will patch things up with your ex?
lilmissjava Posted January 25, 2016 Posted January 25, 2016 It looks like the issue is hers and hers alone. She may have had trust issues that have impacted previous relationships she has had. Or she could simply be just nosy.
jen1447 Posted January 25, 2016 Posted January 25, 2016 I'd discuss it. (Don't get mad and don't confront.) Just calmly tell her what you found the other night, reassure her she has nothing to worry about, tell her she doesn't have to 'sneak' your texts and she can just read them anytime, and then give her an opportunity to share any concerns and hear her out on them and work together to address them. Keeping it to yourself will just foster this idea of diverging motives or agendas and 'schemes.' Not good for a relationship. 1
Author WhirlwindGuy Posted January 25, 2016 Author Posted January 25, 2016 (edited) Gaeta, She has very limited dating experience for one, and she has never dated someone divorced before. She had told me from the beginning that she was reluctant to even give me a chance because she worried about that kind of baggage. She is now glad she did, but I know in her mind it probably still plants a seed of doubt about what that may mean. I know I am done with my ex wife completely, I rarely even think about her and I am very in love with the GF. Not an issue for me at all, but I understand where GFs concern may be. Jen, I totally agree with you. This is kind of what I was thinking too and wanted to get second opinions. Edited January 25, 2016 by WhirlwindGuy
Gaeta Posted January 25, 2016 Posted January 25, 2016 Gaeta, She has very limited dating experience for one, and she has never dated someone divorced before. She had told me from the beginning that she was reluctant to even give me a chance because she worried about that kind of baggage. She is now glad she did, but I know in her mind it probably still plants a seed of doubt about what that may mean. I know I am done with my ex wife completely, I rarely even think about her and I am very in love with the GF. Not an issue for me at all, but I understand where GFs concern may be. But you did not answer my question. How long ago have you left your ex? Are you officially divorced? I know you are done with your marriage but if I put myself in your girlfriend's shoes and lets say you are just coming out of a marriage, you can tell me over and over again you are done with your ex wife, I will still be afraid it's temporary. Especially if the divorce is not final.
Maggie4 Posted January 25, 2016 Posted January 25, 2016 I would let it go. And in the future, I'd leave the phone out so as to make it more snoop-friendly.
Author WhirlwindGuy Posted January 25, 2016 Author Posted January 25, 2016 But you did not answer my question. How long ago have you left your ex? Are you officially divorced? I know you are done with your marriage but if I put myself in your girlfriend's shoes and lets say you are just coming out of a marriage, you can tell me over and over again you are done with your ex wife, I will still be afraid it's temporary. Especially if the divorce is not final. Yes, divorce is final, going on about a year overall since separation, probably 5 years or more since we were both officially done.
Gaeta Posted January 25, 2016 Posted January 25, 2016 Based on the fact you have a good relationship so far. Based on the fact you give her access to your phone and don't feel your privacy invaded. I would let it go for now and continue building trust toward each other. It's probably curiosity more than distrust that got her to look in your phone. I would not make an issue out of it for just this one time. 1
Recommended Posts