not_myself Posted June 7, 2005 Posted June 7, 2005 I have been reading on here for a while and have finally decided to post - I met a man over 2 years ago that I was with officially for about 1.5 years. Everything was cool at the beginning. We were pretty excited to have found each other. However I soon discovered he had certain issues – moodiness, lack of career ambition (he was unemployed for about 5 months of our time together) drinking too much, ‘smoking’ too much – and I knew he was not the one for me ( I am an ‘over-achiever’), but continued the relationship b/c 1) I really did care about him and love him 2) I liked the companionship. I broke up with him about 10 times over whatever – whenever he failed to live up to my expectations. I always was on the look out for the ‘better’ guy, went on some dates, cheated…but always stayed with him. after a while we were not a ‘couple’, but still spent time and talked. He got a great job and put all his energy into it – and finally ended what we were doing b/c it was negatively effecting him. This was this 8 months ago. I was very upset – I have never been broken up with before and it was painful. I knew we weren’t the perfect match, but my feelings were strong and I thought we could work it out. I did start to move on – but we kept in some contact. We had a few nights where we saw each other and were all over each other – only to have things go back distant. I came to a comfortable place with it, dated some – went out, focused on my job. I had a business thing that took me to CA and had an extra paid ticket so asked him if he wanted to go – I knew he was stressed and needed a break. I stayed over a few nights before we left, but no sex. A couple weeks before the trip – an old flame called to say he would be in Maine w/ his folks and would I like to come up? I did b/c we are still good friends and had no expectations from this trip with the ex. Well, he found out I was up there with this other guy and flipped out – calling me 30 times, leaving texts like: ‘I still love you, I am crazy about you, why are you doing this?’ etc. when we talked he said he thought this trip meant we were getting closer again and he felt foolish. I felt bad – and then started to develop my own expectations about us. So we go out there and have a good time together – fight some, but also have a nice time. We have a little talk about ‘us’ out there and he says he ‘can’t’ be in a relationship with me, but on the plane on the way home he is holding my hand and kissing my forehead. He calls the night we are back to say what a great time he had. I am trying not to contact him – I have told him on several occasions since our initial break up that I love him and want to try again…but he says no. So I don’t hear from him for a while – then find out through a mutual friend that he has met a woman on a business trip and is going to see her again on an upcoming trip. I flip of course – am going to a show that night, so drink quite a lot – and then see him at the show. We have a little talk but I cant mention what I know – I told him I was angry he said all those things to me to make me think we might have another chance – he says he does love me but, again, CANT be in a relationship with me. We talk once more after that and pass some emails – he says he wants to maintain some relationship – but can’t do THE relationship. So what gives? In my last email to him a week ago I told him I needed to be away from him to move on and we haven’t had contact since – I feel unresolved and confused, Any idea what is going on here?
tanbark813 Posted June 7, 2005 Posted June 7, 2005 He says he can't be in a relationship with you because you hurt him too much. Don't take the next guy for granted.
Author not_myself Posted June 7, 2005 Author Posted June 7, 2005 yeah - I have kinda already learned that. But i put up with alot as well - it wasn't completely one-sided. Still, maybe we were just too volatile as a couple - but then why do i want to go back to it?
tanbark813 Posted June 7, 2005 Posted June 7, 2005 Originally posted by not_myself yeah - I have kinda already learned that. But i put up with alot as well - it wasn't completely one-sided. Still, maybe we were just too volatile as a couple - but then why do i want to go back to it? I have no idea. It seems pretty obvious that there's nothing left to salvage.
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