What does this mean?

[Davidjo]

Okay so I'm getting a little serious with this girl I've been dating for around 7 months. And as I have now made her my serious girlfriend I feel that there are somethings that we need to do to ensure that there is respect in the relationship.

 

Firstly she had a couple of photos she put up on her social media page from her old modelling days from before we were together. There is no nudity or anything in the photos, however they do provoke sexual thoughts for who ever might see them. Now I feel that if she is going to be my serious partner her having photos like that online is disrespectful to me as her man and there are things that only I should see behind closed doors in the bedroom.

 

So I told her this and asked her to take them down. Weeks passed by and she still hadn't removed them, so I brought it up again and detected that she was lying to me about her reasoning for not removing them.

 

She said that she hadn't been able to log into her account, as she'd forgotten her password 3 years ago, but when I looked at some of her other photos relating to that same social media account I noticed that she had posted some photos around 12 months ago.

 

She could tell that I could see that she was lying to me but I just let it go for now. I just want to point out that I'm not the overly possessive type and I am very laid back person, but this is making me lose trust for her and has seriously got me questioning weather or not I should continue moving forward.

 

The second thing was that I asked her to unfriend and cut off all communication with every other guy she has previously dated or anyone who she knows likes her that she is friends with on all of her social media platforms. She said she would but she still hasn't done this yet.

 

I have cut off all of the other girls I had around me since I've been dating her so I feel she should have no contact with any other guys too!

 

I don't want to force her to do anything she really does not feel comfortable doing, but at the same time I am a man with respect and honour. All I want is honesty, I'm too old for games and flirting whilst in a relationship. I feel ready to find my wife and settle down.

 

Should I just walk away or am I missing an angle here and being too harsh?

 

But the bottom line is that my serious girlfriend shouldn't have contact with any of her ex's or guys who she knows likes her PERIOD! And I'm firm on that. I really like her, she seems in love with me too, so what do I do?

 

It's hard talking to someone who chooses to lie to you in your face

Edited January 25, 2016 by Davidjo

[PegNosePete]

But the bottom line is that my serious girlfriend shouldn't have contact with any of her ex's

Why not? I have a friend who is best mates with his ex and her husband and their 2 kids.

 

It's hard talking to someone who chooses to lie to you in your face

Yes, she should not lie to you. Instead, she should tell you that you're being ridiculous and that she will not end a friendship or remove her pics because of your insecurities.

[Eaglescout88]

Hello, I am truly sorry that you are in the situation you are in. I am really glad that you are thinking very seriously about marriage as I have been married to my wife for nine years and have loved every moment of it! We both gave up looking for other people once we began preparing for marriage even before we met one another. For some people this can be a very scary process for fear of giving up all other prospects for this one person when there is a chance that it may not work out. Based on the actions of your girlfriend, do you think that she is ready for marriage? Kind regards, Kevin

[The D Train]

I think you need to pick your battles. You sound similar to me and my first real serious gf. I was young and immature (college years). I had been dumped a couple times before her for other guys and had some insecurity issues.

 

 

I would get upset at my gf with dressing too revealing, talking to guys, having photos of GQ models up in her dorm room. Again I was insecure. We had a very special relationship 99% of the time but all my insecurities grinded on her over time and led to her pushing me away. I lost a great girl.

[Anderlie]

The second thing was that I asked her to unfriend and cut off all communication with every other guy she has previously dated or anyone who she knows likes her that she is friends with on all of her social media platforms. She said she would but she still hasn't done this yet.

 

You sound incredibly insecure and controlling. If she wanted to be with any of those people she would be already. You don't get to cloister a person away, monitor every interaction they have and demand they only talk to people of whom you approve. If you can't handle it then walk away.

[Davidjo]

Hello, I am truly sorry that you are in the situation you are in. I am really glad that you are thinking very seriously about marriage as I have been married to my wife for nine years and have loved every moment of it! We both gave up looking for other people once we began preparing for marriage even before we met one another. For some people this can be a very scary process for fear of giving up all other prospects for this one person when there is a chance that it may not work out. Based on the actions of your girlfriend, do you think that she is ready for marriage? Kind regards, Kevin

 

Hey Kevin, thanks for your response.

 

She is the one who keeps telling me that she wants to settle down with me and mentions it all of the time

[Davidjo]

I think you need to pick your battles. You sound similar to me and my first real serious gf. I was young and immature (college years). I had been dumped a couple times before her for other guys and had some insecurity issues.

 

 

I would get upset at my gf with dressing too revealing, talking to guys, having photos of GQ models up in her dorm room. Again I was insecure. We had a very special relationship 99% of the time but all my insecurities grinded on her over time and led to her pushing me away. I lost a great girl.

 

It's not that I feel insecure, it's more about the respect values in the relationship. I just feel that there should be no reason for her to have any contact links with previous guys who she may have had something with.

 

And I just feel that if your woman doesn't respect you, you can't have a relationship.

 

Thanks for your response

[Davidjo]

You sound incredibly insecure and controlling. If she wanted to be with any of those people she would be already. You don't get to cloister a person away, monitor every interaction they have and demand they only talk to people of whom you approve. If you can't handle it then walk away.

 

Like I say it's not about being insecure it's about respect. I'm not controlling she knows that, but I do have conditions and those are them. What reason , if not to keep a door open to other guys could she possibly have to not want to unfriend all of her ex's and guys who have interest in her?

 

I would walk away from her if she doesn't respect or value me enough to put me first in the same way I put her first. However I just wanted to hear your perspectives first to ensure I'm not missing something or being too harsh.