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Should I remain friends with a woman I was seeing but now now sending mixed messages?


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Posted

I was dating a girl I met at uni for 2 months and for the last two months, we've stopped hanging out because she has issues from her last relationship and 'isn't ready' and I know this because she sometimes name-drops her ex (who she hates) in conversation.

She's really confusing me because one week she'll talk to me and flirt, call me handsome, etc and then the next she'll be really busy and will seem indifferent to me like I'm friend-zoned.

 

We don't really kiss or hold hands anymore, I usually initiate it but I can tell she doesn't really want to. The other night we met at a bar and both a bit drunk and she said that she came because she knew I'd be there and kissed me, saying that we 'get on' and that she 'doesn't know what she's doing right now', we ended up sleeping together (usually once a month after a night out).

The previous week, we went on a date and she seemed keen and this week I tried setting up another date and her excuse was 'I'm really busy this week but I'll let you know' which I think may be BS. I'm in love with her but her actions tell me she doesn't really feel sure cause she doesn't make an effort to hang out with me anymore but she sometimes says things that make me think she likes me.

I thought being friends would help us grow stronger.

Do you think telling her I'm cutting contact will make her realise what she had with me or will staying in her life help it to grow between us? Its like we're only friends but there's something more there... and I'm not getting anywhere at the moment!

Posted

What do you mean, what she had with you?

 

I don't think she has anything with you. She regards you as nothing more than FWB. She's happy to hang out and sleep with you but doesn't seem to want any more than that.

 

If you have feelings then you could try talking to her about taking the relationship more seriously -- but I think she will say she wants to keep it casual. If you can't keep it casual because you have feelings then it would make sense to cut it off otherwise you'll get (more) hurt.

Posted

Never do something for a reaction, do it for you. If you want to walk away, do so with the idea that you are indeed walking away. If you love her and can't be friends, then yes, walk away. If you can handle just being her friend, letting her sort her life out in the meantime, then do it. But do bare in mind that a lot of the time, people who are not sure, usually end up being sure with someone else. Can you honestly handle being her friend then finding out she's with someone else?

 

 

Do what is right for you, not what you hope is right for them.

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