Feel I'm in limbo since discovery...

[Darren Steez]

I think the thing people are missing is what she wrote in the diary.

 

OP knows his wife, not only does he have to reconcile the cheating but he knows how she felt about it. I doubt I could ever unread that.

 

Give her the hook. Actions have consequences.

[Whoknew30]

Hysterical bonding resulting in wild sex? We shall see about that! I would rather slip my old man through a butchers letter box!

 

I've thought a lot this afternoon and am going to tell her it's over.

Marital vows obviously mean nothing to her. She stood before me and promised "Love, Fidelity and Marital Honesty" - and within ONE YEAR she trashed all three promises!!!

 

Was she considering me when she was getting dirty with this guy? Smiling at him as they did it? Looking at him lustfully and going wild with desire while I was probably in the kitchen drying dishes!

That's not Love and it's not respect!

Fu*k her

 

 

It sounds like she wasn't ready to get married (at the time) & that she never had her "wild time. I was married young but my H & I had our wild times together, so I didn't feel that way but I know a lot of women that have.

 

This is not a defense! It was wrong & you have every right to be hurt, it's just sad for a marriage to be over bc she made one mistake (going by what you posted there wasn't any other discrepancies). She hurt you & she made a bad choice & she needs to have her consequence (& that may be divorce) though I'd this was 5 years ago & she truly is remorseful maybe you should go to therapy & just try it out before making any set decisions. Just for your own piece of mind.

 

Good luck to you

[badkarma2013]

Her ONLY regret is that she was caught. Before she was caught she was very happy with her decision and would have done it all over again. No guilt whatsoever. It was a guilty pleasure she could relive from time to time.[she would have taken it to her grave. I can see her now at 80 in her rocking chair with a smile on her face.

 

NEVER confuse Forgiveness with Reconciliation...For they are Not the same thing..!! Badkarma2013

[Jersey born raised]

First how you handle yourself going forward will define you, not her in anyway. In all cases of adultery, regardless of the issues, it is the wayward spouse not the betrayed spouse.

 

Some additional info:

 

Why on earth would you not delete that entry ?

 

Yes she wrote how great it was and it was a one and done, but did she every write anything about how it might effect you.

 

Is this a case of Madonna/whore complex on both your parts?

 

Begin the 180 stop communicating with her about this and what the future holds. If she tries to touch you, step back and politely ask her to respect your personal space.

 

Take time to decide what you want to do, plan it in detail, then inform her.

[T-16bullseyeWompRat]

Oh man, I would give the boot for this reason. A ons found out about is one thing I believe I would possibly be able to reconcile.

 

It's the diary that I couldn't forgive about it. You can't unread that, the words will forever be etched in your memory. But the biggest problem I have is she wanted them to be etched in her memory. She wrote everything in minute detail so that she could never forget it. Even revisit and reread it to herself whenever she felt like reliving that moment. That means it meant way more to her then a stupid ONS that she is trying to let on now. She wanted to be able to look back on that moment with fondness at any time.

 

As he said he could have been home drying dishes while she did the act. Well he could be in the next room drying dishes while she is reliving and rereading her moment of lust in the next room. She could have already done it. Why else do you keep something like that around?

 

Also the fact that this was planned out. With an escort no less. Oh man, I couldn't get past this one, no way.

 

Sorry you are going through all this. I agree take some time apart and sort your feelings. But also go see a lawyer asap for legal advice while sorting your personal feelings with all this. It's important to protect yourself. Sometimes people do Ill advised things legally speaking when their emotions are all charged up.

 

Google search "infidelity 180" and read up on some tips to help you through this.

 

GL

[T-16bullseyeWompRat]

Another thing. You said she never mentioned any other ONS's in her diary, but did she ever express any guilt after her ONS? Did she ever write anything that shows she was sorry and felt guilty, or was it business as usual after the ONS? This would also be important for me, possibly the only thing that could save her from divorce in this situation is if there were pages of regret and disgust at her actions.

[LivingWaterPlease]

You're very fortunate you don't have children with her.

 

From what you've written it seems to me your wife is a very troubled woman.

 

It's hard for me to fathom a woman who has only ever been with her husband, a man she loves, approaching a complete stranger and arranging to pay him for sex.

 

Then to write about it as if it was a treasured experience, seems doubly odd to me.

 

From what I've seen over the years women who cheat early on and easily in a marriage often do it repeatedly throughout the years.

 

At the very least your wife must experience consequences of some serious sort for this type behavior.

 

I believe if you should decide to stay with her, unless she has some very great changes in her mind and heart, she may do something similar again. I also believe if she does have changes within to become a better person you'll notice it in other areas of her life.

 

Something is wrong with her to have done this.

[Bryanp]

He was a male prostitute and she had unprotected sex with him. She does not tell you and subsequently has sex with you putting your health in an enormous risk for STD's. HE IS A MALE PROSTITUTE STRIPPER. This clearly crosses the line in every way. Time to contact an attorney to understand your options.

 

It sounds like she was crying because she got caught and did not wish to lose her standard of living with you. What a piece of work. Absolutely Outrageous.

[happyman64]

Patience Ogre. Patience.

 

Your wife was selfish once and very stupid.

 

I understand your desire to have her hit the road and end the marriage.

 

Why not speak to a lawyer first.

 

Then mull over the pros and cons of divorcing your wife.

 

Why not also consider consequences for her bad decisions.

 

Separation.

Maybe having her served? Than can be a real attention getter.

 

No matter what you have all the time to make a decision.

 

First explore if her infidelity is a deal breaker for you.

 

Then decide how to move forward from there.

 

HM

[Poutrew]

Sorry, your wife is a sociopath. She calmly arranged to get her rocks off with a male prostitute. She paid him for sex acts just like she was shopping for a new purse at Wal Mart. She paid him the prearranged fee. This shows intelligent, well thought out premeditation. It was no spur of the moment thing. Then it is back to business as usual with you. She has not one ounce of guilt. She has absolutely no problem keeping this secret from you for life, with a skip in her step and a smile on her face. Vicious ugly.

 

Another thing to consider is what else she has done that you will never know about because there is no written record anywhere. She has no problems keeping things from you, remember that. This is who your wifey really is - there is absolutely no way you could ever trust her in any arena of life, not just sexing it up with male prostitutes. Suppose she next has an urge to screw with a female prostitute? You will never know... Lying, cheating, stealing, or worse all mean nothing to such a person. They are all just actions to be experienced. You are just the schmo who will naively lover her up when she gets home from her next adventure...

 

I could never tolerate living even one second with such a damaged soul. It would destroy my self worth... the only thing I would be curious to know is why she drank the male whore's semen and not my own? Did it taste better? Was there more of it?

 

Sorry to say it, but your wife is the kind of female who I'd imagine in Farmer McDonalds pasture late at night fornicating with the horses. She'd probably relish the experience and have no guilt over it...Dump her while you are still healthy!

Seriously, this is the most repulsive story I've read here in a long time

[Mr. Lucky]

I've thought a lot this afternoon and am going to tell her it's over.

Marital vows obviously mean nothing to her. She stood before me and promised "Love, Fidelity and Marital Honesty" - and within ONE YEAR she trashed all three promises!!!

 

I'd be tempted to divorce her and then offer her a very specific path to reconciliation and potential remarriage. This way, I'd be sure she understood the consequences of what she's done and the difficult road ahead...

 

Mr. Lucky

[SincereOnlineGuy]

Background; have been married to my wife for 5 years. Always thought we had a great relationship and am the type of guy who would have bet a million that his wife would never do anything against him.

Last week I was formatting my laptop and needed a pen drive to store my files on so I just unplugged my wifes from her laptop and used that.

I admit I was a bit nosy and couldn't resist a peek at her files. Normal stuff; photos of our holidays, kitchen designs she likes, some music files, her CV etc. But also a file marked "Diary" and again I couldn't resist a peek.

It was diary from 2010 until 2013. I read/skimmed through a lot of it but in July 2012 (a year after we got married) she went to a hen party with some friends and it seems there was a male stripper there.

According to the diary the guy was totally gorgeous and had an amazing body. Now I'm not that out-of-shape myself but I'm certainly no gym addict.

First it really upset me that she wrote these details because she isn't the type to comment other guys, at least not in my presence.

She writes that she spoke to the guy when he was leaving after and asked him if he offered private dances. He told her that he worked as an male escort, gave her his number and 2 days later she met him at a hotel for a 1 hour "outcall".

The diary is very detailed about what took place and she is very vivid about how excited and aroused he got her. And she actually PAID for it!!!

I confronted her about it at the weekend and she cried hysterically and apologised.

she has told me that she was just weak and gave into a temptation. She said she felt she needed to get it out of her system because I'm the only guy she's ever been with and that it was just a way of living the "stud" fantasy once.

She assures me that all desires for "something else" are now gone and that after this incident she wanted to devote the rest of her life to our union.

 

I don't know if I can forgive though. Her words are convincing but in that diary, where every thing they did was described so minutely there was NO sense of regret. Not only that, but she did things with him that she NEVER does with me. Like letting him finish in her mouth during oral. That is just eating me inside!!!! She claims she just wanted to be able to act completely shameless for 1 hour of her life. But WHY with a stranger and not the man she loves????

In a way I'm relieved that no feelings were involved and that I'm not losing her to someone. It seems it was purely a sexual desire.

Still hurts like hell though

 

 

 

Psychologically, you may be typing here, hoping that we'll all see it your way, and urge you to break up with her... and while the woman was very much in the wrong for doing what she did, I still suggest that your life, and your future are likely to be better off with her in it, and with you continuing the shared emotional foundation and investments you've made with one another.

 

That just doesn't sound like the typical, deceitful person that we see posted about here at LS.

 

 

The fact that she'd never before been with anyone but you further suggests that her perspective (was nowhere near what it is now)... which does NOT excuse what she did...

 

 

It's just... if you kill babies, or beat little old ladies, then we as a society just gather around and hope you get yours, in the end...

 

 

BUT IN THIS CASE... you're the one posting here... ostensibly with what's best for YOU, as the ideal...

 

 

and this time it just might beeeeeeeeeee your staying with that wife of yours for the long haul.

 

(though you surely now have some leverage to arrange a one-time thing for yourself... and while hopefully you are not too eager to do that, perhaps such an exercise would bring you back to equal footing, and a shared base camp from which you can once again share the goal of reaching the emotional summit together. )

 

 

 

Don't give up just yet...

[OgreBattle73]

Ok developments this afternoon folks.

She got home from work at 5pm. I told her we needed to discuss stuff...

Basically I wanted to know how she could, with forethought, planning and 100% willingness, arrange and execute this 'fling'. I asked her if her marriage to me didn't give her any pause for thought before she acted.

 

I asked her what was happening in her brain during this encounter. If logic and reason had totally abandoned her or whether she was acting with total cognizance of her actions.

 

I asked for intimate details and most importantly I asked for 100% honesty.

I told her not to shield me from cutting facts, if facts they be.

 

Well the most hurtful revelation was that there actually was ANOTHER situation with another "escort" a few weeks after the first. I'll get to that in time though.

 

She told me that seeing a stripper at the party was a first time experience for her and that her reaction to it shocked her. Apparently the other girls were all laughing, whooping and giggling but that she felt an unbelievably intense arousal. She says she even had to go to the bathroom to deal with her wetness.

 

She told me that she asked about a private dance because she wanted to masturbate while she watched him. She also claims that this was her sole intention while arranging the meeting at the hotel, that she was simply going to pleasure herself while he stripped but that the situation in reality was too much and she just lost control.

 

Did she think about me or our marriage at all duringthat time?

No. It all felt like a blur and it was over before she realised.

 

Did she at least take off the beautiful wedding ring with which I pledged her my heart and soul?

No. She was stressed and forgot to remove it.

 

Did she achieve orgasm with him?

At first she "couldn't remember" but eventually admitted to climaxing 3 or 4 times, at least one of which was through penetration!

 

Did she swallow his sperm? "Cannot remember".

 

How many times did they have sex?

"Cannot remember".

 

Did they kiss with tongue? "Cannot remember" but eventually remembered and admitted that they did.

 

Needless to say these details make me sick but facts are facts and it's pointless to hide from them if they happened.

 

Then after a lot of probing and persistence she admitted to another twisted dalliance weeks later. She found an "escort" online and made the same arrangements. She even took the morning off work for it (!)

She says this time she ONLY touched herself and that the experience felt bad, the guy was apparently pretty sleazy looking and that she even wanted it to end early. After this she says she vowed never to do it again.

 

Well my head is pretty much flooded with even more confusion than before and I just feel totally exhausted. I have arranged a few days off work to clear my mind a little.

 

Don't know what to think or do...

 

This definitely isn't the woman I thought I married...

[Mind-Chants]

Ooooo.. This changes everything.

 

The fact that she enjoyed it is the reason why there was no remorse in her dairy write off.

 

I suspect she will trickle truth the whole thing. Just moved from one encounter to two. She can't be trusted. The worst I suspect is she must be having her mojo on a regular basis. Remorse and guilt are strong emotions. People need catharsis (stress release) for that. Dairy writing is one way. If she does regular dairy entry and never mentioned it, I guess there is no remorse component at all. She just compartmentalizes things.

 

Get STD tested first. Contact lawyer and protect ur assets first. Just don't make any emotion laced decisions irrespective of what facts emerge.

[Jersey born raised]

Having a hard wrapping my head around the idea of her hiring an escort. This really sounds like a Hollywood fantasy. How many posters know about this type of thing personally ?

[Poutrew]

You know, this post sounds like another one not so long ago, where the guy's wife started doing crazy stuff sexually, and had no remorse. Turns out she was in the later stages of a brain disease, kind of like Alzheimer's of the frontal cortex. It left her unable to control herself, and will eventually kill her. Check out the post by Very Broken Man...maybe if you decide to stay with her you should get her brain scanned for something similar...? From the way you describe her telling you the sordid details, it really sounds like there is a hole in her brain...

[RySant]

Yes, this changes everything unfortunately......

 

I feel so sorry for you, OgreBattle. Very few are true to their vows nowadays and I am just sad that you, of all people who can pledge their heart and soul to someone, could suffer this kind of fate.

 

Best wishes for you, bro and I hope you find the peace after all these.

[Miss Clavel]

this all started because neither one of you can keep your hands off things that do not belong to you.

 

that said, i was going to poast that she is not done. pity.

 

she took a leap, she loved the flying/falling.

 

what you have to ask her is if she is done. if she is not done, then let her know, she will no longer have a SAFE place to land. you.

 

she's gotta chose.

 

can she control the urge to leap? we all have it. we all think it thur. well those of us with character anyway.

 

she has a desire, coupled with an obsession. can she resist?

 

if she convinces you that she wants to resist, take her to a place that teaches people how to resist urges that are harmful.

 

 

ingesting other people's fluids is rock bottom.

 

 

good luck

[T-16bullseyeWompRat]

Oh hell no! This woman I can guarantee has been with more then those 2 prostitutes. I just don't see how you can reconcile. No effin way I say. Da B gotta go. She can go be whatever type of whore she chooses to be, just no longer on your dime. Go to a lawyer asap and figure out the cheapest way to get her out of your life for good.

[CarrieT]

She engaged the second stripper in hopes of recreating the enjoyable experience she had with the first stripey, so I don't believe for a minute she "doesn't remember" the specifics of what Ogre asked about. It just ended up that the second guy wasn't as exciting as the first.

 

As a woman, I can attest that it can be enjoyable to be dirty or slutty with a complete stranger - an act that is much harder to accomplish emotionally - with a loved one. That is where men's sexuality and women's sexuality often diverge. The OP might have enjoyed "play acting" such an encounter with his wife, but it takes a great deal of open and frank communication for those types of scenarios to happen. She essentially robbed Ogre of that possibility.

 

When she was initially turned on by the first stripper, that was her opportunity to come home and confess her arousal to her husband. Many (most?) husbands would have not appreciated hearing such a confession which is probably why she had to take it underground and act upon it.

[T-16bullseyeWompRat]

She engaged the second stripper in hopes of recreating the enjoyable experience she had with the first stripey, so I don't believe for a minute she "doesn't remember" the specifics of what Ogre asked about. It just ended up that the second guy wasn't as exciting as the first.

 

As a woman, I can attest that it can be enjoyable to be dirty or slutty with a complete stranger - an act that is much harder to accomplish emotionally - with a loved one. That is where men's sexuality and women's sexuality often diverge. The OP might have enjoyed "play acting" such an encounter with his wife, but it takes a great deal of open and frank communication for those types of scenarios to happen. She essentially robbed Ogre of that possibility.

 

When she was initially turned on by the first stripper, that was her opportunity to come home and confess her arousal to her husband. Many (most?) husbands would have not appreciated hearing such a confession which is probably why she had to take it underground and act upon it.

 

Oh totally excused then. Because she was afraid that her husband might be upset, she had to take it underground. I know that isn't what you are saying, but it kinda is. There isn't an excuse here at all.

 

OP she drank some dudes cum, then came home and kissed you on the mouth. If that isn't reason for divorce idk what is.

[Buckeye2]

For the sake of argument let’s take your wife at her word. She stopped because the second guy wasn’t as cute as the first. If he had been who knows how many repeat performances there would have been.

 

 

She had time to think about it after the first guy. Instead of being guilty and rededicating herself to your marriage she went looking for a second guy. She told herself that it would be OK because this time she would stick to her plan of only touching herself.

 

 

If the second guy was as gorgeous as the first would she have gotten carried away again? Notice that she didn’t write about her second time in her diary. That’s because she didn’t want to revel in that experience.

 

 

She didn’t stop because of guilt or because her love for you. She stopped because it wasn’t fun anymore. It’s all about her. Again, all of the above is only what she admitted to.

 

 

If you don't have kids RUN. If you do have kids think about running.

Edited January 26, 2016 by Buckeye2

[MJJean]

Having a hard wrapping my head around the idea of her hiring an escort. This really sounds like a Hollywood fantasy. How many posters know about this type of thing personally ?

 

*raises hand*

 

I know two women that have hired male escorts they met at bachelorette parties or GNO across the border in Windsor, Canada, which is the closest "d!ckie bar" to us. There is a 3rd woman who probably did it, but doesn't admit to it. She got crabs, we're pretty sure she got them from a VIP room moment with the stripper, but we don't know how far she went and she isn't telling.

 

There is also a well known "nail salon and day spa" within 40 minutes drive of my house that is staffed by a rotational cast of men who do "massage" in private rooms after the women get their nails done. For about $150, you get your nails done, a full body massage, and 45 minutes with whatever Studly Hungwell is on duty. Happy ending can mean manual, oral, or PIV. This place is so well known among women it's got to be the worst kept "secret" ever.

 

As far as guys? Yeesh. I know a few who are married, regularly go to the "tittie bar" and pay anywhere for $80-$300, depending on the stripper and the sex acts they want from her, for everything from oral only to full on sex with all the kinky bells and whistles.

[MJJean]

Oh totally excused then. Because she was afraid that her husband might be upset, she had to take it underground. I know that isn't what you are saying, but it kinda is. There isn't an excuse here at all.

 

OP she drank some dudes cum, then came home and kissed you on the mouth. If that isn't reason for divorce idk what is.

As far as I can remember, this guy and I don't usually agree. In this case, we do. That's saying something, OP!

 

For the sake of argument let’s take your wife at her word. She stopped because the second guy wasn’t as cute as the first. If he had been who knows how many repeat performances there would have been.

 

 

She had time to think about it after the first guy. Instead of being guilty and rededicating herself to your marriage she went looking for a second guy. She told herself that it would be OK because this time she would stick to her plan of only touching herself.

 

 

If the second guy was as gorgeous as the first would she have gotten carried away again? Notice that she didn’t write about her second time in her diary. That’s because she didn’t want to revel in that experience.

 

 

She didn’t stop because of guilt or because her love for you. She stopped because it wasn’t fun anymore. It’s all about her. Again, all of the above is only what she admitted to.

 

 

If you don't have kids RUN. If you do have kids think about running.

YES! YES! A thousand times, yes!

 

She was into guy #1. She'd seen him in person and was chemically, physically, attracted to him. So, she made the arrangements and enjoyed what she did.

 

It sounds like the 2nd guy was someone she hadn't met yet that she selected online or through his escort service. She found that, upon meeting him, she wasn't attracted to him and that made all the difference.

 

She didn't quit using escorts because she felt terrible about betraying her marriage. She stopped because it wasn't good for her with the 2nd guy and THAT is what turned her off to the practice.

 

Given that the 2nd guy wasn't in the diary and that she trickle truthed, I'm going with there is a good chance those 2 weren't the only 2. And even if they were the only 2, she has clearly demonstrated that she has no problem betraying her marital vows without remorse provided the guy she is betraying them with can turn her on.

[CarrieT]

Oh totally excused then. Because she was afraid that her husband might be upset, she had to take it underground. I know that isn't what you are saying, but it kinda is. There isn't an excuse here at all.

 

OP she drank some dudes cum, then came home and kissed you on the mouth. If that isn't reason for divorce idk what is.

 

I am not offering it as an excuse whatsoever. Have I suggested to Ogre that he forgive his wife?

 

I am just explaining her rationale to the OP and a "what-could-have-happened" scenario that might have saved their marriage. I am a believer, actually, that this ship has sailed on this one.