LoverOfDance Posted January 25, 2016 Posted January 25, 2016 (edited) So I have this guy friend who is in a long term relationship. I have feelings for him and told him about it a few years ago. We decided nothing would be done about the whole situation because he has a gf. So I moved on with my life and only see him once every few months. In a few months I will also be moving to another country so I won't be seeing him at all anymore. He is really touchy with me and other girls and this is something I've always wondered about. Every time I shake his hand to say bye, he caresses my hand. I find it a little uncomfortable to be honest because he has a gf. I've seen him caressing other girls too so it's not just me. Why do some guys do this? Could it be a cultural thing? I don't really get it to be honest. What do you guys think? Edited January 25, 2016 by LoverOfDance
Shining One Posted January 25, 2016 Posted January 25, 2016 Some people are just more touchy than others. It may be cultural or it may be personal preference. I have a friend that I don't touch because she doesn't like being touched (which drives her boyfriends crazy). I have another friend whose goodbye ritual includes a mutual ass-grab.
carhill Posted January 25, 2016 Posted January 25, 2016 Does he hug his male friends? Tend to be in people's personal space? Some folks are touchy-feely and it's not sexual rather a personal space style. They like being connected to people. However, if it's specific to gender and specific examples within, more likely he's a womanizer if the gender is female and attractive. As example, is he as affectionate with an elderly grandmother as a pretty young woman?
Author LoverOfDance Posted January 25, 2016 Author Posted January 25, 2016 @carhill He only says goodbye to girls like this. I have never seen him caressing any guy when saying goodbye. On two different occassions, a friend and I went to say goodbye to him after hanging out (two different friends/girls by the way), the way he caressed both girls all over was almost unbelievable. I remember standing there slightly uncomfortable. I didn't get it at all. I have never seen him hug/caress a man like that. I remember telling myself, "maybe it's a cultural thing". I just didn't understand it. That was the only explanation I could come up with. Why would someone act this way towards women when they have a gf? I should also mention that when he does these things, his gf is usually not far away. I don't know if she sees but she's usually around when he does stuff like this.
carhill Posted January 25, 2016 Posted January 25, 2016 Something to focus on: 1. Whatever his reasons or style is, it is what it is. Likely, he's not going to change. 2. Since you have feelings for him, one thing to examine in yourself is if this style of interaction is something you're comfortable with long-term? Yeah, I know he has a GF but relationships are transitory sometimes. Since this is on your mind, it's worth examining.
S_A Posted January 25, 2016 Posted January 25, 2016 He sounds like a creeper to me. Like, he may mean it as a flirtation, but he sounds like he gets touchy just for the sake of feeling other women.
Author LoverOfDance Posted January 25, 2016 Author Posted January 25, 2016 @carhill thanks for the reply. What do you mean by examining though? Do you mean I should ask him why he is so touchy?
Author LoverOfDance Posted January 25, 2016 Author Posted January 25, 2016 @S_A I thought about that too. That may be the case. I'm asking about this because I just can't help but wonder why he is touchy. Every time he caresses my hand, I withdraw it quickly but that still doesn't stop him from doing it again. I was wondering if there are other men who do this while in relationships, and even when their gfs are around. Is this a normal thing, and I'm just overreacting?
smackie9 Posted January 25, 2016 Posted January 25, 2016 That to me would be creepy pervey. He is being physical to women he is possibly attracted to....ew. It's is a sexual thing for him IMO. Like "it's our little secret". To me it's NOT normal. I only know of one person that does that kind of thing....it creeps me out and I KNOW what they are up to. I avoid them a all costs. You are not over reacting...if it doesn't feel right, that's because it's not. You are moving away and probably will never see him again, so there is not point in asking him, unless you are going to express how uncomfortable it makes you, and probably others feel.
carhill Posted January 25, 2016 Posted January 25, 2016 @carhill thanks for the reply. What do you mean by examining though? Do you mean I should ask him why he is so touchy? Re: examining Examining your own boundaries to decide if his behavior is within or outside of them. We can have feelings for people and decide they are incompatible due to behaviors which conflict with our personal boundaries. Ergo, if you were his GF and he was behaving like he is right now, and accepting that it is his behavior and won't change, is that acceptable behavior to you? If it is, OK. If not, it's a point of incompatibility that you'll resolve within yourself. You may have feelings but you also have choices in how you process those feelings relating to another human being.
TheTraveler Posted January 25, 2016 Posted January 25, 2016 So I have this guy friend who is in a long term relationship. I have feelings for him and told him about it a few years ago. We decided nothing would be done about the whole situation because he has a gf. So I moved on with my life and only see him once every few months. In a few months I will also be moving to another country so I won't be seeing him at all anymore. He is really touchy with me and other girls and this is something I've always wondered about. Every time I shake his hand to say bye, he caresses my hand. I find it a little uncomfortable to be honest because he has a gf. I've seen him caressing other girls too so it's not just me. Why do some guys do this? Could it be a cultural thing? I don't really get it to be honest. What do you guys think? He's a touch type of guy. It's just the way he is. And there is nothing wrong with that.
WhirlwindGuy Posted January 25, 2016 Posted January 25, 2016 I am a very touchy feely person, but only with my girlfriend. I don't caress random girls. I think that's kind of pervy. I do hug, and kiss the cheek typically when I greet girls, but that's it. My girlfriend loves the fact that I am so touchy and handsy...but its just for her, lol.
Popsicle Posted January 25, 2016 Posted January 25, 2016 So I have this guy friend who is in a long term relationship. I have feelings for him and told him about it a few years ago. We decided nothing would be done about the whole situation because he has a gf. So I moved on with my life and only see him once every few months. In a few months I will also be moving to another country so I won't be seeing him at all anymore. He is really touchy with me and other girls and this is something I've always wondered about. Every time I shake his hand to say bye, he caresses my hand. I find it a little uncomfortable to be honest because he has a gf. I've seen him caressing other girls too so it's not just me. Why do some guys do this? Could it be a cultural thing? I don't really get it to be honest. What do you guys think? He's a tease!
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