Author ddlovexx Posted January 22, 2016 Author Posted January 22, 2016 Oh and just an update, he texted me a half hour ago saying he was on his way. Then now he's at his friend's place. You're kidding me right?! My heart hurts so much...
basil67 Posted January 22, 2016 Posted January 22, 2016 Oh and just an update, he texted me a half hour ago saying he was on his way. Then now he's at his friend's place. You're kidding me right?! My heart hurts so much... Yup, time to walk away. 1
Author ddlovexx Posted January 22, 2016 Author Posted January 22, 2016 He's been texting me playfully (and it's only 4am, ya know) which is making me even more sure that I need to walk away. He keeps going "babe I'm just having a guys night, relax, you're my girl. I love you." I said you just don't get it... Earlier in the day I said I would stay home tonight and you could have a guys night. You INSISTED I come over, told me you were on your way home. Twice. Three times. Then you get home at 12, leave again... And here we are. What a joke. I am just so mad and so hurt and can't wait to ****ing leave in the morning. I can't believe this is happening. It's like a bad dream except it's real... I never would've expected this from him and certainly never thought this is how it would go down if we broke up.
Zippy2000 Posted January 22, 2016 Posted January 22, 2016 Not only is he not making you a priority but hes not got much respect for you too. What he says doesnt match what he does. Its only a couple of months. What is it going to be like in a couple of years. Stop investingin something that doesnt give you much in return. Im not saying this as your financial advisor. lol 1
Gaeta Posted January 22, 2016 Posted January 22, 2016 Now you know why he's divorced. He has an alcohol problem. When you met him 3 months ago he was probably trying to control it but it doesn't last, it never does unless they seek professional help. Last time he did it you told him you would end it if he did it again. Now you have no choice but to act as per what you've said otherwise your words are losing all credibility. If you're still there now after this threat he'll know all you do is bark and you never bite. 2
lilmissjava Posted January 22, 2016 Posted January 22, 2016 Don't make excuses for him. Of course he is going to be on his best behavior in the beginning, he is now feeling that he can get comfortable now. I wouldn't have been answering his texts all night either, giving him the chance to baby talk his way out of it. You should re-evaluate what's important to you. With alcoholism, "we have the rest of our lives to be together" unfortunately comes with an expiry date. 1
RySant Posted January 22, 2016 Posted January 22, 2016 Ask youself, if this is his behavior after just months of dating and you are already cracking up with this behavior, imagine it 3 years from now, when you are married and you have kids to think about.... Do you really want him as a partner? 2
Redhead14 Posted January 22, 2016 Posted January 22, 2016 So I've been dating this guy a couple months. All in all and in a nutshell, its been very wonderful and we love each other, get along well and have been talking and planning about eh future, etc etc. He got divorced a couple years ago and I'm one of the more serious relationships he's had since. A couple of his friends say they haven't seen him be this way with a woman in a while. Recently things have gotten off track. He is drinking every day, gets drunk maybe ever other day. Now, I like to come home from work and unwind with some wine too, but I don't get drunk very often unless we're out with friends or something. This is the 5th night now that he has told me he would have a drink or two with a pal and be home at 6. He'll text me and tell me to come over and then he's not home. Then he says he'll be home soon and "soon" turns into 5-6+ hours later and he barely answers me and when I express how upset I am and won't stand for this, he just replies "relax I'll be home later". The third time this happened, I told him if it happened again that would be the end. It's not the going out with his friends that bothers me, it's the lying and the lack of respect and concern when you said you'd be otw home to me many hours ago. I'm tired of waiting, I'm tired of hurting. He is 37... Not 24. I told him "hey, go have a guys night and I'll see you tomorrow" but he insists that he's coming home and then doesn't. Texts me that he's leaving but then doesn't. And I'm sitting waiting like an *******. He can have all the fun he wants but don't lie to me about the timeline. He can leave the bar anytime he wants, nobody tied his hands behind his back. I told him to keep his word or just tell me he's having a guys night... It's really simple. He did it tonight. AND THEN came home, apologized, and left AGAIN to the "store" but actually went to the bar. I'm in his bed at 2am just so distraught... What a joke. Im hurting but I think it's probably best to break up with him. He texted saying "baby relax we have the rest of our lives to be together" but he doesn't seem to get the point. He's not here when I need him, everytime I'm upset or trying to tell him how messed up this is, he chooses to stay at the bar. I really love him and for the first time in a while met someone that I thought I would build a future with but I just can't keep doing this. I feel disrespected, abandoned, like my feelings don't matter. I can't leave his place bc were in the middle of a snowstorm but I just can't do this. I don't feel like I'm a priority and after growing up with alcoholic parents, I'm beginning to think he has the same problem. He says he loves me and wants to spend his life with me, etc etc but his actions are suddenly starting to prove otherwise. Is honesty and making me a priority so difficult? Am I in the wrong? It's only been two months and you "love" each other??? You are getting a birds eye view of what life with him would be like and early. He is clearly an alcoholic. I don't feel like I'm a priority -- For an alcoholic, alcohol is the priority. Tell him you're moving on. 2
Author ddlovexx Posted January 22, 2016 Author Posted January 22, 2016 He came home at 5am. He doesn't think he did anything wrong except "lose track of time". He keeps saying it was just a guys night and j keep reiterating that that is not the problem. His "intentions" we're good and I said **** that if you don't follow through with them. Kept saying that he was home and we're together and don't blow up over things that don't matter. I can't even believe that he thinks it isn't a big deal. And we're stuck in this snowstorm so I can't even leave. FML.
Gaeta Posted January 22, 2016 Posted January 22, 2016 And we're stuck in this snowstorm so I can't even leave. FML. Stay safe. When the storm is over go back home and move on to a better man. I am sorry for your disappointment but I assure you it's for the best. This man is highly unreliable and it's not someone you can have a happy relationship and happy future with. 3
katiegrl Posted January 22, 2016 Posted January 22, 2016 Stay safe. When the storm is over go back home and move on to a better man. I am sorry for your disappointment but I assure you it's for the best. This man is highly unreliable and it's not someone you can have a happy relationship and happy future with. I agree with Gaeta, stay SAFE, and take care of YOU. Your previous RL was with a dysfunctional man as well....seems like a pattern. Once you're gone from this one, and feel better, you may wish to explore (within yourself, with the help of a therapist) why it is you continue attracting (and choosing to remain with) dysfunctional men and toxic relationships. Wish you well and good luck...
Author ddlovexx Posted January 22, 2016 Author Posted January 22, 2016 He's not toxic at all, nothing like my ex. But I can't count on him and the past two weeks have just been unreal and I don't know who he is anymore. I'm really hurting but I've been here before and I don't want to be here again. Also, I noticed he changed his phone lock. Another red flag.
Redhead14 Posted January 22, 2016 Posted January 22, 2016 He came home at 5am. He doesn't think he did anything wrong except "lose track of time". He keeps saying it was just a guys night and j keep reiterating that that is not the problem. His "intentions" we're good and I said **** that if you don't follow through with them. Kept saying that he was home and we're together and don't blow up over things that don't matter. I can't even believe that he thinks it isn't a big deal. And we're stuck in this snowstorm so I can't even leave. FML. don't blow up over things that don't matter. -- It doesn't matter to HIM. He's doesn't respect you or the relationship. Stay safe and bide your time through the storm. When you do leave, tell him you wish him well but this is not going to work for you. He wants you on his terms . . . he's selfish. 1
Gaeta Posted January 22, 2016 Posted January 22, 2016 He's not toxic at all, nothing like my ex. But I can't count on him and the past two weeks have just been unreal and I don't know who he is anymore. I'm really hurting but I've been here before and I don't want to be here again. Also, I noticed he changed his phone lock. Another red flag. Honey, how can you not consider 'toxic' a man that drinks every day, gets drunk every other day, that lies about his whereabouts, that dismisses your feelings, that is unreliable? How do you call that if not toxic? It's a different kind of toxic but still toxic. He changed his phone lock? first why would you check your boyfriend's phone if this is not a toxic relationship? 1
Lois_Griffin Posted January 22, 2016 Posted January 22, 2016 He wasn't even drinking when we first started dating. Started up last month and hasn't gone a day without a beer since... Oh, he was drinking. He just hid it from you. Apparently he feels it's fine to let it all hang out now and not hide it anymore because you've been around long enough, I guess. I was dating a guy that hid what a complete alcoholic he was for the first couple of months. But as time wore on, if we'd talk on the phone on any given weeknight, his speech would be slurred and I'd ask him if he'd been drinking and he'd laugh and deny it. But I knew damned well he was drinking and I'd think, 'who drinks to this extreme on a Tuesday night, all alone at home? Who does that?' A beer or wine after work is one thing; drinking until you're buzzed or drunk practically every night of the week is QUITE another. At the 5 month mark, I ended it. I didn't need the crap that goes with being with an alcoholic and I had better things to do with my time. Quite honestly, it wasn't my circus and not my monkeys. If you're smart, you'll do what I did and dump his ass.
Author ddlovexx Posted January 22, 2016 Author Posted January 22, 2016 I don't check his phone, but when he grabbed his phone laying next to me this morn I noticed he hit the wrong code (the old one) and then stuttered for a minute, turned his phone and put in a different number. Kinda made my stomach drop
Author ddlovexx Posted January 22, 2016 Author Posted January 22, 2016 Also, we spend most nights together so he wasn't drinking the first month, I was always there. But I think something happened bc he went from not drinking a drop to one day just drinking and never looking back. I'm thankful he's never mean to me and keeps trying to apologize, but to me "sorry" means learning from your mistakes, but they keep happening. It's just no good. I've never felt this strongly about a breakup. Usually I find any reason to stay... Maybe all the **** I dealt with in the past finally took its toll.
Lois_Griffin Posted January 22, 2016 Posted January 22, 2016 He's not toxic at all, nothing like my ex. But I can't count on him and the past two weeks have just been unreal and I don't know who he is anymore. I'm really hurting but I've been here before and I don't want to be here again. Well, you ARE there again. So what's your plan? You can bury your head in the sand because it feels so nice and warm against your ears, or you can respect yourself and get the hell out while you can.
Gaeta Posted January 22, 2016 Posted January 22, 2016 I don't check his phone, but when he grabbed his phone laying next to me this morn I noticed he hit the wrong code (the old one) and then stuttered for a minute, turned his phone and put in a different number. Kinda made my stomach drop ddlove: You know you cannot change a man right? You also know alcoholism is too big to be quit just like that with no professional help, right? If it were your sister or your mom being treated like this how mad would you be.
Gaeta Posted January 22, 2016 Posted January 22, 2016 Also, we spend most nights together so he wasn't drinking the first month, I was always there. But I think something happened bc he went from not drinking a drop to one day just drinking and never looking back. I'm thankful he's never mean to me and keeps trying to apologize, but to me "sorry" means learning from your mistakes, but they keep happening. It's just no good. I've never felt this strongly about a breakup. Usually I find any reason to stay... Maybe all the **** I dealt with in the past finally took its toll. When you hear 'sorry' every day of the week it loses it's meaning pretty quickly. It's not because a man has a softer temper that it makes it ok for him to dismiss you, mislead you, and lie to you.
Miss Peach Posted January 22, 2016 Posted January 22, 2016 I think what you saw before now is who he wanted to be; not who he is. So far you've written about a guy who shows you no respect for your time or feelings, isn't reliable, can't manage his time, has a drinking problem, lies, etc. If he's doing this in only a few months I would be happy I didn't waste more time in that relationship and leave. I know it's hard to meet men you like spending time with but this is not a good deal for you. 1
introverted1 Posted January 22, 2016 Posted January 22, 2016 If he wasn't drinking when you met 3 months ago, that was a temporary pause in what is clearly a situation of alcohol abuse. Unless you wish to be in a relationship with an alcoholic, leave now. Otherwise, what you've experience in the last few weeks will just be the new normal for the two of you. 1
No_Go Posted January 22, 2016 Posted January 22, 2016 OP run! The guy is an alcoholic, I bet money it is an old problem that he disguised initially because *alcoholics have very high tolerance* I dated a guy like this who was also divorced (you may guess the reason), "in love" with me after 5-6 dates etc.... Moved in together after a month and ... It was hell! He couldn't hold s job, I was supporting him (cost me over 7 grand in our "relationship" of 6 months), faced all the ugliness that alcoholics experience - trust me, I hope you never want to know details. I left running with bruised ego, emptied walled and emotional trauma. Feel repercussions up to date. You don't want to set this up for a similar experience. Please leave this piece of ....
Author ddlovexx Posted January 22, 2016 Author Posted January 22, 2016 This guy isn't that bad but a lot of you hit some great points. No, I'm not staying in the relationship but I will at least be here until tomorrow when the snow is cleared and we're no longer in a state of emergency. I don't want to stay in the relationship if it's like this. He's not drinking today for the first time in a bit and I don't think he realizes that it's over. I think when I go it might be a bit of a shock to him. I don't even think he'll come after me when I leave but then I guess that speaks for itself...
preraph Posted January 22, 2016 Posted January 22, 2016 Men are nearly always on their best behavior the first months and they break down at different times. He couldn't keep that up very long at all and you are just beginning to see the real him. 1
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