toblerone Posted January 25, 2016 Posted January 25, 2016 My ex-girlfriend broke up with me last week, after an argument that we had that was particularly nasty - harsh things were said on both parts, and then she broke up with me. We've had that sort of relationship where we break up, get back together, break up... I do think that this time it's genuine, though. We've been together for ten months, and the relationship has been full of arguments and disagreements. We have never seen eye to eye on a lot of things, and i've found her values and norms slightly weird, at times. I've found it confusing and difficult to keep her content - her 'rules' seem to change constantly. Despite this, I do have some feelings for her and I am upset at this break up (though not as upset as I have been over some previous break ups). Since she's broken up with me, she messages me every day. She talks about normal things, calls me and stays on the phone for about an hour or so, just chatting. When I bring up the relationship or mention my feelings, she switches and begins being cold. Her reasoning for this is that she doesn't want to 'lead me on' and only wants to be 'friends'. She keeps insisting that she wants to be friends, that we can have a friendship, despite me never agreeing to this or expressing any desire for this. She says that if I am unable to be friends with her, we shouldn't talk. As I'm writing this, I realise that this is a typical ex situation. I've been on these forums before under a different name and have seen this so many times here. Tonight she said that she'd stay with me and gradually break up with me so that it was easier, but i felt uneasy about that. I've spoken to a couple of my friends about this, and both of them said the same thing; that she's doing it for attention, and that she does still love me but is playing games. I don't want to be humiliated anymore or lose any more of my dignity to this woman. Aside from this, I am struggling with being on my own. I don't have any immediate family or friends to lean on, and she was my closest friend. I am not that confident right now, and to be honest the loneliness is quite frightening. I just don't want to have to deal with that part of it. I'm not sure what the point of this thread is, I think I just needed to get this out.
louxor Posted January 25, 2016 Posted January 25, 2016 My ex-girlfriend broke up with me last week, after an argument that we had that was particularly nasty - harsh things were said on both parts, and then she broke up with me. We've had that sort of relationship where we break up, get back together, break up... I do think that this time it's genuine, though. We've been together for ten months, and the relationship has been full of arguments and disagreements. We have never seen eye to eye on a lot of things, and i've found her values and norms slightly weird, at times. I've found it confusing and difficult to keep her content - her 'rules' seem to change constantly. Despite this, I do have some feelings for her and I am upset at this break up (though not as upset as I have been over some previous break ups). Since she's broken up with me, she messages me every day. She talks about normal things, calls me and stays on the phone for about an hour or so, just chatting. When I bring up the relationship or mention my feelings, she switches and begins being cold. Her reasoning for this is that she doesn't want to 'lead me on' and only wants to be 'friends'. She keeps insisting that she wants to be friends, that we can have a friendship, despite me never agreeing to this or expressing any desire for this. She says that if I am unable to be friends with her, we shouldn't talk. As I'm writing this, I realise that this is a typical ex situation. I've been on these forums before under a different name and have seen this so many times here. Tonight she said that she'd stay with me and gradually break up with me so that it was easier, but i felt uneasy about that. I've spoken to a couple of my friends about this, and both of them said the same thing; that she's doing it for attention, and that she does still love me but is playing games. I don't want to be humiliated anymore or lose any more of my dignity to this woman. Aside from this, I am struggling with being on my own. I don't have any immediate family or friends to lean on, and she was my closest friend. I am not that confident right now, and to be honest the loneliness is quite frightening. I just don't want to have to deal with that part of it. I'm not sure what the point of this thread is, I think I just needed to get this out. First bolded part - Do you really want to go back to that? What makes you think any of this will be different? I know it is very hard when those close feelings are still present, but just from reading this one part it looks to me you two are on completely different pages, and have been so for most of the relationship. You mention how despite all this, you still have feelings for her, which is completely normal, but you have to try and separate these feelings and look at the relationship for what it actually was..."full of arguments and disagreements". Is this really want you want? Second bolded part - Listen to what she says. She doesn't want to lead you on, she just wants to be friends. Ignore the rest of it, that's all you need to know. It sucks to have to accept that but she is literally telling you its over and she only wants your friendship. Just be polite, tell her friendship is not what you want, and go 100% NC. It took me about 2.5 months complete NC to be fully content again with myself after my break up, and another 1.5 months NC until I was able start re-dating my ex after she reached out, while maintaining no real worries if it doesn't go anywhere. I'm not saying this to try and get your hopes up that she'll reach out again like my ex did, however, from sticking to NC I was able to get myself into a position where I don't mind if we continue dating, or if she never wants to talk to me again. The time completely cut off allowed me to meet new women, date new women, pick my life back up and understand I'm happy with or without her in my life. I hope this helps you, good luck! 1
Author toblerone Posted January 25, 2016 Author Posted January 25, 2016 First bolded part - Do you really want to go back to that? What makes you think any of this will be different? I know it is very hard when those close feelings are still present, but just from reading this one part it looks to me you two are on completely different pages, and have been so for most of the relationship. You mention how despite all this, you still have feelings for her, which is completely normal, but you have to try and separate these feelings and look at the relationship for what it actually was..."full of arguments and disagreements". Is this really want you want? Second bolded part - Listen to what she says. She doesn't want to lead you on, she just wants to be friends. Ignore the rest of it, that's all you need to know. It sucks to have to accept that but she is literally telling you its over and she only wants your friendship. Just be polite, tell her friendship is not what you want, and go 100% NC. It took me about 2.5 months complete NC to be fully content again with myself after my break up, and another 1.5 months NC until I was able start re-dating my ex after she reached out, while maintaining no real worries if it doesn't go anywhere. I'm not saying this to try and get your hopes up that she'll reach out again like my ex did, however, from sticking to NC I was able to get myself into a position where I don't mind if we continue dating, or if she never wants to talk to me again. The time completely cut off allowed me to meet new women, date new women, pick my life back up and understand I'm happy with or without her in my life. I hope this helps you, good luck! Thank you for your reply. I have accepted that it's over... I don't want to talk to her every minute of the day, to be honest. If she doesn't want to be with me, I'd rather not talk.
Simon Phoenix Posted January 25, 2016 Posted January 25, 2016 Thank you for your reply. I have accepted that it's over... I don't want to talk to her every minute of the day, to be honest. If she doesn't want to be with me, I'd rather not talk. Then don't.
PegNosePete Posted January 25, 2016 Posted January 25, 2016 Exactly, ignore her messages, if she calls tell her you don't want to be friends and hang up.
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