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Again with the psycho ex! Why won't people leave it be?


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Posted

Last night I ran into a guy who happens to be childhood friends with psycho ex. We were at a mutual friends house and got to talking. He wanted updates on the legal situation with psycho ex. He spent about 2 hours grilling me basically, explaining away all the lies, the BS, the cheating, and the physical abuse that my ex perpetrated on me. He was sympathetic to my inability to be with the ex again and understood that point. He kept saying how my ex would always talk about me and how much he loved me. He explained how many times my ex was so f*cked up on drugs and alcohol that he had to lock my ex in his house to keep him from wandering the streets for crack, or for fear that my ex would come knocking on my door and harass me.

 

I was very nearly crying a lot of the time he was talking. I don't have romantic feelings for my exBF any more. I feel pity. Horrible pity. He was trying to convince me to either drop charges against my ex, or to beg the state attorney to consider incarcerating him in a forensic mental hospital for 3-5 years so he can get treatment for the mental issues he has and his severe drug addiction.

 

I understand. He's known my exBF since they were children in middle school together. They skateboarded together in their youth, they grew up together, became friend again after my exBF's 7 year incarceration in state prison....

 

I feel so guilty. Part of me feels like I should ask the State attorney to consider asking for him to be psychologically evaulated to see if he's eligible for the forensic mental hospital. But another part of me is sure this man has no regard for the law. I am afraid of what he will do to me after he gets out. That other part of me feels horrible about him facing 15 years in prison.

 

I found out from the friend that the key witness against my ex in the felony cocaine possession charge, has decided to not testify and refuses to be a witness for the state. Apparently there were further charges against his distributing illegal substances but now none of those people will testify. So, that charge may well be for naught. What am I do to? I feel so alone. My family and friends sincerely want me to be strong and stay the course. But I live in a smaller town and I run into my exBF's friends all the time. They want me to help him. I feel like I spent a year trying to help him and he kept refusing. The exBF's friend said, he's not a man and never learned to be. He's emotioanlly crippled by his time in prison for 7 years. That he hurt me because he didn't know how to love. Well said. But I still feel so freaking ambivalent. I don't know what to do.

 

Should I tell the state attorney that this is an attempt to tamper with the witness? That perhaps through friends my ex has been tampering with witnesses in his other charges? It's heresy. I have no proof. But I feel like this was a deliberate attempt to make me not be a witness for the state...

Posted

otter,

 

You're letting them play on your feelings and they're causing you to feel guilt for something that is not your fault. When someone like you has a heart, people playing mind games can f*ck your head up. Ya know? I mean at one point you really cared for this guy, and a part of you probably always will. It's hard for a woman to not feel a motherly instinct towards men with huge emotional issues. We want to help them, but most of the time, we can't.

 

Your X got himself where he is today by the choices he made. You need to step back from the influence his friends are having on you, and live your life. Don't get involved, don't do a thing. Tell his friends you don't wish to discuss it anymore, and there's nothing you can do. He has to pay the price for the choices he made, and you are not his mother, his lover, or his friend. Don't feel guilty for someone else's mistakes, don't try to correct them, because if you do, he'll never learn his own lessons. Instead he'll forever look for others to enable his behavior. He will also never appreciate anything good you do for him, because he sees it as your obligation - and so do his friends. You're obligated to no one but yourself.

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Posted

Thank you lonestar. I am a softie. Everyone call tell. My ex's childhoos friend also happened to be a good friend of my exhusband (they ran in the same circles)....so we were associated with one another prior to me ever meeting my exBF...he kept emphasizing that I have these caretaker/motherly qualities when it comes to friends and family and lovers. As if that was supposed to influence me, which it kind of did. Eventually I was so tired of his talking that I just agreed to try to talk to the state attorney, but I wasn't even sure I wanted to. I just wanted him to leave me alone...

Posted

Sometimes the best thing to do in a situation such as this is to completely remove yourself for a period of time. It's hard when everyone has grown up in the same social circles, but you might need to cut the ties with your past for your own emotional well-being. Disappear for 6 months. You might find the past is better left where it is, especially if the people you leave behind are not adding anything positive to your life.

 

You'll be okay. Embrace your caring, motherly instincts. Those are wonderful qualities in a woman, but best served on people who don't abuse it.

  • Author
Posted
Originally posted by Lonestar

Sometimes the best thing to do in a situation such as this is to completely remove yourself for a period of time. It's hard when everyone has grown up in the same social circles, but you might need to cut the ties with your past for your own emotional well-being. Disappear for 6 months. You might find the past is better left where it is, especially if the people you leave behind are not adding anything positive to your life.

 

You'll be okay. Embrace your caring, motherly instincts. Those are wonderful qualities in a woman, but best served on people who don't abuse it.

 

Thank you, lonestar. :)

Posted

self preservation blind otter, its okay to help other people but not if it drags you down in the process.

  • Author
Posted

Well the state attorney called me...

 

I asked if psycho ex had been psychologically evaluated, that perhaps he could serve his time in a forensic mental hospital. No dice, he already has been evaluated and shows no signs of any serious mental dysfunction.

 

They put forth the offer of 5 years (the defense attorney). I said that would be alright if I didn't have to take the witness stand. I hate the idea of re-living every ounce of f***ing drama again, publicly. They are going to discuss this with psycho ex (who is still in jail). I doubt he will agree. So he will have his day in court most likely.

Posted

bo,

 

Sending hugs from Canada to you! I know this is hard - you know you have to do this - everyone else will start speaking up AFTER he has been sentanced........is'nt that the norm?

 

Stay strong Bebe. As it was said to you how will he EVER learn if you don't push forward. What will happen to the next girlfriend? Worse than what happened to you right?

 

 

bubbles

Posted

Your ex is a psycho piece of trash. The guy should be taken out of society, simple as that and I mean TAKEN out not just thrown in jail for like 1/5th of his life.

 

Don't feel bad.

 

You are a softy? I am a hardy who has no qualm at exterminating the useless people out there who can't function in a civilized society and do criminal actions against others.

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