How long until you need to make a commitment?

[sb6052]

I'm not really sure what I should've titled this exactly, but my question is, roughly or generally how long can you go from when you've sort of started "dating" someone to when you need to either start making the transition to something more serious or just move on to someone else and let them go? Either way this seems to entail having some sort of conversation about the issue.

 

I've been sort of seeing this girl somewhat informally since the beginning of October. At first we hung out quite often, like 3 times in one week, and then with Thanksgiving, school finals/projects, and winter break, it slowed down and petered out a bit, but we still generally met up once every week or 2. Now I wouldn't call these truly "dates", aside from the first one, which itself was rather informal, but more like just hanging out, having some drinks, smokes, and then hooking up usually (or passing out of we had too much lol). I ended up at her place after the first night out with her, even though we didn't go all the way that time and just made out.

 

She said back then that she actually really liked me and that she doesn't normally do this kind of thing with guys (as in moving that fast), but also wanted to play it carefully because she didn't want to lose me. Eventually we did get down to actually getting more physical, but I feel like over time it's almost become a "friends with benefits" type arrangement more than a significant other thing. The thing is, we haven't had any kind of discussion about what the nature of what we're doing is, and I never felt the need to bring it up because I was comfortable with it that way. Lately, we've been hanging out a little less often and it's been almost a month since I've actually seen her, even though we usually text every few days (at first it was like every day; now it's like maybe 2-3 times a week).

 

I honestly don't feel super into her as a significant other or GF, but I think she's cool as just a friend to have fun and get silly with, and mess around. I'll admit I've never acted in a truly romantic way toward her, but she doesn't seem to mind much. I've also gone on casual dates with other girls in the meantime, and I'm not sure what she's been doing; maybe she's been seeing other guys for all I know, which isn't a big deal to me.

 

Anyway, I'm getting the feeling that now that it's been like four months, she's wondering what's happening and things are starting to slow down due to lack of activity.

 

But she hasn't brought up the topic of where we're going or anything yet, and seemed more or less fine with the just hang out, netflix and chill type thing. Should I have a convo about it, just keep going with the status quo, or just let her go?

 

This also goes for this kind of thing in general; not just with this girl but if a guy is casually dating a few girls.. how long can he hold on to them in a sort of state of "limbo" before something has to go down? I guess it all depends on the girl and her personality type, what she's looking for, etc..

Edited January 25, 2016 by sb6052

[Ami1uwant]

If you are referring to being exclusively dating or bf/gf....it really depends.

 

If you are dating 2-3 times a week and talking/texting between dates thorn about 2 weeks.

 

At the same time dont jump into something too quickly..like you hit it off then spend 5 out of 7 days together. These tend to flame out quickly like it started.

 

If you are dating someone just on Saturdays and not talking much during the werk outside of masking weekend plans then it will likely not get yo bf/gf status.

[yxalitis]

Like so many questions about such complex matters...there is no "answer" just what feels right for the pair of you.

 

[sidebar}

 

In fact, it gives me angst how may times I see or read or are told the "Correct" approach to any aspect of dating, sex, relationships etc...

 

I could fill a page with examples...

 

We all like to feel there's a right way, and a wrong way, to have the answers there in black and white...but come on..we are talking about human emotions, for which such rules don't exist.

[sb6052]

Thanks. I guess I just don't really have a plan for where this is going. It's up to me to decide what to do with it. I can't just keep messing around with her every few weeks forever; probably wouldn't be fair to either of us. But if she's okay with it... hmm. She has to know that I'm not actually going for her as a true romantic interest by now. Actions speak louder than words (or lack thereof).

 

I'm going to just casually bring up the issue of what we're doing and see what happens. By now it's almost weird that we haven't had any talk about it. I honestly feel that at first she actually viewed me as a serious possibility and was hoping things would work out that way, but now accepted that we're just having fun.