Methodical Posted January 25, 2016 Posted January 25, 2016 You stay at his place on occasion too, yes? I doubt he was upset bc you might see his place untidy. I can understand being cranky bc of pain. However, that doesn't explain why he was defensive and made you feel like you were invading his privacy. Like you, I'd have left. His words and actions indicated he didn't want you there. The real question is why? He didn't have a defensive attitude when he left your place did he? There was no fight, right? I imagine if he left your place on bad terms, you wouldn't have shoveled out and then went to his place to help him. He placed a very clear boundary - call or text for permission rather than showing up unannounced. Seems like a red flag after having dated two years. Have both of you always gotten permission before visiting?
KatZee Posted January 25, 2016 Posted January 25, 2016 Is this the guy from all of your posts? How you broke up and were NC for months? And you wanted to remain friends but you never heard from him again? You got back together with that guy? You seem to be aware that he's a man-child, selfish, a spoiled child, entitled, unappreciative. This obviously isn't the first time he's been this way with you. If he has a history of poor behavior (and this is the guy from your posts): 1. Why did you get back together with him? You had a clear exit being split from him. 2. On/off relationships show there is clear dysfunction and that it's not working, these rarely last in the long run.
Maggie4 Posted January 25, 2016 Posted January 25, 2016 He apologized for what? For wanting you to text ahead of time, or for telling you that's what he wants? I'd reply to his apology by asking, "so in the future do you still want me to text before coming over?" If the answer is yes, why apologize for telling it like it is? Also, women simply should not help men with physically demanding chores. Am I old fashioned? I dunno... it makes the woman seem less feminine. A gf who goes over to scrub his toilet can pretty much expect to be trashed, instead of appreciated. Shoveling snow is back breaking! Don't give more than is appropriate.
AndOrchid Posted January 25, 2016 Posted January 25, 2016 (edited) I can't just let it go. It was just a huge slap in the face. He never even offered to help me dig my car out. There's a huge level of entitlement. He acts like a spoiled child and to a degree, he is still one. To get mad at someone, or criticize them on any level for coming to HELP you shovel, not even trying to make plans or come into the house, screams rigid and ungrateful personality to me. Shoveling sucks and if anyone tried to help me, i'd be so appreciative I think that I almost wouldn't even care if they accidentally sideswiped my car trying to park somewhere in the snow. You don't criticize someone for doing something nice for you, that screams selfish, end of story. I hate people showing up unannounced and that goes for anyone. I have nothing to hide; unexpected visits just feel intrusive and rude to me. Maybe your boyfriend is the same way. I agree that he could have handled it better but I disagree with the bolded part above. He didn't ASK for your help, possibly didn't even want it in the first place so stating his boundaries does not make him ungrateful or selfish, IMO. Just because you would react a certain way in this situation does not mean everyone else would too. You had good intentions but I think you should just realize that you and your boyfriend are different people. At least he apologized. I'm curious though. He had just left your place. Was there a reason you didn't let him know you were planning on going over to his place ahead of time? Anyway, it sounds like there may be other issues in this relationship so this is not just an isolated incident. Edited January 25, 2016 by AndOrchid 1
Shining One Posted January 25, 2016 Posted January 25, 2016 He should definitely have broached the subject with you a bit more delicately, but I wouldn't assume sinister intentions just yet. When I'm feeling ill, I want no one around me. My girlfriend is the complete opposite, so she used to try and shower me with attention when I was sick. Now, I'm there for her when she's sick, she's not there for me when I'm sick, and we're both happy.
Toodaloo Posted January 25, 2016 Posted January 25, 2016 I'm definitely analyzing that at this point. It's so hypocritical too because he always says how he hates selfish people yet, that's exactly what he has been to me on so many occasions. Selfish people do not like other selfish people because it means that they are around others who expect... Maliel - I am sorry but he has been like this on many occasions. He is not going to change. Do you want to spend the rest of your life feeling like this? Or do you want to take a risk and be with someone who would swing you around and thank you for helping them? Time to take out the trash, rip the plaster off, what ever you want to call it. Been there with a selfish one and I would never ever go back, nor would I ever suggest that someone else stay with someone selfish... Your life your decision on how you want to live it. Sometimes you just have to say enough is enough and that you are done with it. It hurts, you have to be strong but when you get to the other side... damn its a relief!
road Posted January 25, 2016 Posted January 25, 2016 I can't just let it go. It was just a huge slap in the face. He never even offered to help me dig my car out. There's a huge level of entitlement. He acts like a spoiled child and to a degree, he is still one. To get mad at someone, or criticize them on any level for coming to HELP you shovel, not even trying to make plans or come into the house, screams rigid and ungrateful personality to me. Shoveling sucks and if anyone tried to help me, i'd be so appreciative I think that I almost wouldn't even care if they accidentally sideswiped my car trying to park somewhere in the snow. You don't criticize someone for doing something nice for you, that screams selfish, end of story. Dump him. When something smells bad it is because it is bad. His behavior did not pass the smell test.
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