Fernando2826 Posted January 24, 2016 Posted January 24, 2016 So my ex and I broke up about 18 months ago. Because of the way it ended, the intensity of it and it being my first love, I am still somewhat into her, although we don't have a lot of contact anymore. Over Summer, we met up, at her request, and she apologised for the rubbish breakup. Whilst we were out, I think I came on too strongly, in some effort to remind her of how great our relaitonship had been. I called our relationship "pretty life changing" (first love so it was for me, I guess), and joked about moving to London if she changed her hair back to how I liked it. We ended up having sex, although, in fairness, she was the one who made the moves. The next day she told me that she was confused etc. but was pretty quick to say she didn't want to get back into a relationship (I didn't mention this), although qualified this by saying "not saying that you do, or assuming that you do". She continued to message me a lot for a few days afterwards (I never prompted it) and despite hinting at an interest in meeting up, she didn't accept either of my suggestions to do so. Since then, about 6 months have passed, she has continued to message me every now and then. During one of these conversations, things got to reminiscing and, whilst she was praising me too, I called her an "incredible person". She now has a boyfriend, so isn't interested in me, but I keep running into her family. Her Dad works at the local music shop and I, having decided to start playing guitar, went in and spoke to him for a while (not remembering he worked there). The other day, also, whilst checking instagram on a friend's account (I don't have it) I came across her sister's page and saw that she had a new job. Made the mistake of mentioning this to her sister (it's not exactly public knowledge) and it may well become apparent that I was checking out her instagram. Is it going to seem as though I'm really into her or some such? Or are these just minor things you'd never take as hinting at still being interested?
ExpatInItaly Posted January 24, 2016 Posted January 24, 2016 I might wonder if you were still interested, yes. It seems strange that you somehow forgot where her dad worked. And where did you run into her sister when you commented on her new job? But all in all, if I had moved on to another boyfriend, I wouldn't pay a lot of attention to it either. I would probably assume you still carried a small torch but that's about it.
Author Fernando2826 Posted January 24, 2016 Author Posted January 24, 2016 I might wonder if you were still interested, yes. It seems strange that you somehow forgot where her dad worked. And where did you run into her sister when you commented on her new job? But all in all, if I had moved on to another boyfriend, I wouldn't pay a lot of attention to it either. I would probably assume you still carried a small torch but that's about it. So you say "wonder"? You wouldn't feel certain that I was still into you? Well I only met her Dad a few times - divorced parents - and we never really discussed his job. I ran into her sister at a local cafe - she was sat by the door and looking at me so I could hardly walk straight past without saying something to her.
mightycpa Posted January 24, 2016 Posted January 24, 2016 I'd wonder why you were still checking out my stuff, and why you hadn't moved on yet. That's what I'd wonder.
ExpatInItaly Posted January 24, 2016 Posted January 24, 2016 So you say "wonder"? You wouldn't feel certain that I was still into you? Well I only met her Dad a few times - divorced parents - and we never really discussed his job. I ran into her sister at a local cafe - she was sat by the door and looking at me so I could hardly walk straight past without saying something to her. No, I wouldn't be certain. But I wouldn't give it a lot of thought either. If I were dating someone new, that's where my attention would be.
Author Fernando2826 Posted January 24, 2016 Author Posted January 24, 2016 I'd wonder why you were still checking out my stuff, and why you hadn't moved on yet. That's what I'd wonder. You'd think that I hadn't moved on yet though? It wasn't her stuff, it was her sister's, but I suppose similar.
ExpatInItaly Posted January 24, 2016 Posted January 24, 2016 You'd think that I hadn't moved on yet though? It wasn't her stuff, it was her sister's, but I suppose similar. Right, but she doesn't know how you came across that information. If it wasn't really public knowledge, yes, I'd assume you'd been checking out my social media. Why are you so worried what she thinks, anyway?
Author Fernando2826 Posted January 24, 2016 Author Posted January 24, 2016 Right, but she doesn't know how you came across that information. If it wasn't really public knowledge, yes, I'd assume you'd been checking out my social media. Why are you so worried what she thinks, anyway? First love. Would love to think there was a chance for something to happen in the future. Wouldn't like to think that she thought I had become some psycho stalker anyway.
Blanco Posted January 24, 2016 Posted January 24, 2016 Wouldn't like to think that she thought I had become some psycho stalker anyway. Well, might want to rethink checking in on her or her family's social media pages then.
angel.eyes Posted January 25, 2016 Posted January 25, 2016 Well, might want to rethink checking in on her or her family's social media pages then. And your sudden need for guitar lessons at her dad's shop!
angel.eyes Posted January 25, 2016 Posted January 25, 2016 First love. Would love to think there was a chance for something to happen in the future. Wouldn't like to think that she thought I had become some psycho stalker anyway. You need a healthy dose of reality. The relationship ended 1.5 YEARS ago, and she is with another guy now. She broke up with you and has clearly moved on. Stop pining over her and get on with your life. As for cyber stalking her and suddenly needing guitar lessons at her dad's shop? Seriously? We all have a difficult time with breakups. I get it. Everyone's timeline to heal differs. But what you're doing is counterproductive for everyone involved. Creeping her out with psychopants actions is NOT going to win her back. Quite the opposite. It sends her scurrying to the safety of her new boo. All you're doing is reinforcing that she made the right decision. Please go NC. It's there to prevent you from shooting yourself in the foot, which you're currently doing, and to help you move on a little more quickly.
Author Fernando2826 Posted January 25, 2016 Author Posted January 25, 2016 You need a healthy dose of reality. The relationship ended 1.5 YEARS ago, and she is with another guy now. She broke up with you and has clearly moved on. Stop pining over her and get on with your life. As for cyber stalking her and suddenly needing guitar lessons at her dad's shop? Seriously? We all have a difficult time with breakups. I get it. Everyone's timeline to heal differs. But what you're doing is counterproductive for everyone involved. Creeping her out with psychopants actions is NOT going to win her back. Quite the opposite. It sends her scurrying to the safety of her new boo. All you're doing is reinforcing that she made the right decision. Please go NC. It's there to prevent you from shooting yourself in the foot, which you're currently doing, and to help you move on a little more quickly. I understand this, but none of this was intended to win her back in any sense. I genuinely have started playing the guitar, and it is the only guitar shop in town. I didn't even recall that he worked there so you can imagine my heart sinking when he opened the door. And I am certainly not going to take guitar lessons there - I just went in for a book! As for speaking to members of her family - her sister was in a local cafe, she arrived after me and she sat by the door and looked at me - speaking to her was unavoidable.
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