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My BIGGEST regret is not establishing relationships with girls in my teens

loverage21

By loverage21
in General Relationship Discussion

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ltjg45 Established Member

ltjg45

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Sometimes, I do have regrets that I wasn't more sexually active when I was younger. That I remain a virgin at the age of 29.

 

But then again, I started looking at my younger brother who has 1 son already and may have fathered 2. Seeing the kind of hell he is going through (and he's either 24 or 25) made me feel grateful that I am a week or two away from being completely debt free.

 

Would I like to be more sexually active when I was younger? Yeah.....but knowing my luck, I wouldn't have any money for myself if I did because I would had unprotected sex and had a child by now when I wasn't ready.

 

I think I will be OK in the long run. Any time I get that regret, all I had to do is look at my younger brother. That kills the regret really quickly.

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MrDuck Established Member

MrDuck

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But if you knew you could get back with a girlfriend from your teens now and be just as happy if not happier, wouldn't that be a sweeter love story? Wouldn't you naturally have more feelings towards that teen sweetheart?

 

No I wouldn't.

You're thinking about how you end a Hollywood film, not real life.

 

 

I'm 23 now, with a son, and I'm totally different man than I was back then.

I've learnt a lot about myself and I know that none of those girls was right for me (not legitimately right for me then) and certainly not right for me now!

 

 

You have to accept people are who they are, you cant try and change them. And you have to accept who you are too, not be delusional about it. When you accept those too things you understand that it would be crazy for me too go back - what are you expecting? Me to change? That's would be kidding yourself. Or them to change? And who would I be to ask that of another human being! They don't have to change, they're perfect as they are.. for somebody else!

 

 

Me and my girlfriend fit like a jigsaw puzzle, and its an awesome feeling. But I wouldn't even want to go back in my time machine and meet her at in my teens:

1) She would NEVER of gone out with me! She'd of taken one look and being like he's a d!ck and needs to grow up some.

2) I wouldn't of known how to keep her even if she had of liked me. We'd of fallen apart.

3) I'm a great believer in everything happens for a reason. I wouldn't want to undo the experiences I've had (good or bad) because I learnt from them all, they are the reason I grew into the person I am today!

I thought I was a free spirit till I met my sons mother, she took it to another level, she taught me a lot. But ultimately, it couldn't of worked, I had to be the reasonable one, the details man and that's not me. I was stressed and agitated and that caused friction between us. We were great friends & travelling buddies but not a good romantic couple. But I wouldn't undo the time we had and I would change my son for the world!!

 

 

The most feelings I've natural had to anyone are to my girlfriend now. I trust her, completely like with my life on the line, and I've never had that before, not with anyone. I could marry that girl, and have kids, and a house with an apple tree and a dog & a cat with a bell and settle down!! And I've never felt like that before either. I've spent my whole life on the move and she makes me want to stay.

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GunslingerRoland Established Member

GunslingerRoland

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This exact thread again.

 

 

I'll give the exact answer again.

 

 

The best couples I know vary greatly from having met in junior high school o having met in their 70s! I know very few people who would like to go back to anyone they dated in high school. Most people laugh about how bad their relationship choices were at that age.

 

 

You've decided in your mind that this is the only thing that matters in love is teenage love, but it's not grounded in reality. Young love can be sweet but so can old love.

 

 

What you really need to do is get out there, meet the right woman and you will instantly understand that the love you are experiencing is no less sweet than anyone else's love.

Rejected Rosebud Established Member

Rejected Rosebud

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I would do the same.

 

Thing is, I don't want to love because most girls have had a past of some sort. Like I said, it would make sense to have feelings for someone you could spend both your innocent days and adult days with happy versus someone you just spent your adult days with.

 

No. It would not make any sense to most people.

 

Most people had some kind of childhood sweetheart thing and then moved on ON PURPOSE.

 

Most of us EMBRACE the experiences that our partners bring to our relationship, we think it makes things BETTER.

 

We are not thinking it would have been better if we stayed with our childhood sweetheart. Most of us NEVER. THINK. THAT.

 

Why can't you understand and accept this???? :(:(

 

It's very clear what YOU think and believe but 1) it is not the norm, and 2) IMO you should work on getting past it, because you are stuck in a fantasy world. That's not healthy.

 

Edited to add: It's rude for you to keep posting these threads inviting other people to contribute and then to refute all of our own personal experiences. If you just want to keep talking to yourself why are you posting here?

Edited by Rejected Rosebud
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TheArtist Established Member

TheArtist

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I didn't have time to date girls when I was a teenager, I was too busy playing Dungeons and Dragons. Or is it because of that? I forget.

 

Anyway, I'm sure everyone has that beautiful ideal like in the movies, but I wouldn't personally regret this stuff. It's not as if you let your true love go or anything, or is it?

 

From that first spark between two people, something magical starts to happen, and that can happen at any age; that's the story you should be telling, right there.

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loverage21 Established Member

loverage21

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Um, no? I fell in love with the amazing, ridiculous, and overwhelmingly fantastic man of my dreams. He is the best man I've ever known, warts and all, and no fairy tale could make it better. It had nothing to do with a moral or a principle.

 

I know you are desperate to believe everyone who didn't find love at age 15 is miserable, but it's not true. The vast majority of adult couples in the western world met as adults and are blissfully happy because of it.

 

I do feel good with what I have now. It's the best. :love:

 

How do you know the best man you have ever known isn't one of your high school boyfriends, but you wouldn't know that until you get back together and find out yourself? Even if not in that moment, what if 5 or 10 years down the line your high school boyfriend may not be the best guy?

 

Remember...

What if both the guy you are with now and one of your high school boyfriends are the best guys you ever met, except one of them you got to experience your innocent days with and the other you didn't?

Rejected Rosebud Established Member

Rejected Rosebud

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Also every single point on the continuum of time is as valid as every other. Just because you were 7 or 16 or 50 or 87 years old when something happened doesn't make it any more or less of a thing.

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lana-banana Established Member

lana-banana

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How do you know the best man you have ever known isn't one of your high school boyfriends, but you wouldn't know that until you get back together and find out yourself? Even if not in that moment, what if 5 or 10 years down the line your high school boyfriend may not be the best guy?

 

Remember...

What if both the guy you are with now and one of your high school boyfriends are the best guys you ever met, except one of them you got to experience your innocent days with and the other you didn't?

 

I'm 29 and I don't remember 95% of high school. Hell, I don't even remember what I had for lunch the other day. I don't care about the past; I don't bear much of a resemblance to the girl I was back then. I care about my life, today, with the man I love.

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loverage21 Established Member

loverage21

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I'm 29 and I don't remember 95% of high school. Hell, I don't even remember what I had for lunch the other day. I don't care about the past; I don't bear much of a resemblance to the girl I was back then. I care about my life, today, with the man I love.

 

 

You don't ever think of pictures of high school couples and think "oh how sweet"! Or anything like that?

 

Old boyfriends from high school or crushes never cross your mind?

 

And you don't think it would be a sweet love story if two lovers from their high school years got back together later in life?

GravityMan Established Member

GravityMan

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OP, it is not healthy to spend so much time living in the past, and it is unhealthy to focus too much on hindsight. It's just a waste of energy. I'm sure there are people and things in your life NOW (i.e. The present) that are important, and ideally they need you to focus on the present and live in the moment.

 

I will be blunt: Get over it.

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lana-banana Established Member

lana-banana

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You don't ever think of pictures of high school couples and think "oh how sweet"! Or anything like that?

 

Nope.

 

Old boyfriends from high school or crushes never cross your mind?

 

Nope. If someone mentions their name, I may think "huh, wonder what he's up to", and then I forget about it.

 

And you don't think it would be a sweet love story if two lovers from their high school years got back together later in life?

 

It wouldn't be any sweeter than any other love story ever told. Personally I'm very partial to mine!

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Rejected Rosebud Established Member

Rejected Rosebud

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You don't ever think of pictures of high school couples and think "oh how sweet"! Or anything like that?

 

Old boyfriends from high school or crushes never cross your mind?

 

And you don't think it would be a sweet love story if two lovers from their high school years got back together later in life?

Of course those things would be "sweet." I bet you can find a Lifetime movie to watch with exactly that plot since you think it's the ultimate. Personally I find different kinds of love stories much more interesting but to each their own!
craw Established Member

craw

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Falling in love when you're older is so much better. You know yourself better, you know what you want and what you can put up with.

 

Nobody's perfect.

GunslingerRoland Established Member

GunslingerRoland

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How do you know the best man you have ever known isn't one of your high school boyfriends, but you wouldn't know that until you get back together and find out yourself? Even if not in that moment, what if 5 or 10 years down the line your high school boyfriend may not be the best guy?

 

Remember...

What if both the guy you are with now and one of your high school boyfriends are the best guys you ever met, except one of them you got to experience your innocent days with and the other you didn't?

 

 

What kind of insanity are you typing to this girl? She's telling you she is with the man of her dreams and you are trying to convince her that hypothetically getting back with her high school boyfriend would be better simply because they were together in "innocent days".

 

 

I can't wrap my head around your obsession with the "innocent days" of teenagers. I wasn't a very innocent person as a teenager, neither my thoughts nor my actions were innocent in any way, same as most teenagers.

 

 

Most teenage relationships are built around the opposite of innocence and instead are based around raging blind hormones.

 

 

Your obsession is disturbing. You've decided that the only kind of relationship and love that is worth having is the one kind you can't ever have. You are very intentionally setting yourself up for a lifetime of loneliness. Read through all the posts in this thread and really think through them. People find loves in all sorts of weird and wonderful ways, and on way is any worse than any other.

 

 

It would be bad enough if you were obsessing over a high school sweet heart who you had and lost, but instead you are obsessing over a girl who doesn't exist and a relationship you didn't have.

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loverage21 Established Member

loverage21

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What kind of insanity are you typing to this girl? She's telling you she is with the man of her dreams and you are trying to convince her that hypothetically getting back with her high school boyfriend would be better simply because they were together in "innocent days".

 

 

I can't wrap my head around your obsession with the "innocent days" of teenagers. I wasn't a very innocent person as a teenager, neither my thoughts nor my actions were innocent in any way, same as most teenagers.

 

 

Most teenage relationships are built around the opposite of innocence and instead are based around raging blind hormones.

 

 

Your obsession is disturbing. You've decided that the only kind of relationship and love that is worth having is the one kind you can't ever have. You are very intentionally setting yourself up for a lifetime of loneliness. Read through all the posts in this thread and really think through them. People find loves in all sorts of weird and wonderful ways, and on way is any worse than any other.

 

 

It would be bad enough if you were obsessing over a high school sweet heart who you had and lost, but instead you are obsessing over a girl who doesn't exist and a relationship you didn't have.

 

But if you knew you could experience your teenage days with someone and your adult days with that same person and be just as happy if not happier, wouldn't you have more feelings towards that person deep down inside?

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loverage21 Established Member

loverage21

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...I am not her first boyfriend

 

I am not a virgin sexually but I am a virgin at heart and never been in anything serious and exclusive. Most girls have had boyfriends in high school.

 

But am I justified to feel this way?

ltjg45 Established Member

ltjg45

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I am not a virgin sexually but I am a virgin at heart and never been in anything serious and exclusive.

 

A virgin is a person that never had sex. You had sex. You are not a virgin.

 

You sound like those other people calling themselves "born again virgins".

 

All it does is make them hypocrites.

 

But am I justified to feel this way?

 

You are free to feel however you like. However, I don't blame other people for thinking that you are crazy for thinking that way. There's more to life than thinking about your high school days.

 

I am sure any relationship I may enter in the near future will trump anything I experienced in high school. In fact, outside of being in the NJROTC program, there's nothing from high school I want to remember. Let those memories die in a fire.

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MissBee Established Member

MissBee

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But you are falling in love with a moral or principal and projecting that onto your current SO

 

The "I am happy with what I have now" principal

 

It made you feel good to say that

 

And you're obsessed and in love with this "teen love is magical" principle....

 

So what's the difference between you feeling good saying that versus what everyone else says? :confused:

 

 

As others, with actual experience, have pointed out, teen love is not always magical, sometimes it is awkward and hurtful or plain based on delusions lol....teenagers are not fully developed, they make mistakes, they do dumb stuff, it's not all perfection and rainbows and to think it is is sorely skewing reality.

Rejected Rosebud Established Member

Rejected Rosebud

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...I am not her first boyfriend

 

I am not a virgin sexually but I am a virgin at heart and never been in anything serious and exclusive. Most girls have had boyfriends in high school.

 

But am I justified to feel this way?

Well ... you might be on the verge of getting in a lot of trouble since it sounds like you won't be happy unless you're dating kids. And you're a grown man.
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MissBee Established Member

MissBee

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Meant to add:

 

Your thoughts are just as much a principle, a very distorted one at that, as anyone else's. At least other people's principles allow them to be happy with their "false" love, whereas your obsession with this principle is tormenting you and ruining your life and you will NEVER be able to go back to being a teen again....sooo what is the point of holding on to this notion?

 

You're crying over spilled milk OP. Even if we all agree to what you're saying, the point is, you cannot become a teen and most people in the world are not thinking the same things you're thinking....so why worry about it? Just get on with the program of finding a "false adult love" with someone else who is not worried about the hypothetical of teen love and be together. Trust me, you will be far happier doing that, than what you're currently doing. And most women will not understand this obsession or take kindly to it.

 

However, see a therapist asap regardless of whatever else you do.

Bobbi7 Established Member

Bobbi7

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http://www.loveshack.org/forums/transitioning/search/564028-when-girls-start-having-boyfriends-13-18-they-will-more-experienced-later

 

I made a similar thread about how teenage girls are more experience with the opposite sex into adulthood. Me, I was an ugly ducking, while everyone was having boyfriends and sex, I was the virgin mary with no fashion sense, no make up, plain jane. Its pretty sad that in my early 20's I was experiencing guys for the first time. My friends in the 9th grade had boyfriends, had guys swooning over them, kissed, held hands. I did none of that stuff until my late 20's. How sad. And yes, teenage love was innocent. No worries about how much money you made, profession, car you drove, you could be yourself and not worry about all dating nightmares 30 year olds have to go through.

Rejected Rosebud Established Member

Rejected Rosebud

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My best friend fell madly in love with her high school boyfriend. They had sex - both of their first times. After that, he told all his friends and they told more friends and suddenly she was the "loose" girl at school.

 

What a sweet story. I bet she really yearns to be back with her first love.

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GunslingerRoland Established Member

GunslingerRoland

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And yes, teenage love was innocent. No worries about how much money you made, profession, car you drove, you could be yourself and not worry about all dating nightmares 30 year olds have to go through.

 

So much irony about how you just posted that you couldn`t get a date because you were a plain jane, and yet you talk about being able to be yourself while dating as a teenager.

 

 

Teenage dating is all about the superficial. The car you drove (or even having a car at all) was a huge factor, your access to money (whether you made it or whether it was from the parents), how popular you were. It was very superficial.

 

 

Às long as two popular people got together it didn`t matter how much they had in common as real people, it was a good couple because it fit in with the crowd and it looked good.

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loverage21 Established Member

loverage21

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So much irony about how you just posted that you couldn`t get a date because you were a plain jane, and yet you talk about being able to be yourself while dating as a teenager.

 

 

Teenage dating is all about the superficial. The car you drove (or even having a car at all) was a huge factor, your access to money (whether you made it or whether it was from the parents), how popular you were. It was very superficial.

 

 

Às long as two popular people got together it didn`t matter how much they had in common as real people, it was a good couple because it fit in with the crowd and it looked good.

 

It was superficial THEN. But what if you could reunite with someone from your adolescence/childhood and be just as happy if not happier than with the person you are with now? With one, you get to experience your youth and adulthood versus the other you only get to experience the adulthood piece. Wouldn't you naturally have feelings for that one where you got to experience that youth with, especially if you knew you could be just as happy if not happier? And if that is not the case now...how do you know 10 or so years down the line that childhood sweetheart of yours wouldn't become the best person ever? You wouldn't know.

lino Established Member

lino

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So much irony about how you just posted that you couldn`t get a date because you were a plain jane, and yet you talk about being able to be yourself while dating as a teenager.

 

 

Teenage dating is all about the superficial. The car you drove (or even having a car at all) was a huge factor, your access to money (whether you made it or whether it was from the parents), how popular you were. It was very superficial.

 

 

Às long as two popular people got together it didn`t matter how much they had in common as real people, it was a good couple because it fit in with the crowd and it looked good.

 

I agree with the person you quoted and would say dating in ones adult years is a lot more superficial and materialistic.

 

Like that person said, teenage girls don't care what car or job their teenage boy counterpart has... There simply has to be attraction and tolerance for one another.

 

The teenage girls who did care about that materialistic stuff were with the twenty something year old guys.

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