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My BIGGEST regret is not establishing relationships with girls in my teens

loverage21

By loverage21
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loverage21 Established Member

loverage21

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I never was able to experience love in my naive and innocent days. There is a certain sweetness to that where it cannot be replicated into adulthood. It happens during a time of youth, where we are just "kids" and when life was more spontaneous and more carefree. Where we still lived at home and where we were just learning the world and ourselves.

 

I never was able to experience a girlfriend or love during that time. Nothing serious. That is the biggest regret of my life.

 

It is said some of the strongest bonds are made during your adolescence. People get more sentimental as they age and people make reflections about their youth often. Men and women always have a soft spot for their teen loves, especially as they get older.

 

People deep down inside still have some feelings for their teen love, but they mask it with the love for their current SO.

 

If you knew you could get back with your lover from your teens as an adult, and be just as happy if not more happy, would you deep down have more feelings for that teen love? Or is it the guilt or the moral values that take over and mask those feelings?

 

Do you think we fall in love with ideals and morals and convince ourselves the feelings we are having are for the people we are with, when in fact they are feelings towards the decisions and values we have?

 

I was at my college and walked into someone's dorm. I saw a picture of this guy and this girl in their teens and it was a sweet picture. I wish I could of experienced that.

Edited by loverage21
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Alamo657 Established Member

Alamo657

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I never was able to experience love in my naive and innocent days. There is a certain sweetness to that where it cannot be replicated into adulthood. It happens during a time of youth, where we are just "kids" and when life was more spontaneous and more carefree. Where we still lived at home and where we were just learning the world and ourselves.

 

I never was able to experience a girlfriend or love during that time. Nothing serious. That is the biggest regret of my life.

 

It is said some of the strongest bonds are made during your adolescence. People get more sentimental as they age and people make reflections about their youth often. Men and women always have a soft spot for their teen loves, especially as they get older.

 

People deep down inside still have some feelings for their teen love, but they mask it with the love for their current SO.

 

If you knew you could get back with your lover from your teens as an adult, and be just as happy if not more happy, would you deep down have more feelings for that teen love? Or is it the guilt or the moral values that take over and mask those feelings?

 

Do you think we fall in love with ideals and morals and convince ourselves the feelings we are having are for the people we are with, when in fact they are feelings towards the decisions and values we have?

 

As we age and enter new relationships with people who already have their own past behind them, we would like them to be part of our past in a fantasized version of life where we meet our sweetheart at 15 and end up dying together at 80.

 

But, most people live in the present, and what matters is how young you remain in your head, not how far your memories take you back.

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loverage21 Established Member

loverage21

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But, most people live in the present, and what matters is how young you remain in your head, not how far your memories take you back.

 

But that is a value or an ideal...people are falling in love with that and attaching it to a person.

carhill Established Member

carhill

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I never was able to experience love in my naive and innocent days. There is a certain sweetness to that where it cannot be replicated into adulthood. It happens during a time of youth, where we are just "kids" and when life was more spontaneous and more carefree. Where we still lived at home and where we were just learning the world and ourselves.
Yeah, some strong emotional memories of life are formed during peer integration and, while we can certainly process them out as our brain matures and we gain life experience, they do have traction at a basic level. If I had to point to any particular negative aspect not having a lot of such experiences (I had a few) it would be that more experience would have developed both romantic skills more fully as well as imparted emotional memories which inspired confidence along that path.

 

I never was able to experience a girlfriend or love during that time. Nothing serious. That is the biggest regret of my life.

 

Kinda sticks there, doesn't it? The good news is, for most of us, down the road we experience the breadth of relationships and processing this stuff out becomes easier. Yeah, it's still there but more fragmented and distant with a lot of life separating the then and the now. Along that path I learned the value of choices. You can choose to not regret the past. You have that power.

 

It is said some of the strongest bonds are made during your adolescence. People get more sentimental as they age and people make reflections about their youth often. Men and women always have a soft spot for their teen loves, especially as they get older.

 

That may be so. I was packing up stuff for my move and ran across a belt a young lady made for me when we were involved right after I graduated high school. She was still in school and made it in her shop class. Ha, ha, turned out she was also engaged to a guy in the military. Oops. Back then, that was horrible to me. Now I can laugh about it and appreciate the sentiment of her gift without the whole 'waste' of my emotional energy and love at the time. It taught me some lessons and love is a renewable resource.

 

People deep down inside still have some feelings for their teen love, but they mask it with the love for their current SO.

 

TBH, I've never had that experience. I left school and teen stuff behind and never looked back, meaning I didn't stay in touch with any schoolmates nor did I go to reunions. Nothing there for me so no sense in choosing to do or think something which was of no interest. Other folks have their path.

 

If you knew you could get back with your lover from your teens as an adult, and be just as happy if not more happy, would you deep down have more feelings for that teen love? Or is it the guilt or the moral values that take over and mask those feelings?

 

When I looked at the belt and thought of the young lady, I hoped she went on to have a safe and healthy life and hopefully some grandchildren to bounce on her knee. I also wondered about her brother, who was my best friend at the time and did so much racing with. Kinda reflecting but not on reclaiming the past or anything.

Do you think we fall in love with ideals and morals and convince ourselves the feelings we are having are for the people we are with, when in fact they are feelings towards the decisions and values we have?

 

I liked loving women so I did that. After my marriage ended I no longer felt love for them so I stopped. I still like the 'ideals' but have no interest in the humans anymore, at least at that level. There are plenty of friends to love and life to experience. Will tomorrow be different? Who knows?

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loverage21 Established Member

loverage21

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Yeah, some strong emotional memories of life are formed during peer integration and, while we can certainly process them out as our brain matures and we gain life experience, they do have traction at a basic level. If I had to point to any particular negative aspect not having a lot of such experiences (I had a few) it would be that more experience would have developed both romantic skills more fully as well as imparted emotional memories which inspired confidence along that path.

 

 

 

Kinda sticks there, doesn't it? The good news is, for most of us, down the road we experience the breadth of relationships and processing this stuff out becomes easier. Yeah, it's still there but more fragmented and distant with a lot of life separating the then and the now. Along that path I learned the value of choices. You can choose to not regret the past. You have that power.

 

 

 

That may be so. I was packing up stuff for my move and ran across a belt a young lady made for me when we were involved right after I graduated high school. She was still in school and made it in her shop class. Ha, ha, turned out she was also engaged to a guy in the military. Oops. Back then, that was horrible to me. Now I can laugh about it and appreciate the sentiment of her gift without the whole 'waste' of my emotional energy and love at the time. It taught me some lessons and love is a renewable resource.

 

 

 

TBH, I've never had that experience. I left school and teen stuff behind and never looked back, meaning I didn't stay in touch with any schoolmates nor did I go to reunions. Nothing there for me so no sense in choosing to do or think something which was of no interest. Other folks have their path.

 

 

 

When I looked at the belt and thought of the young lady, I hoped she went on to have a safe and healthy life and hopefully some grandchildren to bounce on her knee. I also wondered about her brother, who was my best friend at the time and did so much racing with. Kinda reflecting but not on reclaiming the past or anything.

 

 

I liked loving women so I did that. After my marriage ended I no longer felt love for them so I stopped. I still like the 'ideals' but have no interest in the humans anymore, at least at that level. There are plenty of friends to love and life to experience. Will tomorrow be different? Who knows?

 

But you probably have not seen her in years...just imagine what if you ran into each other later? Both of you are single....wouldn't it make a sweeter love story to know you reconnected with someone from your youth?

 

What if you were involved with someone else but knew you could move on to you childhood love with little regret? What would hold you back?

burnt Established Member

burnt

Posted
Posted

Again...!?!

Déjà vu.

 

You know there was a joke I liked:

 

if

you ASCII the same question;

then

you get same ANSI;

 

// on infinite loop.

 

If you keep asking the same question, do you expect a different answer?

Better yet, what answer are you expecting to hear from others?

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carhill Established Member

carhill

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But you probably have not seen her in years...just imagine what if you ran into each other later? Both of you are single....wouldn't it make a sweeter love story to know you reconnected with someone from your youth?

 

What if you were involved with someone else but knew you could move on to you childhood love with little regret? What would hold you back?

It could. Anything is possible. In my current state of mind, unlikely. Even when I think, whoa that would be nice, I go, nah, that's just your testicles talkin buddy get a grip. I went through the revisiting the past stuff while married and processed all that out so it's a zero now. Nothing against the people personally. I might be happy to catch up on life and congratulate them on their successes or achievements but there wouldn't be any emotional content in that because, well, they're strangers from the past, ancient past. I'm not saying that's typical, rather authentic. If outlier, no problem. I hear that plenty. :D

dichotomy Established Member

dichotomy

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Older people often regret opportunities not taken when younger. Its normal. I would like to go back and have a stern talk with my reserved boy-scout teen self ! :)

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carhill Established Member

carhill

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Ha, ha, yep my older friends chide me whenever I pass up a sexual opportunity. My retort is, hey, you're married so go for it. Live a little. :D

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loverage21 Established Member

loverage21

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Older people often regret opportunities not taken when younger. Its normal. I would like to go back and have a stern talk with my reserved boy-scout teen self ! :)

 

 

I would do the same.

 

Thing is, I don't want to love because most girls have had a past of some sort. Like I said, it would make sense to have feelings for someone you could spend both your innocent days and adult days with happy versus someone you just spent your adult days with.

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loverage21 Established Member

loverage21

Posted
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Again...!?!

Déjà vu.

 

You know there was a joke I liked:

 

if

you ASCII the same question;

then

you get same ANSI;

 

// on infinite loop.

 

If you keep asking the same question, do you expect a different answer?

Better yet, what answer are you expecting to hear from others?

 

Because I am caught in a delimma. A bad spot.

 

If you could spend both your innocent days and adult days with someone and have a great bond, wouldnt you have more feelings for that person versus someone you didn't spend your innocent days with?

MrDuck Established Member

MrDuck

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I guess my sons mum would be considered my 'teen love', she was the first person I loved.

I will always feel warmly towards her: we travelled the world together, we had a lot of fun, and it was the happiest I'd ever been and it was the start of me making something of my life! Most of all she gave me my son, the greatest gift I've ever had. For the history we shared she'll always have a friend in me.

But would I go back there, no sir! That'd be dumb! We were awesome friends, but we were a bad couple. There's no what if's left there, we weren't right for each other then, we still wouldn't be.

 

 

The only reason for me to go back to any other of my teen relationships would be to right wrongs and be less of a d!ck this time around!! Certainly not to experience a strong connection and innocent love, it didn't exist. Some people have that yeah, but lots don't.

 

 

I wouldn't trade any of them for a single day with my current gf!

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loverage21 Established Member

loverage21

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I guess my sons mum would be considered my 'teen love', she was the first person I loved.

I will always feel warmly towards her: we travelled the world together, we had a lot of fun, and it was the happiest I'd ever been and it was the start of me making something of my life! Most of all she gave me my son, the greatest gift I've ever had. For the history we shared she'll always have a friend in me.

But would I go back there, no sir! That'd be dumb! We were awesome friends, but we were a bad couple. There's no what if's left there, we weren't right for each other then, we still wouldn't be.

 

 

The only reason for me to go back to any other of my teen relationships would be to right wrongs and be less of a d!ck this time around!! Certainly not to experience a strong connection and innocent love, it didn't exist. Some people have that yeah, but lots don't.

 

 

I wouldn't trade any of them for a single day with my current gf!

 

But if you knew you could get back with a girlfriend from your teens now and be just as happy if not happier, wouldn't that be a sweeter love story? Wouldn't you naturally have more feelings towards that teen sweetheart?

BlueIris Established Member

BlueIris

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...

Thing is, I don't want to love because most girls have had a past of some sort. .. .

 

Be careful. That might be what you regret in 5 or 10 years.

 

"Be here now" - Enjoy the time you are living right now.

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dichotomy Established Member

dichotomy

Posted
Posted (edited)
But if you knew you could get back with a girlfriend from your teens now and be just as happy if not happier, wouldn't that be a sweeter love story? Wouldn't you naturally have more feelings towards that teen sweetheart?

 

 

While not exactly a teenager, as a young man I had my first serious loving relationship with a young woman in college. I can say now - that I have never been so loved and so desired (combination thing) by any other woman since then. I do miss that sometimes. But I am not sure I could take a time machine and convince that younger self to stay with her - because me then- and me now are too different people - therefore I think it would not have lasted if I stayed with her. Now if the me now could jump into the body of younger me - well - probably still not - I got kids I love and a life. I should write a SCF_FI book.

 

I also regret as Carhill mentioned I do regret not taking some causal fun (just sex) opportunities with various girls form my teen and young man years. I passed up so much. Younger boy-scout self was cock blocking himself for worthless reasons. Youth is wasted on the young.:rolleyes:

Edited by dichotomy
Wewon Established Member

Wewon

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It is said some of the strongest bonds are made during your adolescence. People get more sentimental as they age and people make reflections about their youth often. Men and women always have a soft spot for their teen loves, especially as they get older.

 

 

Yes, this is true, but like most regrets and views of the past, it all comes down to how you look at it.

 

You missed walking hand in hand with SuzieQ to the malt shop, that's true. You also missed Suzie Q cheating on you, changing her mind several times, dumping you the week of final exams and then wanting to reconcile when her new boyfriend cheats on her.

 

My point is, young love is sweet, but its also capricious and cruel. I look back on my experiences as well as the experiences of others and I see a lot of hormone fueled decisions without the maturity to fully digest and manage them. I had friends that were devastated by things that they would have shrugged off if they had been a couple of years older. I remember that the first girl I slept with ghosted me at the end of the summer (she was a few years older) and I did all kinds of stupid and humiliating things to try to win her back. I saw people make life changing decisions that they also regret today.

 

Don't feel regret for the past unless you're willing to look at the whole picture, including the potential ugly parts.

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SoulCat Established Member

SoulCat

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Same story, different day.

 

OP, you keep peddling this same nonsense 'first love is magical' notion over and over again. Countless posters here on LS counter your 'knowledge' based on their life experience yet you continue to disregard them and continue your quest for validation of this notion of 'first love'. To the point of having it affecting your job. An important job, where you are the very person who's actions can determine someone's life.

 

You really need to disclose this obsession to your therapist. You, at this point, are in no state to be in control of other people's lives.

 

 

You need to get yourself in a healthy place first.

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LivingWaterPlease Established Member

LivingWaterPlease

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loverage, I had three loves in high school and after I became single I had the opportunity to become involved with two of them. Not sure whatever happened to the third and have some curiosity about him but that's all, not interested in reconnecting and don't know if he's married or not.

 

Long story short, when reconnecting with these two guys (both single) after I divorced I was surprised to learn neither was anything like I expected them to be and neither was anyone I was remotely interested in having any type of relationship with.

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blackcat777 Established Member

blackcat777

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The secret answer to this problem is also one of the secret answers that keeps relationships fun, hot, and exciting well into your golden years: try new and exciting things with your partner.

 

Take a dance class. Go rock climbing, if that's your thing. Play a game together.

 

The trick is to keep that element of play... My boyfriend and I have agreed that while we may both age, we'll never stop acting like 12 year olds together. It's our goal to acquire the K'nex Big Ball factory before the next big snowstorm. ;)

 

When you share new experiences and play together, it captures that magic of "first love" again. First loves are generally the most exciting (in a way) because everything is NEW!

 

This is why surprises are also sooooo important in romance! It's an art to keep the paralysis of routine from creeping in, but it's an art worth learning.

 

Then, the other part of the equation is having a partner that likes to reciprocate. :)

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loverage21 Established Member

loverage21

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Same story, different day.

 

OP, you keep peddling this same nonsense 'first love is magical' notion over and over again. Countless posters here on LS counter your 'knowledge' based on their life experience yet you continue to disregard them and continue your quest for validation of this notion of 'first love'. To the point of having it affecting your job. An important job, where you are the very person who's actions can determine someone's life.

 

You really need to disclose this obsession to your therapist. You, at this point, are in no state to be in control of other people's lives.

 

 

You need to get yourself in a healthy place first.

 

I guarentee you tho that the feelings you have for your current SO would not be the same if you knew you could get back with someone from your innocent days and be just as happy if not happier. Because with one, you get to experience both your youth and adulthood. With the other, you just get to experience adulthood.

lana-banana Established Member

lana-banana

Posted
Posted
I guarentee you tho that the feelings you have for your current SO would not be the same if you knew you could get back with someone from your innocent days and be just as happy if not happier. Because with one, you get to experience both your youth and adulthood. With the other, you just get to experience adulthood.

 

Nope, absolutely not. I don't want to experience the same happiness I had in youth with the guy I loved then. I want to experience what I have, today, with the man I love now. I don't care about the experiences of my youth; those were ages ago from a time I hardly remember. What I have now is so much better.

 

Stop obsessing over the past. You can't change it.

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loverage21 Established Member

loverage21

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loverage, I had three loves in high school and after I became single I had the opportunity to become involved with two of them. Not sure whatever happened to the third and have some curiosity about him but that's all, not interested in reconnecting and don't know if he's married or not.

 

Long story short, when reconnecting with these two guys (both single) after I divorced I was surprised to learn neither was anything like I expected them to be and neither was anyone I was remotely interested in having any type of relationship with.

 

But how do you know you may not be compatible NOW? People do change overtime. Some for the better. Some for the worst. If you knew you could reconnect with an old flame from high school and be just as happy if not happier than being with your current SO, wouldn't you have more feelings for that old flame deep down inside?

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loverage21 Established Member

loverage21

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Nope, absolutely not. I don't want to experience the same happiness I had in youth with the guy I loved then. I want to experience what I have, today, with the man I love now. I don't care about the experiences of my youth; those were ages ago from a time I hardly remember. What I have now is so much better.

 

Stop obsessing over the past. You can't change it.

 

 

But you are falling in love with a moral or principal and projecting that onto your current SO

 

The "I am happy with what I have now" principal

 

It made you feel good to say that

LivingWaterPlease Established Member

LivingWaterPlease

Posted
Posted
But how do you know you may not be compatible NOW? People do change overtime. Some for the better. Some for the worst. If you knew you could reconnect with an old flame from high school and be just as happy if not happier than being with your current SO, wouldn't you have more feelings for that old flame deep down inside?

 

Well, I met two of them and there was no compatibility. With the third one, communication was really lacking. I'd fallen in lust with him and called it love, basically.

lana-banana Established Member

lana-banana

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Posted
But you are falling in love with a moral or principal and projecting that onto your current SO

 

The "I am happy with what I have now" principal

 

It made you feel good to say that

 

Um, no? I fell in love with the amazing, ridiculous, and overwhelmingly fantastic man of my dreams. He is the best man I've ever known, warts and all, and no fairy tale could make it better. It had nothing to do with a moral or a principle.

 

I know you are desperate to believe everyone who didn't find love at age 15 is miserable, but it's not true. The vast majority of adult couples in the western world met as adults and are blissfully happy because of it.

 

I do feel good with what I have now. It's the best. :love:

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