DarkKnightt Posted January 24, 2016 Posted January 24, 2016 My ex and i of broke up 5 months ago after a 2 year relationship. After 5 months of NC from me - (im the dumpee) it was my exes bday. So i sent her flowers to her work. I did it for a number of reasons 1. to wish her a happy bday 2. to show her theirs no bad blood on my end of things 3. hoping to reopen the channels of communication after the NC period. Anyways she rang me. I didnt recognize her num as she told me at the time of the break up she was deleting my number. The call was a surprise, i wasnt expecting it and to hear her voice made me panic a little. She said thanks for the flowers and asked me why did i send them? She sounded sad on the call. Rather than dragging the call out and or getting upset i merely said cant really talk at the moment, i sent the flowers to wish you a happy bday, hope you liked them, gotta go. Take care and hung up. I let a week go by and text her following the chat saying sorry for the abruptness of the call, that it caught me by surprise, reiterated that i sent the flowers to wish her a happy bday and said take care. Within seconds she replied with "its ok, thanks for the flowers, i just dont understand why someone who hates me so much would do that" (FYI i never said i hated her, i immediately went into NC at the break up so maybe that where she got this idea) Anyways i replied with "I dont hate you, glad you liked the flowers, off out, enjoy your weekend" She sent the last text saying "Take care of yourself". After that i didnt reply and just left it. Yesterday i sent her a "across the bow" text, it was light hearted and was based around a memory we both shared. I was with friends and saw something that reminded me of this memory and i smiled so again in the hope of re-establishing communication I texted her. The text was short and to the point and didn't display any request to reply, although i was hoping she would alas she has not. I suppose my question to everyone is what should i do? I do want to meet her and chat so i can see for myself am i romanticizing the old relationship we had in my head or are the feelings real. Why do you think she hasnt replied? I am fooling myself into thinking i can get this girl back or does she need more time?
Alamo657 Posted January 24, 2016 Posted January 24, 2016 My ex and i of broke up 5 months ago after a 2 year relationship. After 5 months of NC from me - (im the dumpee) it was my exes bday. So i sent her flowers to her work. I did it for a number of reasons 1. to wish her a happy bday 2. to show her theirs no bad blood on my end of things 3. hoping to reopen the channels of communication after the NC period. Anyways she rang me. I didnt recognize her num as she told me at the time of the break up she was deleting my number. The call was a surprise, i wasnt expecting it and to hear her voice made me panic a little. She said thanks for the flowers and asked me why did i send them? She sounded sad on the call. Rather than dragging the call out and or getting upset i merely said cant really talk at the moment, i sent the flowers to wish you a happy bday, hope you liked them, gotta go. Take care and hung up. I let a week go by and text her following the chat saying sorry for the abruptness of the call, that it caught me by surprise, reiterated that i sent the flowers to wish her a happy bday and said take care. Within seconds she replied with "its ok, thanks for the flowers, i just dont understand why someone who hates me so much would do that" (FYI i never said i hated her, i immediately went into NC at the break up so maybe that where she got this idea) Anyways i replied with "I dont hate you, glad you liked the flowers, off out, enjoy your weekend" She sent the last text saying "Take care of yourself". After that i didnt reply and just left it. Yesterday i sent her a "across the bow" text, it was light hearted and was based around a memory we both shared. I was with friends and saw something that reminded me of this memory and i smiled so again in the hope of re-establishing communication I texted her. The text was short and to the point and didn't display any request to reply, although i was hoping she would alas she has not. I suppose my question to everyone is what should i do? I do want to meet her and chat so i can see for myself am i romanticizing the old relationship we had in my head or are the feelings real. Why do you think she hasnt replied? I am fooling myself into thinking i can get this girl back or does she need more time? You lost it the moment you sent her flowers. You simply screamed at her "I WANT YOU BACK". If she was available and willing to fix things, you'd have heard more from her. The fact she's ignoring your message probably means she doesn't know what to answer to you, because there is nothing to answer; The Relationship is over. 3
Simon Phoenix Posted January 24, 2016 Posted January 24, 2016 Yeah, she's not interested. If anything, the flowers confused her and made her feel uncomfortable. That was a bad idea. She hasn't initiated contact at all, you have all three times -- first with the flowers, then with the apology for cutting off the conversation, now with the "across the bow" text. You're chasing, and that's a bad thing. You need to go back to No Contact and continue with it until you are healed and feeling indifferent. And you should do this to move forward, not to wait to try to restart things. I really do not think she wants anything to do with you romantically. Sorry man.
erklat Posted January 24, 2016 Posted January 24, 2016 Dude, are you following get your ex back scam guides ? Because what you did sounds awfully like you do to me. You never send flowers to her workplace because that puts woman in very uncomfortable spot, even if you were in romantic relationship, you simply don't do that. From a perspective of completely healed person who also sent gifts and all kinds of other chit, I wouldn't want to be in your spot.
dyna85 Posted January 24, 2016 Posted January 24, 2016 The fact that part of your question is 'does she need more time?' is concerning because it shows you are not accepting of the facts/reality as it stands. If she broke up with you, she doesn't need more time. I know it hurts, but it's over for good, as far as you know it. Stop sending her stuff and then analyzing her responses and/or non response. You need to start shifting the focus to yourself and take the focus off of how you can get her back with you. I think you could have handled the phone call a bit better, and that's definitely a bit confusing, since you sent the flowers but were rather abrupt with the call. If anything, that is the element that she probably found most confusing. When she asked why you had sent them, that was the perfect opportunity to man up and express your heartfelt feelings right there. Yet you were so quick and abrupt. I also think after she said 'take care of yourself,' you should have responded with something. Even 'same to you' or something simple. At this point, she's probably confused by your actions and since you're not really expressing yourself clearly in terms of your intentions and seem to be playing it off all nonchalant, she probably doesn't know what to make of it and figures it's better to just let it be.
Blanco Posted January 24, 2016 Posted January 24, 2016 Stop playing games. You're trying to cultivate this nonchalant attitude with her now so as to not appear needy. You know what comes across as needy? Sending flowers to an ex girlfriend at her place of work nearly half a year after you last heard from her when she dumped you. Sorry, man, but I remember your original thread on this and the relationship sounded DONE then. It still sounds done, except you still seem to think she needs time to come back around. Reality is, this girl was barely of legal drinking age when you two started dating. It's possible she simply outgrew the relationship or realized she preferred to experience life as a young single woman before settling down in domestic bliss. Her supposed actions after the breakup suggest that this is a likely scenario. I know it's hard to move on after a relationship that meant a lot to you. But you're just setting yourself up for more anguish with this crap now. I've made the mistake of biding my time, waiting for them to come back; thinking it was inevitable. You know what? They never did. Not for a relationship, anyway. This girl not wanting you to hate her is not the same as her wanting to be with you. I'm sure she's not an awful person, so of course there's likely part of her that feels some sadness about the relationship's end. Again, that doesn't mean she wants to resume it. This is going to hurt for a while, but you're only going to drag it out unnecessarily by pretending to move on while not actually moving on at all.
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