LadyLike30 Posted January 24, 2016 Posted January 24, 2016 This is a question primarily for the ladies... Have you ever just got with a guy who wasn't right for you - that you wouldn't date seriously, just cuz you wanted to get loose, have good times with - especially for sex? I've been out of the dating scene for a while, got dissed for garbage chicks, heart broken, and put stuff like work and family as priority...and am just fed up. I deserve just someone to put a smile on my face in more ways than one I'm looking at a couple of guys, but have some reservations. Both are tall, handsome, yummy - but one of them, while he claims he's not cocky, already is turning me off with the way he presents himself. I know that I'm a rockstar in bed, but don't need to wear it as a T-shirt. The other, he's not cocky, but again, I have reservations about embarking on something with someone younger. So, can you ladies give me some stories where you just went with "Mr. Right just for now" situations? I wish I could just turn off the logic in my brain and just relax and enjoy the ride and once I get my fill, just move on and concentrate on meeting "Mr. Right for the long term" and/or have fun with "Mr. Right just for now", while still pursuing/keeping my eyes open for someone for the long term. Thanks
mrldii Posted January 24, 2016 Posted January 24, 2016 If you're just in it for the fun, then you need to stop looking for/recognizing/acknowledging their faults as to why they're not suitable relationship material. If you can't turn off that filter, then you're not really in it to just fool around, so you need to stop deceiving yourself. There's no right or wrong answer...you just need to stop mixing apples and oranges. Unless, of course, you enjoy a fruit salad as your only meal each time you're hungry. Best of luck to you, OP... 3
oberkeat Posted January 24, 2016 Posted January 24, 2016 If you're just in it for the fun, then you need to stop looking for/recognizing/acknowledging their faults as to why they're not suitable relationship material. If you can't turn off that filter, then you're not really in it to just fool around, so you need to stop deceiving yourself. There's no right or wrong answer...you just need to stop mixing apples and oranges. Unless, of course, you enjoy a fruit salad as your only meal each time you're hungry. Best of luck to you, OP... Exactly. OP is putting too much thought into this. Most of the time FWB situations are ones where the guy has qualities that make him ideal for sex but not really long term relationship material. Stop overthinking it. 1
preraph Posted January 24, 2016 Posted January 24, 2016 Well, because you wouldn't want someone to do it to you, you don't want to use someone who might actually develop feelings for you. I sort of think that is best confined to maybe someone you dated but both of you just knew you weren't a good match but had fun in bed.
candie13 Posted January 24, 2016 Posted January 24, 2016 This is a question primarily for the ladies... Have you ever just got with a guy who wasn't right for you - that you wouldn't date seriously, just cuz you wanted to get loose, have good times with - especially for sex? I've been out of the dating scene for a while, got dissed for garbage chicks, heart broken, and put stuff like work and family as priority...and am just fed up. I deserve just someone to put a smile on my face in more ways than one I'm looking at a couple of guys, but have some reservations. Both are tall, handsome, yummy - but one of them, while he claims he's not cocky, already is turning me off with the way he presents himself. I know that I'm a rockstar in bed, but don't need to wear it as a T-shirt. The other, he's not cocky, but again, I have reservations about embarking on something with someone younger. So, can you ladies give me some stories where you just went with "Mr. Right just for now" situations? I wish I could just turn off the logic in my brain and just relax and enjoy the ride and once I get my fill, just move on and concentrate on meeting "Mr. Right for the long term" and/or have fun with "Mr. Right just for now", while still pursuing/keeping my eyes open for someone for the long term. Thanks I understand your reaction all to well, to be sick of it and sick of trying. I'm not a big fan of Mr Right NoW. I actually don't believe this BS, perhaps because I am very much aware of what I really want - and Mr Right Now is not exactly it. Coming out of some not such helpful and happy events would however, make you more vulnerable so just make sure that you stay grounded and do some self work and some healing, while letting your hair down. I'm not judging you, actually, I can totally understand your need for a "break"... I just think that most of the times, a good flirting session with some dude in a bar is more than enough for me - I don't need to exchange phone numbers to realize that the dude is wrong for me. Just... think about what you really really need. I think wanting to go out and have a good time with Mr Right Now may be just another form of escapism, to avoid the loneliness and disappointment and ... yeah, pain. So while time is needed to heal and forgive and forget, perhaps some fun can't do any damage either. Bottom line: listen to your intuition. If your intuition says no, don't go for it. I've gone for Mr Right Now... it was soothing, but the circumstances were strange. He is 4 years younger and bright. We had more of a mental attraction. He was moving away from my city - so we got to spend some weekends together. But... I dunno, he was acting like he was my bf. Which was good and bad... because in the end, sex was great - just not that good, he was playing bf without actually being my bf, we were playing house, but had no idea when we'd see eachother again (I didn't even know if I wanted to). We would go to the cinema and dinner at home and drinks with some friend... and going to exhibits and spa... I dunno... It wasn't a f"ck buddy or a RS. It was weird. It was ok - I guess, because I did get laid and managed to get over my last bf of 6 months without getting treated like dirt and I do like him as person, which is important to me. I think at the time, I had difficulties with the whole FWB concept - never quite really done it. So... yeah, that's my experience, haha. Perhaps, if I really felt like it, I would have chosen a more hunky guy, I would have spent much much less time with him outside bed and just got on with my life... that's the theory... in real life, something is always off, haha! 1
Lois_Griffin Posted January 24, 2016 Posted January 24, 2016 Have you ever just got with a guy who wasn't right for you - that you wouldn't date seriously, just cuz you wanted to get loose, have good times with - especially for sex? Oh hell no. I don't waste my time with guys like that and certainly not for sex.
Robratory Posted January 24, 2016 Posted January 24, 2016 I'm looking at a couple of guys, but have some reservations. Both are tall, handsome, yummy - but one of them, while he claims he's not cocky, already is turning me off with the way he presents himself. I know that I'm a rockstar in bed, but don't need to wear it as a T-shirt. The other, he's not cocky, but again, I have reservations about embarking on something with someone younger. I think you need to distinguish between real deal-breakers and your fears, which make you irrationally picky and fussy. And I don't mean just you. This happens to all of us. You remember "Seinfeld?" That was a recurring gag. Jerry was forever backing out of dating women over the most insane little things. In one case, he decided against seeing a woman again because she liked a TV commercial he didn't. Right, neurotic stuff like that. I think we often project far into the future and then disqualify people because we don't see them in that future. But who says they would stick around that long anyway? That also goes for someone we think is perfect. Another thing we do is live in a state of constant buyer's remorse. We think, what if there's someone so much better just around the corner? So we let the bird in the hand go, and if we do that enough times, what happens? We wind up old and alone. 1
Recommended Posts