Popsicle Posted January 24, 2016 Posted January 24, 2016 Okay, we know the 1st marriage didn't work out, but do you feel happier or the same or worse in your 2nd marriage? I am especially interested in hearing from middle aged men, but any remarried man can answer.
mrldii Posted January 24, 2016 Posted January 24, 2016 [Not a man, but hopefully you don't mind...] When my first husband remarried after ours collapsed due to incompatibility, he married a woman who was even more of all the things I am. They went on to be happily married for almost 20 years, until her untimely death. Apparently, he was able to learn the lessons from his first go-round (and our MC sessions), so yeah... ...it can be done. 2
Author Popsicle Posted January 24, 2016 Author Posted January 24, 2016 Thank you for your response mdrii. I did want to hear directly from the men though, so many threads here are estrogen filled. Wanted to hear the guys.
mrldii Posted January 24, 2016 Posted January 24, 2016 Sorry, OP...my first husband isn't a member of LS or any other online discussion board, so he wouldn't be able to comment. Ironically, he's happily remarried again after his 2nd wife's death; since I felt his experience spoke to the topic, I thought I'd share it...especially since there's less likelihood that men who'd have positive responses would be around, online, to speak to it making the poll results rather skewed. 1
WaitingForBardot Posted January 24, 2016 Posted January 24, 2016 Although I've only been married this one time, all of my relationships leading up to this were also longterm and, had things gone just a little differently, I could have been married to any of them, probably happily for the most part. From that perspective... Every one of my relationships has been completely different than the others, with the exception that they all involve/d me. And happier or not is really such a subjective thing. There are times and in aspects that I am happier now than I have been in any previous relationships and in other aspects by which I was happier in parts of previous relationships. What matters to me is that I am happy/satisfied in my marriage right here, right now. I don't dwell on what I may or may not have had before, as I don't personally consider it relevant to the present. 1
big dog Posted January 24, 2016 Posted January 24, 2016 I'm middle aged and remarried. Mine is happier for sure...but... I married my first when we were 19. Way too young. I was way too unsettled and after 15 years i bailed out. The grass is always greener somewhere else you know... It was totally my fault. Anyway, you asked for middle aged men. With age comes wisdom and also a certain calmness. No more of the stuff that causes major issues. More settled in life. Don't get me wrong. middle aged people have problems too. But they know how to handle things differently and be a little more patient & understanding. Also, after the first marriage I think most people are more careful to make sure they have the right one the next time. But all in all I would not recommend divorce to anyone...period. If there's any way at all to work out your marriage...do it ! Unless infidelity is involved and so forth.... then I recommend getting out. Some people stay together and do OK but the marriage is never the same after that. Trust & respect are things that are easily lost and extremely hard to regain. Just my thoughts on it.... 1
SolG Posted January 24, 2016 Posted January 24, 2016 Hey Popsicle :-) More secondhand testimony here... Sorry! My brother is in his second (and I'm certain last) marriage; they have been married for decades now. When referring to his first M--which is very infrequent--he calls it his 'practice' M and W. His current M is his 'real' M and W. In our sibling heart-to-hearts he has often told me how his W is the best thing that ever happened to him. They have one of the best Ms I've ever witnessed. So yeah, I believe that it is definitely possible that a man can be happier in subsequent Ms. 3
dichotomy Posted January 24, 2016 Posted January 24, 2016 (edited) Okay, we know the 1st marriage didn't work out, but do you feel happier or the same or worse in your 2nd marriage? I am especially interested in hearing from middle aged men, but any remarried man can answer. I fit the bill. But I am not sure how to answer fully in a way that would be helpful to you. Its complicated. But I will try without being too long winded. I guess generally the second marriage has turned out better - but only recently - after 10 years. There were painful losses and hard work during the early years. I stayed with it, and worked on it, and on my wife, and the child that came into it. I lifted mountains. As for happier then the first marriage - I suppose in a number of ways yes I am happier at this time, I have somethings I always wanted, but in in a few remaining areas - no I am not happier. In fact I am sad, and sometimes mad, about these last remaining issues. I am trying to resolve these last two things - and I know my wife is at least trying a little as well. I have grown and accomplished much in my life during this marriage, fixed somethings in myself - things I should have fixed before my first marriage and certainly before this current second one. This marriage forced me to fix myself as well. So thats a good thing in this second marriage. From my wife's perspective- she would say this marriage has been extremely better and happier - for her - than her first one and I am good for her. Edited January 24, 2016 by dichotomy 1
central Posted January 24, 2016 Posted January 24, 2016 Okay, we know the 1st marriage didn't work out, but do you feel happier or the same or worse in your 2nd marriage? I was married for 24 years the first time - I was never happy or satisfied in that marriage. I divorced her and dated a lot, but I wanted another relationship and made sure I knew what traits were necessary for a happy marriage, according to the experts and my own particular wishes. I found what I hoped for - and it was even more than I expected. The past 16 years with this woman have been simply amazing. We have both been happy, and it still feels like the honeymoon phase. That's despite some health and external problems that hurt many relationships. Yeah, I'm happier! 2
dichotomy Posted January 24, 2016 Posted January 24, 2016 I I divorced her and dated a lot This I think was my major mistake - I barely dated between marriages. 1
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