Jump to content

Just broke up & I want to write him a letter/email, pls offer ideas...

miss-gonewest

By miss-gonewest
in Breaks and Breaking Up

 Share
While the thread author can add an update and reopen discussion, this thread was last posted in over a month ago. Want to continue the conversation? Feel free to start a new thread instead!

Recommended Posts

miss-gonewest Established Member

miss-gonewest

Posted
Posted

I need some help here, if you can spare a minute to read my story... especially as I just paid money for "advice on getting your ex back" (an online ebook) and it was pure rubbish!!!!

 

I just broke up yesterday with my man and it was a pretty horrid breakup and I would like some advice on a few things. Or any good jokes as all I have done is cry for 2 days, LOL!

 

Just some background, we had been together for several months, and from the start we clicked and were pretty full on. He works away, so for the time he was home, we'd spend it together and we always had a great time... however we started having a few arguments due to his social activities.

 

In his time off (one week) he'd like to have fun and this meant drinking, partying and catching up with friends... Which was fine, however it meant that sometimes when I'd see him he'd be tired and sometimes hungover... or we'd go out and have a few drinks together, and we would always end up having fights, which we'd make up from.

 

However over the weekend, he snapped and called it quits - again after drinking.... this time he said he has truly had enough and that things should end... he is now refusing to speak to me, or see me, or even remain as friends...

 

I know that this situtation isn't the healthiest but we were very much in love and we are both dominant people. And we do both love each other but I think at the moment the conflict has worn us down.

 

I would like to get back with him - not today, but maybe in a few weeks. We both do tend to overreact as we are stubborn, strong personalitied people, but we were also very good at apologising, talking through our issues, and resolving to fix them.

 

My problem is, that I would really like to put some things into writing as I know this isn't a good time for us to be talking because we are both still emotionally raw. He is however pretty defensive at the moment, so I need to know the right things to say... and how I can try and appeal to his loving side (which he has). When we broke up and separated, he told me that he loves me very much, but he is just drained from the arguments...

 

I am very much prepared to change my attitude and my behavior as I know I have been far from perfect; I also know that fundamentally he won't change, at least not without some time (he's only 27).

 

I just really need to know how to approach him with some apologies and thoughts, and hopefully a proposal to open the door to getting back together, or at least being friends.

erika2610 Established Member

erika2610

Posted
Posted
Originally posted by miss-gonewest

I need some help here, if you can spare a minute to read my story... especially as I just paid money for "advice on getting your ex back" (an online ebook) and it was pure rubbish!!!!

 

I just broke up yesterday with my man and it was a pretty horrid breakup and I would like some advice on a few things. Or any good jokes as all I have done is cry for 2 days, LOL!

 

Just some background, we had been together for several months, and from the start we clicked and were pretty full on. He works away, so for the time he was home, we'd spend it together and we always had a great time... however we started having a few arguments due to his social activities.

 

In his time off (one week) he'd like to have fun and this meant drinking, partying and catching up with friends... Which was fine, however it meant that sometimes when I'd see him he'd be tired and sometimes hungover... or we'd go out and have a few drinks together, and we would always end up having fights, which we'd make up from.

 

However over the weekend, he snapped and called it quits - again after drinking.... this time he said he has truly had enough and that things should end... he is now refusing to speak to me, or see me, or even remain as friends...

 

I know that this situtation isn't the healthiest but we were very much in love and we are both dominant people. And we do both love each other but I think at the moment the conflict has worn us down.

 

I would like to get back with him - not today, but maybe in a few weeks. We both do tend to overreact as we are stubborn, strong personalitied people, but we were also very good at apologising, talking through our issues, and resolving to fix them.

 

My problem is, that I would really like to put some things into writing as I know this isn't a good time for us to be talking because we are both still emotionally raw. He is however pretty defensive at the moment, so I need to know the right things to say... and how I can try and appeal to his loving side (which he has). When we broke up and separated, he told me that he loves me very much, but he is just drained from the arguments...

 

I am very much prepared to change my attitude and my behavior as I know I have been far from perfect; I also know that fundamentally he won't change, at least not without some time (he's only 27).

 

I just really need to know how to approach him with some apologies and thoughts, and hopefully a proposal to open the door to getting back together, or at least being friends.

 

I say give it time. If it's meant to be, he'll come back... he may just need some time.

  • Author
miss-gonewest Established Member

miss-gonewest

Posted
  • Author
Posted

You are right... he does need time, especially to stop being angry... but he will be away at work for two weeks and its a perfect time for me to send him an email (he works in a very isolated place) ...

 

I'd like to be able to apologise for some things I said, and for how he is feeling about things... I kind of know where to start, but I'd also like to know what sort of things to AVOID saying...

 

I'd like to hear of some things people may have said that have worked in opening up channels of forgiveness...

Fetish 2 Member

Fetish 2

Posted
Posted

If he's working in an isolated place, he probably has some time on his hands to thinnk and reassess the situation..and...I think that reeiving an email from you will be very comforting and it the right spot on the heart

 

Truthfully, tell him what your heart is thinking.

 

Be open to him, don't be afriad to let him know how much you love him... don't be desperate but in the email you have to convey that you have your head screwed on and you are the one who has assessed the situation and can think clearly.

 

Be clear on what you want. Make sure you alo let him know u understand where he is coming from and maybe say that you both just need some time apart. Ask him to think about things and that whatever he decides you will respect that that is what he wants. However, tell him you do want him back and you do want to work on things and change things because u think your relationship is worth it.

 

Also maybe let him know what impact he had on your life. For example, when my boyfriend and I had a fight, he emailed me letting me know how I inspired him to study and aim high.... It was really nice to read.

 

Good luck with it.

  • Author
miss-gonewest Established Member

miss-gonewest

Posted
  • Author
Posted

Fetish, thank you so much for your advice, it was exactly what I wanted to hear...

 

I have a feeling there may be a chance to salvage our relationship, and even if he doesn't want to hear what I have to say, at least I can go forward knowing I tried...

 

One of my favourite quotes, is that its better to regret something you HAVE done, then something you haven't done.

 

I'll prolly post back here for advice on a draft... or at least let you know how things go.

 

But thanks again for your encouragement, I really appreciate it :)

Fetish 2 Member

Fetish 2

Posted
Posted

No problems at all... Glad i could help a little.

 

That's right... in whatever you do: no regrets.

 

Let us know how you went with writing the email and how he responds

 

Goodluck once again xxx :)

  • Author
miss-gonewest Established Member

miss-gonewest

Posted
  • Author
Posted

Fetish the hard part will be composing the letter... I have no idea where to start!

The easy part will be hitting that send button. LOL - :sick:

 

I do know that I will be best to wait a few days to clear my head - and to think a little about the best way to approach this.

  • Author
miss-gonewest Established Member

miss-gonewest

Posted
  • Author
Posted

Ok, I figure to get any real help, I should be open with my situation - because as I am learning pretty quickly on here, each story has a different ending and a different angle... So this is really long, but its my story.

 

Hopefully after reading it someone can give me some advice - or a kick in the butt - whatever is warranted. I am so clinging on to hope here, and it may not be healthy. So, if you have time, read away and hit me with your thoughts....

 

We had been together for nearly 4 months - we met and hit it off right away. He works away - 2 weeks in an isolated town, and 1 week home. At first we took it slow - then it just progressed into talking every night and then seeing each other for 4-5 days out of the 7 he was home.

 

The first ever argument was about his partying with his friends when he was home - he totally dedicated time to me, but he would have big (12 hour) drinking sessions with his brother, and sometimes recreational dr~gs. I was worried, but he told me he was fine and I agreed that he had the right to let off steam on his break home.

 

The same thing happened again on another of his visits home, we sorted it out and moved on. At this stage we realised that as we both had dominant personalities, it was the way we were.... we were destined to argue, esp when drink was involved.

 

A few weeks ago, we were out and had been drinking and he snapped over something silly. It escalated into a “you said/you did/you are” argument and he told me he wanted to break it off. After a day or two calming down, he apologised, told me he loved me and we moved on.

 

Last week we argued for the first time he was away (on the phone) however the next day he again apologised, and we worked it out again, when I picked him up from the airport that night. Things were sooo tense - we had argued, we had promised we wouldn't and things were just getting exhausting. We had a full weekend planned with activities, a night away etc. We fought on Saturday morning and after talking agreed that we would do as planned on the weekend and just calm things down a bit... talk a few nights while he was away and not make such grand plans for when he was home...

 

Things were great, until while we were away on Sunday night - again after we'd had a few bottles of wine - he snapped. He didn't want to sleep with me, I got upset and he snapped. He grabbed his things and was about to leave me 1.5 hours from home on my own... I had no choice but to drive home with him where I tried to calm him down. He refused to look at me or speak to me and ordered me from his house. [i did stay there - away from him - as I couldn't drive there was a massive storm, it was 3am and I had had a few glasses of wine].

 

I also wanted to speak with him gently in the morning when he had sobered up, however he was adamant that I leave his house and leave him alone. He wouldn't even say goodbye.... I haven't spoken to him since...

 

From this it sounds like he has a drinking problem - I don't think he does, he's young (27) and has worked away and worked hard all his life. My problem is that I would get annoyed at him spending time partying with his friends, and was never content with the quality time he did give me. Secondly, we put so much pressure on ourselves not to ever say a cross word, that I think it just forced our hands into being narky!

 

He did tell me he loved me - and I know he does. I also certainly cannot blame him for being exhausted with the fights - I am too. But I really have faith that if we do give each other a break, we can at least be friends... or am I being totally delusional?

em88 Member

em88

Posted
Posted
He did tell me he loved me - and I know he does. I also certainly cannot blame him for being exhausted with the fights - I am too. But I really have faith that if we do give each other a break, we can at least be friends... or am I being totally delusional?

 

im feeling u. exact same thing with me. but he refuses to talk to me now. i called telling him i wanted to clear thngs up so we could have a friendship becasue its important to me. but he had nothing to say. i just really hope in teh future we can be friends. we fought alot too. i was tired of it, but never thought it would end with a breakup. the only thing i can do now is give myself and him time.

  • Author
miss-gonewest Established Member

miss-gonewest

Posted
  • Author
Posted

My god, I REALLY need help here! I don't know what this means....

 

So yesterday I sent the email (you can see my other posts!) and got no reply, so then got upset... I woke up this morning all strong and ready to put this behind me and move one... the ball was in his court and he didn't want to play, so no more moping!

 

Then... 5 minutes ago I got a text message from him that solves some questions but opens up a whole lot more!

 

A. I didn't get a reply to my emails because he hasn't gone back to work, so hasn't seen them, therefore couldn't reply! Duh!!!

 

But his message was sooo strange!

 

I am in a tipping competition at work which he helps me out with and in his message today all he said was, "I'd still like to be in the tipping if that's alright with you. Not this week though as I've decided to stay in town for a few days".

 

What the $#@$ does that mean?

 

He basically threw me out his house on Sunday, telling he never wanted to see me or speak to me again!!! At the time I asked if we could be friends - keep in touch on email, he could help me with the competition and we could talk on the phone while he was away and he told me he didn't want anything to do with me!

 

And now this.

 

What do I do??? Someone please help me because all I want to do is call him and ask him why.... and I know I will beg!!!

Treasa Established Member

Treasa

Posted
Posted

This isn't related to cows, is it? :confused:

 

Honestly, don't call him. He hasn't professed his undying love for you. If you must, send him back a text message saying, "Ok." And then *leave it at that*.

 

Don't show your cards, don't call him, don't email him again, and do NOT get emotional, no matter what happens.

ErinErinErin Established Member

ErinErinErin

Posted
Posted

More than likely he is sitting and missing you somewhere right now...give him the chance to miss you...let him come to you...

 

Remember: You Are The Prize...

beachblonde21 New Member

beachblonde21

Posted
Posted

I say just give it time. Like someone else said if it's meant to it will work out. Its always hard when there is someone you care about and one second things are fine and you can't imagine life without them, then you turn around and they are gone....out of your life.....and you had no say so.....no control. And Your thinking what did u do to deserve this? I recently read the book "he's just not that into You" and let me tell you.....every girl should read it single or taken. it really made me realize alot of things. the book was very blunt and to the point. It made me look at my old relationship in a whole new light and i realized alot of things weren't my fault. The book goes into detail about what guys are thinking. So please read that and pary about it and take time, don't rush things. You never know what could be waiting for you around the corner. Always know that you deserve the best and you're not going to settle for anything less!!!! There is someone out there who will offer you everything and more.

ErinErinErin Established Member

ErinErinErin

Posted
Posted

LOL- I just finished reading "He's just not that into you" and that's where I got my advice from- it truly is an eye-opener- kicks you in the a@@ alittle bit and makes you realize that if he can look you in the eyes and reject you, then he is not worth one more second of your time...

 

Let him come crawling back- and he will...

  • Author
miss-gonewest Established Member

miss-gonewest

Posted
  • Author
Posted
Originally posted by Treasa

This isn't related to cows, is it? :confused:

 

No, sorry I should've explained... :o

 

Its related to football! We pick a team to win each of the 8 games played on a weekend. Geddit? :)

 Share
Go to topic listing
×
×
  • Create New...