Do girls make it obvious for guys they are into?

[AgainstAllOdds1]

People have told me that if a girl is interested in you, she'll make it obvious and there isn't a whole lot of figuring out to do. But how true is this?

 

I can't remember a time a girl has ever approached me, invited me anywhere (outside of a large group event), shown extremely clear signs of interest, and I have to initiate interactions nearly all the time. I don't feel it's supposed to be this difficult, and it's why I found and joined the forum.

 

I'd like to believe a lot of people feel this way, but I see all sorts of people finding their matches. In some fashion, the girl is letting them know they're interested. I'm not bad looking, am outgoing and hold down a decent job, but I feel I'm putting in nearly all of the energy into interactions. I don't want to sound arrogant when I say this, but I can't honestly believe ZERO girls would have no interest in any way, shape or form.

 

What do you think? Do girls make it easy for guys they like?

[carhill]

I think that does occur for some men with some women; historically, and I've been pretty sensitive to this stuff due to its extreme rarity, I've seen little to no difference between women who want to be friends, women who are attracted, women who have boyfriends and women who are married. Beyond getting the 'don't get within 100 yards of me, baldie', there's been little difference and I've dabbled in all groups. In fact, back before learning to verify, I got myself into a couple of unwitting affairs because I mistook the interest of married women for that of single ones.

 

Good on the guys who figured all that stuff out. I've done all the relationship stuff pretty much and can't point fingers and say 'friend, lover, single, married, whatever'. Time, however, usually reveals truths.

 

I've never met a woman who 'makes it easy'. I have met women who don't make it hard. I've met tons of women with armor plating a GAU8 would have a hard time piercing. It's been a total crapshoot. Sorry!

[normal person]

You're probably just not paying enough attention. Women make it very easy if you know what to look for. I'm pretty sure every woman I've been involved with in my life has came from her just making it obvious. It's hard to mess up at that point.

 

The trick is to ask yourself why a girl is doing the things she's doing. Does she hang around you a lot when she could be elsewhere? Does she talk to you when there are 50 other guys in the bar? Is she in no rush to do things without you? Those are good "obvious" signs.

 

Aside from that, a girl's MO is usually to get you to notice her and let you take it from there. Women will do things like make eye contact from across the room, bump into you lightly, etc. Stuff that seems subtle to a man. If she does this stuff and you don't have any response, she might assume you just aren't interested and cut her loss.

[AverageJoe1986]

Yes. The problem can be that every guy has times when they just think that all women fancy them. It's evolutionary so that men can approach women with a degree of confidence. The hard thing is to try and filter that out and interpret her signals accurately.

[red.velvet]

I agree with normal person. Pay attention to the things she is doing.

When I like a guy, I believe it's very easy to tell. I mean, he gets my attention and my time.

[soph-walker]

I tend to clam up if I like a guy, I can be chatty as a jaybird, however, telling a guy I'm interested romantically speaking - face to face - is something I'm still learning on how to do.

 

In my experience, I've never really chased/pursued a guy, they've always been the one to make the first move. I in no way expect a guy to make all of the first moves, it's just how it's been...whether it's the guy making the first move to kiss, or to tell me they have feelings for me.

 

It's funny, I hear one side of the coin telling women to chase a guy if they're interested (I don't see anything wrong with doing this!) and the other side of the coin is saying that guys feel emasculated if women do the chasing and that they naturally like to lead.

 

So who the heck even knows?!

[normal person]

 

It's funny, I hear one side of the coin telling women to chase a guy if they're interested (I don't see anything wrong with doing this!) and the other side of the coin is saying that guys feel emasculated if women do the chasing and that they naturally like to lead.

 

So who the heck even knows?!

 

I think there's a difference between "chasing" and "showing interest."

 

Chasing implies an overt display of affection; showing all your cards at once and betting the farm. Showing interest means making less of a bet; a more calculated, measured approach. It's the difference between saying "I like you" and "Do you want to do a shot with me?" One method just gives it all away, the other might just implant the idea in his head as a possibility, allow you to save face, and allow him to take it from there if he wants. There's no emasculation going on in the second method. Guys are happy to get the green light and take it from there.

Edited January 24, 2016 by normal person

[GravityMan]

People have told me that if a girl is interested in you, she'll make it obvious and there isn't a whole lot of figuring out to do. But how true is this?

 

Aside from women who are shy or socially anxious, I think it is true that most women will make it obvious if they're interested in a guy.

 

However, "obvious" does not necessarily mean "blunt" or "direct"...as in brazenly walking up to a guy and asking him out, or otherwise showing all her cards. People can be obvious in any number of indirect ways. Indirect interaction comprises a large percentage of all interaction, so it is important that you are able to understand it. Otherwise you may have a hard or awkward time in many aspects of life.

 

Any adult guy who is able to pick up on verbal/nonverbal social cues in general, body language and read between the lines a bit (i.e. pays attention) should not have much difficulty telling when a woman is interested in him or not, especially with a bit of experience in what to look for. (That said...even an inexperienced guy shouldn't have much trouble sensing that a woman's interested if he pays attention and is able to pick up on cues halfway decently.) This stuff ain't rocket science. A lot of it is intuition.

[ASG]

You're probably just not paying enough attention. Women make it very easy if you know what to look for. I'm pretty sure every woman I've been involved with in my life has came from her just making it obvious. It's hard to mess up at that point.

 

The trick is to ask yourself why a girl is doing the things she's doing. Does she hang around you a lot when she could be elsewhere? Does she talk to you when there are 50 other guys in the bar? Is she in no rush to do things without you? Those are good "obvious" signs.

 

Aside from that, a girl's MO is usually to get you to notice her and let you take it from there. Women will do things like make eye contact from across the room, bump into you lightly, etc. Stuff that seems subtle to a man. If she does this stuff and you don't have any response, she might assume you just aren't interested and cut her loss.

 

 

Yeap, this is pretty much what I do. And most guys pick up on it. If they don't, I gather they're not interested and move on.

 

I remember a guy I ended up dating for about a year, for a couple of months before we got together, I flirted very lightly and kinda planted the idea in his head. When we finally got together he said he didn't even know where it all came from and how it happened.

[Reitteg813]

Depends on the girl.

 

I've had some make it obvious by her and I always making eye contact and then I finally went up and introduced myself and got her number.

 

Another time that comes to mind this girl did not make it obvious at all. Never looked at me or anything, no eye contact, went up and talked to her anyways, never smiled, short answers. The next time I see her I talk to her again, get her number, and the first time we hung out she was just the opposite and made it very clear. She was smiling non stop, always laughing, teasing me, much more open, etc.

 

Sometimes you can, sometimes you cant, depends on the personality of the girl.

 

Think about it from your own perspective. Do you always make it obvious to a girl that you're attracted to her? I definitely don't. I might see her and find her extremely attractive and take a peak here and there but thats about it. Eventually I'll approach her but before that, no clues really other than if she caught me looking.

[preraph]

All girls aren't all one way. In general, if you wait for a girl to ask you out, you'll be waiting a long time.

 

There are gregarious social girls who may not be afraid to come up and talk to you, but they may also be talking to everyone else in the room as well so it probably doesn't mean anything other than they're very social, and if you're not fearless, they probably won't be interested anyway.

 

There are girls too shy to even let a guy know they might be interested, but if you ever even bothered to say hi to one of those, they'd react positively and give you encouraging smiles if they were flattered, though the whole thing would be awkward at first.

 

Then there are girls just somewhere in the middle, which is most people, who won't take the initiative to talk to you first unless you're in a repetitive group situation like class together. But just because they talk to you, again, they probably talk to everyone they're thrown together with.

 

Out in a party of club setting, there are many women who will put themselves in your close vicinity and just hover hoping you'll say something. So if you catch a girl doing that more than once randomly, you should say something about the club or party or something and if she talks back and doesn't just smile and move away, she at least thinks you're interesting enough to check out. I would say most of them would stop short of just staring and smiling like all the misguided books say.

 

Unless you're very high on the physical attraction scale, you won't have girls just coming up and soliciting you. And I would add that if you are that high on the physical attraction scale, you won't like it when they do because it keeps you from being able to pursue who you want to pursue.

 

And I've noticed over and over again guys who start thinking a clerk or waitress likes them simply because they are doing their job in a friendly manner, which they are instructed to do. If you are waiting for something to materialize like that, you're wasting a lot of precious time. You can ask them out (waitresses and waiters get hit on all the time because they're so nice trying to get tips), but it's like anything else. There is no sure thing.

[oberkeat]

Depends on the girl.

 

I've had some make it obvious by her and I always making eye contact and then I finally went up and introduced myself and got her number.

 

Another time that comes to mind this girl did not make it obvious at all. Never looked at me or anything, no eye contact, went up and talked to her anyways, never smiled, short answers. The next time I see her I talk to her again, get her number, and the first time we hung out she was just the opposite and made it very clear. She was smiling non stop, always laughing, teasing me, much more open, etc.

 

Sometimes you can, sometimes you cant, depends on the personality of the girl.

 

Think about it from your own perspective. Do you always make it obvious to a girl that you're attracted to her? I definitely don't. I might see her and find her extremely attractive and take a peak here and there but thats about it. Eventually I'll approach her but before that, no clues really other than if she caught me looking.

 

I agree. I think OP should just approach the women he finds attractive and give it his best shot. If she's not interested, move on to the next one. All this effort interpreting women's "signals" is a waste of time. You don't need a green light to approach.

[carhill]

I'll share my perspective on this because it also was an issue as a young man:

 

I can't remember a time a girl has ever approached me, invited me anywhere (outside of a large group event), shown extremely clear signs of interest, and I have to initiate interactions nearly all the time. I don't feel it's supposed to be this difficult, and it's why I found and joined the forum.

 

Forums didn't exist back in my day so, heh, I just smashed my face into the concrete wall of ignorance sufficiently to gain a bit of wisdom over time.

 

Perhaps other members can share their common signs of interest. I'll offer a few significant ones.... starting with the most recent

 

Goes out of her way to be in my space; direct eye contact, smiles, a little thrusting with her, whoa, ample bosom, a bit of hair flip. All that to bring me a check that she really didn't have to bring. I'd have gone up to the office to get it.

 

Result: Married.

 

Next:

 

Heh I still laugh about this one. Again, we're focusing on signs, not results. At party, approaches, into my space (that's a good sign), direct eye contact (another good sign), some pupil dilation (could be due to room light), breasts brush against arm (could be accidental), belly pushes against groin when getting in close to make a particular point of conversation (pretty expressive, right?)

 

Result: Married.

 

Next:

 

Going back to OP's age, here's a classic. We kind of stare at each other. She blushes a bit and turns away. Later, more obvious signs of interest like direct eye contact, lingering glances, erect body posture with breasts thrust forward and into my space and hips moved in a seductive reproductive method and motion and, over time, dress which accentuates her 'assets'.

 

Result: That one was good. Turned out, after significant contact, that she was also married and I must've 'misunderstood' her, or so she stated. No doubt.

 

Anyway, comparatively, the single women I've interacted with, precious few, only occasionally exhibited such signs. TBH, the overriding commonality was that they continued to show up when asked on dates and did become affectionate over time, at least the ones I had relationships with and the lady I married. At the beginning though, those married gals had the sign stuff, at least what I recognized as signs, down to a T.

 

One lesson in this that the OP perhaps can gain is to work to recognize the signs and act on them without consideration of details like relationship status and then process that stuff out as it occurs and without investment in any particular outcome. Another possible strategy is to be what men of my generation call a 'skirt chaser' and cast a wide net and, again without investment in outcome, let whatever happens, happen. Less efficient, sure, but one method to gain further clarity on signs, both of interest and disinterest.

[Reitteg813]

I agree. I think OP should just approach the women he finds attractive and give it his best shot. If she's not interested, move on to the next one. All this effort interpreting women's "signals" is a waste of time. You don't need a green light to approach.

 

Yup. Not worth looking into signals. You never know for sure unless you try. Some show signs of being interested cause theyre are just very outgoing, charismatic, and smile at everyone and they still might reject you. Others may be shy and slower to warm up to and may be very interested but not show a single sign. Just go up to her if you find her attractive and want to get to know her better. I'd rather get rejected than keep thinking "what if?"

[BronzeAgeJaeger217]

All girls aren't all one way. In general, if you wait for a girl to ask you out, you'll be waiting a long time.

 

There are gregarious social girls who may not be afraid to come up and talk to you, but they may also be talking to everyone else in the room as well so it probably doesn't mean anything other than they're very social, and if you're not fearless, they probably won't be interested anyway.

 

There are girls too shy to even let a guy know they might be interested, but if you ever even bothered to say hi to one of those, they'd react positively and give you encouraging smiles if they were flattered, though the whole thing would be awkward at first.

 

Then there are girls just somewhere in the middle, which is most people, who won't take the initiative to talk to you first unless you're in a repetitive group situation like class together. But just because they talk to you, again, they probably talk to everyone they're thrown together with.

 

Out in a party of club setting, there are many women who will put themselves in your close vicinity and just hover hoping you'll say something. So if you catch a girl doing that more than once randomly, you should say something about the club or party or something and if she talks back and doesn't just smile and move away, she at least thinks you're interesting enough to check out. I would say most of them would stop short of just staring and smiling like all the misguided books say.

 

Unless you're very high on the physical attraction scale, you won't have girls just coming up and soliciting you. And I would add that if you are that high on the physical attraction scale, you won't like it when they do because it keeps you from being able to pursue who you want to pursue.

 

And I've noticed over and over again guys who start thinking a clerk or waitress likes them simply because they are doing their job in a friendly manner, which they are instructed to do. If you are waiting for something to materialize like that, you're wasting a lot of precious time. You can ask them out (waitresses and waiters get hit on all the time because they're so nice trying to get tips), but it's like anything else. There is no sure thing.

 

Yup, that sums it up

[Wewon]

My experience has been similar to Carhill's.

 

Ofcoarse, every woman will say the same thing, "My signals are perfectly clear if you're paying attention." but you will also find that women have an equally common experience of "How could he not realize that I was just being friendly?!".

 

The problem is, there is no standard social etiquette for what qualifies as a "signal" so for an outgoing woman, laughing at your jokes is her being friendly, but for a woman that is more reserved its on par with ripping your pants off.

 

My personal experiences have ranged from my ex who said that she was practically falling into my lap (we had a conversation about current events while at work) to women that said that they were being friendly after having a similar type conversation.

 

My best success with women came when I stopped beating myself up for getting signals wrong and simply approach who i wanted, fully expecting to get rejected part of the time.

[carhill]

The problem is, there is not standard social etiquette for what qualifies as a "signal" so for an outgoing woman, laughing at your jokes is her being friendly, but for a woman that is more reserved its on par with ripping your pants off.

 

That's a good point and I totally neglected the laughing at the jokes thing, as I totally neglected the overt touching thing and the 'I love you' thing and, whoa, a whole bunch of other things I could have a hilarious afternoon laugh about on a Sunday.

 

Outgoing- yes, that's excellent. Having had many female friends in life, I've seen the gamut so am used to the differences between an outgoing personality and a more neutral to introverted one.

 

Going back to my first example, having now known her for years, her response to me was, and still is, 'different' than her usual demeanor with men in that realm. In fact, what surprised me about our first encounter was how 'out there' it was compared to her usual demeanor around others. How do I know? Observation. As a younger guy I wasn't much into that stuff because, well, I wanted to reproduce As an older guy it's easier to sit back and observe.

 

I meet/have met lots of outgoing women and they're wonderfully bubbly and engaging and friendly, all without signs of sexual interest. They're easy to suss out because inevitably they mention their husband or boyfriend. Heh. I tend to default to unavailable until and unless signs of sexual interest arise and then assess those signals compared to the enormous catalog of stuff from the past and place my odds and then see how it plays out. There's no investment in an outcome anymore, so it's fun.

 

What I usually find is that an overt response usually shuts the fakers down cold. In other words, taking signs of sexual interest as sexual interest and responding in kind. This works especially well with the married gals. They backpeddle so fast I'm surprised their skirt doesn't get caught in their chain. It's all just innocent, right?

[Buddhist]

What do you think? Do girls make it easy for guys they like?

 

Girls are not a hive mind. They are all different. Some will make it obvious some won't. Maybe you are attracted to introverts which is the least likely type to make it obvious.