StrangerThanFiction Posted January 24, 2016 Posted January 24, 2016 Forgive me for the novel So my ex reached out to me a couple weeks ago via text after almost 9 months of total radio silence. This was completely fine by me. Without boring you with too many details of our RS I'll say that we ended really badly. Lying, cheating, stealing, and a little physical abuse on his side. Over the past 9 months I've let go of the hurt and anger caused by what he did to me. My self esteem and self respect is back and over the last few months I've felt great and he's barely crossed my mind in that time. Fast forward to a few weeks ago when he texted me. When I saw his number pop up on my phone all I felt was suprise. Nothing else. He texted me something like "thinking of you, wanted to see how you were doing". Classic. I examined my feelings and seeing that there was nothing there I figured let bygones be bygones and I'd text him back and see what he wanted. So for the last few weeks we've been sporadically texting back and forth (He was always the one to instigate each conversation). I never gave him any specific details of my life now and I never asked any about his because, frankly, I don't really want to know and he'd probably lie about them anyway. So we just chatted about inane BS. No talk of our past RS except for some few offhand comments. Then last night things turned a little sexual, and lo and behold all of a sudden he's going to be in my town for work and wants to meet up for a meal or coffee. I do admit my responsibility for letting the conversation go in that direction, however. I shouldn't have let that happen. I'll add that the final reason that led to our BU was the fact that I found out he had been cheating on me with another woman for the last two years of our 7 year RS. She has and had no idea I even exist. He was able to pull this off because his job is one that has him travelling all over the country. I have no idea if he's still with her or with someone else but it wouldn't suprise me if he is and that things are perhaps getting stale and he's looking to spice up his sex life with some tennis match cheating. Or just trying to pull the whole "woman in every port" so to speak. But I could be totally wrong and all he wants is to catch up. Anyway, my question to ya'll is: should I meet up with him? I can state that I DO NOT want to get back together with him because I DO NOT trust him. Also, my feelings for him are very different than what they used to be and I will never allow myself to go back to the way I was when I was with him. I'm feeling very confused about the situation right now and could use some objective insight on the matter. I'm leaning towards not meeting up with him because I'm feeling a lot of anxiety just thinking about it. My mind screaming at me not to do it perhaps? 2
Simon Phoenix Posted January 24, 2016 Posted January 24, 2016 Absolutely not. This guy cheated on you and abused you. Why would you even consider such a thing? What is the point? 2
dyna85 Posted January 24, 2016 Posted January 24, 2016 I agree with Simon and having read your prior and recent posts, I have to say, I have felt so happy for you with the progress you have made over the past year since you went back to him and had the whole thing crumble for the 2nd time or whatever, and you've come back from it all and are doing so much better. Why would you want to subject yourself to this torment all over again? Like Simon says, 'what is the point?' Seriously. Why would you want to even be friends with someone who cheats and lies and is abusive emotionally and physically? You mentioned in one of your prior posts that when you said goodbye to him you meant it, but you're slowly allowing him to weasel his way back into your life? Why is this? 3
Cora Posted January 24, 2016 Posted January 24, 2016 I'd say no. I mean it isn't like you're meeting some long lost friend or an old classmate or something just to catch up. This is a guy who hurt you. What would be the point of meeting up with him? What would it accomplish? You said yourself you do not want him back. So would this meeting benefit you in any way? That's just my opinion though. By the way, I think it's awesome you managed to stay NC for almost 9 months! 3
countingstarsagain Posted January 24, 2016 Posted January 24, 2016 I agree with those posting before me - don't do it. You owe him nothing. And who would be benefiting from this meet up? Definitely not you. Move along It would have to feel good to have the option of meeting up with him, only to take the power and say no. 2
fireflywy Posted January 24, 2016 Posted January 24, 2016 So he cheated on you, might be with the other woman he cheated with you on, and you had a bad relationship and now you are asking if you should meet up with him? Here's a little story to help you.... The Scorpion and the Frog A scorpion and a frog meet on the bank of a stream and the scorpion asks the frog to carry him across on its back. The frog asks, "How do I know you won't sting me?" The scorpion says, "Because if I do, I will die too." The frog is satisfied, and they set out, but in midstream, the scorpion stings the frog. The frog feels the onset of paralysis and starts to sink, knowing they both will drown, but has just enough time to gasp "Why?" Replies the scorpion: "Its my nature..." I think your answer is a big, fat, NO. 4
Oregon_Dude Posted January 24, 2016 Posted January 24, 2016 What in God's name could be gained from such a meeting? IGNORE. 2
minimariah Posted January 24, 2016 Posted January 24, 2016 you're still not over him -- if you were, you'd block him without a 2nd thought. that being said, no - you shouldn't meet up with him. chances are... you'll hook up with him, sleep with him, kiss him... something along those lines (be honest with yourself and aware of your weaknesses) - he'll screw you over again and you'll be left to pick up the pieces... again. so do yourself a favor and block him RIGHT NOW & call it a day. 3
kidm Posted January 25, 2016 Posted January 25, 2016 (edited) No. Never. Don't revisit the past. Hell no. I find it a little suspect that you hear from him when he is going to be in your town and the chat also turned sexual in nature. I wouldn't be surprised if he is prepping you for a booty call. Even if that wasn't the case, my response remains the same as I've written above: A big HELL NO. Edited January 25, 2016 by kidm 3
Zahara Posted January 25, 2016 Posted January 25, 2016 You're not over him. This man disrespected and abused you and yet you dabble the thought of seeing him -- because there's a part of you that still desires his validation. He's probably going, "I did all that crap to her and yet she still entertains me." What a great ego boost for him. And the fact that he took the conversation on a sexual route sounds like he's trying to see if you'll play and if so, maybe worm his way into your pants at some point. You said your self-esteem and self-respect is back -- that means not allowing people that mistreat you back into your life. He was the reason you lost yourself in the first place. 2
Neffer Posted January 27, 2016 Posted January 27, 2016 Please don't. You seemingly can't see it, but he has you on the hook again. You are not as over him as you seem to think. Do not undo all progress that you made getting over him. Re-read that parable about the scorpion. Its actually how I think of my ex. They haven't changed. Don't fall into the trap. Just because you SEE the trap- you can still fall for it. 2
RySant Posted January 27, 2016 Posted January 27, 2016 I can't even believe you're asking this. LOL. This is a dangerous road you're trekking. 2
Author StrangerThanFiction Posted January 27, 2016 Author Posted January 27, 2016 Hey all, I'd like to say thank you and then give you an update. First off, my deepest thanks to all of you. Everything you guys said was absolutely true and it put the situation into the crystal clear perspective that I needed. The update: I did NOT meet up with him and have since blocked him . Those of you that said I wasn't as over him as I thought were correct. It seems I still have a few suitcases to unload from my emotional baggage department when it comes to him. There was still a part of me that wanted the validation and ego boost of him wanting me back, even if I had no desire to do so myself. I should've realized that the anxiety and turmoil I felt when he contacted me was a big fat neon sign telling me that talking to him was a really bad idea. You guys were right when you said there is no point in meeting up or in continuing talking. The guy is a grade A jerk and not worth my time and can no longer afford the rent for the headspace he was taking up. So thank you all again for helping me to give my head a shake so I could see past the vulnerable, still hurt person I was to the strong, confident person I'm becoming. 5
Satu Posted January 27, 2016 Posted January 27, 2016 No. Don't meet up with your abuser. Block him from everything. 2
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