Not Sure If This Belongs Here: Friend's Engagement.

[elseaacych]

I suppose this forum is where this goes. I am trying to figure out what to feel, after all. Happy, maybe? Confused, definitely. I am crying because I am overwhelmed. I will try to keep the story brief, because it may not be a situation I can do anything about.

 

I am a girl, I have a distant guy friend, and I have had a crush on him for a while. Maybe three years or so, but we have known each other for about 6 years. We met at each other's high school graduations because our parents were friends, hit it off, and went our separate ways, but stayed in touch via social media. We met each other again when we ended up in separate departments in the same company in 2013, but we were both in relationships, and we stayed friendly, because we had the same interests, similar senses of humor, you know, things that would make two people friends, but we didn't really go out as friends.

 

My relationship went south a few months later, and I took the looooong road in coping with that loss, and he had no part in it, other than eventually (like, months later, probably) finding out that I was single. Meanwhile, he's still in a relationship, so I don't do anything to indicate that I am interested in him (because girlfriend) So we're still distant friends, and we're still growing up, in our separate ways, in separate towns, separate schools. Liking each other's stuff on Facebook occasionally. That kind of friendship.

 

Last June, he finished his master's degree, and got a job offer in a different state. I did the go to the graduation thing, bought him lunch before he left, he told me that he was getting engaged around January, and I wished him well, because, you know, we were still friends. And he still had a girlfriend. His girlfriend went with him. I wished both of them well. (I kind of seethed on the inside, but whatever. I have my own life and interests, and they don't revolve around him.)

 

To give you an idea of what's happened since then, I get a random text from him in November, and we text back and forth, and it cuts off. I, of course, check his relationship status because I am curious, and was looking for something that probably wasn't there, like a break up. But, really, what was I going to do about that if that was the case? He's like, four states away.

 

So, I got a random text from him tonight, late-ish, Yay, engaged. I text him back congratulations, best to both of you. He asked me how I was, and I shut it down because I didn't know what to say at the time. (I was just enjoying a glass of wine, at home, by myself, perfectly fine, thank you much! <3)

 

And I am just so happy for him, and so upset at the same time. And I don't know how to feel.

 

TL;DR: Distant crush got engaged, mixed feelings. Probably nothing I can do about it other than manage emotions.

 

Could use some advice, thanks for reading.

[The Poster]

Ahh I'm sorry. That's a tough position to be in. It just seems like it was never meant to be, as you were always in relationships and living away from each other.

 

I've developed crushes on girls in serous relationships before, best you can do is just let it go and understand there's nothing you can do. Cut any real contact with him. Hide him on social media. Basically treat it like a mild breakup.

 

Hope you feel better.

[minimariah]

it's totally fine to feel some kind of way about his engagement.

 

you like this dude, he isn't available and well... it sucks because his happy news aren't really happy for you. i'd completely cut off contact if i were you -- you can either be straightforward about it or just keep your conversations as short as possible. give yourself some time, occupy yourself with things you like, maybe start dating...? whatever works for you.

 

good luck.

[elseaacych]

Thank you both for your thoughtful responses. I've decided to let it be for now. Life's too short to be spent moping over lost potential.