mortensorchid Posted January 23, 2016 Posted January 23, 2016 In my recent dating history, I have dated a bunch of frogs quite literally. They are not princes, they remained frogs once I have kissed them for clarification. They are either commitment-phobic, too self involved, or Bad Boys. They have a habit of appearing then disappearing, or being wishy washy, or being a Bad Boy with what Bad Boys do on their down time. I have adopted a new thinking these days, in that a gal should wait for Mr. Right but that doesn't mean that she can't have a good time with all the Mr. Wrongs. Two I've been seeing off and on for the last two years, one is divorced the other never married and are commitment phobic for their own reasons. Another is a younger guy who is a good man but we never seem to really have "it". Another is a Bad Boy who reappeared after 3 years of silence to tell me he was sorry about how he behaved way back when. Now? I'm seeing all of them, I rotate them as I like when it fits schedules. Why? I'm lonely, I will admit that. I want to be with someone, but I'm waiting until something better comes along. Am I wrong to think this? Sometimes I doubt myself thinking I am setting myself up for another big fall, but ... What do I do in the meantime? Sleep alone?
truth_seeker Posted January 23, 2016 Posted January 23, 2016 I can't blame you for playing the field... but, what I've noticed, women who tend to do this, it leaves a stench, a stain, that other guys pick up on and that usually translates into the wrong guys going for you and the good ones avoiding you. 5
smackie9 Posted January 23, 2016 Posted January 23, 2016 Get yourself a nice rescue dog. When you head for the dog park or the beach to walk you doggie, you will meet someone nice. 4
Oregon_Dude Posted January 24, 2016 Posted January 24, 2016 Literally?I'm literally dying with disappointment at the mass misuse of this word. 8
Oregon_Dude Posted January 24, 2016 Posted January 24, 2016 What do I do in the meantime? Sleep alone?And yeah. That's certainly within the realm of possibility. This "rotation" of men women do nowadays, apparently simply to stave off loneliness, is unbecoming.
lino Posted January 24, 2016 Posted January 24, 2016 If ever more proof was needed that most women simply cannot be alone... How lucky for the chump that ends up being 'Mr right' after you've been shared around by these 3 guys 2
lino Posted January 24, 2016 Posted January 24, 2016 And yeah. That's certainly within the realm of possibility. This "rotation" of men women do nowadays, apparently simply to stave off loneliness, is unbecoming. It is absolutely disgusting, to put it the nicest way possible. Thank you sex and the city for creating such a lovely generation of women! 2
lana-banana Posted January 24, 2016 Posted January 24, 2016 (edited) Wow, is it really necessary to kick the OP while she's down and shame her for her choices? As if all men are just chaste, virtuous heroes only looking for marriage---and no one seems to think it's disgusting if a man has multiple partners. The only disgusting thing I see in this thread is the sexism and shaming. I personally prefer to be alone than to share the company of someone who doesn't fulfill me. However, there's nothing wrong with settling for Mr. Right Now if that makes you happy enough, but it sounds like it doesn't. I especially advise against sticking around with people you know are a bad fit for you. If you aren't satisfied in these pseudo-relationships you may be better off waiting until you find someone who more closely meets your needs. Edited January 24, 2016 by lana-banana 10
brothers343 Posted January 24, 2016 Posted January 24, 2016 U understand where your coming from OP. You just don't want to develop a tendency to just fall for guys that are so called (frogs). I used to be a wild man before mariege and i could smell woman that wanted to have just fun a mile away, but what you don't understand is that while your mind is programed for Mr.wrong right now it's going to be hard to reprogram your mind when Mr . wright comes along. Good luck. 1
xxoo Posted January 24, 2016 Posted January 24, 2016 Sleep alone? Would that be so bad? I don't have a big problem with casual sex, but I see so many women with a history of bad relationships share this trait of not being able to just be alone. When you're starving, any crumb is a meal. So they accept crumbs. Better to learn how to feed yourself. Sex might be a band aid for a bigger problem. 4
kendahke Posted January 24, 2016 Posted January 24, 2016 It does take a certain amount of discipline for one to be in their own company instead of having a string of almost-rans taking up space and time. I'd feel worse being in the company of someone who woefully misses the mark because that's time and focus taken from me to put myself out there (smackie's advice is excellent) in order to meet someone with the qualities for which I'm looking. Unfortunately, many, many people use others for marking time because they either can't stand to be alone or they don't have the discipline to do it. You won't die if you don't have sex; as for me, having sex with someone I feel nothing for is soul-killing. I like myself too much to do that to me. 1
mrldii Posted January 24, 2016 Posted January 24, 2016 OP, just do you, boo. Spending time with Mr. Right Now may just make Mr. Right more noticeable when he does show up. Besides, if some of the responses in this thread are any indication, "sleeping around" is apparently another extremely effective way to ward off the undesirables, too. 3
Rejected Rosebud Posted January 24, 2016 Posted January 24, 2016 In my recent dating history, I have dated a bunch of frogs quite literally. They are not princes, they remained frogs once I have kissed them for clarification. They are either commitment-phobic, too self involved, or Bad Boys. Why do you ONLY pick guys like that, then? I notice that you haven't mentioned even once dating guys who were fine but it just didn't work out. Anyway as long as you keep picking them ... that's what you'll have. Now? I'm seeing all of them, I rotate them as I like when it fits schedules. Why? I'm lonely, I will admit that. I want to be with someone, but I'm waiting until something better comes along. Am I wrong to think this? Sometimes I doubt myself thinking I am setting myself up for another big fall, but ... What do I do in the meantime? Sleep alone? I don't think there's anything wrong with playing the field or having casual sex for fun, it's lame that these guys on here are making you out to be bad for doing so, I'm sure they do it themselves or would if they got the opportunities! But you are not doing it in a healthy way. WHY are you surrounding yourself with a "rotation" of guys you think lowly of AND who have already rejected you in the past?? That is self defeating. 4
truth_seeker Posted January 24, 2016 Posted January 24, 2016 I don't know, OP... is it that you're meeting frogs or is it you? I can remember going on a date with a woman and she told me about her past relationships how they never worked, and how the guys she was meeting were losers... I looked at her and wanted to run. If you're a great catch, why are the men leaving the relationship? Why are men you're meeting not wanting to date you. I asked myself these questions as I was listening to this woman and realized: she needs a shrink not a man. 3
Jame22 Posted January 25, 2016 Posted January 25, 2016 I'm literally dying with disappointment at the mass misuse of this word. Not just literally, but "quite literally."
Poutrew Posted January 25, 2016 Posted January 25, 2016 Well, it sure sounds like you're having lots of fun, waiting for Mr. Right to sweep you off your feet, OP. But, what makes you think you are good enough for Mr. Right? What makes you think you are not just another (female) frog? The thing you gals just don't seem to get is that Mr. Right is not a stupid man. He is checking you out before he ever approaches you. He is asking friends about you, looking you up on social media, and who knows what else. And what do you think he will find? That you are just another frog princess, juggling 3 or more men on the side, acting like a typical, selfish, loose, woman. He will walk away from you without you even knowing you have been vetted and found deficient. There is a biblical phrase that seems quite appropriate in this case: "Don't cast your pearls before swine." But, don't sweat it too much. You can develop a nice hobby, juggling your froggies around to suit your mood at the time, and eventually you will settle for one of them, warts and all. And, lest I be considered sexist, the very same applies to guys who think they can have their fun whilst waiting for Mrs. Right to skip merrily into their lives... 1
insert_name Posted January 25, 2016 Posted January 25, 2016 Wow, is it really necessary to kick the OP while she's down and shame her for her choices? As if all men are just chaste, virtuous heroes only looking for marriage---and no one seems to think it's disgusting if a man has multiple partners. The only disgusting thing I see in this thread is the sexism and shaming. I personally prefer to be alone than to share the company of someone who doesn't fulfill me. However, there's nothing wrong with settling for Mr. Right Now if that makes you happy enough, but it sounds like it doesn't. I especially advise against sticking around with people you know are a bad fit for you. If you aren't satisfied in these pseudo-relationships you may be better off waiting until you find someone who more closely meets your needs. The issue is that she is using them until someone better comes along. Do you think she has been honest with these guys and told them 'look, you aren't relationship material, but hey you are the next rung up on the ladder from sleeping alone!'. One, or more of them could be under the impression that there is a potential relationship there. Would you be happy to be treated like that?
lana-banana Posted January 25, 2016 Posted January 25, 2016 The issue is that she is using them until someone better comes along. Do you think she has been honest with these guys and told them 'look, you aren't relationship material, but hey you are the next rung up on the ladder from sleeping alone!'. One, or more of them could be under the impression that there is a potential relationship there. Would you be happy to be treated like that? This is one of the cases in which the poster's history is quite germane to a current thread. Have you read OP's threads? There are no guys eager for a dedicated, serious relationship. She talks about spending time with men who are ambivalent at best and actively disinterested at worst. If anything, she and her partners are mutually using each other. I think other posters are on the right track in suggesting she may be subconsciously going after the wrong type of guys. One of the most painful but accurate things I've ever heard is "the only constant in all your failed relationships is you". OP, think about why all these guys don't seem to be into you and vice-versa. Is it where you're finding them? Are you trying to avoid emotional intimacy? Do you approach men in the same way every time? 1
insert_name Posted January 25, 2016 Posted January 25, 2016 This is one of the cases in which the poster's history is quite germane to a current thread. Have you read OP's threads? There are no guys eager for a dedicated, serious relationship. She talks about spending time with men who are ambivalent at best and actively disinterested at worst. If anything, she and her partners are mutually using each other. I think other posters are on the right track in suggesting she may be subconsciously going after the wrong type of guys. One of the most painful but accurate things I've ever heard is "the only constant in all your failed relationships is you". OP, think about why all these guys don't seem to be into you and vice-versa. Is it where you're finding them? Are you trying to avoid emotional intimacy? Do you approach men in the same way every time? Well in that case all is in fair in love and war then. Although it all seems terribly sad. I am in OP's situation and to a certain extent I do have the same attitude- I have met a girl I am quite keen on but she seems to be using me til something better comes along. In that case I will use her back and keep my options open too. It is depressing because I really value her as a person whilst it seems she has been used for sex by other guys. This seems to be what dating in the modern age is all about though. Everyone is a potential ego boost rather than a person with their own thoughts and feelings and they are there to be toyed with because hey- something better always comes along right? So sad. 1
truth_seeker Posted January 25, 2016 Posted January 25, 2016 Well in that case all is in fair in love and war then. Although it all seems terribly sad. I am in OP's situation and to a certain extent I do have the same attitude- I have met a girl I am quite keen on but she seems to be using me til something better comes along. In that case I will use her back and keep my options open too. It is depressing because I really value her as a person whilst it seems she has been used for sex by other guys. This seems to be what dating in the modern age is all about though. Everyone is a potential ego boost rather than a person with their own thoughts and feelings and they are there to be toyed with because hey- something better always comes along right? So sad. I've seen on this forum the term "friend zone". Once you're in the "friend zone" supposedly you're stuck there. I feel people like OP and others like her are stuck in a "zone". I don't think there is a term for this but you could call it the "frog zone". OP has a history of bouncing around and not being able to stay with one guy. It seems like she's stuck in the "frog zone". Maybe someone else can come up with a better name for this?
Redhead14 Posted January 25, 2016 Posted January 25, 2016 In my recent dating history, I have dated a bunch of frogs quite literally. They are not princes, they remained frogs once I have kissed them for clarification. They are either commitment-phobic, too self involved, or Bad Boys. They have a habit of appearing then disappearing, or being wishy washy, or being a Bad Boy with what Bad Boys do on their down time. I have adopted a new thinking these days, in that a gal should wait for Mr. Right but that doesn't mean that she can't have a good time with all the Mr. Wrongs. Two I've been seeing off and on for the last two years, one is divorced the other never married and are commitment phobic for their own reasons. Another is a younger guy who is a good man but we never seem to really have "it". Another is a Bad Boy who reappeared after 3 years of silence to tell me he was sorry about how he behaved way back when. Now? I'm seeing all of them, I rotate them as I like when it fits schedules. Why? I'm lonely, I will admit that. I want to be with someone, but I'm waiting until something better comes along. Am I wrong to think this? Sometimes I doubt myself thinking I am setting myself up for another big fall, but ... What do I do in the meantime? Sleep alone? There isn't anything wrong with playing the field, necessarily. However, doing that with the guys you're talking about here, is going to make you feel more lonely at some point. Some people often feel lonelier in a crowd. In other words, there are people around but there is no real connection. It's better to sleep alone than with someone with whom there is no real connection. Being alone is better than feeling empty . . . 3
truth_seeker Posted January 25, 2016 Posted January 25, 2016 Being alone is better than feeling empty . . . That was powerful...
xxoo Posted January 25, 2016 Posted January 25, 2016 I you (anyone) are unhappy with the quality of your dating partner(s), remember that you get what you tolerate. No one will have standards for you if you don't have them for yourself. 1
insert_name Posted January 25, 2016 Posted January 25, 2016 There isn't anything wrong with playing the field, necessarily. However, doing that with the guys you're talking about here, is going to make you feel more lonely at some point. Some people often feel lonelier in a crowd. In other words, there are people around but there is no real connection. It's better to sleep alone than with someone with whom there is no real connection. Being alone is better than feeling empty . . . They are two sides of the same coin at times though, really.
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