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Revealing your knowledge when dating. How to?


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  • Author
Posted
You shouldn't have to reveal your knowledge when you are dating, if you trying to win someone over with what you know it will fail...

 

Just be you and stop trying to impress young woman with knowledge or a boat worth 1 mil.

 

You would be surprised what many of us posting in this thread are worth.. I'll tell you this.. I might also remind you that while you have a net worth of 1 mil or 1 mil+ you haven't got much income as you have spent everything you have in your boat and THAT comes off and shows when you bring these young woman to your boat..

 

There is more to life than a boat, at least that is what those young women see when they put 2 + 2 together and figure out that dating you means just the boat.. I'm not knocking it.. I would love to live that way but you created a thread about knowledge and dating and they are taking their own knowledge and judging you.. if you don't want to be judged then change something.. get an apartment in NY and put your boat in a slip and work on it on the weekends...

 

Oh, I know. You, several others are pretty wealthy people.

 

I only share actual value because it's relevant to the discussion. Like saying I have no car. First thought is I'm too poor to buy one. Just making sure posters understand the story.

 

Not pretending to be wealthy. I'm comfortable. I actually don't spend it all on the boat. Just a fair amount.

 

I've had a boat my whole life. This is the 5th one. I know quite well they are not impressive to women. Figured that out in college when me and another kid into boats thought we'd impress girls with them. :lmao:

 

Not even a chance. :lmao:

 

You get the girl first, then slowly introduce her. That's how I've done it since then.

Posted
Your ideal life completely sucks. I don't want it and neither do thousands and thousands of people married and in couples off grid, on boats, happily traveling and living.

 

Problem is most of the boat ones are in their 50's and up. There are thousands of them within a couple hundred miles of me right now.

 

If you want to sit on your death bed, saying I'm happy I lived a boring, stable life doing nothing and sitting in the same town, talking to the same old people, eating the same breakfast and working the same dead end job, that's fine.

 

But don't come in my thread and tell me not to live. That the worst advice I've ever heard.

 

I also thing you have a huge hang-up about stability. We don't have to get into in this thread, but FWIW, stable doesn't have to mean boring or rote or trapped. The way you immediately shut it down every time it's brought up is telling. Again, not to rag, and I really do wish you'd figure it out, but as it stands, everything about you screams "I don't want to be in a serious relationship!"

  • Author
Posted
But you're still making arguments about what outfits get you jumped for sex, and posting links about "hot guys" using online dating.

 

You don't date for LTR potential. You date for hookups, from beginning to end. Why are you surprised that you're not being considered by the serious women?

 

Well, because aren't both involved in a good relationship?

 

Looks #1, get your foot in the door to have an initial conversation.

 

#2, help the girl remain attracted to you sexually as time goes on.

 

They are important. How can everyone keep denying this?

 

Look... I'm already fine at regular stuff. My entire life, since High school, I've been in a relationship or married. Obviously, I have something to offer.

 

My entire life was not spent being the guy who immediately attracted womnen however.

 

Just as i evolved from the guy who couldn't talk to people, I've evolved from the guy who lost out in the "first glance" stage.

 

It's important to be the best I can be in all areas, so the weaker ones get the focus.

 

I feel a lot of posters don't understand this...

Posted

Yes, we just don't understand, OP...

 

I also thing you have a huge hang-up about stability. We don't have to get into in this thread, but FWIW, stable doesn't have to mean boring or rote or trapped. The way you immediately shut it down every time it's brought up is telling. Again, not to rag, and I really do wish you'd figure it out, but as it stands, everything about you screams "I don't want to be in a serious relationship!"

 

I agree losangelena. I see his insulting disdain for people who don’t live the way he does as something that most intelligent people with interesting personalities are going to write off immediately. Interesting intelligent people also tend to be curious and open-minded, not so superior and insulting. I dated a couple anti-establishment iconoclastic guys and it got old fast. But that’s that cool, different, better thing again.

  • Like 1
  • Author
Posted
But that is all about instant gratification thinking. People who choose by muscles and cool clothes attract people who prioritize muscles and cool clothes. Not a lot of intellectuals choose on that basis, or at least on that basis alone, especially in their 40’s.

 

You can’t “advertise” personality and intelligence because no one can tell if someone is intelligent and has an interesting personality by looking at them, or within a few minutes. There are disconnects in the way you think.

 

 

 

Your goal when going into a coffee shop is to “get jumped for sex” and that’s what you’re advertising. Most people in their 30’s and 40’s who prioritize intelligence and personality tend to relate and date through work, social circles and activities, because they’re looking for more than clothes and muscles and aren’t making insta-decisions.

 

Hmmm... i don't steer the conversations at all. I run with topics others want to talk about.

 

Maybe I should be steering them just a nudge here and there.

 

I mean talking about their mother, roommate, pop culture, etc... doesn't get you to intelligent conversation.

 

There are a lot of disconnects here...

 

Something about who I'm meeting (who are attractive and not necessarily intelligent) and the way the conversations go is off...

  • Author
Posted
I also thing you have a huge hang-up about stability. We don't have to get into in this thread, but FWIW, stable doesn't have to mean boring or rote or trapped. The way you immediately shut it down every time it's brought up is telling. Again, not to rag, and I really do wish you'd figure it out, but as it stands, everything about you screams "I don't want to be in a serious relationship!"

 

I do.

 

I just want to be in one with a like minded, cool chick.

 

That's it. It's that simple.

 

But don't appreciate her coming in and telling me that living life on my terms and to its fullest potential is wrong. I was snapping back at her.

Posted
Hmmm... i don't steer the conversations at all. I run with topics others want to talk about.

 

Maybe I should be steering them just a nudge here and there.

 

I mean talking about their mother, roommate, pop culture, etc... doesn't get you to intelligent conversation.

 

There are a lot of disconnects here...

 

Something about who I'm meeting (who are attractive and not necessarily intelligent) and the way the conversations go is off...

 

No, OP. It is not about who you are meeting. It is about your own priorities and how you view and treat people. You are so concerned about looks and image- you even started this thread with your concern about how people view you, that they don't realize and appreciate how intelligent you are - and not interest or concern about how interesting or intellectually stimulating they are. This is detectable! Get off the sales pitch, impress-people thinking.

When you start caring about how interesting and intelligent women are, it'll shift for you.

  • Like 3
  • Author
Posted
No, OP. It is not about who you are meeting. It is about your own priorities and how you view and treat people. You are so concerned about looks and image- you even started this thread with your concern about how people view you, that they don't realize and appreciate how intelligent you are - and not interest or concern about how interesting or intellectually stimulating they are. This is detectable! Get off the sales pitch, impress-people thinking.

When you start caring about how interesting and intelligent women are, it'll shift for you.

 

Well, this is the first time since I was 16 that I've been single for more than 6 months...

 

So... I'm pretty sure I don't need to worry about it.

 

I'm just being a lot more selective.

 

Unfortunately, none of you know me in real life. You don't have a good read on me.

 

Sorry I asked the very direct question of how to better showcase myself later on in the dating process.

 

I got like 3 actual answers. Thanks for those, folks.

Posted (edited)
I like talking to people. I just need a healthy amount of alone time in which to recharge. I also spend a lot of time in my own head. Hence, introvert (INTJ, to be specific). :)

 

I don't OLD. I tried it once and hated it. And it wasn't because the guys weren't good looking enough. It was because they'd write uninspired messages with spelling and/or grammar errors or say that they didn't like to read. And there was no amount of physical attraction that could compensate. I've come to accept that my particular blend of me-ness is not well-suited to OLD... or even to most men! :cool:

 

Just joining the party, but I am in line with this ^^ and everything else introverted has posted.

 

And to add, I may be an anomaly... but I also go by a "feeling ". Yes right at first sight....I get a feeling. His energy, my energy = chemistry. Immediate ....without uttering one word.

 

And it is not based on looks, not in the typical sense that he's good looking to the masses.

 

Once getting to know him and how we connect (emotionally, mentally) .... while he may not be typically good looking to the masses, he is good looking *to me*.

 

Due to how I feel around him, our energy, our chemistry ... how well we connect. And yes a sense of humor is extremely important, as well as an open-minded attitude and possessing emotional depth. Integrity is huge for me too.

 

And yeah, that recent thread re *hot men and the internet* ....extremely enlightening, at least to me. I had no idea women could be *that* shallow.

 

I believe it ...but frankly could NOT relate.

 

LW, other than what I posted in one of your previous threads, that you're a runner ...a runner from intimacy, a runner from commitment, and that your issues *run* deeper than what is being discussed in this thread, I have nothing else to add.

 

But do wish you the best.....and hope someday you are able to find some peace! :)

Edited by katiegrl
  • Like 1
Posted
Well, because aren't both involved in a good relationship?

 

Looks #1, get your foot in the door to have an initial conversation.

 

#2, help the girl remain attracted to you sexually as time goes on.

 

They are important. How can everyone keep denying this?

 

Look... I'm already fine at regular stuff. My entire life, since High school, I've been in a relationship or married. Obviously, I have something to offer.

 

My entire life was not spent being the guy who immediately attracted womnen however.

 

Just as i evolved from the guy who couldn't talk to people, I've evolved from the guy who lost out in the "first glance" stage.

 

It's important to be the best I can be in all areas, so the weaker ones get the focus.

 

I feel a lot of posters don't understand this...

 

Like I said, women in active lifestyles who meet men in their active lifestyles (the homestead crowd, the climbing crowd, whatever it is), expect a hot body. It doesn't need to be shown off for the initial attraction. They know what body shape goes with that lifestyle.

 

I'm not saying that looks aren't important for attraction. I'm saying that showing off the body is to attract hook ups, not serious, like minded, counter culture women.

 

You are seen as a hook up, and overlooked by the women you claim to prefer, because that is the image you project.

  • Like 2
Posted
There is currently a thread running asking women what they think are good hobbies for guys to be into.

 

Started this new thread to avoid thread drift. A couple answers were "cars" so something came to mind.

 

Back when I was more traditionally employed at NASA, doing software development and founding a tech startup, women immediately thought if I knew that stuff, I knew everything. (they are wrong, but that's what all thought) I was always ":the smartest guy they'd ever known"

 

Now, I've abandoned those industries out of boredom, pursuing more mundane industries and making more money more easily with much less stress and more time off. Basically, I went beyond ... I expanded my mind and figured life out, in addition to having the old knowledge still.

 

Women don't get this and it frustrates me.

 

They never understand that what I do now is MORE ADVANCED THINKING than NASA or tech startups.

 

That I thought my way through reality in a way that made my life awesome, which was the goal.

 

They assume I'm not that successful, not that intelligent. Just because I don't do the same old stuff I used to do. Possibly also due to muscles and working out a lot.

 

Somehow, I need to start conveying this, but very few people on Earth even understand this line of thinking when it's explained, nevermind trying to broach it while dating.

 

Basic philosophy is earn max money, with max freedom and max time off...do things that don't create stress...spend money on enriching or fun experiences or on things that make you more money. No loans. Repeat...

 

This is my approach to life and it's what got me where I am, which is total freedom, a good income and good net worth. I do what I want, when I want, how I want I answer to no one, though about a dozen people answer to me.

 

Yet... no one picks up on the fact that this is more advanced thinking than working on technology. It's more akin to theoretical physics, imo.

 

Well, here is the post from the other thread as well:

 

------------

Question for the ladies regarding the car answer and the thread topic.

 

I think I sell myself short with women because I don't advertise the things know.

 

Frankly, I'd sound like a pompous jerk if I tried to list off the things I know, both academically, from life growing up in a rural area and from being an entrepreneur in various industries.

 

So, cars for example... I don't even own one right now. They don't interest me at all, other than getting from point A to point B. So, it's Uber and rental cars for that.

 

At the same time, I could replace an engine or transmission, I diagnose and fix my vehicles I used to own myself (using both my mechanical and computer skills via the codes) and could probably build a car...and have thought about doing so for fun.

 

But... this information and lots more like it is kept very close to my chest when dating because I have no idea how it should be worked in. It would come up down the road when a car breaks, but girls assume I know nothing because I don't tell them for fear of sounding like a know it all.

 

What's a guy supposed to do about this?

 

Usually, I keep the conversation focused on her and it's usually very trivial/mundane stuff. I'm going to sound like a douche now, but there are very few people with the diverse knowledge base I have. I can't talk to 99% of the population about most of it, so I hide it.

 

How are you supposed to demonstrate you know about something without being a douche or having canned stories to prove it (vs natural conversation focused on her)?

 

I'm kind of struggling with why you are having trouble conveying these things to your dates.

 

If a girl asks what you do for a living, how do you respond? Why can't you say something like "I used to do X, but now I own a business doing Y and am concurrently finishing building my dream yacht, which I plan to charter once it's finished." Wouldn't that convey how well rounded you are? It would also likely lead her to ask more questions about why you decided to leave X and pursue that path, giving you more opportunity to provide knowledge about yourself.

 

Communicating interests, knowledge, etc isn't a unique problem when you first start seeing someone. I would think you could even work that stuff in somehow when discussing mundane topics.

 

The reality is if the woman doesn't believe you or isn't impressed, she's not the right woman for you anyway.

  • Like 4
Posted (edited)
Yes.

 

Had a breakdown last week or so, stopped all work, been doing nothing ever since.

 

Feel amazing. Feel happy again.

 

I don't meet many women who understand much about life, unfortunately. Either they are leased Mercedes "success" hunting, or so indoctrinated by what society trained them to do, they are on rails from here to the retirement home.

 

Plenty are sharp, they just have a different focus.

 

Broken boat?? :lmao::lmao: It's a brand new boat. Works just fine.

 

I chose to work 60+ hours to try to hurry to get things done. Now, after cutting out all boat work and cutting 24 hous off that 60 this week, I fel great. Yes, I cando that because I can do whatever I want. Total freedom, despite you feeling intimidated by my life enough for you to repeatedly say I'm bragging when asking for help or accusing my of not being genuine.

 

 

You will have to forgive my confusion here. Your quote, Post #4 of a very recent thread of yours:

 

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/mind-body-soul/self-improvement-personal-well-being/565582-life-getting-repetitive-i-m-bored-nothing-clicking#post6731251

 

It represents the past 5 or so years of my life. It started as something my ex and I were doing to increase profitability in my main profession ( boats).
I'm probably not the only one confused by this. But I digress.

 

 

 

Getting back to the original topic here...you are looking at all the wrong things.

 

1. There are people out there in their 40s, 30s, and even in their 20s, who live a lifestyle of travelling and adventure that you claim to be all about. Some even make a living doing so, either by working jobs along the way or by getting paid to write about their travels. Some others took a path that isn't that dissimilar to yours--they made lots of money in a lucrative field such as technology and then they parleyed their savings to living a life of travel. As far as finding a partner, these people probably met someone along the way. It's not hard--I've travelled by myself overseas and in a week I met no fewer than 8 women who are living a life of adventure AND they are funding their own trips.

 

Meanwhile though, from your posts and threads on here, you don't seem to be living that way yourself--that free adventurous lifestyle you claim to be all about. It's more like the opposite actually. From the link to the very thread I posted you've spent the past few years between New York and Miami working 60 hours/week chained metaphorically to that $1M yacht of yours. (Good for you for finally cutting yourself free in the past week or so.) Not a lifestyle a responsible yet free-spirited and adventurous woman wants to be a part of sorry.

 

2. There are plenty of hot guys with depth who do just fine with women. That they are hot takes care of the physical attraction, and then after that they have depth makes the woman want a relationship. Is that really you though. Again from your posts I get the impression you've been spending your days working, focused on your boat and hardly making progress. And then spending a lot of your remaining energy dressing and acting to impress the 22-year-old girls you meet in the clubs, online, ect. Again not really a lifestyle a responsible yet free-spirited and adventurous woman wants to be a part of sorry.

 

3. So overall, my point is that the way you see yourself is probably NOT how you are coming across to women and especially your target audience of women you'd really like to be with.

 

Anyone who suggests this though--hey you were the one who asked for advice!--gets branded as being jealous or intimidated by your lifestyle. It's an interesting defence mechanism on your part, maybe related to what you said about women being too impressed by big fancy cars and bling (not really true either). Something you might want to consider.

Edited by a LoveShack.org Moderator
  • Like 7
Posted
So overall, my point is that the way you see yourself is probably NOT how you are coming across to women and especially your target audience of women you'd really like to be with.

 

I think this is quite likely to be the case. I also think he's picking the wrong women in the first place.

 

I also understand that the OP cares about a woman being fit and active and fair play to him (I don't dispute his point of view). However a person can still be fit but not athletically fit and have all the other qualities he claims to desire, intelligence and personality. I'm not trying to typecast very fit people either; I just wonder whether his focus is directed in the wrong place as someone who spends a lot of time in the gym (I mean excessively so) might be a different type of person personality-wise.

 

I just know myself that I range from being quite fit to not as fit because it's really hard to maintain a peak level of fitness when I have work, committee meetings and volunteering to attend to. One thing I do know as a woman is that I could be the sweetest most intelligent person I could be and my dating potential would still not be fulfilled without also looking my very best. I'm not blaming men for this. I just know that if I lose some of my looks, I will be judged on it straight away - never mind whether I have stressful stuff to deal with.

Posted
This too....

 

When fully relaxed talking, I sound dumb. :lmao:

 

I do it all the time. The mundane becomes the topic. Surroundings, jokes, their topics of roommate stories, stories of funny experiences, stuff like that.

 

So... I'm viewed as the fun guy. The guy to hook up with. Not the relationship guy, because I'm *not* serious. All girls have a great time with me when out. I don't have a problem being the fun, talkative person you can laugh with and hook up with.

 

But, it feels like I went too far or something. Like that's all I am now.

 

This is very hard to conveyed through the written word, which sounds nothing like me talking. 2 completely different voices.

 

Choose activities where other smart people congregate. Intelligent people with nothing to prove can be found everywhere.

 

Be more selective about who you show your 'fun' side to.

  • Like 1
Posted
Once, I had a girl and her friends out on my unfinished boat.

 

Seriously, this just made me spray my coffee all over my screen. Hilarious.

Posted

Seriously, I'm reading this thread at work and everytime the word boat appears I can't help but burst out laughing. People think I'm having a breakdown.

 

OP, I don't know whether your writing style closely approximates how you are in life but I wonder whether you maybe fail to pick up on certain social cues when interacting with people?

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