Revealing your knowledge when dating. How to?

January 24, 2016

I feel the same but I'm not only into intellectual subjects, I have some hobbies my Irl friends don't share and I reach out to people online. Problem with the Internet is the distance and I'd love to meet some of these people, but geography usually is an issue, especially living rural.

I live in a city... the geography doesn't matter.

I love Pinterest for my crafting and fashion....the links take you everywhere, it's so awesome.

January 24, 2016

I think it is unlikely that they thought you were smart due to the work you did. It is more to do with who you worked for. NASA is a well known and highly respected organization. If you tell someone you work there, it doesn’t really matter what you do, you are awarded a certain amount of status, and as a result people who aren’t familiar with your line of work will assume you are highly intelligent.

Conversations should flow with equal amount of sharing. You don't need to prove your intellectual capabilities or hide them, just be yourself.

It is possible that the women you date aren’t as concerned about how much more advanced thinking is required in your new job. They might have just liked to tell their family and friends, “I’m dating a guy who works at NASA”.

Not everyone can understand the complexities of work they are not familiar with. If you meet someone who is interested in who you are, and is supportive of the things you do, then it is not worth holding it against them.

However, if it is really important to you to have someone that “gets it”, then perhaps you need to find someone understands your industry more or at least follows similar philosophical principles as you do.

This is pretty good insight, but no one gets this... it's a pretty unorthodox lifestyle, essentially, set up around those core philosophies.

TBH, Jewish people might get it. I learned a fair amount of the fiscal side from an old Jewish business partner that gave me the financial education I never had.

But, what people don't get is not taking out loans, having absolute freedom over money, etc. It's bizzare what the majority of the population thinks wealth is.

They think it's a shiny new Mercedes on lease!

And... this is stuff you are judged on as a man... your financial standing.

Once, I had a girl and her friends out on my unfinished boat. The boat build timeline and budget came up. I told them. I think they thought I was lying and that my very, very high end, high performance boat was worth nothing. It is in the process of getting an interior right now. Looks very rough inside.

That girl did a fade after visiting the boat, assuming I was poor. (it's a $1m boat, I think they thought it was worth $5000... lol )

Stuff like that. people don't understand these things.

January 24, 2016

I don't think that this is about what other people/women think about you. I think its about what you think about yourself.

You like yourself and thats good, but I think there's a part of you that doesn't fully approve of you and your lifestyle choices.

You're seeing that being mirrored back to you by the people around you.

In fact, you're probably projecting that onto others.

So rather than tinker with the way you present yourself, think about the way you see yourself, and work on that.

Take care.

Ok. I'll try that.

Can't hurt.

Recently... very recently, I've become a lot more comfortable with things, but yes... maybe this is it.

January 24, 2016

This is pretty good insight, but no one gets this... it's a pretty unorthodox lifestyle, essentially, set up around those core philosophies.

TBH, Jewish people might get it. I learned a fair amount of the fiscal side from an old Jewish business partner that gave me the financial education I never had.

But, what people don't get is not taking out loans, having absolute freedom over money, etc. It's bizzare what the majority of the population thinks wealth is.

They think it's a shiny new Mercedes on lease!

And... this is stuff you are judged on as a man... your financial standing.

Once, I had a girl and her friends out on my unfinished boat. The boat build timeline and budget came up. I told them. I think they thought I was lying and that my very, very high end, high performance boat was worth nothing. It is in the process of getting an interior right now. Looks very rough inside.

That girl did a fade after visiting the boat, assuming I was poor. (it's a $1m boat, I think they thought it was worth $5000... lol )

Stuff like that. people don't understand these things.

Well, why worry about what others' false notions of "success" are? You know you're successful—and there are women out there who would/could understand and appreciate that. I wonder if those are the same types of women you go for though. They're probably not going to be hot strippers with great fake tits.

January 24, 2016

This thread strikes me as so bizarre. It does read to me like humblebrag. Are you asking for advice on how to carry yourself on first dates?

If you know a lot about a lot of stuff and you have good interpersonal skills, then you should have no problems connecting w someone. She will then ask you about you and you reveal some stuff about yourself. Not all of it at once though, keep some mystery. Dating 101.

Its really better, overall, to focus the topic of conversation on the other person's favorite topic--themselves. You'll just look much cooler if you aren't in a rush to talk about you. You'll get your chance to shine....

January 24, 2016

How do you get so much wisdom into about 3 words?

Maybe that's it.

I don't like people. I like just a very few people. In general, I don't like people.

I like systems, philosophies, mechanical things and travel.

I grow to like certain people over time..a lot of time.

Once, my ex wife had me take a personality test. The result (and we had a good laugh), was:

I'm incredibly in tune with other people and understand their emotions, what drives them and how they think...but... I don't care about them.

Here is a clip from an old journal entry of mine:

To be loved, be loving.

To find peace, be peaceful.

To find forgiveness, be forgiving.

To be cared about, be caring.

To be treated kindly, be kind.

To be understood, be understanding.

To have friends, be friendly.

(That list can be expanded to infinity.)

That way of looking at relationships has really worked for me, and I live by it.

Here is my bottom line on relationships:

"I only give the best of myself to others. The 'less than best' I work on in my own time."

Again, I live by that.

January 24, 2016

So OP, are you saying that whenever you have a conversation with someone you only ask about them and don't share anything real about yourself? For fear of being misunderstood?

January 24, 2016

Well, why worry about what others' false notions of "success" are? You know you're successful—and there are women out there who would/could understand and appreciate that. I wonder if those are the same types of women you go for though. They're probably not going to be hot strippers with great fake tits.

Hey.... she went for me!

You're also right.

There is a disconnect. I can't find the kind of girls I'm looking for. The more down to Earth ones.

That one that did the fade because she thought I was poor after coming to the boat was part of why this thread exists. That's why I'm concerned about false notions of success. Because it affects my dating.

Nearly every girl has been concerned with success or on the path to education/career that sees that leased Mercedes as the ultimate goal.

Would love to find the more down to earth ones that are also in shape. Just isn't happening for me... these have all been pretty bad fits, actually. You're 100% right.

January 24, 2016

So OP, are you saying that whenever you have a conversation with someone you only ask about them and don't share anything real about yourself? For fear of being misunderstood?

Yeah., Pretty much, I guess this is accurate.

I'm not a good story teller verbally. So hard to explain in written word because the voices are completely different.

For many years, I have learned to "dumb down" my speech when talking too because people thought I was a dbag for using big words and stuff.

That helped tremendously.

So yeah, I guess I'm always on edge when talking to people. Always. I've figured out lots of tricks to compensate, but it will never be natural. I'm naturally an introvert.

In fact, I finally got grounded just this week after years of drifting. I decided to stop doing any work and stop worrying about anything in terms of getting this boat done.

I have been alone on it, only having human contact for few hours in the past week... and it's been incredible!!!

I feel great! Feel good about life. Feel happy. Love my place, my routine, my setup.

The more I have to put the fake show on for people, the worse I feel. I've been doing nothing but since my divorce several years back.

(Satu... i had already done what you suggested to a great extent after having a bit of a breakdown last week)

I feel good. It's like i need one more introvert to experience life with... then I'll be perfectly happy.

January 24, 2016

I mean no disrespect by this, but I think you underestimate how many truly sharp women there are out there. There are many of them who are not impressed by a fancy German car or a high-rolling lifestyle. They are about freedom and adventure too, NOT material things.

But you have to walk the walk yourself. Do you? A very recent thread of yours you lamented working 60 hours/week tied to this broken boat. Isn't this contradicting some of what you said about yourself in this thread?

January 24, 2016

Yeah., Pretty much, I guess this is accurate.

I'm not a good story teller verbally. So hard to explain in written word because the voices are completely different.

For many years, I have learned to "dumb down" my speech when talking too because people thought I was a dbag for using big words and stuff.

That helped tremendously.

So yeah, I guess I'm always on edge when talking to people. Always. I've figured out lots of tricks to compensate, but it will never be natural. I'm naturally an introvert.

In fact, I finally got grounded just this week after years of drifting. I decided to stop doing any work and stop worrying about anything in terms of getting this boat done.

I have been alone on it, only having human contact for few hours in the past week... and it's been incredible!!!

I feel great! Feel good about life. Feel happy. Love my place, my routine, my setup.

The more I have to put the fake show on for people, the worse I feel. I've been doing nothing but since my divorce several years back.

(Satu... i had already done what you suggested to a great extent after having a bit of a breakdown last week)

I feel good. It's like i need one more introvert to experience life with... then I'll be perfectly happy.

You're not happy. And one more "experience" won't make you happy. I don't know what the answer is for you but it isn't anything you've so far talked about.

January 24, 2016

I mean no disrespect by this, but I think you underestimate how many truly sharp women there are out there. There are many of them who are not impressed by a fancy German car or a high-rolling lifestyle. They are about freedom and adventure too, NOT material things.

But you have to walk the walk yourself. Do you? A very recent thread of yours you lamented working 60 hours/week tied to this broken boat. Isn't this contradicting some of what you said about yourself in this thread?

Yes.

Had a breakdown last week or so, stopped all work, been doing nothing ever since.

Feel amazing. Feel happy again.

I don't meet many women who understand much about life, unfortunately. Either they are leased Mercedes "success" hunting, or so indoctrinated by what society trained them to do, they are on rails from here to the retirement home.

Plenty are sharp, they just have a different focus.

Broken boat?? :lmao: It's a brand new boat. Works just fine.

I chose to work 60+ hours to try to hurry to get things done. Now, after cutting out all boat work and cutting 24 hous off that 60 this week, I fel great. Yes, I cando that because I can do whatever I want. Total freedom, despite you feeling intimidated by my life enough for you to repeatedly say I'm bragging when asking for help or accusing my of not being genuine.

January 24, 2016

You're not happy. And one more "experience" won't make you happy. I don't know what the answer is for you but it isn't anything you've so far talked about.

Ugh... this is impossible.

I am happy. Very. Feel perfect right now.

Had a minor question about dating and why my image isn't what it was.

I actually thought the past couple days I'd be happier alone because I feel soo good/happy right now.

January 24, 2016

Hey.... she went for me!

You're also right.

There is a disconnect. I can't find the kind of girls I'm looking for. The more down to Earth ones.

That one that did the fade because she thought I was poor after coming to the boat was part of why this thread exists. That's why I'm concerned about false notions of success. Because it affects my dating.

Nearly every girl has been concerned with success or on the path to education/career that sees that leased Mercedes as the ultimate goal.

Would love to find the more down to earth ones that are also in shape. Just isn't happening for me... these have all been pretty bad fits, actually. You're 100% right.

Well, you're going to have to somehow reconcile your attraction to superficial women and your desire to be understood as a deep person.

There are plenty of women who are not going to get scared away by technical knowledge or deep intellect or big words. And I think you need to ask yourself why you're not attracted to women who are "on your level," so to speak.

You say you don't like people, but I would be willing to bet (sorry, gonna psychoanalyze you for a second) that this is an intimacy issue. You keep yourself dumb to attract a kind of superficial person and shallow connection, when the real, intelligent you who wants true intimacy is dying inside.

It think if you were to go for a woman who is just as smart, just as independent, and who is willing to connect on a real, heart level, it would scare the bejesus out of you.

January 24, 2016

Expanding on my last post, ever since divorce, I had been doing things to impress women.

No longer. Stopped boat work, reduced my time commitment at my other business and took me time. No other people. Just me. Isolated a mile and half from land.

It's been incredible.

I'm sooo happy!

I feel like myself again. The me from before I got married, not married me or "trying to get girls" me.

Just me.

And it's the happiest I've felt in 10 years.

I'm continuing in this fashion until I have a desire to be social, to work on the boat (that one is coming back very quickly) or a desire to date.

I literally am loving life right now. Having a cozy evening in cool weather reading, thinking and posting on loveshack.

The only noise aside from my thoughts are wind gusts and the sound of waves splashing by the hull as I gently bounce around.

Bliss

January 24, 2016

Damn....

Cannot find a single mistake in this post.

You are 100% correct.

This, I'm actively working on and making some progress with.

But... if I found what you're talking about and also found her sexually attractive, I'd try to marry her, actually.

Problem is... I can't find both.

All the cool chicks put no emphasis on physical fitness. The fit ones are materialistic and use their bodies for financial gain...

Well, you're going to have to somehow reconcile your attraction to superficial women and your desire to be understood as a deep person.

There are plenty of women who are not going to get scared away by technical knowledge or deep intellect or big words. And I think you need to ask yourself why you're not attracted to women who are "on your level," so to speak.

You say you don't like people, but I would be willing to bet (sorry, gonna psychoanalyze you for a second) that this is an intimacy issue. You keep yourself dumb to attract a kind of superficial person and shallow connection, when the real, intelligent you who wants true intimacy is dying inside.

It think if you were to go for a woman who is just as smart, just as independent, and who is willing to connect on a real, heart level, it would scare the bejesus out of you.

Edited January 24, 2016 by loveweary11

January 24, 2016

Like what tips any of you off to a guy's suitability as a long term prospect based on intelligence, drive and earning power?

Once, I was the top of the pack in that, just because I was conservative looking and worked esteemed tech jobs.

Now, I'm not seen in the same light, even though it's more advanced thinking than any tech job or NASA.

Note: I was more looking like this back then. Basically his twin. Everyone said so. http://popcultureramble.files.wordpress.com/2012/05/freddie-prinze-jr.jpg?w=580

Since my divorce and aging, I now look like Vin Diesel...but a thinner version. One of my friends calls me skinny Vin. ha ha ha Wear stylish, but slightly younger looking clothing for my age. Tight shirts to show body.

Does the style change have anything to do with it?

Well if you are looking and dressing like Vin Diesel, most girls are not going to "assume" you are well-versed in rocket science. So yeah, try to find a balance. I don't think you should "hide" that part of you. It's important, just like you told us, to say why not being in those industries anymore makes sense for the life you have. I can appreciate what you said as you described it, so imagine some other girls could too. It's good to know because it really let's a girl know your values and how you apply them to your life. I don't think either party should be a shrinking violet in showing who they really are, ie how smart in your case. If you are smart, you probably just use in other ways now days rather than directly in your career. Some might say, it was smart to work smarter, not harder and leave your old business for one that gives you a chance for a more balanced life. But yeah the vin diesel look is not gonna have people assuming all that. As smackie said, it can come down to being a good conversationalist.

January 24, 2016

All the cool chicks put no emphasis on physical fitness. The fit ones are materialistic and use their bodies for financial gain...

This is untrue and this attitude is part of what's holding you back. This kind of woman does exist. I think you prefer to pretend like she doesn't so you can keep yourself in this cycle that you're in.

January 24, 2016

This is untrue and this attitude is part of what's holding you back. This kind of woman does exist. I think you prefer to pretend like she doesn't so you can keep yourself in this cycle that you're in.

Introduce me to one today and I'll sweep her feet and marry her within 6mos... guaranteed.

I don't meet these women.

I can't find them.

I can picture them. I know *of* them. I don't meet them. Somehow, I'm pretty sure there are a lot more of them out west.

January 24, 2016

Problem is he's living a life based on, "Hey this is what I did (I can't tell you everything....too dangerous....)", and trying to pretend he's happy. I know men who own their own boats and they are not attractive. ("Whah, the bills, the work, why don't you appreciate me?")

Seriously, deal with your stuff (rent/not rent/bills/not bills), don't bleat about that and try and work out what you want.

January 24, 2016

Well if you are looking and dressing like Vin Diesel, most girls are not going to "assume" you are well-versed in rocket science. So yeah, try to find a balance. I don't think you should "hide" that part of you. It's important, just like you told us, to say why not being in those industries anymore makes sense for the life you have. I can appreciate what you said as you described it, so imagine some other girls could too. It's good to know because it really let's a girl know your values and how you apply them to your life. I don't think either party should be a shrinking violet in showing who they really are, ie how smart in your case. If you are smart, you probably just use in other ways now days rather than directly in your career. Some might say, it was smart to work smarter, not harder and leave your old business for one that gives you a chance for a more balanced life. But yeah the vin diesel look is not gonna have people assuming all that. As smackie said, it can come down to being a good conversationalist.

Thank you.

An answer to the question.

I have a friend I had asked and she said the same thing.

She's the one that calls me skinny Vin and it spawned from that conversation.

It's a tough call because the more muscley look gets you way more girls, but they see you as a less intelligent hookup.

When I wear loose clothing or button downs, my physique vanishes and I get very few girls looking.

Maybe there is a middle ground to be found, image wise... and agreed... I need to work on conversation skills.

Maybe I'll be good at that before I die.... Sooo hard.

January 24, 2016

Somehow, I'm pretty sure there are a lot more of them out west.

Out in the wild wild West of the USA. You do understand that that form of escapism is something of a Western world world wide trope?

January 24, 2016

Problem is he's living a life based on, "Hey this is what I did (I can't tell you everything....too dangerous....)", and trying to pretend he's happy. I know men who own their own boats and they are not attractive. ("Whah, the bills, the work, why don't you appreciate me?")

Seriously, deal with your stuff (rent/not rent/bills/not bills), don't bleat about that and try and work out what you want.

Huh?

I don't understand this.

Edit: Or the post directly above this...

Sorry... more plain English?

Western world world wide trope?

People are very different in different parts of the States. It's an enormous place with a lot of cultural diversity.

Edited January 24, 2016 by loveweary11

January 24, 2016

Sorry, I left out an Oxford comma. I should have written, "Western world, world wide trope."

January 24, 2016

Sorry, I left out an Oxford comma. I should have written, "Western world, world wide trope."

Yeah, you don't seem to understand the culture here... it's nowhere near as homogeneous as you are imagining.

There is a huge cultural difference between NY and CA.

Even within CA the difference between those living in say.. San Diego and San Francisco is large.

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