Revealing your knowledge when dating. How to?

[loveweary11]

There is currently a thread running asking women what they think are good hobbies for guys to be into.

 

Started this new thread to avoid thread drift. A couple answers were "cars" so something came to mind.

 

Back when I was more traditionally employed at NASA, doing software development and founding a tech startup, women immediately thought if I knew that stuff, I knew everything. (they are wrong, but that's what all thought) I was always ":the smartest guy they'd ever known"

 

Now, I've abandoned those industries out of boredom, pursuing more mundane industries and making more money more easily with much less stress and more time off. Basically, I went beyond ... I expanded my mind and figured life out, in addition to having the old knowledge still.

 

Women don't get this and it frustrates me.

 

They never understand that what I do now is MORE ADVANCED THINKING than NASA or tech startups.

 

That I thought my way through reality in a way that made my life awesome, which was the goal.

 

They assume I'm not that successful, not that intelligent. Just because I don't do the same old stuff I used to do. Possibly also due to muscles and working out a lot.

 

Somehow, I need to start conveying this, but very few people on Earth even understand this line of thinking when it's explained, nevermind trying to broach it while dating.

 

Basic philosophy is earn max money, with max freedom and max time off...do things that don't create stress...spend money on enriching or fun experiences or on things that make you more money. No loans. Repeat...

 

This is my approach to life and it's what got me where I am, which is total freedom, a good income and good net worth. I do what I want, when I want, how I want I answer to no one, though about a dozen people answer to me.

 

Yet... no one picks up on the fact that this is more advanced thinking than working on technology. It's more akin to theoretical physics, imo.

 

Well, here is the post from the other thread as well:

 

------------

Question for the ladies regarding the car answer and the thread topic.

 

I think I sell myself short with women because I don't advertise the things know.

 

Frankly, I'd sound like a pompous jerk if I tried to list off the things I know, both academically, from life growing up in a rural area and from being an entrepreneur in various industries.

 

So, cars for example... I don't even own one right now. They don't interest me at all, other than getting from point A to point B. So, it's Uber and rental cars for that.

 

At the same time, I could replace an engine or transmission, I diagnose and fix my vehicles I used to own myself (using both my mechanical and computer skills via the codes) and could probably build a car...and have thought about doing so for fun.

 

But... this information and lots more like it is kept very close to my chest when dating because I have no idea how it should be worked in. It would come up down the road when a car breaks, but girls assume I know nothing because I don't tell them for fear of sounding like a know it all.

 

What's a guy supposed to do about this?

 

Usually, I keep the conversation focused on her and it's usually very trivial/mundane stuff. I'm going to sound like a douche now, but there are very few people with the diverse knowledge base I have. I can't talk to 99% of the population about most of it, so I hide it.

 

How are you supposed to demonstrate you know about something without being a douche or having canned stories to prove it (vs natural conversation focused on her)?

Edited January 23, 2016 by loveweary11

[smackie9]

It's just conversation.....you find something you both have an interest in and go with it.

 

being a know-it-all, d ouchy, means you take over the whole conversation.

 

I myself don't say "I know how to do this and I did that" I would say "I'm a nostalgic person, I have a weakness for the 29's to 34's. I hope to have one someday...then again I have a pretty big want list, I like a lot of different cars". "How about you?"

[loveweary11]

It's just conversation.....you find something you both have an interest in and go with it.

 

being a know-it-all, d ouchy, means you take over the whole conversation.

 

I myself don't say "I know how to do this and I did that" I would say "I'm a nostalgic person, I have a weakness for the 29's to 34's. I hope to have one someday...then again I have a pretty big want list, I like a lot of different cars". "How about you?"

 

See? And my reply would be that, "those cars look pretty cool. Have you ever driven one?"

 

It would be about her.

 

When she finally asks me what car I have, i say none. Uber. Rental cars.

 

Then she thinks I don't understand cars. lol

[smackie9]

I am not a limited person. I'm also a science geek. I also like to talk about physics, sociology, Egyptology, geology, archaeology, criminology, forensics, criminal profiling, psychology, etc Also history, weapons, wars, antiques, interior design, art, gaming, fashion.......

 

You just don't know how to stimulate conversation. Follow my example above, it's petty easy.

[smackie9]

Your conversation should be "I don't own anything atm because it's not practical to my lifestyle." "When the time is right and I find the right one, it will be a 69 vet. wanted one since I was a kid.....something |I can work on, on the weekends. It would be nice to have something to take out on nice sunny days to the beach". "What is your dream car?"

[loveweary11]

Like what tips any of you off to a guy's suitability as a long term prospect based on intelligence, drive and earning power?

 

Once, I was the top of the pack in that, just because I was conservative looking and worked esteemed tech jobs.

 

Now, I'm not seen in the same light, even though it's more advanced thinking than any tech job or NASA.

 

Note: I was more looking like this back then. Basically his twin. Everyone said so. http://popcultureramble.files.wordpress.com/2012/05/freddie-prinze-jr.jpg?w=580

 

Since my divorce and aging, I now look like Vin Diesel...but a thinner version. One of my friends calls me skinny Vin. ha ha ha Wear stylish, but slightly younger looking clothing for my age. Tight shirts to show body.

 

Does the style change have anything to do with it?

[loveweary11]

Your conversation should be "I don't own anything atm because it's not practical to my lifestyle." "When the time is right and I find the right one, it will be a 69 vet. wanted one since I was a kid.....something |I can work on, on the weekends. It would be nice to have something to take out on nice sunny days to the beach". "What is your dream car?"

 

I did start out as a socially awkward geek in life, fighting my way to being able to talk to people so this stuff doesn't come totally naturally... it was all learned.

 

But... looking above, I couldn't say what you said because I'd be lying. I'm not good at lying.

 

I don't want a car. I don't know how to say that in this example conversation.

 

I prefer to fly, to Uber and rent cars.

 

I appreciate that you're diverse, but I'd have blown the car part of the checklist if you had a checklist and been ruled out.. left to be a hookup.

 

Which.... is exactly what keeps happening to me.

 

I feel like I need to somehow, improve my image in terms of the topic of this thread...

[smackie9]

Looking trendy? Yes, that does attract.....stop being such a stiff. Open your mind and relax.....by changing your attitude will improve things by at least 99%

[Satu]

Some of the best conversations I've ever had, were ones where I didn't say anything.

 

I've had people thank me for a great conversation, when all I did was listen

[smackie9]

I just did that by example. The reason why I like car guys is because I'm a tomboy. not all women will want to sit through a conversation about how much a LS motor can produce.

 

Your problem is that you are negative and already apprehensive without trying.

[smackie9]

Conversation revise: "I don't have one because it's more convenient for my busy lifestyle". "But I can still change a tire for a damsel in distress tho" (haha jokingly).

[loveweary11]

Some of the best conversations I've ever had, were ones where I didn't say anything.

 

I've had people thank me for a great conversation, when all I did was listen

 

Satu... this is exactly what I do.

 

I listen. I am 100% engaged and ask questions about her.

 

People really like that... girls and guys. My conversations in real life go over very well and I'm well liked.

 

But.., Because I do that and focus on it, they don't get a clear read on me.

 

In the past, my jobs used to key them in that I was a "smart guy."

 

This is no longer the case. We'll talk about her apartment, her mom, her friend, her travels, her day, whatever is on her mind.

 

It's all about the other person when I'm talking to someone new in real life.

 

I think this may be part of the problem. Many years of conversation experience has taught me to match tones, timing and intellectual difficulty of the person I'm conversing with.

 

The girls aren't always so well traveled or educated (this is ok), so when we talk, I'm talking on their level, matching the subjects they are driving.

[Shanex]

A know it all can be quite a turn off, I've had a couple female friends tell me such dates stories, not you specifically OP. As the poster above said* learn to listen, approve or disapprove, if a person is a chatty Katty even discussing random stuff they will appreciate having an audience. I don't have a PhD but I have passions and hobbies and I can hold a conversation about many different things... depend whom I am talking to.

 

*Post 9. Threads moving fast.

[Satu]

I like people, and because I like people, people like me.

 

 

Am I doing it wrong?

[Scarlett.O'hara]

I think it is unlikely that they thought you were smart due to the work you did. It is more to do with who you worked for. NASA is a well known and highly respected organization. If you tell someone you work there, it doesn’t really matter what you do, you are awarded a certain amount of status, and as a result people who aren’t familiar with your line of work will assume you are highly intelligent.

 

Conversations should flow with equal amount of sharing. You don't need to prove your intellectual capabilities or hide them, just be yourself.

 

It is possible that the women you date aren’t as concerned about how much more advanced thinking is required in your new job. They might have just liked to tell their family and friends, “I’m dating a guy who works at NASA”.

 

Not everyone can understand the complexities of work they are not familiar with. If you meet someone who is interested in who you are, and is supportive of the things you do, then it is not worth holding it against them.

 

However, if it is really important to you to have someone that “gets it”, then perhaps you need to find someone understands your industry more or at least follows similar philosophical principles as you do.

[BlueIris]

Ask her questions or bring up topics that interest you. You’ll narrow the field quickly while also showing who you are and how you think.

Don't be in sales mode unless the goal to impress and close a sale, or many sales.

[loveweary11]

Looking trendy? Yes, that does attract.....stop being such a stiff. Open your mind and relax.....by changing your attitude will improve things by at least 99%

 

This too....

 

When fully relaxed talking, I sound dumb.

 

I do it all the time. The mundane becomes the topic. Surroundings, jokes, their topics of roommate stories, stories of funny experiences, stuff like that.

 

So... I'm viewed as the fun guy. The guy to hook up with. Not the relationship guy, because I'm *not* serious. All girls have a great time with me when out. I don't have a problem being the fun, talkative person you can laugh with and hook up with.

 

But, it feels like I went too far or something. Like that's all I am now.

 

This is very hard to conveyed through the written word, which sounds nothing like me talking. 2 completely different voices.

[Shanex]

I like people, and because I like people, people like me.

 

 

Am I doing it wrong?

 

Nope if that's how you roll more power to you. You're right it's usually mutual.

[smackie9]

OP I totally get where you are coming from. When it comes to my girlie friends, I do find them boring and feel out of my element. It's really hard to find friends that are into the diverse intellectual subject matter I am into. All I can say is, thank god for the internet, where I can reach out and find others that have those interests.

[smackie9]

if I went out with someone who wasn't fun I would get turned off.....no second date for you.

[loveweary11]

I like people, and because I like people, people like me.

 

 

Am I doing it wrong?

 

How do you get so much wisdom into about 3 words?

 

Maybe that's it.

 

I don't like people. I like just a very few people. In general, I don't like people.

 

I like systems, philosophies, mechanical things and travel.

 

I grow to like certain people over time..a lot of time.

 

Once, my ex wife had me take a personality test. The result (and we had a good laugh), was:

 

I'm incredibly in tune with other people and understand their emotions, what drives them and how they think...but... I don't care about them.

[loveweary11]

if I went out with someone who wasn't fun I would get turned off.....no second date for you.

 

Same. I'm always fun. That's guaranteed.

 

But, I'm no longer considers smart or successful (no car?)

[Shanex]

OP I totally get where you are coming from. When it comes to my girlie friends, I do find them boring and feel out of my element. It's really hard to find friends that are into the diverse intellectual subject matter I am into. All I can say is, thank god for the internet, where I can reach out and find others that have those interests.

 

I feel the same but I'm not only into intellectual subjects, I have some hobbies my Irl friends don't share and I reach out to people online. Problem with the Internet is the distance and I'd love to meet some of these people, but geography usually is an issue, especially living rural.

[smackie9]

You spend wasteful time assuming what people think....guess what, they don't think that way....only your anxiety does.

[Satu]

This too....

 

When fully relaxed talking, I sound dumb.

 

I do it all the time. The mundane becomes the topic. Surroundings, jokes, their topics of roommate stories, stories of funny experiences, stuff like that.

 

So... I'm viewed as the fun guy. The guy to hook up with. Not the relationship guy, because I'm *not* serious. All girls have a great time with me when out. I don't have a problem being the fun, talkative person you can laugh with and hook up with.

 

But, it feels like I went too far or something. Like that's all I am now.

 

This is very hard to conveyed through the written word, which sounds nothing like me talking. 2 completely different voices.

 

I don't think that this is about what other people/women think about you. I think its about what you think about yourself.

 

You like yourself and thats good, but I think there's a part of you that doesn't fully approve of you and your lifestyle choices.

 

You're seeing that being mirrored back to you by the people around you.

 

In fact, you're probably projecting that onto others.

 

So rather than tinker with the way you present yourself, think about the way you see yourself, and work on that.

 

 

Take care.