We became official last week. Next week he's relocating for work. What now?

[MissLY]

I've been seeing this guy for 2 months and we're having a great time getting to know one another. We both admitted to each other that we hadn't felt this way in such a long time. Last week, he made it official and wants me to be his GF. I was over the MOON! I'm 31 and no man in my life has ever called me his GF. I've always dated men but never had the BF/GF title. My friends and family are ecstatic that I've found someone who makes me feel so happy and special.

 

Now this is where things get interesting. Today, one week after he made things official, he calls and tells me he was offered the job opportunity of a lifetime across the country in a small town in Pennsylvania. I live in Los Angeles. He immediately took the job and will be moving back east in 1 week. He's trying it out for 3 months first to see if its a good fit, and if it works out, then he'll move back east and get a place in NY.

 

He tells me this won't affect our relationship and that he plans to fly me out twice a month, visit LA once a month, which means we'd see each other three times a month total.

 

One part of me is not very disappointed that he's leaving because this will now allow me to focus on ME and MY career. He distracted me from my work for a while, but now that he's leaving, we can BOTH focus on our careers while still continuing the relationship long-distance and seeing each other sometimes. But another part of me is wondering if the Universe is telling us that we're simply not meant to be. Or, maybe this is the ultimate test to see how much we're really down for each other.

 

So my question is this. If you were in my situation, how would you feel? Would you do everything you could to make it work? Would you see this as a sign? I feel confused but I still want to give this relationship my all and make it work.

 

I'd love to know your thoughts on this. Thanks guys.

[smackie9]

He isn't that invested in you because you only have been dating a short time. Just because you are official doesn't mean he is obligated to stay. It's up to you now whether you wish to try out this new arrangement or not. Eventually you will have to relocate. If there is no way you want to relocate, break up.

[angel.eyes]

Today, one week after he made things official, he calls and tells me he was offered the job opportunity of a lifetime across the country in a small town in Pennsylvania. I live in Los Angeles. He immediately took the job and will be moving back east in 1 week.

Interesting timing to lock you down, isn't it?

 

If he's moving in a week he's obviously known about this possibility for quite some time. Jobs of a lifetime don't just plop in one's lap out of the blue.

 

He was looking. He then applied for the job. At some point, he had to fly out for interviews. Then he had to negotiate (salary, start date, relocation, housing). And of course there's all the waiting to hear between steps. Then, let's not forget giving notice (typically two weeks) to his current employer, assuming he was employed before his "dream job of a lifetime" in PA popped up.

 

Do the math on that timeline, and then think about his timing for asking you to be his GF. I wouldn't buy the "Gosh golly gee, I've been blindsided with this dream job today" act. You're likely the fallback option until he gets situated in his new life. Think about it. How do you prevent someone from going all skittish on you when you're about to leave town and might want them available as an option in the future should things not pan out as you hope? Make the arrangement official. Once he's settled and has found someone else, expect contact and communication to fizzle away.

 

You've been "official" for all of one week. Please focus on your own career and goals. He certainly is.

 

He's trying it out for 3 months first to see if its a good fit, and if it works out, then he'll move back east and get a place in NY.

I'm curious. NY as in NYC or NYS? Was there no housing in PA?

 

Also, it's the "job of a lifetime" that he's abruptly uprooting his life for, but he's concerned it might not be a good fit?

 

He tells me this won't affect our relationship and that he plans to fly me out twice a month, visit LA once a month, which means we'd see each other three times a month total.

Take this with a huge grain of salt. He may buy a ticket initially. After that, all bets are off.

 

Or, maybe this is the ultimate test to see how much we're really down for each other.

You're way, WAY more invested in having this work than he is. He's doing what's best for his career and life. I don't see him agonizing about staying in LA because you're there. Nope! Quite the opposite. He's uprooting his life and leaving because it might help his career. Take a cue from him and keep it moving on your end.

 

So my question is this. If you were in my situation, how would you feel? Would you do everything you could to make it work? Would you see this as a sign? I feel confused but I still want to give this relationship my all and make it work.

Don't make someone you're dating a priority when you're no more than an option. His career easily came first, not you, his girlfriend of one week. Yet here you are wanting to give this your all to make it work. Why???

[hippychick3]

I was in a very similar position as you are and the end result was positive for me. There were a few differences, however.

 

We were dating 3 months when he took another position in his same company 3 hours away (driving). The 3 months we were dating were the best 3 months either of us had ever had. We spent every night I didn't have my kids together. So, I honestly did not see how it would work once he moved. I told him I didn't want to do long distance and didn't expect it to work. I emotionally distanced myself a bit to prepare for him leaving once I knew he was offered the position. Once he moved, he missed me more than he thought he would and pushed me to continue the relationship. He drove here every other week and pleaded with me to drive there every other week. We actually grew closer once he moved which surprised us both. I have children so am unable to move. But given my focus on my children when I have them with me, the arrangement works out very well for us. Eventually when my youngest graduates high school, I will move there (we both prefer his city over mine) to live with him. We do communicate everyday throughout the day and do see each other on a regular basis. We plan trips and vacations together by ourselves and with our families and are very happy with the relationship as it is.

 

One thing I would advise if you want this to work is to let HIM do most of the work since he is the one who moved. I never asked my bf to come to me and never suggested I visit him. I never asked when we would see each other. I wanted HIM to continue to pursue and show me he wanted this to work. I wasn't going to invest in a long distance relationship unless I knew he was serious and willing to work to make it happen.

 

So, it is possible as long as you both are committed and can continue to grow closer in between regular, consistent visits.

[MissLY]

Interesting timing to lock you down, isn't it?

 

If he's moving in a week he's obviously known about this possibility for quite some time. Jobs of a lifetime don't just plop in one's lap out of the blue.

 

He was looking. He then applied for the job. At some point, he had to fly out for interviews. Then he had to negotiate (salary, start date, relocation, housing). And of course there's all the waiting to hear between steps. Then, let's not forget giving notice (typically two weeks) to his current employer, assuming he was employed before his "dream job of a lifetime" in PA popped up.

 

He was unemployed before. He was at a birthday dinner this week and while there he met a man who happened to be the owner of the company that he'll be working for. That's why he considers this a rare opportunity, because he was hired by the owner on the spot and didn't go through an application.

 

 

How do you prevent someone from going all skittish on you when you're about to leave town and might want them available as an option in the future should things not pan out as you hope? Make the arrangement official. Once he's settled and has found someone else, expect contact and communication to fizzle away.

 

I truly think he wants everything to work out between us and if they don't, then so be it. But I highly doubt this is the case.

 

 

You've been "official" for all of one week. Please focus on your own career and goals. He certainly is.

 

Oh trust me, I plan on it. Did you read the part where I said that I'm not disappointed in his decision? My career is my TOP priority, not a man. I just happen to like this guy a lot and feel a real connection, so of course I'm gonna feel bummed if he's leaving.

 

 

I'm curious. NY as in NYC or NYS? Was there no housing in PA?

 

NYC is 2 hours away from the small town in PA where he'll be working. He'll be living in an Airbnb while in PA and if the job ends up working out, then he'll get a place in NY as well.

[angel.eyes]

He was unemployed before. He was at a birthday dinner this week and while there he met a man who happened to be the owner of the company that he'll be working for. That's why he considers this a rare opportunity, because he was hired by the owner on the spot and didn't go through an application.

Thanks for the additional information. What a lucky break! Good for him. That does change the picture a little.

 

But, my basic advice remains unchanged. Focus on what's best for your life and career (as you're doing) since the relationship is in its infancy. Best of luck! I do hope things work out since you're invested in this.

[losangelena]

Well, are you prepared for 2x monthly cross-country flights? That sounds flippin' exhausting. That's rather presumptuous of him to just assume you'd be OK with giving up 3 out of every 4 of your weekends. I would personally get tired of that.

 

All I can say is good luck. A friend of mine moved from L.A. to Portland 3 months after she got serious with her BF. They manage to see each other 4 weekends out of every 5 or 6, but it's still a lot of travel, and it gets expensive. They also do crazy things like overnight Google hangouts where they'll both be asleep but like, still connected through the hangout connection. I mean ... how unnecessary can you be?

 

The distance makes my friend more anxious about the relationship, too, so there's that. But anyway, like I said, you might as well give it a go if you feel up for it. A lot of people do LTR, but probably not for very long. I personally would be extremely disappointed if a guy I was official with for 2 weeks was leaving. This is the phase of the relationship where in-person contact is most important, that "getting to know you" phase. Y'all are gonna miss out on all of that.

[Oregon_Dude]

Fasten your seatbelt. You're in for the inevitable crash.

 

LDRs, simply put, don't work. It's painful, overly difficult, and you never get to see your partner.

 

This is the time to end the relationship.

[ExpatInItaly]

Honestly, I think it's going to be difficult to keep this relationship going.

 

There's very little foundation to build on since you haven't been dating long. And his travel plans sound dandy now, but are quite ambitious; I would imagine flying cross-country twice a month will get tiring quickly, not to mention pricey.

 

If he was previously unemployed, I also wouldn't count on him making these trips back to L.A. very soon. He probably will need time to get on his feet and starting bringing in a paycheck first.

 

I would see how the first couple months go but I wouldn't get too invested yet.