Author Britney25 Posted January 31, 2016 Author Posted January 31, 2016 STOP!!!!! Ask the mods to close this thread ...you are going round and round, you are going to drive yourself crazy! He is NOT interested, period! Please Britney, for yiure own sanity, let this go. I get it but some people here tell me because he felt sexually rejected. I'm getting 50/50 here.
katiegrl Posted January 31, 2016 Posted January 31, 2016 (edited) I get it but some people here tell me because he felt sexually rejected. I'm getting 50/50 here. Even assuming he *did* feel sexually rejected, Britney, a man (an emotionally mature and healthy man as opposed to a self-centered a-hole) who was interested in you would say to himself "okay she wasn't ready, I will continue to pursue her until she feels comfortable and IS ready.". It was only your second date!!!! THAT is how men who are interested you, and interested in developing a relationship with you would behave. A man who rejects you because you weren't comfortable having sex or intercourse yet, is NOT a man interested in YOU ....he was only interested in getting sex. Edited January 31, 2016 by katiegrl 2
miranda_wilson Posted January 31, 2016 Posted January 31, 2016 Hurt because you didn't have sex on the second date? Awful! 1
miranda_wilson Posted January 31, 2016 Posted January 31, 2016 And oh yeah, the guy I am with...things got heated between us on date 2 also. He wanted to have sex; he pushed for it (nothing over-the-top). He didn't stop pursuing just because I said no and held my ground. There's no "he felt sexually rejected"...if you were kissing him and into it but said it's too early (a reasonable thing to say at that point)...then he shouldn't have felt sexually rejected but like you were worried about having sex too soon. 2
miranda_wilson Posted January 31, 2016 Posted January 31, 2016 Oh yeah...not with the guy I am with now, but with some guy from a few years ago...I was naked and in a bed with him on date 2. I let him finger me. I said no to intercourse. He still kept pursuing me. And actually, if he (your guy) did feel "sexually rejected," that would be all the more reason to keep going after you, to prove you will take back the rejection and/or that he can conquer you. If he's not trying to have sex with you even though it's in the realm of possibility that it can happen, I don't think he's very interested.
kendahke Posted January 31, 2016 Posted January 31, 2016 Hmmm but if he liked me he would still persue me right? I apologized to him If he liked you, and you lived closer, perhaps he would. The opposite of liking you isn't hating your guts and being mean to you. He is being indifferent, non-responsive, disinterested. The liking of pictures on social media is meaningless. All the apologies in the world aren't going change someone whose mind has been made up, for whatever reason, that pursuing you any further isn't worth his time and focus. That ship, for him, it seems, has sailed. All of this navel-gazing and circular torture is detrimental to your self esteem. You're almost at the point where this reeks of desperation. Get a hold of yourself. Part of being an adult is accepting that sometimes, no matter how much we may want something or someone, it's just not meant to be and you need to let go while your grace and dignity are still in tact. 3
Redhead14 Posted January 31, 2016 Posted January 31, 2016 This is not about him feeling sexually rejected or distance, this guy played her online for 3 months. Sensed her naivete and more or less lured her. He was aware of the distance, and he "got off". That is all he wanted. Britney, you need to start focusing on something else. Don't dwell on this anymore. Go out with your friends and have a good time!
smackie9 Posted January 31, 2016 Posted January 31, 2016 Hmmm but if he liked me he would still persue me right? I apologized to him He did like you but it turned him off badly. He wasn't that invested like you thought.
Author Britney25 Posted January 31, 2016 Author Posted January 31, 2016 Oh yeah...not with the guy I am with now, but with some guy from a few years ago...I was naked and in a bed with him on date 2. I let him finger me. I said no to intercourse. He still kept pursuing me. And actually, if he (your guy) did feel "sexually rejected," that would be all the more reason to keep going after you, to prove you will take back the rejection and/or that he can conquer you. If he's not trying to have sex with you even though it's in the realm of possibility that it can happen, I don't think he's very interested. That's what I thought too.. That at least he wants to conquer me and he thinks the second time it will happen hence that's why he hasn't completely stop contact with me BUT at least now I understand its for sex only anyway.
Author Britney25 Posted January 31, 2016 Author Posted January 31, 2016 This is not about him feeling sexually rejected or distance, this guy played her online for 3 months. Sensed her naivete and more or less lured her. He was aware of the distance, and he "got off". That is all he wanted. Britney, you need to start focusing on something else. Don't dwell on this anymore. Go out with your friends and have a good time! I will hun :-)
Versacehottie Posted January 31, 2016 Posted January 31, 2016 This is not about him feeling sexually rejected or distance, this guy played her online for 3 months. Sensed her naivete and more or less lured her. He was aware of the distance, and he "got off". That is all he wanted. Britney, you need to start focusing on something else. Don't dwell on this anymore. Go out with your friends and have a good time! With all due respect, i think we need to view this guy "pursuing" her online for 3 months as probably misconstrued version of "pursuing". After all OP is interpreting "likes" as significant. I don't think we can just take her "version" of it. It's not 100% reality-based. The truth is probably somewhere in between. Probably very typical guy misleading and girl being overly hopeful and romanticizing the whole thing. (yes people meet on vacation, for example, and end up a couple but is it the norm for those vacation flings to work out or any LD thing, not really; and this was hardly a "thing". They were "talking" at best). Speaking for the non-present guy, he probably viewed it as starting up a flirty friendship. I know you, Redhead, you are not the type to turn the guy into a bad guy and see things as 100% black or white. Let's face it, the version we are getting from OP is not an entirely accurate version of what happened during "his pursuing her", just her slightly warped perception of it. I think if this was another thread, most of us would just make a count of the number of dates, one and two (one and a half since staying in isn't really a "date" in the traditional sense and probably gives a good idea of how he viewed present and future with her: just for casual fun) and know the answer: he is fading, not that interested, never intended to be. Agreed. 100%. have fun with your friends. do something that distracts you. Being this attached under the circumstances, both before and now, is not reasonable behavior. Good luck 2
Author Britney25 Posted January 31, 2016 Author Posted January 31, 2016 With all due respect, i think we need to view this guy "pursuing" her online for 3 months as probably misconstrued version of "pursuing". After all OP is interpreting "likes" as significant. I don't think we can just take her "version" of it. It's not 100% reality-based. The truth is probably somewhere in between. Probably very typical guy misleading and girl being overly hopeful and romanticizing the whole thing. (yes people meet on vacation, for example, and end up a couple but is it the norm for those vacation flings to work out or any LD thing, not really; and this was hardly a "thing". They were "talking" at best). Speaking for the non-present guy, he probably viewed it as starting up a flirty friendship. I know you, Redhead, you are not the type to turn the guy into a bad guy and see things as 100% black or white. Let's face it, the version we are getting from OP is not an entirely accurate version of what happened during "his pursuing her", just her slightly warped perception of it. I think if this was another thread, most of us would just make a count of the number of dates, one and two (one and a half since staying in isn't really a "date" in the traditional sense and probably gives a good idea of how he viewed present and future with her: just for casual fun) and know the answer: he is fading, not that interested, never intended to be. Agreed. 100%. have fun with your friends. do something that distracts you. Being this attached under the circumstances, both before and now, is not reasonable behavior. Good luck I'm sorry you got it wrong he was texting me...Persuing me thru text not social media. Now he communicates through social media. We spoke on the phone and we texted. Hence my confusion.
kendahke Posted January 31, 2016 Posted January 31, 2016 I'm sorry you got it wrong he was texting me...Persuing me thru text not social media. Now he communicates through social media. We spoke on the phone and we texted. Hence my confusion. If it's down to sporadic likes on social media, that is called "being demoted". 1
katiegrl Posted January 31, 2016 Posted January 31, 2016 (edited) Britney, no he is not *communicating* with you via social media...he is not engaging you...... he *likes* some of your pics, big whoop. Any confusion you have is due to your own inability to face the fact that this man is simply no longer interested in you. If he ever was. I mean it is just so very obvious to us, not sure why you can't see it. You sound very naive and inexperienced, even at 25, surprising. Edited January 31, 2016 by katiegrl 4
IronZ Posted January 31, 2016 Posted January 31, 2016 He IS hurt because he felt very rejected by you. My god, if it's too soon you should have thought of that before going to his place or even got to the point things were heated. If it were me, (being a woman) I would be very upset too. Sorry to be hash but you were a jerk. I don't blame him for fading. Tip: when it comes to sex, guys DO take it very seriously. LOL does anyone today really not know what "Netflix and chill" is? Why would you go over a dude's place on a second date and not expect intimacy? And if you don't plan on having sex why get to the point where you are completely naked? If I was in that position I'd be a little upset too but hey it's not the end of the world. The guy should have at least kept texting her if he was interested. She didn't flat out refuse to ever have sex, she just wanted more time with him. Also OP how does the long distance thing work? Are you in his area often? Maybe that's another reason he gave up. 1
Terry8889 Posted January 31, 2016 Posted January 31, 2016 You seem so obsessed about the guy too soon. It was just a second date, guys pursue and can fake affection when they want to get somethingout of it. That's something meaning sex. The guy is no longer interested just accept your reality. Why are you so desperate about it. BTW just becausesomeonelikes your pics on social media doesn't mean you have a relationshipwith them. My now married ex likes some of my stuff on Facebook but it doesn't mean he wants me back or is interestedin some way, not trying to offend but you truly seem immature. Next time do not go to a guys apartment and get naked for at least the first 5 dates or so if you don't actually want sex. I learned Bc It happened to me a couple of times but I never got naked, we just made up, when I didn't give in and let themgo second base they eventually distanced themselves and dissappeared, and i was glad they did because they were not worth it.
Author Britney25 Posted January 31, 2016 Author Posted January 31, 2016 Britney, no he is not *communicating* with you via social media...he is not engaging you...... he *likes* some of your pics, big whoop. Any confusion you have is due to your own inability to face the fact that this man is simply no longer interested in you. If he ever was. I mean it is just so very obvious to us, not sure why you can't see it. You sound very naive and inexperienced, even at 25, surprising. I meant at the beginning it was texting and phone calls thats how the second date came about NOW he's stopped texting and only likes my photos.
Author Britney25 Posted January 31, 2016 Author Posted January 31, 2016 You seem so obsessed about the guy too soon. It was just a second date, guys pursue and can fake affection when they want to get somethingout of it. That's something meaning sex. The guy is no longer interested just accept your reality. Why are you so desperate about it. BTW just becausesomeonelikes your pics on social media doesn't mean you have a relationshipwith them. My now married ex likes some of my stuff on Facebook but it doesn't mean he wants me back or is interestedin some way, not trying to offend but you truly seem immature. Next time do not go to a guys apartment and get naked for at least the first 5 dates or so if you don't actually want sex. I learned Bc It happened to me a couple of times but I never got naked, we just made up, when I didn't give in and let themgo second base they eventually distanced themselves and dissappeared, and i was glad they did because they were not worth it. I'm not desperate just had a great connection with him and itneuxs what happened. That's all.
Author Britney25 Posted January 31, 2016 Author Posted January 31, 2016 Whatever I will just forget and treat him like a friend I guess. Thsnk you all
Qboro90 Posted January 31, 2016 Posted January 31, 2016 Whatever I will just forget and treat him like a friend I guess. Thsnk you all Complete waste of time and effort to be "friends" with this guy or want to. He's 37 years old. He doesn't want any more friends. You're not going to be his friend. Not that you could even if you wanted to. You clearly have strong feelings for him and thought this guy was your future Husband even when you first saw him years ago... It's incredibly naive to think that you could ever be friends with him... Or any guy that you've dated, slept with, or liked for that matter. You want to get better at not being so naive? Realize what I'm telling you. You're lying to yourself if you think you'd wanna be his friend and be ok with that forever. You're not capable of it, and he wouldn't want it anyways. 1
Versacehottie Posted January 31, 2016 Posted January 31, 2016 I'm sorry you got it wrong he was texting me...Persuing me thru text not social media. Now he communicates through social media. We spoke on the phone and we texted. Hence my confusion. Like I said "talking at best", ie even if he was texting and calling some, he wasn't promising you the world and future marriage or even a relationship; he was getting to know you before A date. The point is that you overblow and misinterpret signs and communications from him just like you have overblown a social media like and have probably passed on the misrepresentation to us in telling your story--as evidenced by the other things you are telling us. Sorry if you are confused about him and THIS inexperienced. Guys stay in touch before dates and don't when they are no longer interested. Nothing to be confused about. Again, people are gathering information about you and vice versa and will come to a conclusion about wanting to continue something with you at some point. He has enough information now and is not interested. This is not that confusing. It's how every other dating thing for other people also starts and falls apart. 1
Author Britney25 Posted January 31, 2016 Author Posted January 31, 2016 Complete waste of time and effort to be "friends" with this guy or want to. He's 37 years old. He doesn't want any more friends. You're not going to be his friend. Not that you could even if you wanted to. You clearly have strong feelings for him and thought this guy was your future Husband even when you first saw him years ago... It's incredibly naive to think that you could ever be friends with him... Or any guy that you've dated, slept with, or liked for that matter. You want to get better at not being so naive? Realize what I'm telling you. You're lying to yourself if you think you'd wanna be his friend and be ok with that forever. You're not capable of it, and he wouldn't want it anyways. Im not saying I'm going to text him Let's be friends or initiate texting.....I'm just leaving the door open. I'm not going to obsess anymore. 1
Author Britney25 Posted January 31, 2016 Author Posted January 31, 2016 Like I said "talking at best", ie even if he was texting and calling some, he wasn't promising you the world and future marriage or even a relationship; he was getting to know you before A date. The point is that you overblow and misinterpret signs and communications from him just like you have overblown a social media like and have probably passed on the misrepresentation to us in telling your story--as evidenced by the other things you are telling us. Sorry if you are confused about him and THIS inexperienced. Guys stay in touch before dates and don't when they are no longer interested. Nothing to be confused about. Again, people are gathering information about you and vice versa and will come to a conclusion about wanting to continue something with you at some point. He has enough information now and is not interested. This is not that confusing. It's how every other dating thing for other people also starts and falls apart. I understand 100%. Just I don't understand and will never understand why he lost interest that fast after I said no to intercourse...but I don't remember if it was you who said it would have been worst if I did have full blown sex with him and this is how he would have treated me after. So yeah
SwordofFlame Posted January 31, 2016 Posted January 31, 2016 I understand 100%. Just I don't understand and will never understand why he lost interest that fast after I said no to intercourse...but I don't remember if it was you who said it would have been worst if I did have full blown sex with him and this is how he would have treated me after. So yeah Why does it matter so much? Are you trying to get a consensus on here? Let's say he shows up again, trys to initiate sex just like last time, are you going to accept or reject sex based on the tally here? 1
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