katiegrl Posted January 28, 2016 Share Posted January 28, 2016 teasing happens in so many different forms and also, you had your clothes off, when the clothes are off, it's pretty much saying you want sex with him. They did have sex (resulting in orgasms for both)....just not intercourse. Link to post Share on other sites
VintageWine Posted January 28, 2016 Share Posted January 28, 2016 They did have sex (resulting in orgasms for both)....just not intercourse. Yes, it is true sex isn't just intercourse, there's oral sex, however, overall, when the clothes are off, you're saying you're ready for intercourse. What she did in my view isn't a tease, clothes are off and then saying no to intercourse is just hurtful. Say what you want straight off the bat with him or with the next guy, because it really is hurtful to leave a female or male in that state naked and then saying no to intercourse. Just tell them what you want straight off cause teasing/foreplay doesn't mean no. Don't beat around the bush. Link to post Share on other sites
VintageWine Posted January 28, 2016 Share Posted January 28, 2016 Next time instead of "teasing" just say no to not wanting any kind of sexual act, it's easier that way 1 Link to post Share on other sites
katiegrl Posted January 28, 2016 Share Posted January 28, 2016 Yes, it is true sex isn't just intercourse, there's oral sex, however, overall, when the clothes are off, you're saying you're ready for intercourse. What she did in my view isn't a tease, clothes are off and then saying no to intercourse is just hurtful. Say what you want straight off the bat with him or with the next guy, because it really is hurtful to leave a female or male in that state naked and then saying no to intercourse. Just tell them what you want straight off cause teasing/foreplay doesn't mean no. Don't beat around the bush. Well she did bring him to orgasm (and vice versa) so not sure what the problem is... Is it some sort of ego thing for a guy to stick his penis inside a woman or something... like a conquering type of thing? I really just want to understand, because from what I understand about relationships and sex, through reading books written by reputable relationship experts plus my own experience.... it's perfectly acceptable to engage in sexual play... without intercourse until BOTH people are ready for it. Not sure why he would feel hurt...as (and I said this earlier) he would have to be a complete moron not to know how attracted to him she was. Women just don't get naked and engage in heavy sexual play with deep kissing with just any ole guy, at least most women don't. She wasn't ready for intercourse yet which is her prerogative. She didn't leave him hanging or with his "tail between his legs," she brought him to orgasm, combined with deep kissing, and if that doesn't tell him how attracted to him she is....then I am not sure what else would. Oh sorry, sticking his penis inside her. She wasn't quite ready for that yet...but he feels hurt even though he left sexually satisfied. Wah wah, give me a break. In any event, I DO respect your opinion, I just don't agree...so let's just agree to disagree and leave it at that. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
katiegrl Posted January 28, 2016 Share Posted January 28, 2016 Next time instead of "teasing" just say no to not wanting any kind of sexual act, it's easier that way So no sexual play whatsoever until such time she's ready for intercourse? Wow, okay, whatever. Signing off...have a great evening! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
VintageWine Posted January 28, 2016 Share Posted January 28, 2016 You found out it was too early after you got him naked and you got naked? If you think it is early then act that way, don't get naked, almost have sex, and then say no. This so much. Link to post Share on other sites
katiegrl Posted January 28, 2016 Share Posted January 28, 2016 (edited) Originally Posted by meanthingsisaid View Post You found out it was too early after you got him naked and you got naked? If you think it is early then act that way, don't get naked, almost have sex, and then say no. ---- This so much. Again they didn't almost have sex -- they had sex! Just not intercourse. Which wasn't fully clarified until later in the thread. Don't tell me you're of the Bill Clinton camp -- "I did not have sex with that woman!" Too funny... Edited January 28, 2016 by katiegrl Link to post Share on other sites
Versacehottie Posted January 28, 2016 Share Posted January 28, 2016 Wow thank you sincelry for your advice. I fell for him but you are right...he's lukewarm interested. Just that before we were intimate he persued me so hard and the distance didn't seem to bother him then? So after I didn't allow intercourse he changed a lot. Makes things so awkward. I thought men change when they actually have sex with you...you know. If he pursued you hard before you were together physically, he probably likes the chase. He also may be put off by how that went down, which without getting into the right or wrong of that, basically means for you, you shouldn't invest into him much. My general opinion is that a guy who is interested, interested in you, such as pursuing you heavily initially, doesn't just back off when the girl isn't as comfortable going as far physically. They aren't making decisions about you on the whole based on one night and one aspect because they are already invested themselves. If it went down badly, it may be that he just doesn't see much of future with you or that it will require more effort than he is willing to give. But a guy that pursued heavily and then backs off for just this and without talking to you about his concerns anyway, probably doesn't have the clearest of intentions or the same ones his heavy pursuing would SEEM to indicate. A reaction like that alone could mean that he just isn't relationship material. It's hard when you are already into a guy but just pull back and stay strong for yourself. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Britney25 Posted January 28, 2016 Author Share Posted January 28, 2016 Originally Posted by meanthingsisaid View Post You found out it was too early after you got him naked and you got naked? If you think it is early then act that way, don't get naked, almost have sex, and then say no. ---- Again they didn't almost have sex -- they had sex! Just not intercourse. Which wasn't fully clarified until later in the thread. Don't tell me you're of the Bill Clinton camp -- "I did not have sex with that woman!" Too funny... Yes I guess the problem is that I didn't let intercourse so everyone says its not sex. Which is sad really. Plus I know him for 3 months before actually jumping in bed with him just we don't live in the same state so its harder to meet regularly but in total that was our second date and 3 months talking. Now he pulled back a lot but we did wish each other Happy New Year and he's just active on my social media and following me there. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Britney25 Posted January 28, 2016 Author Share Posted January 28, 2016 If he pursued you hard before you were together physically, he probably likes the chase. He also may be put off by how that went down, which without getting into the right or wrong of that, basically means for you, you shouldn't invest into him much. My general opinion is that a guy who is interested, interested in you, such as pursuing you heavily initially, doesn't just back off when the girl isn't as comfortable going as far physically. They aren't making decisions about you on the whole based on one night and one aspect because they are already invested themselves. If it went down badly, it may be that he just doesn't see much of future with you or that it will require more effort than he is willing to give. But a guy that pursued heavily and then backs off for just this and without talking to you about his concerns anyway, probably doesn't have the clearest of intentions or the same ones his heavy pursuing would SEEM to indicate. A reaction like that alone could mean that he just isn't relationship material. It's hard when you are already into a guy but just pull back and stay strong for yourself. I guess he thought I was easier? But hey I did ended up in bed with him anyway. Sigh it is what it is Thanks for your advice :-)) Link to post Share on other sites
GildedLily Posted January 28, 2016 Share Posted January 28, 2016 I think the people focusing on the sexual part of this are way off base. My opinion; he's just not that into you. He likes you, he's attracted to you but he's not THAT into you. His actions show a low level interest . If he were very into you, his interest would overcome all of these things that happened on the date. In fact, he wouldn't have even alerted you about these things, you would be on your fourth date by now. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Britney25 Posted January 28, 2016 Author Share Posted January 28, 2016 I think the people focusing on the sexual part of this are way off base. My opinion; he's just not that into you. He likes you, he's attracted to you but he's not THAT into you. His actions show a low level interest . If he were very into you, his interest would overcome all of these things that happened on the date. In fact, he wouldn't have even alerted you about these things, you would be on your fourth date by now. Hmm so why doesn't he just forget me completely? Why doesn't he delete from social media? He knew when he was persuing me that I don't live where he does and that's why that confuses me....plus he asked me out again after our first meeting asking me when will I be back in his town. That's why I'm confused. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Britney25 Posted January 28, 2016 Author Share Posted January 28, 2016 Why delete you? He has already put some time and effort into you, plus you gave him a handy when you hung out. Better to keep you around, and he knows he can probably get laid the next time you get together. Many guys don't try to burn bridges with women, especially bridges that lead to sex. Ok I get it......thanks 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Miss Peach Posted January 28, 2016 Share Posted January 28, 2016 IME Guys who ask you over for a movie on the second date are doing that just to try to get you into bed. That that's what you want from him then OK. If you want a boyfriend this guy isn't a candidate. Couple that with the other behavior and I would be done with him. IMO he's hoping to keep you around for some reason and it's probably not the reason you are hoping for. My guess it's probably to stroke his ego, for attention, or he'll try again at some point for something sexual since you got heated already and he might think he won't have to work too hard to get another chance. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
kendahke Posted January 28, 2016 Share Posted January 28, 2016 Because sexual rejection or a tease would be me saying no no no all the time while kissing and him trying to undress me. I gave him my body. He couldnt out the p in the v but guess what he got everything else even a hand job. I would advise that if it is too soon for you to have sex with a guy you're just getting to know, then do not go over to their house for any reason. When you do that, you infer to them by being there that you are open to sex, even if you feel attracted to them, but not attracted enough to have sex. Stay out in public areas. When you cross that threshold into their home, you're saying I'm down for whatever happens. Unfair? Yeah, but if things crossed over into the criminal realm, think of the field day their defense attorney will have with how you played your part in this. In my day, that is called "leading him on" and that has gotten plenty of women in over their heads--and some did not get out the same way they arrived. If you're 25, it's time for you to understand this adult rule of life and your life will be way less complicated: Stay out of a man's home if you have no intention on having sex with him. You can kiss him on the street just as easily as in his living room and your clothes stay on. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Miss Peach Posted January 28, 2016 Share Posted January 28, 2016 Stay out of a man's home if you have no intention on having sex with him. I agree with this. I learned this one the hard way unfortunately. I have broken it a few times with guys I sensed were good guys who just disliked PDA even kissing in public. I'm guessing probably 90%+ men see it as code for sex. Also inviting them to your place sends a similar message for most men. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Britney25 Posted January 28, 2016 Author Share Posted January 28, 2016 I would advise that if it is too soon for you to have sex with a guy you're just getting to know, then do not go over to their house for any reason. When you do that, you infer to them by being there that you are open to sex, even if you feel attracted to them, but not attracted enough to have sex. Stay out in public areas. When you cross that threshold into their home, you're saying I'm down for whatever happens. Unfair? Yeah, but if things crossed over into the criminal realm, think of the field day their defense attorney will have with how you played your part in this. In my day, that is called "leading him on" and that has gotten plenty of women in over their heads--and some did not get out the same way they arrived. If you're 25, it's time for you to understand this adult rule of life and your life will be way less complicated: Stay out of a man's home if you have no intention on having sex with him. You can kiss him on the street just as easily as in his living room and your clothes stay on. Actually we were going to go out initially but he then said let's chill here and yes I went into bed with him and yes I said no to intercourse but he got everything else plus whatever happened to having a little private time and what is it with men that they need to ****. I gave him my body and we made out deeply isn't that enough for early on??? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Britney25 Posted January 28, 2016 Author Share Posted January 28, 2016 I agree with this. I learned this one the hard way unfortunately. I have broken it a few times with guys I sensed were good guys who just disliked PDA even kissing in public. I'm guessing probably 90%+ men see it as code for sex. Also inviting them to your place sends a similar message for most men. I don't invite men to my place unless their my b/f Link to post Share on other sites
Author Britney25 Posted January 28, 2016 Author Share Posted January 28, 2016 IME Guys who ask you over for a movie on the second date are doing that just to try to get you into bed. That that's what you want from him then OK. If you want a boyfriend this guy isn't a candidate. Couple that with the other behavior and I would be done with him. IMO he's hoping to keep you around for some reason and it's probably not the reason you are hoping for. My guess it's probably to stroke his ego, for attention, or he'll try again at some point for something sexual since you got heated already and he might think he won't have to work too hard to get another chance. I agree with your opinion. Link to post Share on other sites
fitnessfan365 Posted January 28, 2016 Share Posted January 28, 2016 Sorry OP..I have to say, it's kind of a hard sale to say that you weren't ready to have sex when you 1) Agreed to a date at his place and 2) Let things get heated to the point of being naked. Then when you cry wolf like you did, you come off like a tease that is leading him on. Now of course it's your right to only do what you feel comfortable with. But..if you know you deep down you don't want to have sex that soon, make better choices. Keep all early dates in public, or at the very least keep your clothes on. Now I know that it's easy to judge him and say that "all he wanted was sex". But speaking personally, if a woman acted that way with me, it'd actually make me question how she is in general. If she flaky, does she have a hard time making up her mind and knowing what she wants, is she immature and not ready for adult situations, etc.. So I'm sure he was a bit put out in the moment and upset by it. But he could also be questioning what it's like to date you in general after it happened. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
katiegrl Posted January 28, 2016 Share Posted January 28, 2016 I am not getting why so many of you believe they didn't have sex. Sex is NOT just intercourse.... They both did sexual things to each other that brought both of them to orgasm....naked. What is that if not sex? Sexual play (w/o intercourse but resulting in orgasm) is STILL sex. Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted January 28, 2016 Share Posted January 28, 2016 I think the people focusing on the sexual part of this are way off base. My opinion; he's just not that into you. He likes you, he's attracted to you but he's not THAT into you. His actions show a low level interest . If he were very into you, his interest would overcome all of these things that happened on the date. In fact, he wouldn't have even alerted you about these things, you would be on your fourth date by now. I have to agree with you. I doubt he would be blowing up your phone even if you did have sex. You live so far from each other he more than likely has a girl or several in his area that he sees and has sex with. I think he lost interest after the date. Maybe he didn't like the hand job or something else. Who knows but his low level of interest is very telling. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Britney25 Posted January 28, 2016 Author Share Posted January 28, 2016 I am not getting why so many of you believe they didn't have sex. Sex is NOT just intercourse.... They both did sexual things to each other that brought both of them to orgasm....naked. What is that if not sex? Sexual play (w/o intercourse but resulting in orgasm) is STILL sex. Exactly! What the hell? If he thinks I'm flaky I think he would seize all contact with me including virtual. I just now think and see hes not that into me or he feels stupid about what happened, or he doesn't really care that much and I'm just freaking out, or because he got me into bed so he knows the next time of there will be one I will give in and have sex therefore why would he need to persue me more I guess Link to post Share on other sites
Author Britney25 Posted January 28, 2016 Author Share Posted January 28, 2016 I have to agree with you. I doubt he would be blowing up your phone even if you did have sex. You live so far from each other he more than likely has a girl or several in his area that he sees and has sex with. I think he lost interest after the date. Maybe he didn't like the hand job or something else. Who knows but his low level of interest is very telling. Yeah that's a bitter cookie to swallow for me since he wanted me so much and now criquets but he keeps me on social media which is odd but yeah I don't think he's into me that much. Maybe I mistook the signs. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Britney25 Posted January 28, 2016 Author Share Posted January 28, 2016 Sorry OP..I have to say, it's kind of a hard sale to say that you weren't ready to have sex when you 1) Agreed to a date at his place and 2) Let things get heated to the point of being naked. Then when you cry wolf like you did, you come off like a tease that is leading him on. Now of course it's your right to only do what you feel comfortable with. But..if you know you deep down you don't want to have sex that soon, make better choices. Keep all early dates in public, or at the very least keep your clothes on. Now I know that it's easy to judge him and say that "all he wanted was sex". But speaking personally, if a woman acted that way with me, it'd actually make me question how she is in general. If she flaky, does she have a hard time making up her mind and knowing what she wants, is she immature and not ready for adult situations, etc.. So I'm sure he was a bit put out in the moment and upset by it. But he could also be questioning what it's like to date you in general after it happened. Dude he fingered me and such so I know what I want. Not intercourse at that moment yet I'm not saying never! Plus we both know we don't live in the same state. Link to post Share on other sites
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