Did he only want to have sex with me? Help!

[introverted1]

Because sexual rejection or a tease would be me saying no no no all the time while kissing and him trying to undress me. I gave him my body. He couldnt out the p in the v but guess what he got everything else even a hand job.

 

There's lots of ways to be a tease.

 

As a young woman who is dating, you should be aware that when you go to a man's house and take off all your clothes, this will generally be perceived as willingness to have sex.

 

As mentioned, of course you can still say no, and a decent guy will honor that, but, in the best case, you are sabotaging your dating prospects with the guy when you do this and, in the worst case, you are potentially putting yourself at risk if the guy turns out not to be as well-behaved as the one you just posted about.

[mrldii]

He's hurt because his monetary ($7.99/month) and time (93 minutes running time) investments in *Netflix and Chill* didn't pay off on a second date with someone?!? Poor baby!!!

 

 

I do agree with others, though...agreeing to 'NAC', getting naked and hot-and-heavy, and then saying, "Oooops...too soon!!!" is not a cool thing to do.

 

You both would do well to learn a lesson from all of this; you both should probably move on to the next one and try to better the next time.

 

 

Best of luck to you, OP....

[introverted1]

He's hurt because his monetary ($7.99/month) and time (93 minutes running time) investments in *Netflix and Chill* didn't pay off on a second date with someone?!? Poor baby!!!

 

There was a rate increase. Pretty sure Netflix is $8.99 now!

[Lois_Griffin]

OK so this man who's 36 has been persuing me for a while until I went out with him. He was a gentleman, we hit it off and I really started to like him. On the date nothing sexual happened not even a kiss only hugs so I thought well maybe he's not that into me. After some time he asked me for a second date and I agreed. We were going to go out but stayed at his place instead. Watched a movie had great convo and when I was about to leave things got heated and we got intimate. We were naked and basically we almost had sex but I declined because I thought it was way too early. He was OK about it and next morning made plans with me but after a few days we texted he said he was hurt. I apologized because I didn't do it on purpose I was just not ready to go that far yet. So now he doesn't really text me at all, we do follow each other on social media and sometimes he likes my photos and comments but again he doesn't text me. So is that mean he only wanted sex from me? Lost interest? And we don't live in the same state. He's in new York and I'm in Chicago. I'm 25. Thanks

LOL. You're only 25 so I'm going to assume that you're not aware of the fact that a 2nd date at the guy's house is usually because he's looking to have sex.

 

This guy is such a tool. He's "hurt" that he didn't get laid? Too damned bad.

 

Next time, don't agree to a 'date' at some guy's house the second time you see him. That's why they coined the phrase "Netflix and Chill."

[Wewon]

OK so this man who's 36 has been persuing me for a while until I went out with him. He was a gentleman, we hit it off and I really started to like him. On the date nothing sexual happened not even a kiss only hugs so I thought well maybe he's not that into me. After some time he asked me for a second date and I agreed. We were going to go out but stayed at his place instead. Watched a movie had great convo and when I was about to leave things got heated and we got intimate. We were naked and basically we almost had sex but I declined because I thought it was way too early. He was OK about it and next morning made plans with me but after a few days we texted he said he was hurt. I apologized because I didn't do it on purpose I was just not ready to go that far yet. So now he doesn't really text me at all, we do follow each other on social media and sometimes he likes my photos and comments but again he doesn't text me. So is that mean he only wanted sex from me? Lost interest? And we don't live in the same state. He's in new York and I'm in Chicago. I'm 25. Thanks

 

Before we tar this guy as a horny 14 year old that is pouting because he didn't get his rocks off, I think its important to point out that you were about to next him for not escalating sexually on the first date as well. So maybe we shouldn't judge him too harshly.

 

I wouldn't see you as a tease, at least not a deliberate one.

 

If I were in his position I would assume that you didn't know what you wanted and were likely to be a relationship made up of fits and starts.

 

This is just based on your actions combined with your age (under 30). It seems that women at that age are prone to either running headfirst into things or wavering indefinitely.

[Versacehottie]

Oh I forgot to mention that I did text him something flirty not too long ago and he didn't reply until 7 days! Usually he does very fast.

 

Yeah, he's putting low effort in. If it was a sure thing physically, he might put in more but it would prob fizzle. If he had intention to start a LD thing with you, he would reply faster. He's replying like a "friend". You should treat him like a friend. It's fun when he is in the same city and YOU aren't dating anyone else.

[Mjm1014]

As a guy, I can see why he would be upset. Doesn't mean he was all about the sex with you, but you did reject him. I've been in his shoes before and it made me feel so awkward and uncomfortable like maybe she was turned off by something or wasn't as serious about me as I believed. The next few days were the worst because I kept thinking about it. Again, doesn't necessarily mean he's only about sex, rejection sucks especially when you're in the heat of the moment. You need to have a talk with him about what you want and don't want-especially if you think it's too soon for sex, this will clear the issue up one way or the other. This prob killed a lot of confidence he had, especially around you.

 

If you don't clear this up with him, next time things get heated he may resent doing anything sexual which wouldn't be good for a relationship if that's what you want with him.

Edited January 24, 2016 by Mjm1014

[katiegrl]

Britney I am curious. You said he "fingered" you. So clearly YOU got off, thanks to him.

 

What did YOU do to stimulate him ....bring HIM to orgasm?

 

You said no oral happened ..... which is why I'm asking. Hand job perhaps?

 

If he got you off, but you did nothing to get him off ... then obviously he left completely frustrated, and may view you as being a bit sexually selfish as well.

 

I am not accusing you of anything, and don't mean to offend, I am just genuinely curious about what went down that night, and what may have turned him off.

[Britney25]

As a guy, I can see why he would be upset. Doesn't mean he was all about the sex with you, but you did reject him. I've been in his shoes before and it made me feel so awkward and uncomfortable like maybe she was turned off by something or wasn't as serious about me as I believed. The next few days were the worst because I kept thinking about it. Again, doesn't necessarily mean he's only about sex, rejection sucks especially when you're in the heat of the moment. You need to have a talk with him about what you want and don't want-especially if you think it's too soon for sex, this will clear the issue up one way or the other. This prob killed a lot of confidence he had, especially around you.

 

If you don't clear this up with him, next time things get heated he may resent doing anything sexual which wouldn't be good for a relationship if that's what you want with him.

 

 

God I didn't mean to make him feel like that. I mean after it happened I texted him and I comment on his photos showing him I do desire him. He comments flirty things too but that's it. He doesn't text me. So I'm thinking since he's not completely avoiding Me he's no that mad? I don't know how else yo show him I do like him since he's not texting at all. Did he loose interest? Or is being careful? But then again I don't even know if he's serious about me. You know..

[Britney25]

Britney I am curious. You said he "fingered" you. So clearly YOU got off, thanks to him.

 

What did YOU do to stimulate him ....bring HIM to orgasm?

 

You said no oral happened ..... which is why I'm asking. Hand job perhaps?

 

If he got you off, but you did nothing to get him off ... then obviously he left completely frustrated, and may view you as being a bit sexually selfish as well.

 

I am not accusing you of anything, and don't mean to offend, I am just genuinely curious about what went down that night, and what may have turned him off.

 

Lots of deep kissing and yes I did a hand job for him. During our intimacy he said he felt so warm and he didn't know why but kept going. The next morning he even said he might be in my city soon and will let me know. But he didn't come.

[Britney25]

Before we tar this guy as a horny 14 year old that is pouting because he didn't get his rocks off, I think its important to point out that you were about to next him for not escalating sexually on the first date as well. So maybe we shouldn't judge him too harshly.

 

I wouldn't see you as a tease, at least not a deliberate one.

 

If I were in his position I would assume that you didn't know what you wanted and were likely to be a relationship made up of fits and starts.

 

This is just based on your actions combined with your age (under 30). It seems that women at that age are prone to either running headfirst into things or wavering indefinitely.

 

You're right I didn't do this deliberately.... In your opinion how do you think he feels about me now? Will he give me a chance?

[thejabberwocky]

Then why is he still somewhat in contact with me? He still likes my photos. Dude Evan Katz says foreplay is fine and it makes them want more.

 

I wouldn't consider what you did foreplay. Foreplay means there is follow through. As of now, you're a tease.

 

If he is still in contact with you, then what is the problem? I think what happened was rude, but if he still wants to continue a relationship with you, then great! Just don't do that again. Wait until you're ready to have sex to allow it to get that far!

 

There is nothing wrong with waiting, but you can't give the guy mixed messages or it will hurt his feelings.

 

I would say play it cool and let him come to you. Either way, with this guy or someone else, you know for next time to have more self-control.

[katiegrl]

I am seeing this a bit differently.

 

I have read books on this, and many relationship gurus believe, and I agree, that sexual play, such as what the OP and this guy engaged in, is fine....until they are *both* ready for sexual intercourse.

 

Fingering, hand job, deep kissing .....bringing each other to orgasm that way ...what's the problem again?

 

Is there some rule that says a woman MUST let a guy fu*k her ... lest she be accused of being a "tease"?

 

Really?

 

She wasn't ready for full sex intercourse yet, but jeez the guy would have to a complete moron not to realize how sexually attracted to him she was.

 

Getting naked, hand job, fingering, bringing each other to orgasm that way, along with deep kissing....WTF.

 

OP who knows why he is pulling back, but I highly doubt it's because you weren't ready for full on intercouse -- you did everything but ... indicating your sexual attraction for him .... and if you weren't ready for full on intercourse, that is your right and he should respect that.

 

There is no rule saying every sexual encounter "must" end in fu*king.... IMO you did nothing wrong.

[Britney25]

I am seeing this a bit differently.

 

I have read books on this, and many relationship gurus believe, and I agree, that sexual play, such as what the OP and this guy engaged in, is fine....until they are *both* ready for sexual intercourse.

 

Fingering, hand job, deep kissing .....bringing each other to orgasm that way ...what's the problem again?

 

Is there some rule that says a woman MUST let a guy fu*k her ... lest she be accused of being a "tease"?

 

Really?

 

She wasn't ready for full sex intercourse yet, but jeez the guy would have to a complete moron not to realize how sexually attracted to him she was.

 

Getting naked, hand job, fingering, bringing each other to orgasm that way, along with deep kissing....WTF.

 

OP who knows why he is pulling back, but I highly doubt it's because you weren't ready for full on intercouse -- you did everything but ... indicating your sexual attraction for him .... and if you weren't ready for full on intercourse, that is your right and he should respect that.

 

There is no rule saying every sexual encounter "must" end in fu*king.... IMO you did nothing wrong.

 

 

Thank you I appreciate it.

[Saracena]

I am seeing this a bit differently.

 

I have read books on this, and many relationship gurus believe, and I agree, that sexual play, such as what the OP and this guy engaged in, is fine....until they are *both* ready for sexual intercourse.

 

Fingering, hand job, deep kissing .....bringing each other to orgasm that way ...what's the problem again?

 

Is there some rule that says a woman MUST let a guy fu*k her ... lest she be accused of being a "tease"?

 

Really?

 

She wasn't ready for full sex intercourse yet, but jeez the guy would have to a complete moron not to realize how sexually attracted to him she was.

 

Getting naked, hand job, fingering, bringing each other to orgasm that way, along with deep kissing....WTF.

 

OP who knows why he is pulling back, but I highly doubt it's because you weren't ready for full on intercouse -- you did everything but ... indicating your sexual attraction for him .... and if you weren't ready for full on intercourse, that is your right and he should respect that.

 

There is no rule saying every sexual encounter "must" end in fu*king.... IMO you did nothing wrong.

 

 

Yes, of course provided this is discussed and agreed in advance. In this case it wasn't ..............hence the confusion!

Edited January 25, 2016 by Saracena

[Britney25]

Yeah, he's putting low effort in. If it was a sure thing physically, he might put in more but it would prob fizzle. If he had intention to start a LD thing with you, he would reply faster. He's replying like a "friend". You should treat him like a friend. It's fun when he is in the same city and YOU aren't dating anyone else.

 

Like a friend? Its hard to be a friend now since we were intimate ..friends with benefits maybe

[Versacehottie]

Like a friend? Its hard to be a friend now since we were intimate ..friends with benefits maybe

 

yeah to you and I, consider it like a friend or friend with benefits (though if I am reading between the lines of your posts correctly, i don't think you'd be comfortable being a friend with benefit, right? I usually think most girls can want better for themselves. in reality i don't think many girls ARE actually comfortable with that arrangement).

 

Guys, as a generalization, are usually way less concerned with defining (EVEN IN HIS OWN HEAD) what you two are to each other. That's why he's giving you low effort and if it has an effect (ie you still respond and stay in touch) that's all he needs to do to keep you on the hook and on his radar for future. That's typically how guys do it. You are in his back pocket until he is more motivated to do more or loses interest altogether or vice versa.

 

All you have to do (which is harder than it sounds) is not accept those terms. He treats you like a friend (intermitten contact, etc); then you treat him like a distant friend. Put him in your back pocket. Hey you never know what the future will hold so it doesn't hurt to keep him distantly on your radar. But right now, he isn't offering up anything concrete or viable so make sure you don't offer up such things to him. Basically don't STAY on the hook.

 

I'm just thinking if I were in your shoes. Date locally. You never know what the future might bring so it doesn't hurt to stay in a little bit of contact. But don't put your hopes and dreams on this one. Live your life in the now. An interested and ready and willing guy, long-distance or close by, will step up if that's what it takes to keep you interested and from not continuing to move with the flow of your own life. I know it helps to understand it in order to process things, learn from it and mentally be open to a next guy, so i don't think it's bad to try to figure out what's going on here to a point. My take is that he is lukewarm interested at best and not going to pursue at least in part because of the distance. I wouldn't waste much time on him. If he likes stuff on social media, stays in touch now and then, have fun with it and be amused but don't invest in him until he shows you a lot more interest. Good luck

[Britney25]

Anyone else?

[Britney25]

yeah to you and I, consider it like a friend or friend with benefits (though if I am reading between the lines of your posts correctly, i don't think you'd be comfortable being a friend with benefit, right? I usually think most girls can want better for themselves. in reality i don't think many girls ARE actually comfortable with that arrangement).

 

Guys, as a generalization, are usually way less concerned with defining (EVEN IN HIS OWN HEAD) what you two are to each other. That's why he's giving you low effort and if it has an effect (ie you still respond and stay in touch) that's all he needs to do to keep you on the hook and on his radar for future. That's typically how guys do it. You are in his back pocket until he is more motivated to do more or loses interest altogether or vice versa.

 

All you have to do (which is harder than it sounds) is not accept those terms. He treats you like a friend (intermitten contact, etc); then you treat him like a distant friend. Put him in your back pocket. Hey you never know what the future will hold so it doesn't hurt to keep him distantly on your radar. But right now, he isn't offering up anything concrete or viable so make sure you don't offer up such things to him. Basically don't STAY on the hook.

 

I'm just thinking if I were in your shoes. Date locally. You never know what the future might bring so it doesn't hurt to stay in a little bit of contact. But don't put your hopes and dreams on this one. Live your life in the now. An interested and ready and willing guy, long-distance or close by, will step up if that's what it takes to keep you interested and from not continuing to move with the flow of your own life. I know it helps to understand it in order to process things, learn from it and mentally be open to a next guy, so i don't think it's bad to try to figure out what's going on here to a point. My take is that he is lukewarm interested at best and not going to pursue at least in part because of the distance. I wouldn't waste much time on him. If he likes stuff on social media, stays in touch now and then, have fun with it and be amused but don't invest in him until he shows you a lot more interest. Good luck

 

Wow thank you sincelry for your advice. I fell for him but you are right...he's lukewarm interested. Just that before we were intimate he persued me so hard and the distance didn't seem to bother him then? So after I didn't allow intercourse he changed a lot. Makes things so awkward. I thought men change when they actually have sex with you...you know.

[Britney25]

I think the initial post required a few more details before a clear decision could be made. I'm glad I actually read through the replies in this thread before posting.

 

At first, it seemed like there was some foreplay, ya both got nekkid, and you told the guy to kick rocks. If that were the case, I would be upset in his shoes too. Then we find out the guy at least got an ol' fashioned for his trouble. Good enough in my book. Honestly, I think it was pretty considerate of the OP to take care of the dude like that considering she didn't feel comfortable with intercourse.

 

This guy is being a douchey douche.

 

So basically he's kinda pissed off at me and keeping me at distance huh?

[Britney25]

LOL. You're only 25 so I'm going to assume that you're not aware of the fact that a 2nd date at the guy's house is usually because he's looking to have sex.

 

This guy is such a tool. He's "hurt" that he didn't get laid? Too damned bad.

 

Next time, don't agree to a 'date' at some guy's house the second time you see him. That's why they coined the phrase "Netflix and Chill."

 

 

Well I agreed because I happpend to be in his state at the time and I do like him.

[Britney25]

He's hurt because his monetary ($7.99/month) and time (93 minutes running time) investments in *Netflix and Chill* didn't pay off on a second date with someone?!? Poor baby!!!

 

 

I do agree with others, though...agreeing to 'NAC', getting naked and hot-and-heavy, and then saying, "Oooops...too soon!!!" is not a cool thing to do.

 

You both would do well to learn a lesson from all of this; you both should probably move on to the next one and try to better the next time.

 

 

Best of luck to you, OP....

 

Why do I have to move on? I like him..this didn't happen intentional.

[katiegrl]

So basically he's kinda pissed off at me and keeping me at distance huh?

 

No... more like he just doesn't give a crap.

 

Either that or he's manipulating you so you agree to have intercourse with him next time.

 

Either way, he's a douche

Edited January 28, 2016 by katiegrl

[Britney25]

No... more like he just doesn't give a crap.

 

Either that or he's manipulating you so you agree to have intercourse with him next time.

 

Either way, he's a douche

 

Wow this suxs

[VintageWine]

Because sexual rejection or a tease would be me saying no no no all the time while kissing and him trying to undress me. I gave him my body. He couldnt out the p in the v but guess what he got everything else even a hand job.

 

teasing happens in so many different forms and also, you had your clothes off, when the clothes are off, it's pretty much saying you want sex with him.