Britney25 Posted January 23, 2016 Share Posted January 23, 2016 OK so this man who's 36 has been persuing me for a while until I went out with him. He was a gentleman, we hit it off and I really started to like him. On the date nothing sexual happened not even a kiss only hugs so I thought well maybe he's not that into me. After some time he asked me for a second date and I agreed. We were going to go out but stayed at his place instead. Watched a movie had great convo and when I was about to leave things got heated and we got intimate. We were naked and basically we almost had sex but I declined because I thought it was way too early. He was OK about it and next morning made plans with me but after a few days we texted he said he was hurt. I apologized because I didn't do it on purpose I was just not ready to go that far yet. So now he doesn't really text me at all, we do follow each other on social media and sometimes he likes my photos and comments but again he doesn't text me. So is that mean he only wanted sex from me? Lost interest? And we don't live in the same state. He's in new York and I'm in Chicago. I'm 25. Thanks Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted January 23, 2016 Share Posted January 23, 2016 Yeah, hurt, right. Mad because he didn't have sex and hoping to guilt you. I will say this, though: If he is hurt because you didn't have sex on the second date, he's got bigger problems than horniness. Of course, it is possible he was kind of kidding. So see how he is in texts before deciding to go out again. 12 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Britney25 Posted January 23, 2016 Author Share Posted January 23, 2016 Yeah, hurt, right. Mad because he didn't have sex and hoping to guilt you. I will say this, though: If he is hurt because you didn't have sex on the second date, he's got bigger problems than horniness. Of course, it is possible he was kind of kidding. So see how he is in texts before deciding to go out again. So he's hoping to guilt me into having sex with him the next time we meet? I see...yeah I know what you mean and I don't think he was kidding. 5 Link to post Share on other sites
SwordofFlame Posted January 23, 2016 Share Posted January 23, 2016 Maybe he didn't like the fact that you were a tease and left him with blue balls? Next time, don't goto his place or invite him to yours if you don't want to have sex. As for whether he was only looking for sex? Maybe. Maybe not. 10 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Britney25 Posted January 23, 2016 Author Share Posted January 23, 2016 Maybe he didn't like the fact that you were a tease and left him with blue balls? Next time, don't goto his place or invite him to yours if you don't want to have sex. As for whether he was only looking for sex? Maybe. Maybe not. Oh please...I think I have the right to decline sex at any moment plus I did give my body to him regardless. Since it happened wouldn't he still be Persuing me because he doesn't know if we actually will have sex the next time we meet? Plus I apologized because I didn't mean to be a tease if that's what he thought. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
smackie9 Posted January 23, 2016 Share Posted January 23, 2016 He IS hurt because he felt very rejected by you. My god, if it's too soon you should have thought of that before going to his place or even got to the point things were heated. If it were me, (being a woman) I would be very upset too. Sorry to be hash but you were a jerk. I don't blame him for fading. Tip: when it comes to sex, guys DO take it very seriously. 11 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Britney25 Posted January 24, 2016 Author Share Posted January 24, 2016 He IS hurt because he felt very rejected by you. My god, if it's too soon you should have thought of that before going to his place or even got to the point things were heated. If it were me, (being a woman) I would be very upset too. Sorry to be hash but you were a jerk. I don't blame him for fading. Tip: when it comes to sex, guys DO take it very seriously. I'm sorry I didn't reject him totally. We had foreplay come on. Plus he still follows me on social media and comments so he can't be that hurt. It was only our first time we got intimate. He can't give up that easily? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Versacehottie Posted January 24, 2016 Share Posted January 24, 2016 My guess is that you live too far apart for him to "really" be considering dating you. That's probably why moving fast physically was seemingly important. It's not that he just wants sex but when you live that far apart, he may be thinking more practically than you are--and that is more of the priority vs establishing a relationship. It can be fun when you are around each other but he doesn't text you because that's more work than he is willing to put in for something he, at the moment, is not putting into his future plans. That is my take on it. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
meanthingsisaid Posted January 24, 2016 Share Posted January 24, 2016 We were going to go out but stayed at his place instead. Watched a movie had great convo and when I was about to leave things got heated and we got intimate. We were naked and basically we almost had sex but I declined because I thought it was way too early. You found out it was too early after you got him naked and you got naked? If you think it is early then act that way, don't get naked, almost have sex, and then say no. 6 Link to post Share on other sites
thejabberwocky Posted January 24, 2016 Share Posted January 24, 2016 You were naked THEN told him it's too soon to have sex? That is called a tease and it's rude to do to someone. That is why he stopped calling, he has lost respect for you. You don't do that unless you're ready to go through with it. I would back off and consider it a lesson learned. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
meanthingsisaid Posted January 24, 2016 Share Posted January 24, 2016 You found out it was too early after you got him naked and you got naked? If you think it is early then act that way, don't get naked, almost have sex, and then say no. If you want this to work, tell him the truth that you are a virgin and you wanted to lose your virginity to someone you are in a relationship with. He would then understand. Simple. Until then you are just an immature tease. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Britney25 Posted January 24, 2016 Author Share Posted January 24, 2016 You were naked THEN told him it's too soon to have sex? That is called a tease and it's rude to do to someone. That is why he stopped calling, he has lost respect for you. You don't do that unless you're ready to go through with it. I would back off and consider it a lesson learned. Then why is he still somewhat in contact with me? He still likes my photos. Dude Evan Katz says foreplay is fine and it makes them want more. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Britney25 Posted January 24, 2016 Author Share Posted January 24, 2016 You found out it was too early after you got him naked and you got naked? If you think it is early then act that way, don't get naked, almost have sex, and then say no. I get it but it was in the heat of the moment. I don't sleep around but I was so attracted to him and that's what happened. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Britney25 Posted January 24, 2016 Author Share Posted January 24, 2016 My guess is that you live too far apart for him to "really" be considering dating you. That's probably why moving fast physically was seemingly important. It's not that he just wants sex but when you live that far apart, he may be thinking more practically than you are--and that is more of the priority vs establishing a relationship. It can be fun when you are around each other but he doesn't text you because that's more work than he is willing to put in for something he, at the moment, is not putting into his future plans. That is my take on it. Finally someone with great advice. Thank you. I think that could be it too. He's not looking for a LDR....I happen to like him and I thought he would want more even with our distance. So basically I'm the fun girl if we are in the same state for sex. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted January 24, 2016 Share Posted January 24, 2016 He IS hurt because he felt very rejected by you. My god, if it's too soon you should have thought of that before going to his place or even got to the point things were heated. If it were me, (being a woman) I would be very upset too. Sorry to be hash but you were a jerk. I don't blame him for fading. Tip: when it comes to sex, guys DO take it very seriously. Too seriously. But they know full well when they're going out of bounds and do it anyway to get laid. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Popsicle Posted January 24, 2016 Share Posted January 24, 2016 Naked? That's pretty far... 6 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Britney25 Posted January 24, 2016 Author Share Posted January 24, 2016 My guess is that you live too far apart for him to "really" be considering dating you. That's probably why moving fast physically was seemingly important. It's not that he just wants sex but when you live that far apart, he may be thinking more practically than you are--and that is more of the priority vs establishing a relationship. It can be fun when you are around each other but he doesn't text you because that's more work than he is willing to put in for something he, at the moment, is not putting into his future plans. That is my take on it. Oh I forgot to mention that I did text him something flirty not too long ago and he didn't reply until 7 days! Usually he does very fast. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
meanthingsisaid Posted January 24, 2016 Share Posted January 24, 2016 Then why is he still somewhat in contact with me? He still likes my photos. Dude Evan Katz says foreplay is fine and it makes them want more. What you did is not foreplay, it is humiliation. Get him naked and say no? People do that to get revenge or humiliate someone. In what world do you live in? 5 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Britney25 Posted January 24, 2016 Author Share Posted January 24, 2016 Naked? That's pretty far... Yes we were naked intimate he fingered me but no oral sex or sex. I do like him thou and now I'm not sure what the hell he thinks .... He does still contact but not too often as usual. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Britney25 Posted January 24, 2016 Author Share Posted January 24, 2016 What you did is not foreplay, it is humiliation. Get him naked and say no? People do that to get revenge or humiliate someone. In what world do you live in? He's the one that innitaited! And it was foreplay. He fingered me we kissed so what the hell do you mean it wasn't foreplay? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Versacehottie Posted January 24, 2016 Share Posted January 24, 2016 Finally someone with great advice. Thank you. I think that could be it too. He's not looking for a LDR....I happen to like him and I thought he would want more even with our distance. So basically I'm the fun girl if we are in the same state for sex. Well yeah. All my guy friends have a term for it: geographically undesirable. It basically just means that the girl lives too far away for them to consider dating her. Sure they will have fun when around her, maybe even to the girl it will seem like there's an honest chance. Like faux-leading-to-gf status type stuff. I have to be honest whenever they've said things like that they weren't that serious about getting into ANY relationship with even girls that lived closer. But yeah they can be practical and stop their feelings because they cannot see dating someone that lives that far. I think it's safest for yourself to approach things that everyone is out for fun first and if they want more they will make it known or it will be obvious. I think when things are more difficult or farfetched like a long distance thing, you have to be practical yourself. Another thing don't put any emphasis on likes on social media. Guys get bored too. He can like you, like flirting with you and to him a social media like or comment is harmless flrting--it doesn't necessarily mean "more" than that. My rec is to find someone in your city. And keep flirting with this one--that's all it is, at this point, I think. So you were right to stop the physical. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
salparadise Posted January 24, 2016 Share Posted January 24, 2016 Oh please...I think I have the right to decline sex at any moment plus I did give my body to him regardless. Since it happened wouldn't he still be Persuing me because he doesn't know if we actually will have sex the next time we meet? Plus I apologized because I didn't mean to be a tease if that's what he thought. Yes we were naked intimate he fingered me but no oral sex or sex. I do like him thou and now I'm not sure what the hell he thinks .... He does still contact but not too often as usual. Sure you have the right to take a guy right up to the edge and then say no. And he has the right to not be happy about it. Maybe he thinks a thousand miles is too far to travel to get all worked up and sent back home without a release? Have you tried to look at it from his perspective? I think that long-distance relationships in particular must have a healthy sexual component to be sustainable. Maybe instead of questioning why he's not pursuing aggressively after that episode, you should be asking "why would he?" 3 Link to post Share on other sites
introverted1 Posted January 24, 2016 Share Posted January 24, 2016 Finally someone with great advice. Thank you. I think that could be it too. He's not looking for a LDR....I happen to like him and I thought he would want more even with our distance. So basically I'm the fun girl if we are in the same state for sex. So it's only great advice when someone points out something other than that you acted like a tease? Of course you have the right to say no at any time. As someone else pointed out, he also has the right to react to that behavior. Which it appears he has. Move on. And next time, if you don't want to have sex, keep your clothes on! 7 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Britney25 Posted January 24, 2016 Author Share Posted January 24, 2016 Sure you have the right to take a guy right up to the edge and then say no. And he has the right to not be happy about it. Maybe he thinks a thousand miles is too far to travel to get all worked up and sent back home without a release? Have you tried to look at it from his perspective? I think that long-distance relationships in particular must have a healthy sexual component to be sustainable. Maybe instead of questioning why he's not pursuing aggressively after that episode, you should be asking "why would he?" Um no I was at his house in his state therefore I traveled. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Britney25 Posted January 24, 2016 Author Share Posted January 24, 2016 So it's only great advice when someone points out something other than that you acted like a tease? Of course you have the right to say no at any time. As someone else pointed out, he also has the right to react to that behavior. Which it appears he has. Move on. And next time, if you don't want to have sex, keep your clothes on! Because sexual rejection or a tease would be me saying no no no all the time while kissing and him trying to undress me. I gave him my body. He couldnt out the p in the v but guess what he got everything else even a hand job. Link to post Share on other sites
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