Going out of my mind for my ex

[Dontknow12]

First post and honestly don't know what to do.

 

My girlfriend of 6 years finished with me over the phone on the 10th in the morning, this was out of the blue having spent the day before looking at houses together and that morning waking up and going off in the morning as usual, we even had dinner and her stuff round mine.. So shock in the least, but I can see why.

 

We have had a brilliant time together and pretty much just spent our own time and weekends together didn't do much with friends we just liked our own things, we didn't have that many friends each anyway. She is the most kind person I have ever met and I know people say they love people but I loved her more than anything in the world. I would happily say the best thing in my life.

 

I had a letter last week so 48 hours after the call breaking up and it was she has a load of stuff going on in her life, parents moving and work and she couldn't 100% trust me. I have before cheated a couple of times about 4 years ago, but most of the letter relates to my now hopefully old Demons, drink. I know it's been not even 2 weeks but I am for the first time in my life clean from it and hate it for causing this hurt. The letter states she doesn't want it anymore and it's defiantly over,. I have been really bad and drinking in the mornings and obviously this has been the straw that made her give us up.

 

I have since been getting help for the problem, and can honestly say I never want to drink again, I hate it. She has broken and blocked all contact methods and I am going out of my mind as the person, who she even says in her one letter is lovely without the drink is really here now. I don't know if I should give her the space but feel like I want to see her, she is a shy person, so don't know if me keeping distance means she will just get over me and I would literally do anything for her now. Is it a case of just you cannot make someone love you or should I be trying in other ways to show her I can be the person she loved.

 

Honestly not stopped thinking of her since the split, she is my whole world.

[Dontknow12]

Hello there just an update of the situation. I am her first proper boyfriend and have been having awful nights sleep hand on heart would do anything for this girl but avoiding all known meeting point and the utter heartbreaking urge to see her and to leave her alone.

 

Went to her parents house last night to speak to them as she was not home and had a nice welcome and sat with her dad and had a talk, I did make sure she wasn't there. I revealed what the issue was they had been told it was she couldn't see her spending the rest of her life with me, so I told them about my drink problem and that I have been sober now for two weeks. He was nice and said give it longer and see as she may want to be friends in the future.

 

Been sober now for 14 days, it's been tough but don't know what to do. Just focus on myself didn't feel right but can understand the dickhead I was before is an embarrassing person.

 

I know she has been on apps late at night and yesterday deleted pictures of us when we were first together and all since so know she is trying to get over it. I am running and getting fit now for the first time but literally every second of my life now is I wish she could see me now, she said she loved the sober me, I just didn't listen and take note then.

 

Sorry for the ramble but into 3 weeks now booze free and heartbroken. She was literally my soul mate and was planning to propose when she bought her flat to show her I cared, but I guess she couldn't love who I was then.

 

Wish there was that clock you can wind back as I'm proper waiting and hunting for it.

 

Honestly heartbroken.

[Just smile]

Sorry this happened to you, and I know all too well the pain. It seems like you messed up a bit in the past and she has had enough ?

 

My advice which is easier said than done, is to not contact her for awhile , give her space, breathing room , time to reflect , in a few weeks if you want to contact and talk, do so.but be prepared for hearing something you may not want to hear.

 

I'm a firm believer , if it's meant to be, it will be.

[mightycpa]

She may have been your soulmate, but you are not hers.

 

From her perspective, she might not want a guy whose biggest accomplishment each day is that he didn't take a drink. Why? Because that would make her only one shotglass away from disaster. Seriously, who would sign up for that?

 

Cut her some slack and leave her alone. She's not the one for you.

[Satu]

She is the most kind person I have ever met and *I know people say they love people but I loved her more than anything in the world. I would happily say the best thing in my life.

 

 

*Honestly not stopped thinking of her since the split, she is my whole world.

 

Life isn't about just one person.

 

Life isn't meant to be about just one person.

 

 

A snip from an old journal:

 

 

"For some reason, when you were with her, you chose to have her as the exact centre of your universe.

 

You were in orbit around her.

 

Then she was gone, and you had nothing to orbit.

 

Now you have to place the centre of your universe inside yourself.

 

Once you have done that, the empty place inside you will no longer be empty, and you will begin to enjoy life again."

 

 

Take care.

[Satu]

Covered in my earlier post. Ignore.

Edited January 26, 2016 by Satu

[Brando]

Sorry for your pain my friend. Congrats on being sober. No matter the outcome of the situation, stay sober!!!

You have to back off. She wasn't playing April fools on you when she asked to break up my friend. You need to give her space!! She made a decision that she was best for her life. Right now there is nothing you can do.

Please don't go to her house again. You went once and stated your case (it was kind of an intrusive action on your part, but I get it. Stick to healing and staying sober, for yourself.

Give her time and maybe she will reflect and come back (don't count on that or it will hurt longer). Only she can make the decision based on her own wants and needs.

Move on and heal yourself!! If she comes around, you'll be in a better place. If not, you'll be in the process of moving on.

Good luck stay strong.

[Satu]

Getting sober is the easy part. Every drinker can do that if they have to.

 

Staying sober is the hard part.

 

Day after day. Week after week, months, years.

 

It will take you a long time to tame that tiger.

 

It always does.

[RocketQueen]

Hello there just an update of the situation. I am her first proper boyfriend and have been having awful nights sleep hand on heart would do anything for this girl but avoiding all known meeting point and the utter heartbreaking urge to see her and to leave her alone.

 

Went to her parents house last night to speak to them as she was not home and had a nice welcome and sat with her dad and had a talk, I did make sure she wasn't there. I revealed what the issue was they had been told it was she couldn't see her spending the rest of her life with me, so I told them about my drink problem and that I have been sober now for two weeks. He was nice and said give it longer and see as she may want to be friends in the future.

 

Been sober now for 14 days, it's been tough but don't know what to do. Just focus on myself didn't feel right but can understand the dickhead I was before is an embarrassing person.

 

I know she has been on apps late at night and yesterday deleted pictures of us when we were first together and all since so know she is trying to get over it. I am running and getting fit now for the first time but literally every second of my life now is I wish she could see me now, she said she loved the sober me, I just didn't listen and take note then.

 

Sorry for the ramble but into 3 weeks now booze free and heartbroken. She was literally my soul mate and was planning to propose when she bought her flat to show her I cared, but I guess she couldn't love who I was then.

 

Wish there was that clock you can wind back as I'm proper waiting and hunting for it.

 

Honestly heartbroken.

 

I'm sorry you're going through this, I have been in your girlfriends position before, I obviously don't know the whole situation/history but do know from going to al-anon meeting and experience that leaving is the hardest thing to do because we see the battle the drinker is going through, it goes against everything to leave someone when they seem to need you the most.

 

As time passes we no longer differentiate from the sober you and drunk you.

 

I can not promise you she will come back, nor should it be your goal. Your goal should be doing as well as you have done by being sober 3 weeks and working at making that 4 then 5 and so on...one day at a time.

 

What I CAN promise you is that she WILL respect you for the changes you are making but it won't happen over night. Time is your friend.

 

Make sure you have someone to lean on for when times are hard- feel free to PM me, it might sound strange but boredom, guilt and regret are no friend...find someone to offload to.

 

But well done, you are doing an amazing job

[Dontknow12]

Heads been so messed up just realised I am on a U.S site lol.

 

Anyway thank you guys for your help and honest comments, has helped me. Starting to realise today it's over and have been hitting the gym and football (soccer lol) hard this week to try and get mind out of the dwelling. Can honestly say I still think of her every second but like people have said in other forums you cannot make someone love you, and like for like cannot say I'm not drinking anymore after 3 weeks. It's a day by day thing which due to the love I have for my ex in a strange way is making me give up the drink. Hindsight hey!

 

Know valentines is going to be hard in a couple of weeks and know she has a big run this weekend in London so going to be hard not to turn up at the finish line so show her my support, but know this is not fair on her. Would love to but not the right thing to do.

 

Thanks guys honestly from across the pond x you have all helped and just need to let this absoutle car crash feeling pass. Always looking Upto the sky and thinking of her, but know she's not wanting to walk the same path as me and cannot expect her too as the storm I caused her couldn't even see the end of the road, can see it now but the storm has caused us to loose each other.

 

Love you guys x and thank you for your honest replies x

Edited January 27, 2016 by Dontknow12

[Danielle4678]

We're not all from across the pond. I too only recently realised it was a US site after being a lurker here for the last couple of months.

 

I completely empathise. Me and my ex were together for 7 years before he initiated the "we need to talk" conversation. It's awful to realise that your relationship was not as special as you thought and ended pretty much the same way they all do.

 

It's been two months now and the only advice I can give is to stay away. Trust me I speak from experience when I say not knowing is best. I was actually doing fairly well until I broke and went snooping for information that I really would rather not know.

 

You're still in the early stages and I know how horrible that place is. It's going to sound really cliche but you do need to focus on you right now. Remember that you had a perfectly good life before her and will after. Sending lots of hugs your way!

[Toodaloo]

Quite a few of us are from the UK. There are also Africans, Candians, a few Aussies, a few from Asia etc here...

 

Anyway back on topic OP you have got to stay sober. You got to keep working on that. Actions speak louder than words. She is not coming back but you will have other chances. Work on yourself now so you do not blow them.