Jealousy and Where it Comes From

[smackie9]

Quizzing/analyzing it is not worth your time. You did nothing wrong. It's all about perception. She has her point of view, you can't do anything about it. It's doesn't matter whether yo are innocent or not, what matters is that this relationship needs to end.

[hippychick3]

Did you ever delete your POF profile?

 

If not, her reactions are justifiable.

[ExpatInItaly]

Did you ever delete your POF profile?

If not, her reactions are justifiable.

 

Took the words out my mouth.

 

OP, as I recall, you were still receiving messages on POF until very recently. Your girlfriend understandably didn't like that your profile was apparently still active. Did you delete?

 

Judging from all your threads about the problems in this relationship, which extend far beyond the trust issues outline here, I don't understand what you're hanging on for.

 

It's staring to sound like you just want to be "right" about all the problems you two have, instead of looking at reality and admitting this relationship isn't working.

[cottom]

Pof was deleted immediately when she started the argument and i showed her myself deleting it to. This was about 3 months ago, she accused me of checking another girl out who was walking in fromt of us once last week and started a whole argument over that, this week she started an argument because i mentioned a girl i knew so she stalked her facebook and found a photo i had liked on the 9th september. We discussed being official 10 days after this. We wasnt together and the photo was of an old friend who lives a few doors from my parents that was of her in her date night outfit.

 

"Liking her pictures too Jesus christ youre worse than i thought Knew you couldnt keep your eyes off other girls didnt think you were this bad."

 

She then said i obviously think its more important that i talk to other girls than be with her ... as in my friends that are female?!

[ExpatInItaly]

Why are you still with her? I mean that as a sincere question.

 

Your threads are full of complaints about her.

[cottom]

Why are you still with her? I mean that as a sincere question.

 

Your threads are full of complaints about her.

 

Becauase im not going to ask questions about how good its going. This forum is what i use to vent and question things that are bad and get perspectice from people who have been in the situation before, asking whether it would get worse or if they are one off problems

[cottom]

This happened between 2 friends, i'm just curious to mainstream opinion on this site. She left him saying he hasnt cheated but hes unloyal because of a combination of events...

 

From her side: bf went out with mates and the mates female colleagues. He told her that he was with mates and colleagues but he wasnt bothering with them. Next day she went through his phone when he wasnt in the room he sent photos of the group to his other friend, he asked what will (gf) say? Bf said she wont find out.

 

From his side: he went out and had his gf arguing because he wasnt staying in despite the fact he was 110 miles from her. He talked to her all night and phoned her the whole way home. He sent his mates a photo of who he was with and they joked that he was on a date and cheating with them all so bf said that his gg wont find out.

 

From her side: he went out for a chtistmas meal with old friends at his hometown when visiting parents despite him saying earlier that day he was going to stay in that night. After the meal they went for drinks, he called at 11pm to say he was at home and stayed on the phone all night. Next day when he returned back to gf she went through his fb inbox and saw he had messages a girl at 2am asking if she was in a club. He said it was his friends gf. 4 weeks later he confessed that it wasnt a gf just an old friend who used to sleep with said guy. She went through all this girls photos and found bf had liked one from a few days after their first date.

 

From his side: Late invitation to a meal, gf angry he was going out, had a meal and left the guys to go out while he walked home staying on the phone to gf 100 miles away the whole time. Gets a call from drunk friend asking where other friend is, he knows this guy was with this girl and they went this club after meal. Cant get hold of guy, messages girl to ask where they are. Gf went through phone, gf was angry that been out and was arguing that a girl was in his inbox so he said it was this guys gf to stop her arguing. He felt bad about lying so he came clean and admitted it was an old friend and he only said that to stop gf from arguing further. (This lie shows he unloyal, he pointed out that she told him a guy she was inboxing was gay, turns out he wasnt).

 

From her side: He didnt delete his POF profile and when he would get emails telling him he had a new message he would read it and show her and laugh at the desperate messages people send. She made a fuss about it eventually and he de activated his profile

 

From his side: when they first met they used to go through pof and laugh at the people on their. Then he did it once when she wasnt there and sent a screenshot to her and she got angry so he deleted his profile.

 

From her side: he was staring at an attractive girl that was walking in front of them. She started an argument over it, he denied doing it butbsaid if he did he didnt mean to and wont do it again. She said he isnt even consiously doing it which is even worse.

 

From his side: he got accused of looking at a girl that walked past, he said he didnt mean to and wont do it again, pointed out that she also looks at guys in front of him but he doesnt care because they dont have you and once you get in a relationship you dont stop thinking people are attractive its natural.

 

From her side: he liked a girls half naked photo on instagram, she told him that everyone knows people like each others photos if they want each other and thats it. When she went back to it the like was removed because in hee opinion he was hiding evidince that he liked this girl.

 

From his side: he says he doesnt like peoples instagram photos because the world has access to see what youve liked and his gf was accusing him of something he didnt do. She screebshots photos of guys topless selfies she thinks are attractive and sends them to her friends.

 

He confided in me that it is a combination of all those things he did, up there, that show he is unfaithful and unloyal and has his eyes on other girls and not just her. She cant put herself through the heartbreak knowinf her bf isnt being loyal by having eyes for only her. She acknowledged that each scenario sounds like an over reaction but its the combination of them all.

 

Is the guy unloyal?

[cottom]

First up this is something i did "wrong". But because i wont apologise and admit that i did wrong means im just going to keep doing it.

 

I went back to visit parents on christmas, 100 miles away, xmas eve im invited for a meal with mates, had a meal and a few drinks at this restaurant. They all go off to the club and i go home, on the phone to gf whole walk home and texting her all night from bed.

Now at 2am i get a call off one friend who ended up in a strip club alone, asks me to come out i say no, asks me to tell another friend to come out he cant get hold of him, this guy is phoneless but i know he is with this girl in this club so i messaged her to ask if they were there. This girl was part of our group of friends and she was sleeping with this guy until she moved away for a dancing career last year, she was back visiting family for christmas.

Now i get back to my place the next day to see gf and she goes through my facebook messages and sees this "random" girl, me asking if shes still in a club that id said i wasnt at. She flips out at me, goes through past messages, last one dated over a year ago before she left, i point out that she is an old friend and this was about 3 months before id even met my gf. Shes going mental at me so i say that its this guys gf to stop the argument. She accepts it and i point out that she is also inboxing a guy she showed me but she claimed hes gay so i could have been paranoid but i didnt care she messages a guy, shes allowed friends.

I feel bad about saying it was his gf when really it was a friend that my mate used to sleep with. So i tell her the truth last week. She goes through this girls facebook and finds a photo (dated the week after i met gf) that i had liked, fully clothed of her first night with friends in her new place. Apparently cleavage was showing, i aint interested in breasts theyre crap.

 

This shows the gf that i like this girls "slaggy" selfies and theres only one reason guys like girls pictures, because theyre interested. Im imboxing her on nights out, i keep telling her its not a night out if im not out, she tells me how can she know that, i point out i was on the phone to her, she says i could have faked it (???), i got my mom involved because she is the one that opened the door for me at 11pm to confirm. She says she doesnt care because she knows what she thinks i did. The fact i lied about this girl being my friends gf so easily shows i can be lying about anything else and she cant ever trust me, to me a lie is "im in bed" when at a girls cheating. Not "that girl is his gf" when its his f***buddy. It was twisting the truth to stop the arguing.

 

What am i supposed to applogise for here?

 

She said that she knows that it is an over reaction but the fact i havent apologised shows ill do it again. Do what again? Be friends with a female before i meet my gf, go to bed early and not go out with friends because gf is kicking off that i went for a meal, help get hold of a friend by messaging another friend, like a girls picture before im in a relationship?

 

She also said shes to proud to change her mind

[TaraMaiden2]

Aaaah. A match made in heaven...!

Tell me, do either of you attend Drama School?

 

Good grief, what a trivial issue to get your knickers in a twist over.

 

Is this end-it stuff?

A deal-breaker?

 

Ask yourself those questions.

If it is, then end it and break up.

If not, discuss it like adults.

 

If you're old enough to have sex, you're old enough to discuss it rationally.

 

Aren't you....?

[cottom]

Shockingly both adults with full time jobs, graduate degrees in mid twenties.

 

To her this is end it stuff, to me this is ... i dont even know what it is. Me trying not to upset her and swerving an argument with a white lie

[PegNosePete]

This story sounds very familiar. Why are you asking the same thing over and over, hoping to get different opinions, this time you're pretending it's a "friend" who has the problem?

 

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/breaks-breaking-up/567257-lost-gf-innocent-situation

Edited January 28, 2016 by PegNosePete

[TaraMaiden2]

Ok, how long have you been 'an item' Mr Brummie-boy? (I'm not a million miles away... )

[PegNosePete]

See your other threads on the same subject for more responses.

Edited January 28, 2016 by PegNosePete

[William]

Morning,

 

Moderation merged a few threads on a similar topic so there may be some duplication of content. Responses from the thread starter may be delayed. Please continue the discussion here. Thanks!