Dating an aspiring actress

[meanthingsisaid]

Anyone dated an aspiring actress before? Interesting dating conversation the other day. She has another job, so she is not an actress and I had no idea I am dating one until a point where she says she maybe in an independent movie. I say it is cool and ask what type. Turns out it is a love story. My mind goes to all the kissing and intimate scenes. I say you sure would ask your bf if he is okay with it and she says she is not that type and that it is different when it happens in front of people and I can even be there. I said it doesn't matter if I am there or not I would expect my gf to run those projects by me because why would I be okay with my girlfriend kissing another dude and maybe doing more things. She disagrees. It was somewhat hypothetical but also somewhat real. You sure don't want to get into a relationship and a year later she says oh by the way I am going to a shoot where I am doing this with this guy. So that made me wonder. What would you do or how would you react? Whose reaction was more normal.

[katiegrl]

You have to look at it like ........*she* is not kissing, getting intimate with another dude....her *character* is.

 

Big and very important distinction there.

[preraph]

Well, you're not going to last long if she starts getting acting gigs. I just heard an actress on late night talking about this and she said sometimes you'd rather date normal non-Hollywood guys but that it's mainly only the ones who are also actors who understand how unsexy kissing and sex scenes being filmed are. They're the opposite of sexy. They're embarrasing and humiliating. Someone is telling you that your nose is in the way of the camera angle or you look like a fish kissing and to move your arm away from your body so it doesn't mash out and look fat on film. And you're kissing some guy that may smoke or drink or smell bad because he's been on the set for 12 hours and for whom you generally have no interest. Pretty women actresses are often paired with guys who aren't even on their level physically because that appeals to men, depending on the genre and who it's geared to.

 

If you don't support her dream, you won't last long. That's all I'm saying.

[katiegrl]

And a good actress has the ability to complete transform herself into her *character* ....and be very believable .....and if are incapable of understanding this .... you're gonna have big problems.

 

In your defense though.... unless you have studied acting yourself and learned about character and role analysis ...the way you feel is very understandable.....

[jay1983]

Ya know what, call me a jealous guy, but I wouldn't want to date an actress. I'm just not interested in a relationship with someone who gets paid to make out/simulate sex with other people, whether it be "in character" or no.

 

Could you imagine dating a pornstar?

[Buddhist]

This comes down to your personal insecurity and has nothing to do with her job. If she's an aspiring actress she can't run things by you and put her whole career on hold waiting for your approval of her job. That's just ridiculous. She's not a porn actress, she's a dramatic one. Love scenes are par for the course and it's a job. If you can't differentiate between the two then that's really your problem.

 

If you are insecure this way then you need to not date aspiring actresses.

[Robratory]

I always have wondered how actors kiss, especially in more modern times, when it's clear it's open-mouth kissing. Kissing is too close to sex for my comfort. Knowing my girl's french-kissing some guy is not that far from knowing she's giving him oral sex, and that it's an "act" doesn't make a difference.

 

And actually, from a germ standpoint, if it has to be one or the other, I'd rather she give him oral sex. The dingus is much cleaner than the lingus. Our mouths are the dirtiest part of our bodies.

[jay1983]

I couldn't do it, man. I don't care how hot she is, or how good in the sack she can be. Also, just the mentality of a person that would see porn as a career choice would turn me off. I dated a couple strippers (very briefly) and I couldn't deal with that, either.

 

You: hey babe, how was work?

 

Her: well I ate some guy's ass today.

[carhill]

Anyone dated an aspiring actress before?

Theater, not cinema, but probably similar aspects, since theater actresses kiss and are affectionate with their fellow actors in front of everyone personally, in addition to rehearsals.

Interesting dating conversation the other day. She has another job, so she is not an actress and I had no idea I am dating one until a point where she says she maybe in an independent movie. I say it is cool and ask what type. Turns out it is a love story. My mind goes to all the kissing and intimate scenes. I say you sure would ask your bf if he is okay with it and she says she is not that type and that it is different when it happens in front of people and I can even be there.

You can choose to be less visual. It's not outside of your control. Also within your control is processing acting 'affection' the same as you would family affection and friend affection and coworker affection, etc, etc. She's being paid to perform, among other things, love scenes in movies. Part of her work.

I said it doesn't matter if I am there or not I would expect my gf to run those projects by me because why would I be okay with my girlfriend kissing another dude and maybe doing more things.

You're entitled to that perspective if you choose. If ......

She disagrees.

Well, then, if no middle ground, miss. Move on.

It was somewhat hypothetical but also somewhat real. You sure don't want to get into a relationship and a year later she says oh by the way I am going to a shoot where I am doing this with this guy. So that made me wonder. What would you do or how would you react? Whose reaction was more normal.

Relationships are always risks and nothing in life, except death, is guaranteed. Any woman, or any man, can kiss anybody, flirt with anybody, have sex with anybody, as long as anybody wants to, at any time, any place, anywhere. Actors aren't especially anointed in this.

 

If you spend some time listening to interviews with professional actors about love scenes you'll gain some perspective on how it goes with them. By professional, you know, those folks who have the Malibu beach houses with the gold statues of that funny looking object called Oscar. It's really enlightening to listen to them. I recall one really excellent interview with Janet Leigh where she talked about the bedroom scenes between herself and John Gavin in 'Psycho' and how complicated and tedious they were, getting all the positions right and all the flesh properly lighted and covered and exposed and setting up the multiple shot angles to capture the kisses in the manner Mr. Hitchcock desired with, well, dozens of people looking on from around and overhead. Not exactly sexually stimulating.

 

If you can spend some time on a film set watching them do what they do, do it. If nothing else it'll provide some good insight into how hard good actors work.

 

Hope things work out for you and your lady.

Edited January 23, 2016 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

[preraph]

Ya know what, call me a jealous guy, but I wouldn't want to date an actress. I'm just not interested in a relationship with someone who gets paid to make out/simulate sex with other people, whether it be "in character" or no.

 

And that's a perfectly valid choice. Just knowing someone can be convincing and false anytime they want because they have acting skills would be my main reason, but I suppose if someone seemed unaffected enough most of the time that you could tell the difference, then it would be fine.

[spriggan2]

I think one might be able to get over it in time. I'm bothered by the fact that she didn't take the initiative to run it by you this first time though. Seems a bit thoughtless.

[road]

Could you imagine dating a pornstar?

 

 

 

 

Why not it is only fake.

[meanthingsisaid]

I just heard an actress on late night talking about this and she said sometimes you'd rather date normal non-Hollywood guys but that it's mainly only the ones who are also actors who understand how unsexy kissing and sex scenes being filmed are. They're the opposite of sexy. They're embarrasing and humiliating. Someone is telling you that your nose is in the way of the camera angle or you look like a fish kissing and to move your arm away from your body so it doesn't mash out and look fat on film. And you're kissing some guy that may smoke or drink or smell bad because he's been on the set for 12 hours and for whom you generally have no interest. Pretty women actresses are often paired with guys who aren't even on their level physically because that appeals to men, depending on the genre and who it's geared to.

 

I think the issue isn't about whether it is a sexy act or whether it is okay because she is in character, it is about whether it is my business (as her bf) for her to lip-lock (or do something even more intimate) with another guy. I'd like to think that it is.

[Versacehottie]

well you asked who is more out of the norm, or unreasonable, I guess. In my opinion, you are. It's unreasonable to have her "run jobs by you." Let me guess, you like the benefit of dating someone you can say is an actress or aspiring actress because that implies the things it implies, but when it comes down to it you don't "really" support her in her career. Most actresses in a certain age range, which I'm guessing matches yours, play a role that will have a romantic component to it.

 

It's as likely that she will cheat on you with just a random co-star not necessarily her romantic interest on screen. That's not because they have kissing or sex scenes. It's because the hours are long, they are on location and it's all encompassing. Oh yeah, and then because they are actresses (aspiring or not, they lean toward getting carried away with emotions). These are just a few generalizations. I have too many friends to count who are aspiring or more so actresses. You will either trust this girlfriend or not. The issue is yours. The kissing and sex scenes are clinical to say the least. You are either with a gf who is of a cheating nature or one that is not--that will be the defining thing NOT what she does during her work day with kissing scenes.

 

BTW, your bigger concern should be that she will never make it past aspiring and thus will have no real career to speak of. Most actresses DON'T make it or have very limited careers. Thus your worry is really just up in the clouds--not happening at the moment. Concern yourself with things that are real and are in the now. But yeah, I'm on her side.

[katiegrl]

I think the issue isn't about whether it is a sexy act or whether it is okay because she is in character,

 

 

it is about whether it is my business (as her bf) for her ** character** to lip-lock (or do something even more intimate) with another guy. I'd like to think that it is.

 

Fixed that for ya ....and no it should not be your business what her *character* does or doesn't do. She is an actress, that is her job.

 

If you cannot accept or understand this, then move on.

[meanthingsisaid]

I always have wondered how actors kiss, especially in more modern times, when it's clear it's open-mouth kissing. Kissing is too close to sex for my comfort. Knowing my girl's french-kissing some guy is not that far from knowing she's giving him oral sex, and that it's an "act" doesn't make a difference.

 

And it may not even just kissing. If it is a love story, it may be the main guy grabbing her ass or playing with her breasts. I mean anything goes to make the story believable. Character or not, it is some intimacy. Is it not? So I don't see how this is (or would not be) not my business as her partner.

 

It is not like I was dating a girl from some drama school. This is a girl with a normal non-acting job who casually mentioned she may be in an independent movie. Was kind of a surprise. So anyone can say you know honey I am going to do some community theatre as a hobby and I am going to just do this with that girl but don't worry it is my passion and I expect you to support it when I make out with that girl every week. It is ridiculous to see how men-hating crowd come out of woodwork to claim everything is insecurity. Jesus Christ.

[meanthingsisaid]

Let me guess, you like the benefit of dating someone you can say is an actress or aspiring actress because that implies the things it implies,

 

Wrong. Plain wrong. I didn't even know she was an aspiring actress until she mentioned that movie thing and no it wouldn't be something I would brag about or think it is something to brag about.

[newmoon]

a very close friend of mine is an aspiring actress. she does commercials and some small bit parts in films, where she has had love scenes before. i have noticed that 1. she always has a bf, it's very easy to hook up and find dates in 'the industry' 2. even when she has a bf she cheats 3. she most often cheats with men she has scenes with. i am sure some men/women in the acting field stay true to their mate, but... look at how many actors/actresses hook up after staring together or auditioning together. it happens... a lot. she has to practice/rehearse off-camera a lot with her co-stars so... yeah. just adding what i know:)

[meanthingsisaid]

It's as likely that she will cheat on you with just a random co-star not necessarily her romantic interest on screen. That's not because they have kissing or sex scenes. It's because the hours are long, they are on location and it's all encompassing. Oh yeah, and then because they are actresses (aspiring or not, they lean toward getting carried away with emotions). These are just a few generalizations. I have too many friends to count who are aspiring or more so actresses. You will either trust this girlfriend or not. The issue is yours. The kissing and sex scenes are clinical to say the least. You are either with a gf who is of a cheating nature or one that is not--that will be the defining thing NOT what she does during her work day with kissing scenes.

 

BTW, your bigger concern should be that she will never make it past aspiring and thus will have no real career to speak of. Most actresses DON'T make it or have very limited careers. Thus your worry is really just up in the clouds--not happening at the moment. Concern yourself with things that are real and are in the now. But yeah, I'm on her side.

 

Believe it or not my thoughts weren't about cheating or trust, it was more of a shock in terms of how is this not my business or something I have a right to know before the project is final. I never had this discussion with any of my dates before and I thought it was an interesting situation.

 

She does have a career, in non-acting. She had asked if I would be okay with her not working when she had kids. If that is something she can run by me, I think having intimate scenes with a guy would also be something she can run by me. Apparently ladies here disagree. Really interesting to see.

[meanthingsisaid]

a very close friend of mine is an aspiring actress. she does commercials and some small bit parts in films, where she has had love scenes before. i have noticed that 1. she always has a bf, it's very easy to hook up and find dates in 'the industry' 2. even when she has a bf she cheats 3. she most often cheats with men she has scenes with. i am sure some men/women in the acting field stay true to their mate, but... look at how many actors/actresses hook up after staring together or auditioning together. it happens... a lot. she has to practice/rehearse off-camera a lot with her co-stars so... yeah. just adding what i know:)

 

I honestly do not know how you can french kiss a guy or a girl while your hands are all over his or her body with passion and not feel a thing because you are in 'character." Just being honest here.

[katiegrl]

Believe it or not my thoughts weren't about cheating or trust, it was more of a shock in terms of how is this not my business or something I have a right to know before the project is final. I never had this discussion with any of my dates before and I thought it was an interesting situation.

 

She does have a career, in non-acting. She had asked if I would be okay with her not working when she had kids. If that is something she can run by me, I think having intimate scenes with a guy would also be something she can run by me. Apparently ladies here disagree. Really interesting to see.

 

I did not say she should not run it by you....but should she need your permission?

 

If my choice of career were acting, I would like to think my SO would put aside his own insecurities and ego, and support me in my career. Just as I would support him in his career.

 

Again, if you don't like her choice of career, then you move on.

[Versacehottie]

Believe it or not my thoughts weren't about cheating or trust, it was more of a shock in terms of how is this not my business or something I have a right to know before the project is final. I never had this discussion with any of my dates before and I thought it was an interesting situation.

 

She does have a career, in non-acting. She had asked if I would be okay with her not working when she had kids. If that is something she can run by me, I think having intimate scenes with a guy would also be something she can run by me. Apparently ladies here disagree. Really interesting to see.

 

Well you didn't say how long you have been dating. I'm guess not so long if you didn't even know she was an aspiring actress until this came up. So on that alone, you don't really have a place to have a say in what she is doing career-wise. Or if let's say you've been dating 3-6 months and this is just something she kept from you or a surprise, I would be more upset that basically you "just didn't know" what's going on in her life and that I understand. I don't think you are right to think you get the opportunity to put your stamp of approval on the roles she takes though. What are you going to go have a talk with the director and her co-star to make sure that the scene stays well within the boundaries the two of you agree to???? You realize that she has little control even over what this is, right?

 

Anyway, I don't know why you think it's that interesting that ladies don't agree with you. From firsthand experience, I have dated an actor or two before and would never think I had a right to dictate this. It doesn't even bother me. So I can honestly put the shoes on the other foot--and I still think you are more of the norm. You may be more on the insecure/jealous side of the spectrum than I or most are, just saying.

 

Anyway, good luck

[katiegrl]

But then you have other actresses like Geena Davis, who did not want to do a love scene in Thelma & Louise....until Brad Pitt walked into the room. Once she saw him, she said she wanted to do a love scene with him.

 

 

 

I would feel the same way. I can detect BS with the best of them, but someone who makes a living basically lying about....everything? I'll pass.

 

Oh good lord, acting isn't lying.

 

It is pretending in a sense .... pretending to be someone and something other than who you are in the *real* world....I presume that is what you meant?

 

Which is fine ....I agree it would be difficult for me to date an actor too, even though I did study it ....and understand it.

 

I just wouldn't though.... nor would I date a model.... having worked around them, many of them are insecure as all heck anyway.

 

No thanks.

[meanthingsisaid]

Well you didn't say how long you have been dating. I'm guess not so long if you didn't even know she was an aspiring actress until this came up. So on that alone, you don't really have a place to have a say in what she is doing career-wise. Or if let's say you've been dating 3-6 months and this is just something she kept from you or a surprise, I would be more upset that basically you "just didn't know" what's going on in her life and that I understand. I don't think you are right to think you get the opportunity to put your stamp of approval on the roles she takes though. What are you going to go have a talk with the director and her co-star to make sure that the scene stays well within the boundaries the two of you agree to???? You realize that she has little control even over what this is, right?

 

Anyway, I don't know why you think it's that interesting that ladies don't agree with you. From firsthand experience, I have dated an actor or two before and would never think I had a right to dictate this. It doesn't even bother me. So I can honestly put the shoes on the other foot--and I still think you are more of the norm. You may be more on the insecure/jealous side of the spectrum than I or most are, just saying.

 

Anyway, good luck

 

I find it rather interesting that some of you just refuse to read the line 'she is not an actress, she has a regular job' or 'she dropped this bomb out of nowhere and said she is not the type of person who would run something like that by her bf." Nobody talked about cheating or trust and nobody is trying to dictate terms into someone else's life. However, I do think I have a right to control my own life and reject the idea of dating someone who doesn't have a problem being intimate "in character." It is one thing if you were dating an actress who is trying to make it in the industry (at least you would know what you are getting into) and it is another that a normal girl who happens to aspire to do projects on the side dropping this bomb on you as if it is not a big deal or my business. So the question was is it (or would it be) my business or not? The way you selectively read is concerning. So you and your friends maybe more on the feminist/men-hating side of the spectrum than I or most are, just saying.

[katiegrl]

 

However, I do think I have a right to control my own life and reject the idea of dating someone who doesn't have a problem being intimate "in character.

.

 

Yes of course you do! That is exactly what I have been saying.

 

You have no right to control *her* life and her choice of career ....however YES you certainly have a right to control your own life, as well as the right to reject her or anyone for this or any other reason.

Edited January 24, 2016 by katiegrl