Sunyata Posted January 23, 2016 Posted January 23, 2016 At 30 I'm trying to restart my life after just having a bad start as a kid/early adult. I got kind of dissociated and never really wanted to be dealing with life, so in terms of things like TV Shows, etc, I don't have a lot of spontaneous joy and interest to offer, which I find is what women like more than anything. They want a man who enjoys his life, has hobbies, shares his excitement, all of that. From scanning OKCupid profiles, it seems that is the way most women are too. Perhaps they have imperfections they are unhappy about, but they at least have things they enjoy in life and share. But it feels like that will be a long period of development with me. I spend too much time looking up random topics online, but I don't really enjoy it. I know a lot of eastern philosophy, especially in terms of what I've experienced, but I feel like when I offer these experiences, it is too laced with my own insecurities which lead me to hold onto them in a sort of dissociated way. So I am trying to work my best on getting back into my body and a sense of wanting to be here, then hoping my brain slowly starts to integrate that new attitude into a personality. I don't know where I stand lookswise but I am no worse than normal. Tall, in good shape, though with some health issues. I may be getting repetitive, but talking to girls is painful. I feel like I can only talk about my problems and my need to "reboot my life." Scanning OKCupid profiles makes me feel terribly insecure. It's like every profile contains a joke about pancakes or something else ridiculous and I don't know what to even say. In any case, any recommendations outside of trying to get a rare date off online dating? I get out fairly often and am starting to develop a group of male friends, but it is in the early stages. I am relatively sexually inexperienced (probably have had sex about 150-200 times), and it's just wearing me down and I feel like it's making it hard for me to focus on work, be goal directed, all that.
Satu Posted January 23, 2016 Posted January 23, 2016 I may be getting repetitive, but talking to girls is painful. I feel like I can only talk about my problems and my need to "reboot my life." Scanning OKCupid profiles makes me feel terribly insecure. It's like every profile contains a joke about pancakes or something else ridiculous and I don't know what to even say. Learn to be a really good listener rather than a talker. Good talkers are ten a penny, but good listeners are rare. Forget about yourself when you're with someone. Pay attention to them, and what they are saying to you. You will quickly become a very popular person. "The first duty of love is to listen." - Paul Tillich. 2
preraph Posted January 23, 2016 Posted January 23, 2016 You're on the right track expanding your social circle and social activity, because that's the best way to end up meeting women in town. I wouldn't say you're inexperienced at all. Not everyone meets someone and stays with them long enough to have a year's worth of sexual encounters. It's sporadic for most unattached people. So don't feel inadequate about that. If you've managed to be that active, you're fine. More likely those other characteristics you mentioned getting in your way. It is important to connect to pop culture so you can make small talk and laugh at little things. You're right to try to work on that area and just making yourself more familiar and enjoying "fun" topics and activities more. Because fun is what makes people drawn to you and stick around. Just diversify. Get well rounded by doing things that maybe you're not really that into. You might be surprised and find a new interest. At the very least, it will be another topic for discussion. Good luck. 1
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