StBreton Posted January 23, 2016 Posted January 23, 2016 Just back on OLD...talked with a guy, he's intelligent, seems nice, things in common etc. He just told me he has a 4 1/2 yr old...he's 53! He had a fling/short term marriage with someone considerably young that he...and I have a thing about guys who have this bent...not interested in midlife crisis guys. Should I pass on this guy? Am I being judgmental? I'm late 40s and my youngest is 12.
BlueIris Posted January 23, 2016 Posted January 23, 2016 How do you feel about 14 years of being around a minor? I hear you on the intelligence part, though. I see the sun a lot too and where I am intelligence is rare and enticing, so it’d hurt to let a smart one go. So rare that I’d enjoy him as long as possible.
Robratory Posted January 23, 2016 Posted January 23, 2016 Just back on OLD...talked with a guy, he's intelligent, seems nice, things in common etc. He just told me he has a 4 1/2 yr old...he's 53! He had a fling/short term marriage with someone considerably young that he...and I have a thing about guys who have this bent...not interested in midlife crisis guys. Should I pass on this guy? Am I being judgmental? I'm late 40s and my youngest is 12. No, no, don't pass. Pass Go and collect $200! I mean, check it out, you have nothing to lose. Meeting him doesn't mean committing your twelve-year-old to anything. Give him a look-see. "But can't I just kiss the one frog who will turn into a prince?" "No, my dear, you must kiss all of them!" "Ribbit!"
angel.eyes Posted January 23, 2016 Posted January 23, 2016 At least his child isn't four months old! Since he has other qualities that you find attractive, it wouldn't hurt to go on a date, and then make your decision. You have nothing to lose by learning a little more about him.
FeelingFireworks Posted January 23, 2016 Posted January 23, 2016 Do you dislike the fact he played around with a younger woman and/or split up while the child is still young? Does the fact he's a dad at a later than usual age not sit well with you? Does the level of input he has in his kids/ex's life concern you? Do you not want to play stepmother if things move forward down the line? Be realistic with why this bothers you cos it's actually not really clear from your post. You assume he had a midlife crisis....how'd you reach that conclusion? People have relationships of various lengths all the time, many kids come into the world unplanned or without the father being involved in the decision making process. So I wonder what you mean when you say 'this bent'. Nothing suggests yet that flings/popping kids is a pattern of his. I say this cos i know an older guy with a child younger than that. Extremely smart, funny and compassionate too. Still takes care of his kid and clearly enjoying his sex life. This guy you're thinking of passing up might be the same, but unless you take the chance to dig deeper you won't know. I'd look at his qualities and how he rolls with life's punches than just focus on the kid thing. But that's just me. Do what feels right for you. 1
Popsicle Posted January 23, 2016 Posted January 23, 2016 Just back on OLD...talked with a guy, he's intelligent, seems nice, things in common etc. He just told me he has a 4 1/2 yr old...he's 53! He had a fling/short term marriage with someone considerably young that he...and I have a thing about guys who have this bent...not interested in midlife crisis guys. Should I pass on this guy? Am I being judgmental? I'm late 40s and my youngest is 12. 4.5 year old? Oh, God. Yes, pass.
Toodaloo Posted January 23, 2016 Posted January 23, 2016 If you like the guy go meet him... Look at the child as practice for when you become a Granny....! If it was midlife crisis I am guessing that after 4 1/2 years its over now. Quit being judgmental and go if you like him. If you don't like him stay at home and pick your nose instead.
Lois_Griffin Posted January 23, 2016 Posted January 23, 2016 He just told me he has a 4 1/2 yr old...he's 53! He had a fling/short term marriage with someone considerably young that he...and I have a thing about guys who have this bent...not interested in midlife crisis guys. There are SO many of these guys out there. Over 50, recently divorced, and a litter of children all under 6 years old. When I found myself single at 50ish, I started doing the online dating thing. I had two hard and fast rules: no dating separated men (separated = UNFINISHED business) and no men with dependent children. And I never broke that rule either. I was absolutely amazed at how many men over 50 had young kids - really young kids, like 5 and under. I guess for whatever reason, their marriages had imploded on them but not before they'd made sure to have at least 3 or 4 kids all under the age of 6. I'd rather set my gums on fire than deal with that. My son was in college by the time I was 44 and had taken a job with a prestigious company in another state by the time I was 50. So there was no freakin way at 52 I was going to deal with some guy and his late in life preschool-aged children. Let me guess StBeton - did this guy include that over-used, cliché, oh-so-insipid line, "my children are my world!" in his profile? My answer to this is SO much no.
Author StBreton Posted January 23, 2016 Author Posted January 23, 2016 There are SO many of these guys out there. Over 50, recently divorced, and a litter of children all under 6 years old. When I found myself single at 50ish, I started doing the online dating thing. I had two hard and fast rules: no dating separated men (separated = UNFINISHED business) and no men with dependent children. And I never broke that rule either. I was absolutely amazed at how many men over 50 had young kids - really young kids, like 5 and under. I guess for whatever reason, their marriages had imploded on them but not before they'd made sure to have at least 3 or 4 kids all under the age of 6. I'd rather set my gums on fire than deal with that. My son was in college by the time I was 44 and had taken a job with a prestigious company in another state by the time I was 50. So there was no freakin way at 52 I was going to deal with some guy and his late in life preschool-aged children. Let me guess StBeton - did this guy include that over-used, cliché, oh-so-insipid line, "my children are my world!" in his profile? My answer to this is SO much no. Yep pretty much sums up my experience. I had children later (in my 30s) so while I'm ok if a guy has older school aged children, the under 5 group ...been there done that. I have some particular hobbies that aren't conducive to very young kids and dating someone with a very young child would change my and my kid's life. (We're very involved in off-roading) The guy asked me to dinner ...and I accepted ...then I asked how old his child is ...he alluded to her ...just a little shocked when the response came back ...compared to his age. So yes I'm assuming this guy got divorced and hit it with a much younger woman as many 40s aged guys do that (just observation) and had a child. Then said guys realize that 15 -25 yr age difference does matter ...many guys have shared with me their post divorce relationship stories and lamented "I had to learn the hard way" kind of thing ... That while those woman were certainly attractive, the compatibility wasn't there ...the girls often were still in party mode. That's all fine ...just not sure I want their lifestyle to trump mine ...I totally understand young kids like that always come first ...and I did the same thing for my kids. I'm going to cancel the date ... But I don't feel good about letting the person down and I don't think the guy will be happy with my reasoning.
Author StBreton Posted January 23, 2016 Author Posted January 23, 2016 If you like the guy go meet him... Look at the child as practice for when you become a Granny....! If it was midlife crisis I am guessing that after 4 1/2 years its over now. Quit being judgmental and go if you like him. If you don't like him stay at home and pick your nose instead. As my kids are 12/14 ...my memories of the 5 and under age group haven't dimmed a bit. Very active times those were ... I've been around kids my whole life ...I've got the granny training down:) I love kids so much but it's my time now ...I'm glad to be able to take off to the store and leave the kids solo. It's such a relief the kids can make their own snacks and mac n cheese. It's the little things that I'm rather done with. Instead of picking my nose ...I'll pick another guy to go out with ...or sort my lip gloss collection
Cherryz Posted January 23, 2016 Posted January 23, 2016 Sounds pretty much messy. If you have to ask us this, is because you know yourself that its not really what you want.
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