Jim nine three Posted January 23, 2016 Posted January 23, 2016 It has been 8 months since me and my ex broke up and I just can't seem to be able to move with my life.Even though we were on and off for quite some time eventually she rejected me and told me she is not in love with me anymore. Lately I get the feeling she has truly moved on...it has been 7 days of NC since we last talked to one another (she said she will keep in touch,but never did as of yet),after a date we had,where nothing romantic occurred. I feel like a complete mess.I wasn't able to attract her back,even though we had many intimate moments.Also,I could not attract anyone new in my life as of yet,after she rejected.Even though she is the one I longed for all this time I tried to begin anew with someone else,but I just couldn't find it in me to try anything. I am a very shy man and I feel horrible for this,I feel like a failure after my ex rejected me.I could not find the urge to attract anyone new in my life as of yet even though everyone pushes me towards it.I just needed to vent this out somewhere because lately it has been haunting my thoughts.
WhatYouWantToHear Posted January 23, 2016 Posted January 23, 2016 it has been 7 days of NC since we last talked to one another (she said she will keep in touch,but never did as of yet),after a date we had,where nothing romantic occurred. Rip the band aid off already. Quit slowly peeling it and causing yourself all this pain. No Contact is a trick you play on yourself to help you move on. All these 'dates' give you false hope and then after a while you realize it was false and then you get depressed. Quit doing the things that lead to you getting depressed--No Contact. 1
DarkHorizon Posted January 23, 2016 Posted January 23, 2016 The band-aid is always a great analogy. Most people believe that removing it slowly would minimize the pain, when it is, in fact, just as painful. Instead of dividing that pain in smaller doses, you are actually experiencing that pain multiple times in equal amounts... keeping that wound fresh and bleeding. Just remove it at once - No Contact. It will hurt like hell, but when it is healed, all you will have is a battle scar and no pain.
mightycpa Posted January 23, 2016 Posted January 23, 2016 Let's face it, you were a failure. There are two kinds of people in the world. There are those who will view being a failure as a permanent assessment of their condition, as if change does not exist, and there are people who will view it as an opportunity to change the things they don't like about themselves. The reason that eight months down the road, you can't find a way to move on and feel at least a little better is because you are the former kind of person. You have made a lasting judgment about yourself. As long as you hold this view about yourself as an immutable truth, you will never move on. After all, if you failed, then this loss of something so great and important was your fault. It's the end of the world, right? Not really, but mentally, I sense that this is pretty much where you're at. The other mistake you made was trying to get involved in something before you were ready. It takes time to process the loss, beat yourself up a little, and come to peace with it. That's when you go look for your next victim. Otherwise, it is a distraction from what you really need to do, and it won't work out because you're not ready. If you really want to move on, you'll drop the judgment, tell yourself the truth, assess yourself critically, and start somewhere. You'll view it as a problem that must be solved, and you'll get to work solving it. It's pretty much that simple. Focus on yourself with an eye to making yourself proud. 1
Recommended Posts