2k0415 Posted January 23, 2016 Posted January 23, 2016 Sorry if this is long but I can't stop crying and I really need some advice. This is my first post and I felt like I was doing good but it's all just hitting me how miserable I feel right now. The story is basically me and my ex-boyfriend dated for 8 months, which I know isn't a very long time, however our relationship was pretty intense from the start, in a good way, but sometimes a bad way (got crazy attached within just a few days of knowing each other). We broke up 2 months ago, he broke up with me and we didn't speak at all for a month and a half. I finally reached out to him after that time to say I would like to be in contact again if that was okay with him because it was hurting me a lot not having him in my life. We talked here and there for 2 weeks, mostly in times of need. I'm not sure what I expected by reaching out to him, whether it was because I wanted to try and see if he still had feelings or just because I needed to hear from him because of how low I felt at that point. It all changed last sunday when we were speaking, it felt like old times. We were up talking for hours and he was saying things like calling me beautiful and saying he never stopped loving me (previously told me he didn't love me anymore) and calling me ''his girl'', which he said after he shouldn't of said. Maybe it was just his emotions running high, as well as mine, but I guess not only did it get my hopes up, but it made me think no one would be able to take him away as of right now, because it seemed he was still healing. The next day he was completely different and being all cold and detached again and he told me his friends were trying to set him up with this girl who is friends with 2 girls who are dating his best friends. I got a little bit mad on the phone and he basically told me we were broken up now and he isn't going to hold back on seeing other people. I texted him later to apologise because I realised it wasn't really my right to tell him who he can and cannot date, even though of course it still hurts me. Ever since I gave him my ''blessing'' message, him and this girl have been talking and acting exlusive online. It hurts so much to think this is all happening right now. He was only saying on the sunday that I was the girl of his dreams and when we were dating he seemed so in love, so how can he move on so quickly. I know they're not actually in a relationship yet, but they definitely are seeing each other and the worst part is, even after seeing this, I still want him back. We both made some mistakes in our relationships (we're both really young) and it was both of our first proper relationships, however, I know I had a connection with him that is so rare to find and I know he used to feel that too. As selfish as it sounds, I don't even want him to have that connection with anyone. I know you are all going through similar things right now, but it hurts so much right now and I would appreciate advice. I've been trying to move on, but the truth is I just love him so much and I think I always will.
Author 2k0415 Posted January 23, 2016 Author Posted January 23, 2016 We've broken up several times before this (mostly me breaking up with him), which I know seems really immature, but we did have a lot of love and care for each other, we just had a lot of stuff to work through, and we did for so long. This feels like the final time though
Author 2k0415 Posted January 23, 2016 Author Posted January 23, 2016 I guess my question is, how do their feelings just change overnight like that
Blanco Posted January 23, 2016 Posted January 23, 2016 - Relatively short relationship (less than a year) - Quickly and intensely attached - Multiple breakups during relatively short relationship Most people look at their own relationships with a certain bias, which is to be expected. However, the basics of your situation suggests this wasn't a particularly healthy relationship. What kind of future does a relationship realistically have when it's ended several times within the first year, a period of time most people agree are when relationships are usually at their best in terms of minimal conflict. What you describe sounds less like love and more like an unhealthy dependency on each other. There's a distinct difference between the two, even though one is commonly mistaken for the other. 4
Author 2k0415 Posted January 23, 2016 Author Posted January 23, 2016 - Relatively short relationship (less than a year) - Quickly and intensely attached - Multiple breakups during relatively short relationship Most people look at their own relationships with a certain bias, which is to be expected. However, the basics of your situation suggests this wasn't a particularly healthy relationship. What kind of future does a relationship realistically have when it's ended several times within the first year, a period of time most people agree are when relationships are usually at their best in terms of minimal conflict. What you describe sounds less like love and more like an unhealthy dependency on each other. There's a distinct difference between the two, even though one is commonly mistaken for the other. I actually want to kind of agree with you. We had an unhealthy obsession with each other and making it work, even though there was a lot of trust issues and circumstances that prevented us from being fully happy, I still would of done anything for him and to make it work. I can't believe it's over, still 2 months later. With my past relationships, at 2 months, I was well and truly at the stage of accepting it was over and even start to be fine with the break up, but it's so different with this one, it feels like it never really is over in my mind 1
mightycpa Posted January 23, 2016 Posted January 23, 2016 I guess my question is, how do their feelings just change overnight like thatHe was probably moving on while you weren't paying attention. Plus, breaking up over and over puts a real damper on things. 3
ExpatInItaly Posted January 23, 2016 Posted January 23, 2016 How old are you both, and why did you break up so many times? I'll agree with what another poster said, which is that breaking up a lot gets old and sooner or later one partner will just lose feelings and be done with it. Honestly, it sounds like this relationship didn't really have legs and I don't think his feelings actually changed overnight. I think he'd checked out a while ago and was already mentally moving on while you were still together. His apparently "loving" words to you recently were just that - words. Not genuine feelings. 1
Satu Posted January 23, 2016 Posted January 23, 2016 Many people don't know the difference between: Being attached Needing Wanting Loving Those are not different names for the same thing, but many people think they are. What does the word 'love' mean to you?
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